This Is the Right Way to Ask Someone to Stop Manspreading on a Plane, According to Etiquette Experts

The next time you're on a plane and think, "This seat feels smaller," you're probably not imagining it. Airplane seats have gradually become more compact over the years, leaving passengers with less personal space—and making it more likely you'll find yourself competing with a neighbor for the armrest or dealing with someone whose legs have drifted into your seat area.

Manspreading , despite the name, isn't limited to men. The term refers to someone taking up more space than their seat allows, with their legs extending into a neighboring passenger's space. On a plane, where there's little room to spare, that can quickly become uncomfortable. Fortunately, etiquette experts say there are ways to handle the situation politely—without creating unnecessary tension.

Start with the assumption that they don't know what they're doing.

Every expert we talked to agreed that most seatmates aren't spreading out to be rude. Either they're tired, they're tall, or they genuinely haven't noticed. Nick Leighton, etiquette expert and co-host of the podcast " Were You Raised By Wolves ?," says that assumption should shape the way you approach the situation. "The trick is to do it in a polite, non-judgmental way," he said. "Best to assume that they aren't encroaching on your space intentionally. They just didn't realize it."

Rather than assuming the worst, politely point out the problem and give your seatmate a chance to adjust.

Eric Boromisa, who runs the aviation passenger experience advisory firm Numbers & Letters and has logged more than 2 million miles across 1,000 flights, recommends starting with a light tap on the arm, making eye contact, and saying something like: "I'm very sorry to bother you during this long flight. But I'm having a hard time enjoying the space that I have here. Would you mind if we gave each other a wider berth?"

The framing, however, matters more than the wording. "Frame it as a 'hey, I'm not requesting,' and 99 percent of passengers will say 'oh sorry about that!' and move," Boromisa said.

Don't wait until you're fuming to speak up.

Leighton shared that it's best to speak your mind as soon as it starts bothering you, not after you've spent three hours quietly stewing and debating if you should just toss your in-flight drink on their lap instead. "Simmering for hours and then snapping isn't the way to go," he said, especially as space is something you're entitled to in the first place. "You paid for a seat, and you're entitled to all of it."

August Abbott, a certified etiquette training expert with JustAnswer , also suggested that if you're feeling awkward about simply asking, you could always show a little vulnerability by sharing something along the lines of, "I feel claustrophobic when squeezed into spaces like this, and I'm hanging on for dear life right now. Would you mind pulling your legs in so it doesn't seem to be an even tighter space for me?" If you'd rather keep it light, she suggested trying to say something a little lighter and funnier like, "If you leave your leg in my space, I may have to charge rent."

If they don't budge, don't try to handle it yourself.

While every expert agreed that you should speak your mind, they also agreed that if a polite ask doesn't work, don't escalate on your own. Get a flight attendant involved.

"If met with a negative attitude, share a simple 'I'm sorry you feel this way' as you enlist a go-between to make the decision for the manspreader. Try to leave your seat rather than complain in front of the offender and in as private an area as you can get, let the person with authority know you tried being nice, but this person insists on making you uncomfortable by invading your space and denying you already hard-to-come-by leg room," Abbott said.

And if you really, really can't stand the idea of an argument at all, Leighton noted you could try to get to your seat early to mark your territory. "It is true that space that's already occupied is much harder to steal than space that's empty," he said. "So, if you do get to the seat early, settle in and hope for the best."

And if you happen to be the manspreader reading this, Jo Hayes, founder of EtiquetteExpert.Org , had this to say. "The space in front of your seat is yours, not the space in front of your neighbors." If you need more room than that, she added, you need to book it. "If you've got long legs, book a seat with extra leg room; that's what those seats are for."

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