sydney's writing thread 2025-26

teecee3 · #1 July 1, 2025 04:02:30

DIRECTORY: https://scratch.mit.edu/discuss/post/9025284/

sydney's writing thread - scratch writing camp july 2025

word goal: 10k

dailies

Daily #2 - Goals & motivation
Daily #5 - Write about a product without using its name
Daily #8 - Write without using a chosen letter of the alphabet
Daily #9 - Write using only song lyrics
Daily #10 - Critiquitaire
Daily #11 - Write about a real-life interaction with someone
Daily #13 - Alibi
Daily #14 - Constellations
Daily #20 - Elements of literature
Daily #21 - Flowers
Daily #22 - Mangoes
Daily #27 - Story based on a random picture
Daily #30 - Write about the life of a celestial body

weeklies

Weekly #1 - Character Development
Weekly #2 - Fairy Tales
Weekly #4 - MemorieSWC

other

Word war with @savebats
Critique for @goflirk
Writing competition entry
Critique for @cceaneyes

Thank-you notes <3

My cabin: Gothic

Next session's post: November 2025

Last edited by teecee3 (Today 00:10:09)

teecee3 · #2 July 1, 2025 04:03:44

Daily 2 - 02/07/25

(for @dreamysolitude )

Hi Sophia! I'm Sydney, and I'm a camper in the Gothic cabin this session. It's great to meet you!
First of all, your goals for this SWC session sound awesome. Clearly you have a passion for writing and I am sure you will be able to achieve your writing goals by applying dedication and ambition. Your first goal, completing fifteen dailies, is a great way to stay on track with the camp activities while also leaving room for other things in your life outside of SWC. I am sure you will be able to complete this goal, as you've already made a great start with this daily! Your second goal, making progress on your novel, is also a very admirable goal. Writing a novel is no easy feat; it takes creativity, planning, drafting and editing, which can all be very daunting tasks. However, if you put your mind to it and work hard, I am confident you will be able to excel with this goal. My advice would be to keep writing regularly and have a routine for writing, but also make sure to give yourself a break if you are feeling too overwhelmed or stressed. It's great to have ambitious goals, but it is also important to remember that taking breaks is crucial for mental health and the creative process. Lastly, your goal of participating in cabin wars sounds great too! Cabin wars are such a fun and fast-paced way to challenge ourselves and put our writing and perseverance skills to the test. I am sure you will be able to put your mind to this goal as you seem like a fun and determined person, which are both attributes that can help with cabin wars. Ultimately, make sure to keep writing this session and have fun with it! Amazing things can happen when we put our focus on writing, however it is important to also factor in time to take care of yourself as well. I wish you the best of luck with this session of SWC, and hopefully this letter can be motivational for you!

(348 words)

Last edited by teecee3 (July 2, 2025 02:05:41)

teecee3 · #3 July 1, 2025 05:04:05

Daily 5 - 05/07/25
Write about a pre-existing product in 300 words without using the name of the product.

This product is a much beloved contemporary food classic, receiving love and recognition from people all around the world. It is an iconic food item that appeals to any member of the general public; it is something anyone can love! The product can be included in a wide variety of food-related settings, ranging from party snacks to at-home snacking. The delicious food product is best described as a sandwich cookie, characterised by two round chocolate cookies with a sweet cream filling in between them. While the most common flavour of this product is a chocolate cookie with vanilla cream, there is an abundance of other flavours available on the market, such as berry, lemon, red velvet, cinnamon, and many more.
Here’s a fun fact: this product is the world’s top-selling cookie! This emphasises the stunning number of people around the world who love this product. The company responsible for creating this ultra-successful food item also offers many other variations of the classic sandwich cookie. These variations include mini cookies for bite-size snacking, double-stuffed cookies with twice the amount of filling, wafer sticks coated in chocolate, and ‘dunked’ cookies also coated in chocolate. In this way, the company provides many other fun and tasty options for people who enjoy the classic cookie and want to experience even more cookie-related fun.
While the product can be enjoyed on its own or dunked in milk, there are also a variety of recipes that the product can be included in. For example, the company’s website provides a list of some of these recipes, including cakes, cupcakes, bars, cheesecake, and cookie pops. Therefore, the product is simple yet versatile, and the enjoyment of the product extends far beyond the buyer simply eating it on its own. Also, this versatility of the sandwich cookie makes it perfect for sharing; grab a family-sized pack of the cookies for easy sharing with friends and family, or even try one of the mentioned recipes to share with everyone as a delicious dessert meal!
In conclusion, this snack product is a classic in the contemporary food scene, and is loved and enjoyed all throughout the world.

(356 words)

Last edited by teecee3 (July 7, 2025 03:17:32)

teecee3 · #4 July 7, 2025 04:03:56

First Weekly - Character Development
Started 03/07/25, completed 07/07/25

Part 1: Creating A Flawed Character

The new character I have created, Clara, is very confident in herself. However, this trait can lead to her becoming over-confident, meaning that sometimes she acts reckless when facing a challenge. Being reckless in these difficult moments may cause her to bring harm to herself or the people she loves, even if she had no ill intentions. Also, Clara tends to want to get tasks done quickly, which may result in her missing some of the finer details which she may not initially consider important. This can lead to poor decisions being made, and the task in question not being completed adequately.
Clara is a very honest person; in the majority of cases, she says exactly what is on her mind. While this can be a positive trait, she may come across to other people as rude, brash or overbearing. Additionally, as she is very self-confident and assertive, she does not shy away from asking tough questions. So in some instances she might make other people uncomfortable by oversharing or asking questions that are too personal, and not realise that she has crossed a boundary in the relationship.

(188 words)

Part 2: Outlining How The Character Will Develop

In the beginning of this story, Clara is a girl living a relatively normal life; she goes to school, hangs out with her friends, and spends time with her family. Her strengths are her confidence, creativity, and ability to make people laugh and be a comfort to others. She has very close relationships with her family and friends; her social relationships are what she cherishes most in life. Clara’s main weakness is her anger; when she gets angry, she really gets angry. Additionally, she tends to seek revenge whenever the people close to her are wronged. In the beginning of the story, this only involves small acts of revenge against playground bullies, rather than anything on a world-changing scale. Clara’s biggest fear is losing the people she loves; she always says that she would do anything to protect and help her family and friends. In the beginning, her most significant goal is to always be there for the people she loves. They are the most important thing to her, her most treasured possession. She would be devastated if they were ever taken away from her.
During the story, there is one major event that challenges Clara. There is a global disaster of huge significance; potentially a virus, nuclear event, or a series of natural disasters. (This part of the story has not been completely planned out yet). Amongst the chaos caused by this disastrous event, Clara is separated from her family, and the authorities cannot, or will not, tell her what has happened to them or where they are. While Clara’s greatest goals and fears do not change too significantly from the beginning, the stakes are now much higher. She still values her family above all else, but now she must do the impossible to save them, or enact revenge on the people responsible for their disappearances. After Clara is separated from her family, she eventually meets someone who can help her; an unexpected friend appears from out of the rubble of Clara’s world. The new friend, an orphan on the run from the authorities, is searching for a rumoured rebel group. She wants to find people like her, and fight back against the people responsible for the terror that ensued after the global disaster. After befriending this mysterious stranger, Clara realises that the rebellion is the best avenue for her to find out the truth about her family, and why this disaster has torn apart families all around the world.
The events of the story are a huge shock and struggle for Clara; in the beginning, she could not fathom ever being without her family, but now she has to learn to survive without them and pursue the truth herself. This also negatively affects her confidence for a while, as she initially believes that it is her fault she was separated from her family, and that she failed to protect them. Throughout the course of the story, Clara eventually learns the truth about the disasters, and restores her confidence. She also learns to control her temper and think more carefully about the decisions she makes, as she realises that even seemingly small decisions can have a ripple effect through her whole life and everyone in it. Clara learns that sometimes, she needs to lay low and come up with an effective plan, rather than running immediately into action.

