It was nearly two decades ago that I committed my first major Japanese etiquette blunder. I was staying at a legendary, centuries- old ryokan in Kyoto , and kimono-clad staff were politely attempting to explain the slipper rules.
More complicated than the Kyoto Protocol, I was swamped by a raft of obscure footwear regulations, with the no-slippers-if-the-floor-is-made-with-tatami and switch-slippers-when-going-to-the-loo rules causing particular consternation.
Needless to say, I got it all wrong. I tripped around the ryokan in the wrong slippers, in the wrong rooms, while wearing a kimono-style gown wrapped the wrong way. Instead of left over right, I fastened right over left – a sartorial statement normally reserved for corpses in funeral ceremonies, I later learnt.
This episode taught me two valuable lessons about Japanese etiquette . First, it is perhaps futile for the Western mind to try to rationalise the myriad rules that regulate Japanese society.
And second? As a foreigner, you will find Japanese people tend to understand if you occasionally break these rules – which is just as well, as it’s the kind of place where you can remain blissfully unaware of committing countless gaffes in the space of a minute.
Fast forward to 2026 and I confess that, despite having lived in Japan for nearly 20 years, the complex web of rules and regulations that govern society continues to cause occasional bafflement and embarrassment.
No laughing matter
From business-card swapping and chopstick-holding to queuing on train platforms – not to mention the complex world of onsen-bathing – there are few social situations in Japan that do not involve some kind of unspoken code of conduct.
Sometimes it feels like there is an invisible language that I just can’t see or hear. My Japanese-British children seem to understand it perfectly, occasionally telling me off for “not reading the air” when I chat for too long with shop staff or burst into loud laughter in public (yes, really).
There has long been a general sense that many of these invisible rules don’t apply to non-Japanese visitors. However, in the current climate of booming tourism, with some popular spots struggling under the sheer volume of visitors, it has perhaps never been more important – or more polite – to at least try to grasp the basics.
How to greet people properly
Among the most important? Greeting people correctly is a good starting point. A brief head nod is normally preferable to handshaking, while business cards should always be offered and received with two outstretched hands.
Try to avoid causing offence by promptly stuffing received business cards into your pocket. The Japanese norm is to take a moment to respectfully appreciate the cards before – if seated and meeting several people at once – laying them neatly on the table in hierarchical order.
Train etiquette
Travelling on public transport also opens up a whole new world of rules. For starters, however busy, passengers tend to queue neatly on the platform before boarding trains (look out for floor markings).
Meanwhile, eating and drinking on trains is frowned upon, as is talking on mobile phones. If it’s absolutely necessary to take a call, passengers tend to cover their mouths with their hands while whispering apologetically into their phone.
Street etiquette
In places such as Kyoto, where sensitivities between tourists and locals have been rising in the busiest neighbourhoods, it’s important to take on board the baseline rules, most of which are fairly obvious – from behaving respectfully in temples and shrines and not eating while walking in the streets, to taking your rubbish home with you rather than littering.
Table manners
Nationwide, table manners are, of course, another minefield of potential etiquette blunders. In a nutshell? Wash your hands with the provided wet oshibori towel before eating; don’t pass food with chopsticks; use the opposite end of your chopsticks to serve yourself from shared dishes; don’t take the last piece of food; don’t start drinking until after the first cries of “kampai!” (cheers); and top up other people’s glasses, but not your own.
Onsen etiquette
And then there is, of course, onsen etiquette. Few trips to Japan are complete without at least one muscle-melting soak in a steaming hot spring onsen, be it in a traditional ryokan, a local bathhouse or outdoors on a remote mountainside.
Wherever you may find yourself, there are a few golden rules to remember: take all your clothes off; try to cover tattoos if you can (many onsen still ban them due to associations with the yakuza); always wash thoroughly – and rinse off all bubbles – at the low taps before getting into the bath; don’t put the small towels provided in the water (placing them on your head, however, is perfectly acceptable); and, needless to say, don’t pull out the plug.
Shoes and slippers
Not to forget those dreaded footwear rules. In a nutshell? Take your shoes off when you enter a home or a traditional hotel; wear only socks on tatami mat floors; and switch your slippers for the provided bathroom slippers when going to the toilet.
These are, perhaps, just the tip of the iceberg in etiquette-bound Japan. But if in doubt? Maybe resort to the one rule I have found most useful during my years of living in Japan: simply copy whatever everyone else is doing. And it’s probably a good idea to fasten the left side over right if the opportunity arises to wear a kimono, unless you wish to resemble a corpse.
