Seth Meyers Takes Swipes At Versant & Loss Of Hoda Kotb, Lester Holt At NBCU Upfront: “One Of The Nice Things About NBC Is Consistency”
- Seth Meyers delivered a comedic performance at NBCUniversal’s upfront presentation, making jokes about various topics including Comcast’s Versant and Matt Lauer.
Seth Meyers helped to close out NBCUniversal’s upfront presentation on Monday with yuks about Comcast’s Versant, Matt Lauer, and the “Chicago Pope.”
He was the second Seth to take the stage at Radio City Music Hall. Seth MacFarlane opened the presentation with an expletive-fueled musical number that promised how NBC “has the shit you are after.” You can find his zingers here.
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Here were Meyer’s best one-liners from Monday’s show:
“Hello everyone. I’m Seth Meyers, or for the right price, Tostitos presents Seth Meyers. I host the 12:30 slot. I’m open to anything. If I could sell the naming rights to my kids, I would. Verizon would be a great name for my 7-year-old, considering how often I scream at him. Can you hear me now? My daughter’s name, maybe it’s Adelaide, maybe it’s Maybelline. Maybe it’s Ford. F-150. I’m not picky you guys. Everything is for sale.”
“The second part of Wicked is set to premiere later this year, and I’m just saying for the right price, she could fly a Swiffer. They could melt her with Aquafina Water. We will do the reshoots.”
“Can I just say, as a proud member of the NBC family, this has been a huge year for us. The Traitors , SNL 50, Chicago Pope. Chicago Pope. You know Dick Wolf’s agent is on the phone with the Vatican right now saying Dick gets a cut. You never would’ve thought of Chicago Pope without Dick. What a time to be. Dick Wolf. NBC has renewed Chicago Med, Chicago PD, Chicago Fire . It’s all part of our ongoing commitment to making sure people are terrified of Chicago.”
“NBC next year will celebrate its 100-year anniversary. NBC is 100 years old, so that’s something you can sell the 18-49 demo on, right? You might as well put your ads on the side of an old church.”
“They finally picked a name for Spinco and it’s Versant. That’s right. So remember, ask your doctor if Versant is right for you. There are no good names left. Imagine being jealous that someone beat you to Tubi. Should we call it Roku? Believe it or not, somebody already took Roku, snatched it up faster than a Quibi.”
“President Trump’s administration is currently suing CBS for $20 billion, whereas NBC has managed to avoid Trump’s wrath by very shrewdly not having $20 billion.”
“One of the nice things about NBC is consistency. It makes you feel safe. For example, I just feel like everything’s going to be okay in the world when I wake up to Hoda Kotb and end my day with Lester Holt. What’s that? They’re both leaving. We’re all going to die.”
“We have some great returning shows this year as well as some new shows. Ted is returning to Peacock for a second season, but for the sake of ad sales, we’re just going to call it, The Bear. Dig follows four women who work at an archeological dig in Greece who uncover a long buried secret. Well, if it’s a long buried secret at NBC, I’m guessing it’s Matt Lauer.”
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