(559 words)

Part 3: Character Motivation

As evident in Part 2, Clara’s main motivation is her family. This primarily comes from her past, as she always had a very close-knit family group, and kept her friendships close as well. This was a moral that was taught to her from a young age; to place high value in her relationships with others. Therefore, Clara’s actions and decisions are driven by her motivation to protect the people she loves. She does not just consider this a goal, but also a responsibility; she does everything she can to protect her family because she deeply fears losing them. This fear is heightened even more when the global disaster separates her from her family; she now must risk her own life and safety to uncover the truth behind her family’s disappearance. Later, upon discovering that she is not the only person who has been separated from her loved ones, her need to protect and avenge her family grows into a larger sense of compassion for all the people around her who have been affected by the same cruel circumstances. Throughout the story, Clara must confront the worst parts of herself, struggling with her weaknesses and ultimately trying to rise above the world’s harsh conditions and achieve her goal of protecting her family. Her love for her family proves to be an effective motivation as it drives her to work with the rebellion and achieve justice for all the people affected by the disaster, as well as saving her own family.

(249 words)

Part 4: Tying It All Together

I wake up in a small, musty cell. The walls are grey, the ceiling and floor are grey, the metal door is grey and even the bench I am lying on is grey. It seems like the whole tiny space is suspended in a grey haze. I sit up groggily and rub my eyes, at first not remembering what has happened or how I got here. But after a second, my memory rushes back: the flood, the crumbling rocks, the sickness. The series of disasters that fell upon my life like a toppling card tower hitting the ground. My family. My hands rubbed raw as they slipped from my grip, separating me from the one thing I place higher than anything else in my life. I remember the fear in my mother’s eyes as we were pushed away from each other in the crowd, the desperation on my father’s face and the cries of my siblings. My breathing quickens and I grip the cold bench as tears form in my eyes.

“She’s awake,” a voice grunts from outside the cell.

I immediately jump from the bench upon hearing the voice, stepping back apprehensively as the grey door opens with a long, slow creak.

I hear footsteps. High heels, I think. Then a woman’s voice.

“Clara Myers?” The voice becomes a face as the woman walks into the cell, holding a clipboard and looking right at me.

“Clara Myers, is that your name?” She repeats, waiting slightly impatiently for an answer.

“Uh, yes.” I say, hoping it isn’t obvious that I was crying. “I mean, how do you know my name? Where am I?”

“I cannot say anything here. If you follow me, we can talk in my office.” She says bluntly, nodding towards the door.

I hesitate for a moment, but this is the only opportunity I have right now to get out of this awful cell.

We walk down a dull grey hallway, the women at the front and two men wearing guard uniforms walking behind me. Not a word is spoken for ages; all I can hear is our footsteps. The click, click of the woman’s heels, the muffled sound of my rubber shoes, and the heavy clomp of the guards’ boots.
I am about to speak up when the woman suddenly stops walking, and I have to stop immediately to avoid bumping into her. Without looking at me, she turns and opens a door to my left. She waits outside the door while motioning for me to go in. The room is much larger than the cell I was lying in, but shares the same colour palette; four grey walls, with a grey desk and chairs on one side and a grey filing cabinet on the other. The woman follows me inside and closes that depressing grey metal door. I assume the guards are waiting right outside it.

“Have a seat, Chloe. Sorry, Clara, is it?”

“Yeah,” I mutter as I sit in the chair in front of the desk.

The woman takes her seat on the other side of the desk, in a larger, more comfortable looking swivel-chair.

“Now, Clara, my name is Evelyn. I am a national operative working here in the field of disaster recovery. It is my job to ensure that all citizens experiencing these disasters are safe and accounted for.”

Her words go by in a blur. “Where am I? What is happening? Where is my family?” I ask questions in a flurry of fear, “I don’t even remember how I got here. The last thing I remember-”

“Shhh,” she cuts me off. “I am very sorry, but I cannot tell you everything right now. We have arranged to hold these discussions individually and in private, but later on you will all receive a group explanation as to what will happen next.”

She says all of this so calmly and matter-of-fact, as if I haven’t just been separated from my entire family.

“I don’t understand. Why am I here? I was with my family, and then-”

“Please do not worry, Clara. Everything will be made clear soon.” She lifts the clipboard that she had placed on the desk, and flips through it. “Now, you have been assigned to Room 17A. The guards will take you there.”

Right as she says the word guards, the door opens. The two guards turn around to face us, and I assume I am supposed to follow them. I get up from the chair, looking at Evelyn in hesitation. She nods.

“I am sorry I cannot accompany you to your room, but I have other meetings to conduct,” she says, with no hint of emotion.

I say nothing; it is obvious to me now that she isn’t going to tell me anything else worth hearing. So I turn and walk outside to where the guards are waiting.

~

After another long walk through the grey corridors, we reach a door. One of the guards unlocks the large metal door with a keycard, and it opens to reveal yet another hallway. This one is lined with doors, different to the door of the cell I was in before. The cell doors were made from metal bars, while these doors are solid grey with a small window near the top.

One of the guards walks forward to a door marked ‘ROOM 17A’, and unlocks it.

“This is your room. The door will be locked for your safety, and you will be notified of further information shortly.” One of the guards says in a voice which tells me I shouldn’t ask questions.

I walk into the room without saying anything, feeling defeated. But what can I do? I am so, so tired. Something about the little grey room makes me even sleepier, so I fall onto the flat, uncomfortable bed and eventually fall asleep.

~

Ring, ring. Ring, ring.

I jolt upright, woken immediately by the shrill ringing sound.

A voice comes over a speaker I cannot see. It takes me a moment to realise that it’s Evelyn’s voice, the woman I met yesterday.

“Everyone in Block 17, please exit your rooms and follow the guards to the dining hall. Please do so in an orderly fashion.”

~

When we finally reach the dining hall, I discover that it looks less like a dining hall and more like a prison cafeteria. We are told to line up at a food station, with anonymous foods plopped onto metal trays we were given at the entrance to the room. ‘We’, meaning hundreds of kids, some in their late teens like me, and some as young as six or even five years old. I am not surprised to see my shock and confusion mirrored in the faces of those around me; nobody says a word until we are all seated, when some murmurs and mutters start to echo through the crowd.
The girl sitting next to me, with a short crop of messy dark hair with dyed red tips, turns to me.

“What room are you-”

Her question is cut off when we all turn towards a sound coming from the dining hall entrance. The sharp click, clack of Evelyn’s heels.

“Good morning, everyone,” she addresses us, standing at the front of the room, “I am so sorry to keep you all in the dark overnight. I met with most of you yesterday, but now I will attempt to explain to you why you are all here.”

She goes on to explain that all of us are here for our own safety. “After the disasters that swept our nation,” Evelyn tells us, “our organisation has been on a mission to collect all of the children left alone and deserted by the catastrophic effects of the disasters.”

After she is done with her explanation, Evelyn says; “I hope this has answered your questions. I know that this is a terribly difficult time for all of you.”

But she hasn’t answered my questions. Why am I here? My family was right there, right there with me, and I was only separated from them for a second.

Surely this organisation, whoever they are, could have tried to find our families first before bringing us all here?

My thoughts are interrupted when the girl next to me speaks up again, this time in a whisper.

“It’s all a load of lies, isn’t it?”

I stare at her blankly, and then say; “I don’t know. I just… I just want to find my family.”

“Yeah. Me too. If you come with me, I can help us find our families. If that’s what you want.”

In that moment, I felt a feeling akin to trust for the girl sitting next to me. I didn’t care that I didn’t know her; I didn’t even know her name yet. But her face was kind. And she was the first person in this whole building to understand what I wanted. The first person to promise the one thing I need.

I need to find my family.

