Lad's Sexual Performance Anxiety!
"Have Trouble Maintaining A Penis Erection"
Trouble maintaining a penis erection
- Posted by Worried lad:Hi, I just started a relationship last October (Became sexual at the beginning of this year and is my first). I�m having trouble maintaining a penis erection after I have either had an orgasm or sometimes also when we start intercourse. I�m worried if I have a problem or am I just paranoid?
Also, my girlfriend, who I love dearly, seems to be far, far too wet downstairs now.
When we first started having sex it was great, but now there is too much lubrication and we don�t know what it is.
She has tried new contraceptive pills
and different approaches to sex, but we just cant think of anything else.
This is starting to destroy our relationship as we both often get a little frustrated and that�s when arguments start.
I think it might be something in my head, which is impairing my sexual performance , so to speak. Can it be psychological? I�m also a very stressed individual, and so is she. I know you are going to say that we should have no stress at our age, but we both have full time jobs and are getting ourselves started in life, which as I have found out is VERY hard to do.
Losing Erections, Flaccid Symptoms, Causes Problems - Follow Ups:
Hello Worried Lad,
First let me respond to your girlfriend "seems to be far, far too wet donwstairs now." Most guys would love to have a women that was very wet and naturally well lubricated. Frankly, it's a real turn on for me when my wife is really wet. That just tells me that she is highly aroused from the pleasuring that I have/am giving to her. If it bothers you, just use a towel below her bottom to keep the sheets dry. So next time compliment her on how wonderfully wet she is.
A couple of questions if I may - Do you stimulate her clitoris manually/orally until she has an orgasm? Do you use a condom?
After a fellow has ejaculated it is just natural that his penis will become flaccid (soft). It may take a few hours to a day for you to be able to obtain a hard erect penis again.
Do you stimulate her clitoris manually/orally until she has an orgasm? Manually - yes. Orally - No. Ive tried orally, and im NOT gay, but i dont like it. I noticed people here saying that they like it, but its awful i think. Maybe thats just me being immature, but it really is awful.... and too be quite honest it does completely the opposite of turning me on!
Dont get me wrong, she's not a beast down there, lol, and it doesn't stink, but it's not for me. I just dont feel comfortable with it. I also prefer pasionate, not horney. I wouldn't have sex with her for about 5 months until she told me she loved me, and i know she does.
Do you use a condom
? No.
I know im young, i know you're gonna call me stupid, but i have tried and tried to use them. They hurt me.
They are just way too tight. Ive got larger ones and they still hurt. Tried different types, makes, varieties -
they are way too tight. I also dont feel a thing through them. No matter what i do, we've tried allsorts,
but it always ends up being ripped off half way through cos they get on my nerves.
Thanks so far. --Matt :)
Stimulate Clitoris
- Reply by: RichT
Hello Matt, I was glad to read in your second post that you do stimulate your partner's clitoris until she has an orgasm.
To me it is most important that the woman have sexual release as well as the man.
And for most women they need to have their clitoris stimulated to have an orgasm. Intercourse just doesn't do it for most
of the ladies.
There is a basic rule in lovin' - If there is something you do not feel comfortable doing, then don't, and your partner should respect your wishes. So, with the oral, tell her how you feel, that it isn't anything personal, you just don't feel comfortable orally stimulating her at this point in time. Even if there is not oral stimulation by you or her, I do believe that person hygeine is important and it is always a good idea to "freshen up" (wash) before you really get into your lovin'.
Well I must say you are an expert on condoms. You really have given them all a good try. BRAVO! "They hurt me. They are just way too tight." May I ask how long and the circumference of your penis when it is rock hard? And could you give me the name of the largest condom you have tried in length as well as width if you remember. Perhaps I can find one that is larger and thinner (more sensitivity) than those that you have tried.
I sure hope so. Please, refrain from having intercourse until you either have found a condom that is confortable or she has been on some means of birth control for a month. Intercourse carries with it tremendous responsibilities. You state "and are getting ourselves started in life, which as I have found out is VERY hard to do."
There are a number of factors that may in fact contribute to you losing your erection. There is the concern of making her pregnant, there is the stress of work and getting started in life, there is your age and the stress of just starting to have intercourse. Then once you find that when you start to have intercourse and your penis becomes flaccid, it just compounds the whole problem. AND so, another reason to not have intercourse for awhile.
SOOooo let's eliminate some of those issues. No sexual lovin' during the week, and especially in the evening when both of you are tired and stressed from work and the day's activities. Wait until Saturday or Sunday morning. After a good nights rest and the cares of the previous day are more to the back of your mind, and you don't need to be concerned about going to work, you will be much more rested and relaxed. Start a little foreplay, but before either of you really gets aroused, do wash up. Then back to your usual lovin'/foreplay. Enjoy stimulating your partner and bringing her to have a wonderful orgasm. Also, let her stimulate your penis. If you are a bit dry, then use a lubricant .
My wife and I especially like Wet Platinum because it is very slippery and stays slippery for a very long time. Let her stimulate you penis in a slow gentle loving sensuous manner rather than the hard and fast. Lovin' is to be enjoyed, there is no race. Each of you should tell the other what feels good and what does not feel good as you are being stimulated. Just lay back and relax and just enjoy the pleasure she is giving to you.
Don't be concerned about anything, just the pleasure you are receiving. If you do ejaculate, GREAT!, but if not don't be concerned about it. In time your brain will connect with your penis and you will ejaculate while she is stimulating your penis. When you do ejaculate, just make sure none of your semen gets close to her vagina. Those sperm do know exactly where they want to go.
Matt, I hope my earlier response to you regarding how wonderfully wet your partner becomes during stimulation has helped both of you. In my view you are a lucky guy and so is she in having all that wonderful natural lubricant.
Please do let my know how things go for the two of you. I wish you the best.
Thanks so much Rich. I have told her about me not liking the oral thing, and she fully understands because she doesn't like doing it to me either, so we dont bother anymore with that.
About the birth control thing, do you mean contraception? She has been on the pill since we started having sex. She does take the pill everyday and while im there so i dont have to panic. If she is ill and vomitting, i wont have sex with her.
Condom wise, i used to get my own while she was taking the pill to be double sure. I got a few "Extra Safe" ones. Im no expert on condoms by the way, i just know that whatever i try i dont like. I think another was Durex Ultra or something coz my friend recommended them. They were too tight towards the base and stopped a lot of feeling. They then got expensive to keep taking off through sex, so my girlfriend got some from the clinic. All sorts of different ones.
Extra safe ones, coloured ones, flavoured ones. We also decided to try "Mates" too. She had a bag, and we went through them all in about a week trying to find a decent one... none worked for me. The following week, she went back and explained the situation and asked for something more comfortable for me... and she had a load more. NONE of them were any good, in fact they were worse.
Thank you for your help Rich, i am going to show this to her. --Matt
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