サイデンステッカー氏の訳: My village awaits the moon on a cloudy night. You may imagine the gloom, though you do not share it.
筆者の改訳: How I wish you would know the feeling of the village when it is awaiting the moon on a rainy evening! Though I know you would never feel the same.
サイデンステッカー氏の訳: Of waving Chinese sleeves I cannot speak. Each step, each motion, touched me to the heart.
筆者の改訳: Though the Chinese man dancing before has been a story of the distant past, though I cannot say I saw your heart, each step, each motion, did touch me so deeply.
サイデンステッカー氏の訳: Sad at seeing the child, sad at not seeing. The heart of the father, the mother, lost in darkness.
筆者の改訳: She sinks in sadness at seeing the child, while you sigh for being unable to see. And this must be the darkness in which a father and a mother get lost invariably.
サイデンステッカー氏の訳: It resembles you. I think, this wild carnation, Weighted with my tears as with the dew.
筆者の改訳: I try to form an image of the little one while looking at this little carnation, but my heart cannot be comforted and my tears fall upon it and cover the dew.
サイデンステッカー氏の訳: It serves you ill, the Japanese carnation, To make you weep. Yet I shall not forsake it.
筆者の改訳: I know that the little carnation is exactly what makes your sleeves wet with your tears, I feel so sinful at seeing it. (but I still cannot help cherishing it)
サイデンステッカー氏の訳: I see her disappear behind the clouds And am left to grope my way through deepest darkness.
筆者の改訳: Oh, my heart is sinking to an endless darkness as you have disappeared behind the clouds!
「雲居」は宮中を指すが、英語の「cloud」からも、読者は、十分「高くて届かないところ」という意味が読み取れるので、転訳の必要はないと考える。 「花宴(The Festival of the Cherry Blossoms)」の和歌 サイデンステッカーさんの英訳 1 おほかたに花のすがたを見ましかば露も心のおかれましやは
サイデンステッカー氏の訳: Could I see the blossom as other blossoms, Then would there be no dew to cloud my heart.
「おほかたに」を「おほかたの」と理解されれば、サイデンステッカー氏の訳になる。
筆者の改訳: How good would it be if I could be like the others and look at the blossom as long as I can. How good would it be if only there were no dew to cloud my heart.
サイデンステッカー氏の訳: If when we part an image yet remains, Then will I find some comfort in my sorrow.
筆者の改訳: If an image of you, even though just an image, will surely remain in the mirror after you leave, I would rather look into it all the time to comfort myself.
サイデンステッカー氏の訳: The foam on the river of tears will disappear Short of the shoals of meeting that wait downstream.
筆者の改訳: I may disappear without waiting to see you again just like the foam on the river of tears, which will never be able to meet each other downstream.
サイデンステッカー氏の訳: The one whom I served is gone, the other must go. Farewell to the world was no farewell to its sorrows.
筆者の改訳: I have lost the one whom I served, And now I am again in a deep sorrow to see you go. How I wish my farewell to the world could also be farewell to its sorrows.
サイデンステッカー氏の訳: Quickly the blossoms fall. Though spring departs, You will come again. I know, to a city of flowers.
筆者の改訳: It is sad to see the blossoms fall so quickly. But do come back to see the city of flowers as the departing spring will surely visit again.
さすがに、命婦は岡目八目ですね。
次はまたまた源氏が紫の上に詠んだ別れの歌です。 「生ける世の別れを知らで契りつつ命を人にかぎりけるかな」 生きている間にも生き別れがあることを気づかずに、命のあるかぎりは別れまいとあなたに幾度も約束したことでした。(『新編日本古典文学全集源氏物語2』186頁) サイデンステッカー氏の訳: At least for this life we might make our vows, we thought. And so we vowed that nothing would ever part us.
筆者の改訳: I never thought something would part us, And I vowed to be with you till my life ends. How I wish I could keep my vows.
「How I wish I could keep my vows.」は蛇足のように見えるかもしれませんが、わたしとしては、それを付け加えておかないと、贈歌としてはまだ終わってないような気がしてしまうので、あえて足しました。
筆者の改訳: I am shedding tears at Suma While people here are burning the brine. How I wish to know what you are doing at Matsushima while waiting for me to be home!
サイデンステッカー氏の訳: At Suma unchastened, one longs for the deep-lying sea pine. And she, the fisher lady burning salt?
「みるめゆかし」は「逢いたい」の意味である。
筆者の改訳: I am still longing to see you so much, and I can not help wondering what you are thinking, while seeing people of Suma making salt at the coast.
サイデンステッカー氏の訳: The nun of Matsushima burns the brine And fuels the fires with the logs of her lamenting.
筆者の改訳: The only thing I am doing is shedding tears and lamenting while waiting just as people at Matsushima who dry there brine as their job, year and year.
サイデンステッカー氏の訳: The fisherwife burns salt and hides her fires And strangles, for the smoke has no escape.
筆者の改訳: I am at such a loss for I have to keep our burning love unknown, just like those people on the coast trying to make no smoke while burning their salt.
サイデンステッカー氏の訳: Imagine, at Suma of the dripping brine, The woman of Ise, gathering briny sea grass.
わかろうとしても、やっぱりわかりませんね。
ホホエミの改訳: How I wish you would think of me while shedding tears at Suma. And I am trying to cut out my grief at Ise while looking at the seaweeds floating on the sea.
サイデンステッカー氏の訳: With the lady of Ise I might have ridden small boats That row the waves, and avoided dark sea tangles.
「avoided dark sea tangles」のような原詩にない内容まで訳しだしているんだったら、もっと源氏の気持ちを思いっきり訳しだしたほうがいいのではないかなと思うのですが。
ホホエミの改訳: How I wish I had gone to Ise to get on a small boat rowed by you on the top of the waves for I know I would not need to cut out my grief there.
サイデンステッカー氏の訳: How long, dripping brine on driftwood logs, On logs of lament, must I gaze at this Suma coast?
ホホエミの改訳: I never know how long they will need to collect the logs and dry the brine, Nor do I ever know how long I will shed tears on this beach of Suma.
サイデンステッカー氏の訳: Over and over the rural ones light fires. Not so unflagging the urban ones with their visits.
筆者の改訳: How I wish, while gazing at the firewood in this humble house, people whom I long for so much far in the hometown would come and visit me from time to time
サイデンステッカー氏の訳: Fond thoughts I have of the noble ones on high, And the day of the flowered caps has come again.
筆者の改訳: I miss everyday with the people in the capital. Of all the days, the spring day with cherry blossoms over my head is the most unforgettable. But now I feel so lonesome seeing spring again.