(1501 words)

Total word count: 2497

Last edited by teecee3 (July 7, 2025 04:07:49)

teecee3 · #5 July 7, 2025 06:57:09

Word War with @savebats

me: Gothic, 72-80 wpm
@savebats: Horror, 70-80 wpm
5 minutes, no prompt

Written on 7th July 2025

My proof:

I have five minutes. Only five minutes. The clock is ticking. Come on, get writing. Every second, every minute, every hour of your life has led up to this. So you should write. No, it is not just that you ‘should’ write. You NEED to write. You wrote like one thousand words today already, so can’t you just write a couple more? Just for five minutes? I know you can do it. Although, despite the fact that I have already started this word war with a clear theme, I do not really feel like following it through. I kind of just want to write about whatever I want. There is something freeing about that, isn’t there? I always have the choice to just write about anything I feel like, no restrictions, no rules, no inhibitions. Wow, that was tricky to spell quickly. No rules. No guidelines. I can write whatever I want to write about. And I should probably do it quickly, I should probably get a hurry on, because I think the timer is going to go off soon. it's definitely at least halfway through already. probably only two minutes left. But I don’t really want to look at the timer right now because that will probably just stress me out more. Anyway, I am kind of dreading the timer going off because I am afraid that I did not write enough to win this word war. Five minutes. Now probably only one minute. or maybe even less… Who knows? Not me, that’s for sure, because I am not currently looking at the timer right now. Actually, i should add, there is another reason why I am dreading the moment the timer will go off. the reason is that I am currently wearing headphones and I am not completely sure what volume my phone is on while I am writing on my computer keyboard. Google docs, if you were wondering. The volume could be super loud. My eardrums might suffer… they might not survive… Very dramatic. I hope I win. I hope I wrote enough yeah

(347 words)

Last edited by teecee3 (July 7, 2025 06:57:38)

teecee3 · #6 July 8, 2025 02:42:25

Daily 8 - 08/07/25
Write at least 300 words without using a chosen letter of the alphabet, for 250 points. + 100 points for sharing.
Letter omitted: K
Word count: 866 words

Long ago, four beings lived in peace. Each being possessed an incredible power, gifted to them by an almighty and unseen force, simply called by the name of Nature. One being ruled over the oceans; one had power over the airspace; one had an affinity for plants and trees; and the final being dealt in human affairs. But, Nature’s guardians also possessed a great responsibility to care for and protect every part of the environment that they had power over. Nature believed that anyone who had power over something must also do the best they can to protect it, and therefore the guardians must treat the environment and its creatures with compassion and justice.

For a very long time, this system based on Nature’s core values was successful. The four guardians coexisted in harmony, with Nature to watch over them and monitor everything from a distance. Nature was so happy with how everything was turning out, and so glad that there was always a positive comment to be made. Each guardian was having incredible successes in running their respective parts of the environment, just as Nature had intended. Ocean was watching over the water cycle, ensuring that all creatures living in the water were happy and healthy, and providing water to all beings on earth who needed it. Air was having success as well, patrolling the birds and other flying creatures from a distant cloud, enabling these beings to travel safely and have compassion for all other aspects of this part of nature. Meanwhile, Leaf lived on the ground, caring for the plants and trees and all the creatures who depended on this ecosystem, allowing it to exist as a sustainable place for all who lived there. And last but never least, Human was allowing all the humans on Earth to thrive and live in harmony with one another.

However, despite Nature’s genuine intentions, this age of harmony did not last forever. One day, Human showed up—unexpected—at Nature’s door.

“Human? Why, this is such a pleasant surprise! We have all been so busy, I have not actually seen you face-to-face for such a long time.” Nature said, with true compassion and love in their voice.

“Yes, indeed. Now, Nature, I have something important to discuss with you.”

Human had always had a tendency to be quite blunt in their speech, so Nature did not initially consider that anything seemed different.

“Of course, Human. Come inside,” said Nature, opening a large wooden door, welcoming Human into a large circular room.

Once the two powerful beings were seated in Nature’s living room, Human voiced their thoughts.

“I am aware we have been successful for so long, living under your rule. But I believe something is changing.”

“Why, whatever do you mean?” Nature began to feel concerned. “Has something happened?”

“Well, not just one thing… The thing is, the humans are changing. They want to build things, bigger things.”

“Oh, haven’t they always been building things? Designing, crafting, inventing? That’s exactly what I love about them.”

“Yes, but… this time it is different. They want to have more control over their environments, start ramping up production to build more things, faster than ever before.” Human paused and glanced down at the floor. “They have been wanting me… wanting me to seize more control over the rest of the guardians and their environments.”

“What? No, no, they wouldn’t want that. You, all four of you, you all live in harmony and peace with each other. With equal power. That is exactly what brought our world to its beautiful and prosperous state.” Nature replied, reminding Human of what all the guardians had been taught in the very beginning.

“Well, the humans no longer want to have the same amount of power as everything else. They believe they are more important than the oceans, the air, the trees.”

“Human… this cannot be. What have you told them, after they made you consider this?”

“I told them… I told them that I will see you about it. That I will get you to see reason.” Human said, staring right at Nature now and standing up.

“Human… what are you suggesting?” Nature questioned, now standing as well. “Surely you do not want to change our natural order, our years of peace? Surely you do not agree with the humans, surely you and I can change their minds?”

“Nature, I do not want to live under your rule any longer!” Human yelled suddenly, so loud that their voice reverberated through the room. “I agree with them. I am leaving. I deserve better, don’t you see? I’ll prove it to you! Goodbye, nature.”

And then Human left, rushing out of the room and slamming the wooden door. As the door wobbled loosely on its hinges, Nature stood alone in the middle of the room. More than anything, Nature was hurt and surprised rather than angry. They couldn’t believe that one of the planet’s own guardians, whom they had cared for since the beginning, would break away from Nature and the other guardians. But then Nature realised something crucial. Human’s last word had been ‘nature’, with a lowercase ‘n’.

That day, Human turned away from Nature forever.

Last edited by teecee3 (July 8, 2025 02:50:21)

teecee3 · #7 July 9, 2025 04:29:50

Daily #9, 09/07/25
Write 150 words using only song lyrics, for 150 points (+100 points for sharing).

I don’t know what’s harder; letting go or just being okay with it. If you could get by trying not to lie, we could be a beautiful miracle, unbelievable, instead of just invisible. But things are just different; ever since that day, everything has changed. I used to count down to your birthday… I know it hasn’t even been a year, but you’re good at leaving. How could you be so reckless with my heart? We were nothing at all; only my mind. I lack context so I make up all these lies, ‘cause I loved you then and I loved you now. It’s just the only thing that helps me sleep at night. If you find yourself out, if there is a right time, you can try to change my mind. There’s a hole in my heart and I hate that it’s there - it hurts to be something, it’s worse to be nothing with you. But if you treat me badly, we’d be better off apart. I know how to love… Why can’t that be enough?
So for now, it’s only me. And maybe that’s all I need.

189 words

Lyrics used:

“I don't know what's harder, letting go or just being okay with it” - WHAT’S GOOD, Tyler the Creator
“If you could get by trying not to lie” - Linger, The Cranberries
“We could be a beautiful miracle, unbelievable, instead of just invisible” - Invisible, Taylor Swift
“But things are just different” - Blue Hair, TV Girl
“Ever since that day, everything has changed” - Kaleidoscope, Chappell Roan
“I used to count down to your birthday” - Hold No Grudge, Lorde
“I know it hasn't even been a year” - shoreline, Chloe Moriondo
“But you’re good at leaving” - I Told You Things, Gracie Abrams
“How could you be so reckless with my heart?” - Reckless, Madison Beer
“We were nothing at all” - grave, Tate McRae
“Only my mind” - My Mind, Suki Waterhouse
“I lack context, so I make up all these lies” and “It’s just the only thing that helps me sleep at night” - Let It Happen, Gracie Abrams
"Cause I loved you then and I loved you now " - Male Fantasy, Billie Eilish
“If you find yourself out, if there is a right time” - Free Now, Gracie Abrams
“You can try to change my mind” - Bejeweled, Taylor Swift
“There's a whole in my heart and I hate that it's there” - firearm, Lizzy McAlpine
"It hurts to be something, it's worse to be nothing with you " - Promise, Laufey
“But if you treat me badly, we'd be better off apart” - Wanted, The Cranberries
“I know how to love, why can't that be enough?” November, Mckenna Grace
“So for now, it's only me. And maybe that's all I need” - we can’t be friends, Ariana Grande

Last edited by teecee3 (Aug. 3, 2025 08:14:41)

teecee3 · #8 July 10, 2025 09:14:22

Daily #10 - 10/07/25
critique for @BwnnyRxbbit (from the critiquitaire project here )

Hello! First of all, thanks so much for doing the Critiquitaire with me. I loved reading your piece, you showed some great chemistry between the characters and used a dramatic twist to make the story super action-packed.

