6 Toxic Phrases Emotionally Intelligent People Notice Before Anyone Else, According to Psychologists

Some people in this world always seem to be down on things or even go so far as to mock people or ideas. This is how some toxic individuals communicate and, unfortunately, it can make other people feel bad about themselves or question their worth.

It can be helpful to catch these types of phrases in order to combat them, and in particular, those who are "emotionally intelligent" can pick up on these phrases more easily. But what exactly is emotional intelligence? And what are some examples of toxic phrases that emotionally intelligent people notice right away? Psychologists weigh in and share what to know with Parade.

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What Is Emotional Intelligence?

"Emotional intelligence is the ability to read, understand, modulate and respond appropriately to your own and others' emotions," says Donna Marino, PsyD , licensed clinical psychologist.

Psychologist Steven M. Sultanoff, PhD , points out certain attributes that emotionally intelligent people tend to have, which includes the ability to exert self-control, the capacity to motivate yourself and to face challenges and to experience empathy for oneself and others.

"In addition to exhibiting these qualities, emotionally intelligent people tend to be centered, grounded, realistic and optimistic ," Dr. Sultanoff explains. "They are respectful of others and able to listen and accept alternate points of view. They are able to evaluate challenges and differentiate when to persist and when to accept."

Related: 16 Things People With High Emotional Intelligence Often Say, According to Psychologists

6 Toxic Phrases Emotionally Intelligent People Notice Before Anyone Else, According to Psychologists

1. "Don't feel that way."

Since emotionally intelligent people use their self-empathy to, along with data, guide their decision making, as Dr. Sultanoff puts it, they view discrediting or brushing off emotions as toxic, "as it essentially discounts oneself and diminishes the 'data' that emotions provide in making life decisions," he says.

2. "I can't help myself…"

"Emotionally intelligent people embrace that much of life is based on 'choice,'" Dr. Sultanoff says, adding that this type of phrase immediately implies that one has no choice, something that emotionally intelligent people know isn't true.

3. "Whatever."

"Words like 'whatever' can be a sign of passive-aggressive communication," Dr. Marino says. "Emotionally intelligent people are more likely to pick up on passive-aggressive communication than others. They are especially attuned to non-verbal communication such as tone of voice, gestures and body language , which makes them better able to identify passive-aggressive comments that might fly under the radar for others."

Related: If You Use These 3 Phrases, You Have Higher Emotional Intelligence Than Most, Psychologists Say

4. "It can't be done."

Emotionally intelligent people have seen how their passion has driven them to accomplish things, and they view this phrase as negative, since someone is allowing themselves to give up, according to Dr. Sultanoff.

5. "That's….interesting."

For emotionally intelligent people, it's all in how someone says something too. For instance, Dr. Marino says that certain phrases become toxic when inflection is placed upon certain words. An example of this is, "Oh, you're wearing THAT dress. That's….interesting."

In this case, it's an example of a phrase that attempts to disguise one's negativity, but is said with hostility.

Related:  8 Signs You Have Toxic In-Laws and How To Respond, According to Psychologists

6. "It's not worth it."

This phrase doesn't sit well with emotionally intelligent people and can be seen as toxic. As Dr. Sultanoff says, "Emotionally intelligent people work to accomplish what they want and determine when the goal is not achievable or not important enough to warrant the time and energy."

In other words? Emotionally intelligent individuals don't give up on things easily.

Why Are Emotionally Intelligent People Attuned to Toxic Traits in Others?

"Emotionally intelligent people see these toxic attributes as limits to life satisfaction," Dr. Sultanoff notes. "Since they have embraced them and added them to part of their personal fabric, it becomes increasingly obvious when others do not embrace these simple aspects of a centered life. Toxic attributes surface quickly as life-limiting, and emotionally intelligent people who want those around them to thrive see these limits where often others do not."
Related: 25 Red Flags That Signify a Toxic Relationship, According to Psychotherapists

What Emotionally Intelligent People Should Do

If you identify as an emotionally intelligent person and you're faced with someone who's saying a toxic phrase, Dr. Marino believes that you should confront them head on.

"People usually continue the behavior because no one confronts them," she says. "It should be done in a matter-of-fact way without judgement of the other person, but expressing expectations and boundaries ."

On the other hand, you can take Dr. Sultanoff's suggestion and "respect others' rights to be as they are."

"It is not the role of emotionally intelligent people to change others," he says. "That being said, emotionally intelligent people can set examples for others and can also 'solicit' from others when their comments lack emotional intelligence."

As an emotionally intelligent person, you're able to read the room and the person you're dealing with—you can have a choice to go with either approach based on what you think is best for each unique situation.

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Related: 12 Common Habits of People With High Emotional Intelligence, According to Psychologists

Sources

• Donna Marino, PsyD, licensed clinical psychologist

• Steven M. Sultanoff, PhD, psychologist