The Small Parenting Moments That Are Actually a Big Deal, According to Research

My five-year-old just learned how to play the card game, Uno . When I first brought it home, he didn't want to play it because, by the looks of it, he thought it was too hard. I knew he could handle it, so I persisted. He mastered it quickly. However, now he wants to play it ALL THE TIME…as in most of the hours he's not at school.

'Tis the life of parents, right? Most parents I know repeatedly (perhaps hundreds of times) play the same board game or help their child with puzzles. This is the daily "stuff" of parenting and you may feel it doesn't make a difference. We all find this a bit annoying, but research now tells us that these simple playtime sessions are actually doing wonders for our kids' brains and the development of their executive functioning in early childhood.

What is Executive Functioning in Child Development?

You've probably heard about executive functioning in early childhood from teachers or parenting books. The importance of these types of social-emotional skills cannot be overstated. Up until a few years ago, the term was pretty much only seen in academic journals so it's encouraging that it's making its way into popular parenting culture.

Simply put, executive functioning skills are all those things that help kids control their emotions, their behavior, and their attention in order to learn and function well in the world. They include things like:

• Focus and Self Control

• Perspective Taking (e.g., empathy)

• Communicating

• Making Connections

• Critical Thinking

• Taking on Challenges

• Self-Directed, Engaged Learning

There are many other skills that could fall into this category. These are the skills our kids need to thrive and be successfulin school and life. One author and leader in research on executive functioning skills, Ellen Galinsky, calls these the 7 Essential Life Skills .

How Parents Foster Executive Functioning

A recent study from the University of Montreal and the University of Minnesota shows that how parents interact with young children helps them develop these crucial cognitive skills.Here's a brief overview of the study:

– researchers studied 80 pairs of moms and their one-year-old children

– the study focused on how moms interacted with their children in tasks such as playing gamesor putting together puzzles

– the researchers examined how these interactions predicted children's "advanced cognitive functions"–those are things like controlling impulses, remembering things and having mental flexibility.

It turns out that how moms (the studies almost always only study mothers) interact with their children in these tasks helps the child develop these important cognitive skills.

Children whose moms interacted in the following wayshad better cognitive skills at 18-26 months:

– provided guidanceand scaffoldingin tasks that were difficult for the child but did not take over the do the task for him/her

– followed the child's lead and pacein completing the task or playing the game

– used a warm and sensitivetone when interacting with the child

One of the most important findings of the study was that these types of interactions helped support the child's autonomous behavior–that is, the child learns to do activities on their own. This is crucial because autonomy helps the child develop a sense of self and accomplishment.

You may also enjoy: Social-Emotional Development: The Ultimate Guide for Parents

This idea is crucial. Research has begun to pile up on the importance of autonomy-supportive parenting practices. While this may sound intimidating (and even risky…allowing a child autonomy?), once we dig under the surface of this phrase it's easy to understand its value.

What is Autonomy-Supportive Parenting?

Autonomy-supportive parenting doesn't mean our children just get their way all the time. It promotes a sense of self-efficacy in the child. That is, we step back and allow our children to try challenging things, learn new skills and take on responsibilities when they are ready for them (even if we are not ready perhaps). This process may also involve us allowing our children to fail at times and not intervening to make the unfortunate consequences disappear. Ultimately, it means encouraging our child's authentic self to emerge.

It's a little crazy to think that all these autonomy-supportive goals might begin with little parenting interactions like playing UNO or working on puzzles together. What this and other research show us is that, indeed, all these little interactions add up to what makes our parenting journey meaningful, especially when it comes to our children's developing executive functioning skills.

So, parents, if you had any doubt that the little things you do every day matter, worry no more. All those moments of guidance and support really do help your child become an independent, competent youngster.