My first piece of critique would be to edit a few lines in the opening paragraph to improve the flow of your writing. For example, you could potentially change “When one boy that walked in got her eyes, the boy was wearing a white shirt and jeans and was blonde” to something like “Suddenly she caught the eye of a blonde boy walking into the cafe, wearing a white shirt and jeans”. This could help to improve the reader’s experience and make the overall flow of your writing smoother.

I noticed that in your writing you have a great focus on characters and plot, and the way you write dialogue really shows the relationships between the characters. The piece also includes a good balance between dialogue and action, and it follows an effective timeline starting with introduction, rising action, dramatic twist, and then a resolution. Great job with this!

A second way to improve could be to focus on the writing technique of “show, don’t tell”. This means to show how the characters feel and what things look like through sensory detail and actions, rather than just saying exactly what is happening. For example, in the first paragraph, you could change "She had natural brown hair which she had dyed orange as part of her new rebellious era” to “Her hair fell over her shoulders, natural brown roots starting to show through a rebellious shade of orange dye.” Can you see how this shows Amber’s feelings and intentions by describing her hair, instead of just telling the reader in plain language? Hopefully this can help to add some more detailed description into the piece. You could also apply this to other sentences such as “Every house on the street was massive and looked very posh”, to show what the houses look like instead of just telling.

And that’s all for my critique! Your writing was so fun to read, the story is very creative and full of action. Remember that you don’t have to make the exact changes I suggested, they’re just examples. I hope my advice can help you in your writing

389 words

Last edited by teecee3 (July 10, 2025 09:17:56)

teecee3 · #9 July 11, 2025 08:13:32

Daily #11 - 11/07/25
For today's daily, take a screen break, walk up to someone, and interact with them! Now, return to your device and write at least 200 words inspired by the interaction! Doing this daily will earn you 150 points, plus an extra 100 if you share proof!

I hop up from my desk and walk the short distance to hers, tapping on her shoulder to pull her attention away from the glowing device sitting in front of her. She looks up from her laptop screen, the light illuminating her face just a little too brightly.

‘Shouldn’t you turn that down a bit?’ I ask, pointing to the luminous object of my question.

‘What?’ She looks at me in feigned confusion, lifting one headphone away from her ear in order to hear me better.

‘Your screen brightness. It’s super bright.’ I say, and then notice that I can hear her music coming through the headphones much too clearly. ‘And I can hear your music! Is your volume at the maximum or something??’

‘Oh!’ She chuckles, and with a few swift button-taps, both the volume and brightness on her laptop are turned down. ‘Sorry. I didn’t realise.’

‘I don’t know how you listen to music that loud. I’d get a headache.’ And not just from the audio volume , I think to myself, but from that blinding brightness too .

‘I am beginning to become concerned at how susceptible you are to headaches.’ She raises an eyebrow. ‘It never affects me.’

‘Yeah, well, maybe you’re accustomed to it. Maybe you’ve been acclimatised to crazy volume and brightness levels or something.’

She says nothing in reply, only holds back a laugh and adjusts her headphones to cover both her ears again. She turns back to her laptop with an attempt at a creepy stare, and I shrug and return to my own desk.

(261 words)

teecee3 · #10 July 13, 2025 01:43:21

Daily 13 - 13/07/25
Oh no! Last night while the campers were sleeping, Smarlls the ibex’s stash of mangoes was stolen, and everyone here is a suspect. For today’s daily, write an alibi explaining why you’re innocent. Your defense must be at least 350 words, and you can collect 250 points (and an additional 100 for sharing) for your cabin.

Look, I already know what this is about. So you don’t need to ask the question. And anyway, I’m innocent, okay? I didn’t do it. I don’t even know why I’m a suspect… there are so many people in this camp who could be guilty. It could literally be anyone! What if the person who wrote this daily is really the guilty one? Maybe they’re making us write our alibis to throw us off their trail! I bet you never thought about that!!

Anyway, what would I even do with that stash of mangoes? I don’t need any more, I already have plenty of mangoes of my own. Honestly, I think everyone in this camp has a personal stash of mangoes, and I’m sure there are some people who would want to get more. Maybe even steal more. But not me. I would never do that, I’m totally innocent.

And… if anyone says I love mangoes, I don’t know what they’re trying to suggest. Yeah, I do love mangoes. Doesn’t everyone? But that doesn’t mean I would steal them!

Besides, if the mangoes were stolen last night, then I absolutely have an alibi. Yesterday, I — like basically every other camper in SWC — was working hard to complete cabin wars in my cabin, the Gothic Masquerade. All of that writing really tired me out, so after that I went straight to sleep. I slept through the whole night, and didn't even wake up once until the morning. Then, in the morning I went directly to my cabin as it was not yet 12am in the UTC timezone (ah, the complexity of timezones), and finished up some outstanding cabin wars with my fellow Gothic campers. They’ll vouch for me! Ask Ruby , she was there. Then I checked to see if we had won all our wars (which we had, of course), and after that I began working on this daily. And if you somehow still think I’m guilty; I wouldn’t have been able to get out of the Gothic Manor even if I wanted to. We’re locked in here, okay?? So I’ve been a lot more focused on solving the Gothic mystery than whatever this mango mystery is.

So it couldn’t have been me who stole the mangoes last night. Can I go now?

(384 words)

Last edited by teecee3 (July 13, 2025 02:00:56)

teecee3 · #11 July 13, 2025 03:18:23

Weekly #2 - Fairy Tales
Started 10/07/25, completed 13/07/25

Part 1: Comparing Fairy Tales From Different Cultures

The well-known fairytale “Cinderella” has many different variants across a number of cultures. Two examples are the German version (“Aschenputtel” by the Brothers Grimm) and the French version (“Cendrillon ou la petite pantoufle de verre” by Charles Perrault, which is where the English translation of the story comes from).
In the French version of Cinderella, many aspects of the story are similar to the commonly-known English version. In contrast, the German version, “Aschenputtel”, has quite a few differences. While the two versions share a similar structure and storyline, the German version includes a few scenes which are much more violent and gruesome than the French version of the fairy tale. Also, while the French version mentions a fairy godmother who grants Cinderella’s wish to go to the King’s ball, the German version instead tells of a wishing tree that grows on her mother’s grave. The wishing tree plays the role of the fairy godmother; a bird living in the wishing tree brings Aschenputtel whatever she wishes for, including three beautiful dresses to wear to the King’s festival.
In the French version of the fairy tale, Cinderella’s fairy godmother tells her that her dress and carriage will disappear after midnight. After going to the ball and dancing with the prince, Cinderella loses one of her glass slippers in her hurry to get home. However, in the German version, the King’s son covers the stairs in pitch, which causes Aschenputtel’s shoe to get stuck and she leaves without it. Also, her shoes are coloured gold in the German version, instead of the glass slippers in the French story. However, there is a similarity in both tales as the Prince says that he will only marry the person whom the shoe fits.
In conclusion, these two examples of the Cinderella fairy tale have both similarities and differences, showing how different cultures may have varying interpretations of famous fairy tales.

