Is this relationship good for you?
A simple way to tell if you're with the right person
Connecting with other people is an essential part of being human. Spending time talking, experiencing, and reflecting with another person makes us feel resonance. That sensation is what we feel when we see a part of ourselves in someone else and connect with it deeply. Being in a relationship with resonance gives us a sense of witness–like all of who we are is being seen.
We often feel isolated because it can be hard to meet someone who really gets us. And this keeps us from allowing all of who we are to be safely expressed and received in the world.
Why do we crave relationships?
Feeling received in a relationship is an important part of being human. In fact, it’s so important that it can be easy to let ourselves spend time in relationships that aren’t good for us because we desire connection so badly.
We can all think of that person we knew was far from aligned with our values, which we spent time with anyway because we decided that a connection–even if it was harmful–was better than none at all.
Those relationships are easy to spot. The feeling of negativity is obvious. But as we get older and life becomes more nuanced, it can become less clear if our relationships are helping us grow in healthy directions or keeping us attached to our past negative patterns.
Here is a simple way to bring clarity to this part of your life.
How do you know if you're with the right person?
When you’re wondering if a relationship is good for you, ask yourself: Would I be okay being more like them?
The answer to this question is wonderful because it always hits on an intuitive level. That’s useful because our minds are masterful at twisting our logic, rationalizing, and creating false mental stories to serve our yearning emotions. However, the answer to this question hits below the intellect. It hits us right in the emotions. That’s why we feel the answer in our stomachs rather than our minds.
When you ask yourself this question and feel a warm and open glow in your stomach–maybe even a slight smile–you know the person you’re thinking of is positively impacting your life.
On the other hand, if you ask yourself this question and feel a pit in your stomach, maybe along with a bit of tension, you know the deeper truth is that the relationship in question is out of alignment with your true self.
We absorb the mindset, values, and patterns of the people we let into our lives. Being mindful of the true nature of our relationships and choosing to only spend time with those with whom we feel aligned is a powerful way to take charge of our lives. Doing so keeps us close to the people who lift us up in the present and ensures that we become who we hope to be in the future.
