Re: Jokes
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Jokes
אינטערסאנטע זאכן זיך אויסצולופטערן
די אחראים: יאנאש , אחראי , געלעגער
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- זיך איינגעשריבן אום:מאנטאג יאנואר 18, 2010 10:53 am
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- זיך איינגעשריבן אום:מיטוואך דעצעמבער 02, 2020 2:55 pm
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- זיך איינגעשריבן אום:דינסטאג מאי 08, 2018 10:22 am
Re: Jokes
When a group of tourists visited a crocodile farm, the owner of the place launched a daring proposal. “Whoever dares to jump, swim to shore and survive, I will give 1 million dollars.”
Nobody dared to move, but suddenly a man jumped into the water and desperately swam towards the shore while he was chased by all the crocodiles. With great luck he arrived, taking the admiration of everyone. The owner announced “We have a brave winner.”
After collecting their reward, the couple returned to the hotel, and upon arrival, the manager told him “he was very brave to jump” the man replied, “I didn't jump, someone pushed me!”
His wife smiled...
Moral of the story — Behind every successful man, there is a woman who pushes him
Nobody dared to move, but suddenly a man jumped into the water and desperately swam towards the shore while he was chased by all the crocodiles. With great luck he arrived, taking the admiration of everyone. The owner announced “We have a brave winner.”
After collecting their reward, the couple returned to the hotel, and upon arrival, the manager told him “he was very brave to jump” the man replied, “I didn't jump, someone pushed me!”
His wife smiled...
Moral of the story — Behind every successful man, there is a woman who pushes him
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- זיך איינגעשריבן אום:דינסטאג מארטש 21, 2023 4:15 pm
- לאקאציע:אויפן ווערעזאנא ברידזש אינמיטן פארשטעלן טרעפיק...
Re: Jokes
נישט געפירליך האט געשריבן: ↑ מיטוואך מארטש 22, 2023 1:46 pmWhen a group of tourists visited a crocodile farm, the owner of the place launched a daring proposal. “Whoever dares to jump, swim to shore and survive, I will give 1 million dollars.”
Nobody dared to move, but suddenly a man jumped into the water and desperately swam towards the shore while he was chased by all the crocodiles. With great luck he arrived, taking the admiration of everyone. The owner announced “We have a brave winner.”
After collecting their reward, the couple returned to the hotel, and upon arrival, the manager told him “he was very brave to jump” the man replied, “I didn't jump, someone pushed me!”
His wife smiled...
Moral of the story — Behind every successful man, there is a woman who pushes him
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- זיך איינגעשריבן אום:פרייטאג אפריל 17, 2020 5:50 pm
Re: Jokes
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
Re: Jokes
Marriage is like a workshop, the husband works and the wife shops.
Re: Jokes
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- זיך איינגעשריבן אום:זונטאג מארטש 12, 2023 3:24 pm
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- זיך איינגעשריבן אום:מיטוואך דעצעמבער 02, 2020 2:55 pm
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- זיך איינגעשריבן אום:מאנטאג יולי 16, 2012 11:11 am
- לאקאציע:אדערע זייט שאך ברעט פון חמרא טבא
Re: Jokes
Hard of Hearing
A “holy man” was in town and people were lining up to get his blessings. Finally, it was Roger’s turn.
“What would you like me to pray for?” the holy man asked.
“I need you to please pray for my hearing,” Roger humbly replied.
With an understanding nod, the holy man put one hand on Roger’s ear and the other hand on top of his head, and recited some prayers. When he was done, he removed his hands and asked loudly, “How’s your hearing now?”
“I don’t know,” Roger replied. “It’s not until next Wednesday, in the Kings County Courthouse!”
“What would you like me to pray for?” the holy man asked.
“I need you to please pray for my hearing,” Roger humbly replied.
With an understanding nod, the holy man put one hand on Roger’s ear and the other hand on top of his head, and recited some prayers. When he was done, he removed his hands and asked loudly, “How’s your hearing now?”
“I don’t know,” Roger replied. “It’s not until next Wednesday, in the Kings County Courthouse!”
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- זיך איינגעשריבן אום:מאנטאג יוני 24, 2013 12:24 pm
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Re: Jokes
א גוט ווארט וואס מזאגט נאך פון ר' אברהם מרכי' שליט''א
די זוממער וועט שוין נישט אנהייבן צו רעגענען... ווייל סרעגענט שוין יעצט
די זוממער וועט שוין נישט אנהייבן צו רעגענען... ווייל סרעגענט שוין יעצט
מען דארף וויסן מיט יעדעס ביסל אידישקייט בתמימות ובפשטות ממש זענען מיר אזוי ווי מלאכי מעלה (גליון דורשי יחודך תמוז פ''ג)
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- זיך איינגעשריבן אום:מאנטאג יולי 16, 2012 11:11 am
- לאקאציע:אדערע זייט שאך ברעט פון חמרא טבא
Re: Jokes
Charlie put two bagels on the counter and
asked, “How much for these bagels?”