(316 words)

Part 2: Writing About An Object From A Fairy Tale
I chose Cinderella's glass slippers.

The silver light of the full moon reflects off the slipper’s glass edges as I sit alone in the garden. I hold it delicately in my shaking hands, while its identical twin rests on the soft grass below me. I almost cannot believe how beautiful it is; such a strange dichotomy between sharp and smooth, solid and gentle. If anyone else were to gaze upon it, I know they would appreciate its subtle yet powerful beauty, its smooth glass finish. But for me, it is much more personal. This glass slipper, this stunning work of magic, represents my chance at a new life. Maybe, just like the slipper, I can finally find peace and gentleness as opposed to my current life of loss and turmoil. Maybe there can be a balance. I turn the slipper around in my hands, watching as a million shades of crystal blue are reflected in its glassy depths. Its crystalline structure seems to go on forever, symbolising the infinite possibilities I may encounter, if I am brave enough to venture out into the world beyond this house. As I look up to the moon, hanging just above the horizon, I know it is time. Time to go. The sky begins to darken as I slide my left foot into the glass slipper, at once feeling its magic. The smooth glass raises my hopes, holding me up above the troubles that once restrained me. I slip on the right shoe now, which sparkles in the moonlight, and stand up. I expected to be a bit unsteady on my feet at first, but the slippers are a perfect fit. I direct my gaze to the moon once more, and—taking a deep breath—I leave the garden on my own two feet, clothed in crystal. I am going to the ball, to freedom. The glass slipper will take me there.

(311 words)

Part 3: Putting A Spin On A Fairy Tale
I chose Snow White! The twist is that the prince never found her, and she has to save the kingdom herself.
Content warning: mentions de*th / d*ath, idk how to censor it without it looking weird lol.

The castle courtyard is empty and desolate, such a stark contrast to when it used to be full of life. Ivy creeps up the grey stone walls, splattered with the blood of the Evil Queen’s henchmen. They are all gone. Dead. Because of me.

I trudge through the dimly-lit space, navigating around the fallen bodies littered across the cobblestone floor. My purposeful stride is hindered by the wound on my lower right thigh, left by an enemy’s last attempt on my death. He was lying on the floor with the others, presumably dead, when his blood-stained dagger materialised out of nowhere and scraped my thigh. He had enough time to leave a pretty deep cut before I kicked the dagger out of his hand and stabbed him through the chest with my own sword. What a shame. But that is all behind me now, quite literally, as I make my way through the courtyard and start up the precarious stairway leading to the highest tower. I only have one task left to complete. And when it is finished, maybe this kingdom will finally know peace.

My journey up the staircase is long and arduous, but fortunately it gives me time to tie a better tourniquet around my thigh in an attempt to slow the bleeding. I had to rip off a section of my skirt, once royal blue but now a dirt navy after my days-long expedition through this hellscape of a city. I do not miss the skirt. I do not miss the symbols of my privilege, where I sat prettily on a throne while the rest of the kingdom suffered. Where I sat next to her . The Evil Queen. It’s quite a name, isn’t it? In the time that has passed since she has acquired that nickname, I have never once thought it fits. She is evil, sure, but does that word really convey the atrocities she has committed, all in the name of her own survival and comfort? No. I can think of many other words to describe her. And mother isn’t one of them.

Every step on these stone stairs is agony, but I push all of that away. When I finally reach the topmost tower of the castle, the only thing I feel is purpose. My ink-black hair clings to my neck, damp with sweat from a combination of humidity and fear. But there is no time for hesitation now.

I turn to face an open door revealing the queen’s chambers, once regal but now just pathetic. Moth-eaten curtains shroud the windows, filtering the moonlight into a greyish haze. Piles of clothes and jewels lay around the room in a disordered manner, presumably due to the Evil Queen having the majority of her staff executed. Power made her paranoid. But it will make me righteous.

As I stand in the doorway, my eyes land on her; sitting alone in a high-backed chair by the window, with her back to me. She lifts her hand, and I squint in the dim light to see what she is holding. Her magic mirror. Of course. She has lifted her hand, holding the mirror, so that my grime-stained face is reflected in it.

‘Ah, my dear Snow White. I knew you would come back to visit me.’

‘Of course you did. The mirror told you. Do you ever do anything by yourself?’ I reply bitterly, feeling the weight of the sword in my hand.

She ignores my question, and instead asks one of her own. ‘Where is that precious prince of yours?’

‘Dead. Killed by your henchmen.’

‘Oh my, what a shame! What a waste of a perfectly good, obedient life. He could have saved you, Snow. He could have brought you back to me.’

My frown tightens at what she is suggesting. She set this up? She sent him to me to… do what, bring me in?

‘I can’t believe you. He … was one of yours?’

‘Oh, Snow. You can be so naive. Yes, he was part of my plan for years. But you didn’t guess that, did you?’ She lets out a chuckle that makes my blood boil.

I take two slow steps forward.

‘I do not care that you sent him to kill me.’

I take another step, the sword in my hand practically buzzing in anticipation.

‘I care that you killed my mother.’

My voice doesn’t falter.

‘I care that you killed my father.’

I take another step forward.

‘I care that you enslaved an entire kingdom all because of your selfish greed.’

She turns to me, somehow only now recognising the sword in my hand. I glance at the sword and then turn my attention back to her satisfyingly shocked face. She didn’t see this one coming.

‘Yes. The sword your head of henchmen used to kill all the people I loved. You might notice I made a few adjustments,’ I say, turning the sword so it shines in the light. So she can see my initials, my mother’s and father’s initials, carved roughly into the silver surface.

This ends now, Snow White.

‘This. Ends. Now.’

With my final three words I raise the sword above my head, plunging it into her heart. I kill the Evil Queen.

(876 words)

Part 4: Creating Your Own Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, there lived a beautiful princess. Her long flowing hair and graceful manner made her renowned throughout all the lands for her beauty. For many years of her early life, the princess lived in perfect happiness. Every day she would have her servants tend to her hair, brushing each strand to perfection. She would have her face powdered and her gowns smoothened, as she required every little detail to be absolutely faultless. Once the princess was ready for the day, she would sit in her family’s castle gardens, only ever associating with royal or noble guests. But one day, the castle had an unexpected visit.

On this strange day, a woman from a nearby village had travelled to the castle to request an audience with the princess. Of course, the princess valued being respected and wanted by her subjects, so she allowed the woman to meet her in the throne room. However, once the woman arrived, the princess was shocked.

‘Oh, how grubby you look!’ She exclaimed in disgust. ‘Who has done this to you?’

You see, while the princess was very beautiful, she had grown to become vain and out of touch with matters outside of the castle. She knew everything about how to maintain her beauty, but nothing about how other people struggled in the villages and towns of the kingdom.

This woman, whose name was Rosemary, had come to the castle for a very specific reason; to find out if the princess was truly as graceful and modest as she was always described. To Rosemary’s dismay, the princess acted so rudely upon seeing someone who wasn’t dressed all prim and proper like her.

Suddenly, Rosemary started muttering under her breath.

‘What? What is it?’ The princess asked hurriedly, disturbed by the woman’s strange whispering. ‘What is she saying?’ She waved over the guards standing at the entrance to the throne room.

But then, just as quickly as she had started, Rosemary stopped. She became silent again, and with one last look at the princess, turned away. She willingly left the castle with the guards escorting her, leaving the princess truly shocked and confused.

For the very first time in her life, the princess was unhappy. She insisted upon having her servants run a rosewater bath for her, to calm her nerves. Once she was tucked in bed, warm and comfortable, the princess found that she could not sleep. How strange! This was the first time that things were not completely perfect for her. She tossed and turned, only getting a few winks of sleep that night.

Once the morning sun filtered through the princesses’ curtains, she was awake and unrested. Terribly annoyed, she reached for her jewel-encrusted hair brush, which usually sat on her nightstand. However, to her confusion, the brush was not there! At once the princess leapt from the bed, searching for her hair brush. While she had many others, this one was her favourite. She immediately called for the servants and got them to help her look. But, alas, none of them could find the brush.

