Moving with kids: A complete parent’s guide
This comprehensive guide can helps you and your family prepare for a move, so you can focus on the exciting possibilities of a fresh new start.
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Packing up the old place and starting an adventure in a new home is exciting for adults, but it can be a real roller coaster for kids of all ages. Saying goodbye to friends, schools, and familiar surroundings is often stressful and scary. While moving may lead to feelings of anxiety and uncertainty, you can take steps to help kids of all ages prepare for this transition.
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Moving with a baby
Moving with an infant can be challenging, but fortunately, babies are adaptable. While they won't fully grasp what's happening, they'll sense your stress. Here are some tips to keep things calm.
Stick to the routine
Babies thrive on schedules, so try to maintain their usual nap, feeding, and bedtimes as much as possible.
Enlist help
Ask friends or family to lend a hand. A fresh pair of arms works wonders for a fussy baby (and an overwhelmed parent). Moving long distance? Consider getting an Airbnb at your destination so your helpers can stay with your baby while you project manage your move.
Pack and keep the essentials handy
Create a " baby box " with everything your little one needs — diapers, formula or baby food, bottles, wipes, clean clothing and a night light, for example — for the first few days in your new home to save you from frantic searches through endless boxes.
Moving with toddlers
A couple with a toddler moving into a new home
Moving is a big adjustment for little ones, and patience is key. With some planning and care, your kiddo will adjust to their new surroundings. Here are some steps to help your toddler cope with stress.
Keep it simple
Toddlers aren't super detail-oriented. Explain the move in short, easy-to-understand sentences.
Ashley Kennedy had a two-year-old when she moved from New Jersey to Pennsylvania four years ago. "I was super transparent about the move with Tucker," she said, "So he wouldn't worry about such a big change. We showed him the new house and kept referring to everything as 'his.' We'd say, 'Look at your new kitchen, new bedroom and new yard!'"
Read about it
You can buy some great children's books to help prepare your toddler. Check out titles like:
Familiarize them with your new place
If possible, take your toddler to visit the new house a few times before moving day arrives. Bring some of their favorite toys to help them feel more connected to this space. Prioritize setting up their bedroom.
"I designed [Tucker's] new bedroom to match the one at the house we moved from, so the theme included mountains on the wall and a homemade tree bookshelf. I think with his age, it helped to replicate a space that made him feel safe," said Kennedy.
"I was surprised how quickly he adapted," she said. "He was very excited about the new home, and I think making his new room similar to his old room helped him adjust."
Turn packing and unpacking into a game
Hide small surprises in your toddler's boxes to make it exciting and fun.
"Before the move, I was surprised how much packing was like a game for my four-year-old twins," said Danielle Love, who moved from Phoenixville, Pa., to West Chester, Pa. "Definitely have the kids help pack and unpack because it gives them a sense of ownership. My kids helped pack their toys and some unbreakable household items like linens."
Ask for help
If you're moving a shorter distance, consider hiring a babysitter or asking a friend or family member to keep your toddler entertained and safe on your moving day.
"The day of our move, the twins stayed at their grandparents' house so my husband and I could focus our attention on the movers," said Love. "We set up their bedrooms first, so they had some familiar spaces when they came home."
Maintain the consistency you can
Toddlers are also creatures of habit. Try to maintain their schedules as much as possible before and after you move, and avoid other significant changes (such as potty training).
Moving with older children
Two elementary-aged children help their parents carry boxes during a move
Elementary and middle school-aged kids may struggle more than younger children to adjust to their new homes. The following tips can help them navigate the many associated changes.
Prioritize open communication
Talk openly about the move and explain why it's happening. Encourage your kids to share their feelings and concerns.
"My situation was unique," said Natasha Post, who moved from Tamarac, Fla., to Fruitland Park, Fla., with her six-year-old son Lincoln. "We were displaced because the townhouse we were renting had a mold issue, which the HOA wouldn't allow our landlord to fix. My son and I, and our dogs, moved to my parents' house." Post's husband joined them later, but she and Lincoln chatted with him daily. "Lincoln saw how stressed and upset I was and was always trying to soothe me and being more of a grown-up than I wanted to be."
Her family loves their new living situation. They're in a bigger home on seven acres, and Post says Lincoln is thriving. "He has a ton of friends and he's excited about school," she said.
Keep things familiar
To provide stability, try to maintain your kids' routines as much as possible, even during the move.
Post quickly established routines in their new home. "Registering Lincoln for first grade and getting him in school immediately so he was around other kids right away also helped," she said. "What surprised me most was how fast he adapted."