“It’s two for a dollar,” replied the cashier.
Pointing to just one of them, Charlie
asked, “How much for this one?”
“Sixty-five cents,” replied the cashier.
“Ok,” Charlie said, placing a quarter and
two nickels on the counter. “I’ll take the
other one, then...”
A nurse was making the rounds, giving out
medication, checking blood pressure and
temperature, and tending to the patients’
other needs. When she stopped at an
elderly patient, she politely asked before
checking his blood sugar, “Which finger
should we use this time so that it won’t
hurt too much?”
“Yours!”
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- זיך איינגעשריבן אום:דאנערשטאג אוגוסט 28, 2014 4:03 pm
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- זיך איינגעשריבן אום:מאנטאג יולי 16, 2012 11:11 am
- לאקאציע:אדערע זייט שאך ברעט פון חמרא טבא
Re: Jokes
גערעכטיידישע קהילות האט געשריבן: ↑ דינסטאג יולי 18, 2023 9:03 pmאויפפרישן ר"ח אב??!!
אפשר איבערלאזן אויף נאך די 9 טעג?
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- זיך איינגעשריבן אום:דינסטאג מאי 08, 2018 10:22 am
Re: Jokes
The way you say "representative" to an automated system is the real you.
Re: Jokes
איר קענט שוין צוריקקומעןקיקיון האט געשריבן: ↑ דינסטאג יולי 18, 2023 9:04 pmגערעכטיידישע קהילות האט געשריבן: ↑ דינסטאג יולי 18, 2023 9:03 pmאויפפרישן ר"ח אב??!!
אפשר איבערלאזן אויף נאך די 9 טעג?
Re: Jokes
פון הרב מלאך
ווען עס צוברעכט זיך א טעלער ביי א גאליציאנער ל"ע ר"ל - מאכט ער זיכער צומאכען א שידוך יענים טאג
ווען עס צוברעכט זיך א טעלער ביי א גאליציאנער ל"ע ר"ל - מאכט ער זיכער צומאכען א שידוך יענים טאג
מרכז לספרים עתיקים וכתבי יד -קונים ומוכרים [email protected]
זוכט איר א זעלטען ספר ? דאן פארבינט אייך מיט אונז
זוכט איר א זעלטען ספר ? דאן פארבינט אייך מיט אונז
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- זיך איינגעשריבן אום:דינסטאג מאי 08, 2018 10:22 am
Re: Jokes
WHEN A FLY FALLS INTO A CUP OF COFFEE . . .
The Italian – throws the cup, breaks it, and walks away in a fit of rage.
The German – carefully washes the cup, sterilizes it and makes a new cup of coffee.
The Frenchman – takes out the fly, and drinks the coffee.
The Chinese – eats the fly and throws away the coffee.
The Russian – Drinks the coffee with the fly, since it was extra with no charge.
The Israeli – sells the coffee to the Frenchman, sells the fly to the Chinese, sells the cup to the Italian, drinks a cup of tea, and uses the extra money to invent a device that prevents flies from falling into coffee.
The Palestinian – blames the Israeli for the fly falling into his coffee, protests the act of aggression to the UN, takes a loan from the European Union to buy a new cup of coffee, uses the money to purchase explosives and then blows up the coffee house where the Italian, the Frenchman, the Chinese, the German and the Russian are all trying to explain to the Israeli that he should give away his cup of coffee to the Palestinian so there will be peace.
The Italian – throws the cup, breaks it, and walks away in a fit of rage.
The German – carefully washes the cup, sterilizes it and makes a new cup of coffee.
The Frenchman – takes out the fly, and drinks the coffee.
The Chinese – eats the fly and throws away the coffee.
The Russian – Drinks the coffee with the fly, since it was extra with no charge.
The Israeli – sells the coffee to the Frenchman, sells the fly to the Chinese, sells the cup to the Italian, drinks a cup of tea, and uses the extra money to invent a device that prevents flies from falling into coffee.
The Palestinian – blames the Israeli for the fly falling into his coffee, protests the act of aggression to the UN, takes a loan from the European Union to buy a new cup of coffee, uses the money to purchase explosives and then blows up the coffee house where the Italian, the Frenchman, the Chinese, the German and the Russian are all trying to explain to the Israeli that he should give away his cup of coffee to the Palestinian so there will be peace.