The servants tried to calm her down; ‘It’s alright, Princess,’ they said. ‘I’m sure we can find a lovely new brush for you today!’

‘ No !’ The princess yelled rudely, ‘I want it now !’

In another attempt to calm the princess, one servant rushed to the bathroom to run another rosewater bath. But shockingly, the princess’s favourite rose petals were gone!

These strange occurrences caused quite a shock in the castle, as servants and staff ran around the rooms searching for items that had gone missing. All the while, the princess cried and screamed that this was unfair. Why was this happening to her?

Upset and desperate, the princess ran into the royal garden. She was shocked to see a woman standing there; it was Rosemary, the woman who had visited the castle yesterday.

‘ You !’ The princess cried, ‘You did this!’

‘I am very sorry, Princess.’ Rosemary did look sorry. ‘But I had to teach you a lesson, that beauty is not all that matters; and many people are struggling so much more than you struggle with upkeeping your appearance.’

‘But, but… how could you do this??’ The princess went on, not giving up. ‘I am a princess! I am supposed to be beautiful! I don’t care about you all living in the village. You’re ugly, you’re disgusting!’

And in that moment, Rosemary realised that the princess would not change. ‘I did not want to have to do this, Princess. But I must, for the good of everyone.’

Rosemary unclasped the satchel hanging from her shoulder, and brought out a handful of golden dust. She began chanting something under her breath again, but this time it sounded more urgent.

‘What? No, what are you doing?’ The princess cried, desperately trying to make the woman stop.

‘I, dear princess, am teaching you a lesson.’

And with that, Rosemary blew the golden dust towards the princess, cursing her soul to become trapped in a small, plain mirror for the rest of time. The princess was now destined to reflect others’ beauty forever, and have no material beauty of her own.

(862 words)

Total word count: 2365

Last edited by teecee3 (July 13, 2025 03:59:31)

teecee3 · #12 July 14, 2025 06:26:55

Daily #14 - 14/07/25
Choose a constellation, and write a story of 250 words. Your story could be about anything, any aspect of the constellation. It will earn you 200 points, and you can claim another 100 for sharing.

Chosen constellation: Aquarius (the water-bearer)

Aquarius sits among a blanket of sky, growing dark as night falls. Graceful and beautiful, yet dangerously powerful if one were to get too close. A constellation of fourteen stars, coming together in an event of perfect divine coincidence. Aquarius is the water bearer; generously distributing the waters of life, and possessing the mythological vessel through which all water flows, begins and returns to in the end. Legend tells us that Aquarius was once a human boy, selected by the gods themselves to be their companion and cup-bearer. But once the gods became bored with his familiar and predictable patterns, Aquarius was placed in the sky to remain forever as a constellation, beautiful but unmoving.

While water often brings life, health and abundance, it can also be devastatingly destructive. The water bearer is gentle yet powerful, alluring but not harmless. From atop the night sky, Aquarius lowers the jug, letting the water’s strength pour down onto the earth. Floodwaters cascade down from the heavens, Aquarius leading the way and carving a path through the sky, each step punctuated by a bright star. Despite the destruction, Aquarius brings no hatred or ill intent; these actions are simply carried out to preserve the balance of life. For there can be no life without ruination, no beauty without balance. As Aquarius looks down upon the earth, flood-ravaged and torn apart, he knows that his work here is done. Life has been restored; the cycle will begin again. And when it does, Aquarius will be there. Watching from the sky, from the heavens; ready to hold our hand through the ultimate journey, letting the flowing waters carry us from life to death and back again.

(281 words)

Last edited by teecee3 (July 14, 2025 06:27:42)

teecee3 · #13 July 20, 2025 08:59:25

Daily #20 - 20/07/25
Today we’ll be revisiting the Elements of Literature Spinner to inject some randomness into our stories. For 250 points (and an additional 50 for sharing), write 350 words incorporating your fresh picked elements into a delicious new blend.

Elements chosen by the spinner:
Villain - a figure who directly opposes the protagonist and often acts as the main cause of conflict.
Bi-Fi/Comedy - a genre which emphasises humour and includes wacky, amusing elements.
Surrounded by Enemies - a place of danger where the characters are without allies or safety.
Chekhov’s Gun - an element that seems unimportant but later takes on much greater relevance.

As I stride into the town’s central plaza, I realise this is a classic show-down scene. I stand on one side of the dusty town square, while my arch nemesis — the infamous Moustache Man — waits at the opposite end. We both wear cowboy hats, tilted down to obscure our eyes and protect them from the harsh sun. Our guns rest at the side of our belts to complete the look.

Suddenly I realise that we aren’t alone in the centre of town. Figures begin to creep out from the shadows, temporarily darkened by the shade of buildings but slowly coming into focus as they approach the scene. I take a risky glance away from my enemy to survey my surroundings, shocked to find people I once considered allies, now here to witness my doom! Not that I think I’ll lose, of course. But it’s pretty clear whose side they’re all on.

‘Go, Moustache Man! You can win this! You’re no match for him!’ They all cheer in brutal encouragement, and then turn to boo at me.

This just isn’t fair. I haven’t done anything to deserve this! Sure, Moustache Man is pretty strong, but so am I. And we actually used to be friends. Once upon a time, we never would have imagined fighting each other, especially not in front of such a biased crowd like this. Or at least, I wouldn’t have imagined it. Now I’m not so sure whether Moustache Man was ever loyal to me at all.

‘I’ll take you down, Moustache Man. Just you wait.’ I say, attempting to gain back some support from the audience. It doesn’t work.

Moustache Man only laughs in response; a slow, cruel laugh. He then tips his head back and takes off his hat, to reveal a clean-shaven face. The crowd gasps; his signature moustache is gone!

‘Your moustache… it’s gone! Have you gone insane??’ I question my nemesis, confused at the sudden change.

‘I’m going for a new look, old friend. One that will be sure to beat you, once and for all.’

‘Ha, I’d like to see that!’

As soon as the words slip from my mouth, Moustache Man suddenly becomes angry. I assume he just wants the fight to be over and done with. He begins charging towards me, holding up his gun. At once he shoots; I bend my knees to leap out of the way, but there is no need to! The crowd gasps again in bewilderment as the gun shoots bubbles instead of bullets.

I let out a boisterous laugh as the bubbles continue to float towards me. In a moment of genius, I grab the hat off my head and fling it towards Moustache Man. The hat pops all the bubbles, leaving my enemy stunned! He begins to back away, retreating into the shadows.

‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry… please, you have won!’

I grin at Moustache Man’s pleas for mercy. Finally, this town is recognising me as their true leader. The cheers emanating from the audience, I realise, are now directed at me! I take a gracious bow and wave to the townsfolk, more than happy to receive their praise.

‘You did it, you defeated Moustache Man!’ They cry with joy.

After all these years of terrorising the town and myself, Moustache Man finally sulks away. Shame and embarrassment cover his face, and the cheers from the crowd continue into a day-and-night-long festival.

At last, I have achieved victory.

(576 words)

teecee3 · #14 July 21, 2025 08:10:56

Daily #21 - 21/07/25
Flowers are beautiful, but hiding beneath their petals is an underlying message. Today, write 300 words incorporating at least three different flowers and their hidden meanings into your writing! Doing so will earn you 250 points, plus an extra 50 if you share it with us!