Visualize the new home
Use maps and pictures to help your kids understand where you're moving. If it's close enough to visit a few times before the big day, do so.
Post took her son to several places around town, like the park and arcade, so he could get to know his new surroundings.
Read together
Website Literacious has a great list of books to help kids process their feelings about moving. And check out Edutopia's picture books about moving .
"We bought some children's books about moving and started reading them at night so our kids, who were two and six at the time, could picture what it would mean to leave," said Katelyn Mack, who flew with her six and two-year-olds from Half Moon Bay, Calif., to Bethlehem, Pa., in 2021. "We held a final play date at the park before we left so our kids' friends could say goodbye. It was a sweet way to leave with a positive memory of friends we had made."
Create a new space
Invite your kids to help design their new room, making them feel more invested in their new home.
Post said she prioritized adding posters, toys, and fun bedding to her son's room to make the move easier on Lincoln and ensure he felt comfortable immediately. "I played games with him in his new room and watched TV together to get him into a comfort zone," she said.
Moving with teens
A teenage girl carries a cardboard box through a doorway
Moving can create major upheavals for teens, who often connect deeply to their friends and routines. While every teen is different, remember that everyone handles big life changes differently.
"Peyton was starting eighth grade when we moved from the Lehigh Valley, Pa., to St. Augustine, Fla., which I chose because my sister lives here and we'd be close to family," said Amanda Koff, who moved in 2019. "We thought it would help her big transition to high school by having a year within the new district.
"I wish I had listened more and assumed less when we moved," Koff said. "She hated the new school and kids. She was sad and wanted a friend and a tribe but never found it, and then COVID hit." Moving her to an arts high school was a game-changer, according to Koff.
Be patient, supportive, and ready to adapt as needed. While it's natural to want to cheer up your teen with positive thoughts, phrases like "You'll love your new school" can feel disingenuous and minimize their feelings. Instead, try validating their opinions by saying things like, "I know this is hard. It's okay to feel upset or nervous."
Here are some quick ideas on how to help them adjust.
Be open and honest
Talk to your teens as soon as possible and explain why you're moving. Be transparent about what they can expect.
Highlight the positives
Help your teen see the potential benefits of the move, whether it's a bigger room or that you'll be closer to family or the activities they enjoy.
Encourage self-expression
Journaling offers a great outlet for your teen to express their emotions.
Build a new social circle
Encourage your teen to join clubs or activities — or maybe find a part-time job — to meet new people.
Acknowledge their feelings
Let them know you're there to listen and support them. Validating them helps them feel they're understood.
Koff said it's okay to tell your kids you're sad about moving, too. "Talk about what you miss and be nostalgic. They're going to mourn their old life and miss their old house, friends, and school. Take them out to dinner and talk. If possible, fly a friend in for a visit because it really helps to see a familiar face in a strange setting."
Tips for long-distance moves with kids
Family unloading boxes and furniture from the rear of a moving van
A quick move across town or to the next city may not require much planning for the car ride, but what if you're moving to another state — or another country?
While an Army wife, Veronica Fletcher's family moved from the U.S. to Germany. "Before moving, we explained why, what, and who would be there and how long," said Fletcher, whose children were six and seven. She introduced them to basic German words, Germany's culture and customs, and their new school. She also reassured them they'd still be able to talk to their grandparents.
"They understood why we had to move, and what helped a bit was discussing the move with their friends who were also moving," she said. "We made it into an adventure and focused on the positive."
Kennedy said her family used a hotspot in the car so the kids could watch Netflix and Disney + during the long drive. "We also play fun games I made up," she said. "We take turns saying, 'I'm thinking of… a person (or place or thing)' and then give hints." She sets expectations for long drives before they leave and updates her kids while they're on the road.
You should also set breaks so everyone can get out and stretch their legs and maybe play a quick game of frisbee (or zoom around) at a rest stop. Consider scheduling long drives over younger kids' naptimes, making them more likely to snooze in the car.
How to help kids feel more at home after a move
A woman hands a child a moving box from the back of a moving truck
Moving is never painless, but it often offers a chance to start fresh. Help your kids focus on the positives: new adventures, different schools and the opportunity to meet new people. Let them know it's okay to feel sad or scared, but also remind them of the exciting possibilities that await.
Once you're settled, let them personalize their space by choosing their room color or new décor. You can also celebrate with new traditions, like hosting a family movie night in your new living room or having a family picnic on the floor before you unpack.
Most importantly, stay patient and positive; your attitude and demeanor will influence how your kids process these important changes.
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