Chosen flowers:
daises - innocence
elder blossom - compassion
forget-me-nots - love in absence

i stumble along the hidden path
hoping i won’t miss a step
making my way to our garden
imagining you’ll be waiting there

but alas, it is not to be
and yet i sit and wait for hours
wondering where you’ve gotten to
while i lie among the flowers

as i wait, i make daisy chains
innocent symbols of our youth
i weave together the tiny flowers
maybe like them, we’ll bloom too

but the innocence cannot last forever
it has to finally fade away
as my hands grow tired and weak
so do the daisy chains

while lying on the soft green grass
i grow restless, and turn over
only to see another sapling
another beautiful flower

the elder blossom grows far and wide
its flowers are small but strong
tiny white petals, so gentle and kind
i could lay near them all day long

not everything is as it seems
as the blossoms’ purity reminds me
yes, the flowers are gentle
but they are small yet mighty

compassion is a tender thing
you gave it to me, all those years ago
and while you might not be here now
your love will last forever, i know

the delicate petals atop green leaves
create this unbelievable beauty
i know not to take advantage
as kindness is worth a lot, you’ll see

once my gaze starts to slip away
i notice an undiscovered corner
overfilling with bright blue sprouts
right at the garden’s border

lifting myself up from the ground
i muster the strength to walk
through the grass, toward the blue flowers
my eyes watch them like a hawk

such a common household name
how could it be forgotten?
i smile at the beloved blue
forget-me-nots in the garden

azure petals grow from green stems
with a hint of yellow at the centre
i know i’ll love you for all time
even if you’re gone, it doesn’t matter

my fingers brush the delicate flora
beauty and strength create a balance
i’ve got to be strong, it won’t last long
i can survive love in absence

(346 words)

teecee3 · #15 July 22, 2025 06:54:50

Critique for @goflirk
Link to comment thread

Hello! I wanted to start by saying that I loved reading your piece. You mentioned that this is your first time writing horror, but I honestly can’t tell! You created a great fast-paced chase scene and showed how scared the characters were, and additionally your use of suspense causes the reader to become invested in the story. So overall I would say you did a great job!

My first piece of critique would be to work on some of the longer sentences and perhaps edit them to be shorter, which can make your writing feel more fast-paced. Of course you don’t have to make every single sentence short; it’s good to have a variety of both short and long sentences! But I noticed you use a lot of commas to break up your sentences, where these could maybe be edited into separate smaller sentences to really emphasise the action. This can also improve the flow of your writing.

For example, “ She could feel her heart beating loud as a siren in her ears, J’s panting breaths coming from her side, as they skidded to a halt and she pulled them down another turn ” could become “ She could feel her heart beating, loud as a siren in her ears. J’s panting breaths beside her added to the cacophony of sound. Suddenly they skidded to a halt, and Angelica pulled them down another turn. ” Hopefully this shows how you can edit sentences to become more fast-paced and have better flow!

This can also be applied to other sentences; for example, you could change “ Okay, a crossroads, go left because that’s where we entered ” to “ Okay, a crossroads. Go left, because that’s where we entered. ” This can help to break up the sentences a bit and show how the character’s thoughts are fragmented; perhaps she is coming up with ideas on the spot. Although, feel free to disregard this if you prefer using commas to break up your sentences. That’s perfectly fine too!

I did notice one punctuation mistake; “ it’s nails scraping ” should be “ its nails scraping ” instead, because ‘its’ is the possessive form of ‘it’. So no need for an apostrophe

For one last piece of critique, I would change this sentence: “ He couldn’t come after her ” to something like “ He couldn’t come back for her ”. This might help clarify to the reader that the main character doesn’t want J to come back to save her; she wants him to run.

That’s all for my critique! I loved reading your writing, it’s a really great start for your first horror piece. You really succeeded in creating a sense of fear, and emphasising the bond that the two characters have. It’s also a great example of suspense! I hope the feedback I gave can help you, but please remember that you don’t have to do everything I suggested; I just provided some examples. Anyway, thanks for doing a critique with me!

(488 words)

Last edited by teecee3 (July 22, 2025 06:55:46)

teecee3 · #16 July 22, 2025 07:35:35

Daily #22 - 22/07/25
Ready to celebrate National Mango Day? Write a story or poem centered around mangoes! Let your imagination ripen and your words get totally mango-tastic. Write 200 words for 200 points, and earn an extra 150 for sharing your work. Happy writing—and happy mango munching!

mango, the tropical king of fruits
sweet ripe flesh, good enough to eat
hands growing sticky from the juice
it is clear this creation cannot be beat

mango, its skin coloured in a gradient
reddish-orange, to yellow, to slightly green
as tough and strong as the stone it grows from
but under the light, its softness gleams

mango, with its nutrients so rich
it becomes a crutch we lean on
without the mango, we all would
certainly cry, our joy begone

mango, once you’ve had a taste
there is no stepping back from its beauty
its luscious sweetness reels you in
for this is mango’s sacred duty

mango, its smooth skin on the outside
hides a haven of sweetness underneath
the fruit is sure to bring you delight
as the luxury meets your teeth

mango, a fruit of honesty and care
but it secures its secrets within
a blanket of syrupy sweetness
beneath its famous golden skin

mango, eat it dried or fresh
candied, or even in a drink
although some trends will come and go
i am sure that mango will never shrink

mango, with varieties unique and new
it brings happiness to those around us
pick one up from your local grocery store
without fail, it’s sure to be a plus

(213 words)

Last edited by teecee3 (July 22, 2025 07:35:45)

teecee3 · #17 July 25, 2025 08:04:41

Writing Competition Entry - Snow White, Twisted
all written by me, with some help from a critique by @goflirk
note: i've only edited this post to fix some formatting, not to change the writing!

The castle courtyard is empty and desolate, such a stark contrast to when it used to be full of life. Ivy creeps up the grey stone walls, splattered with the blood of the Evil Queen’s henchmen. They are all gone. Dead. Because of me.

I trudge through the dimly-lit space, navigating around the fallen bodies littered across the cobblestone floor. My purposeful stride is hindered by the wound on my lower right thigh, left by an enemy’s last attempt on my death. He was lying on the floor with the others, presumably dead, when his blood-stained dagger materialised out of nowhere and slashed at my thigh. He had enough time to leave a pretty deep cut before I kicked the dagger out of his hand and stabbed him through the chest with my own sword. What a shame. But that is all behind me now, quite literally, as I make my way through the courtyard and start up the precarious stairway leading to the highest tower. I only have one task left to complete. And when it is finished, maybe this kingdom will finally know peace.

My journey up the staircase is long and arduous, but fortunately it gives me time to tie a better tourniquet around my thigh in an attempt to slow the bleeding. I had to rip off a section of my skirt, once royal blue but now a dirty navy after my days-long expedition through this hellscape of a city. I do not miss the skirt. I do not miss the symbols of my privilege, where I sat prettily on a throne while the rest of the kingdom suffered. Where I sat next to her; the Evil Queen. It’s quite a name, isn’t it? In the time that has passed since she has acquired that nickname, I have never once thought it fits. She is evil, sure, but does that word really convey the atrocities she has committed, all in the name of her own survival and comfort? I can think of many other words to describe her. And mother isn’t one of them.

Every step on these stone stairs is agony, but I push all of that away. When I finally reach the topmost tower of the castle, the only thing I feel is purpose. My ink-black hair clings to my neck, damp with sweat from a combination of humidity and fear. But there is no time for hesitation now.

I turn to face an open door revealing the queen’s chambers, once regal but now just pathetic. Moth-eaten curtains shroud the windows, filtering the moonlight into a greyish haze. Piles of clothes and jewels lay around the room in a disordered manner, presumably due to the Evil Queen having the majority of her staff executed. Power made her paranoid. But it will make me righteous.

As I stand in the doorway, my eyes land on her; sitting alone in a high-backed chair by the window, with her back to me. She lifts her hand, and I squint in the dim light to see what she is holding. Her magic mirror. Of course. She has lifted her hand, holding the mirror, so that my grime-stained face is reflected in it.

She grips the mirror like a shield, a vessel through which she can meet my gaze indirectly, immune to the piercing anger in my eyes. After a moment, her dry lips twist into a terrible smile. ‘Ah, my dear Snow White. I knew you would come back to visit me.’

My hatred practically seeps out of me; I cannot contain how bitter I feel towards her. ‘Of course you knew. The mirror told you. Do you ever do anything by yourself?’ I spit back, feeling the weight of the sword in my hand.

She ignores my question, and instead asks one of her own. ‘Where is that precious prince of yours?’

‘Dead. Killed by your henchmen.’

‘Oh my, what a shame! What a waste of a perfectly good, obedient life. He could have saved you, Snow. He could have brought you back to me.’

My frown tightens at what she is suggesting. She set this up? She sent him to me to… do what, bring me in? Confusion flickers over my face; I am betrayed by my own emotions. ‘I can’t believe you. He… was one of yours?’

‘Oh, Snow. You can be so naïve. Yes, he was part of my plan for years. But you didn’t guess that, did you?’ She lets out a chuckle that makes my blood boil.

I take two slow steps forward.

‘I do not care that you sent him to kill me.’

When I speak, I am careful not to reveal the true extent of my grief; she cannot see my weakness now.

I take another step, the sword in my hand practically buzzing in anticipation.

‘I care that you killed my mother.’

My voice doesn’t falter.

‘I care that you killed my father.’

I take another step forward.

‘I care that you enslaved an entire kingdom all because of your selfish greed.’

She turns to me, somehow only now recognising the sword in my hand. I glance at the weapon and then turn my attention back to her satisfyingly shocked face. She didn’t see this one coming.

‘Yes. The sword your head of henchmen used to kill all the people I loved. You might notice I made a few adjustments,’ I say darkly, turning the sword so it shines in the light. So she can see my initials, my mother’s and father’s initials, carved roughly into the silver surface.

This ends now, Snow White.

‘This. Ends. Now.’

With my final three words I raise the sword above my head, plunging it into her heart. The Evil Queen is no more.

(961 words)

Last edited by teecee3 (July 25, 2025 08:07:06)

teecee3 · #18 July 26, 2025 02:31:33

Critique for @cceaneyes
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Hi, Willow! First of all, your poem is so beautifully written. It feels so personal and heartbreaking, and your choice of words is amazing. I honestly don’t have much to critique, but there are a few small things I’ll mention.

The first stanza begins with the line “ here the ground is weak ”, which I think is a really interesting way to open the poem. It establishes the sorrowful, melancholy mood in a really beautiful way! The only piece of critique I have for the first stanza is a small grammar mistake; in this line, “so, we could never here their cries and shrieks,” it should be “hear” instead of “here”.

My second piece of critique is for the second stanza; I think the last line, “ you promised me, i could escape it, i could hide ” is really well-written but could potentially be edited to improve the flow of the sentence. For example, you could instead change it to “ you promised me i could escape it, i could hide. ” or “ you promised me; i could escape it, i could hide ”. I think an edit in punctuation could help the writing have better flow here, but obviously this is optional if it’s your preference or a creative choice.

As I continue reading, I feel that “ i was wearing black when i was forced to say goodbye ” is a little wordy with the repetition of “was”. This could be improved by changing it to something like “ i wore black when i was forced to say goodbye ”, for example.

I noticed one more punctuation error in “ here the ground is weak, the veil of happiness, shattered ”, which you could maybe change to “ here the ground is weak, the veil of happiness shattered ,” and then continue on to the next line. Again, feel free to disregard the punctuation critiques as I understand it may be a stylistic choice.

That’s all for my critique! Overall, you have written such a beautiful poem. It explores experiences like grief and loss in such a delicate yet heartbreaking way. I particularly loved how you open the poem with “ here the ground is weak ”, and then revisit this idea again later with “ here the ground is weak, the veil of happiness, shattered ”. This is a really great way to establish a continuous theme throughout the poem, and show the character’s emotions through the personification of the ground. That’s all I have to say, I hope this can be helpful to you!

(412 words)

Last edited by teecee3 (July 26, 2025 02:36:57)

teecee3 · #19 July 26, 2025 08:41:04

cabin wars 2 - extra challenge
Challenge: There are a lot of different types of Barbies, but all the Kens are just Kens. So, for this challenge, write a story in which all of the characters are the same: same name, same mannerisms, and even the same appearance! How would the characters interact? Would they get along? Answer these questions and more in no less than 350 words.

In the world of unicorns, all of the unicorn citizens are exactly the same. They look the same; pale lilac skin with a flowing mane in all pastel colours of the rainbow, with a shining silver horn atop their graceful head. They speak the same; a gentle and delicate voice, but also with the potential to be strong and commanding. They act the same; kind and considerate towards every creature in all the lands, unless their land is threatened or someone they love has been wronged. And perhaps the most intriguing of all, they have the same magical powers; the ability to summon objects, to create things out of thin air with their magic, to grant wishes, to bestow kindness and peace upon all creatures throughout all the vast lands. While every unicorn is the same in unicorn land, they do have one leader: Bob the Unicorn. Bob was chosen to be leader in a vote taken by all the citizens of unicorn land. This decision was not made because he is better or more unicorn-like than the other unicorns, but because he is the perfect embodiment of how a unicorn should act and behave. Bob the Unicorn is kind and gentle, showing his caring nature to all those around him. He is friendly towards everyone, no matter what kind of creature they are or where they live in the lands of this magical world. Also, Bob the Unicorn has magical powers beyond your imagination; like the other unicorns, Bob the Unicorn has the mystical ability to grant any wish you could ever think of. This power comes in quite handy when Bob the Unicorn wants to help those in need. When a creature is in need of Bob's wish-granting prowess, they simply knock on his door and ask for their wish to be granted. Bob will grant their wish graciously; he is always more than willing to help a fellow creature in need. Just like Bob, all the unicorns living in these lands are kind and caring. They hold their loved ones very close to their hearts, and always treat each other in a friendly and welcoming manner. Ultimately, the unicorn way is defined by how kindly they treat each other, for they are all equal in power and no one unicorn is better than another.

(387 words)

teecee3 · #20 July 27, 2025 05:12:47

Daily #27 - 27/07/25
Today, you need to choose a random picture, and write a piece about it. But wait, there's a twist! Follow this formula to find out how much you need to write; 1200 - (hours slept x 100) words, the least amount of words you can write being 100. You can get 300 points for this daily, with an additional 50 points for proof.

We sit down on the plush carpet, leaning our backs against the living room wall. A picture book opens, gentle hands turning the pages, and I point at the images of the story, which seem to become more three-dimensional the longer you gaze at them. A graceful princess, a fearless fighter, a brave lion. So many tales of imagination and adventure that defined our youth. As I glance back at the memories, each page a new chance to reminisce, I remember how comforting the carpet felt under our feet. In my memory, we are almost a part of the carpet itself; woven into the fibres, forever remaining an essential puzzle piece making up the house. Our cotton t-shirts blend into the mix, colourfully striped socks becoming one with the structure. We will be there forever; not just children, but representations of creativity and joy and amusement. Back then, nothing was too serious. We knew the picture books were not real; they were just stories after all. But every time, without fail, we let them take us on a journey; one of magic, one of adventure. And once we floated back down to planet earth, the lingering slivers of the fairy tale we had just experienced would sing us a lullaby as we drifted off to sleep. In those moments, it was enough to know that the story could hear you, even if nobody else could. Even if nobody else understood. Because back then, nothing was too serious. Or… maybe everything was serious. We could take anything seriously, as long as it was clear that it mattered. We didn’t require proof for something to be real, as long as it felt real. A story could exist just as itself, no need for fancy facts or analysis to convince us to believe in it. We didn’t question the story itself, ever. We just gazed in amazement at the picture book pages, letting each one tell us a different tale of kindness or courage. And in those stories was the room for mistakes. Hair might tangle, clothes might tear, motivation might wear down over time. But our love for the stories would never die, as long as we kept reading them. As long as we kept picking them up, treating them with a care so gentle and kind that nothing could separate us from them. We were as much a part of the story as the characters were; embarking on journeys across the world, or maybe just across our living room.

(418 words)

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