Ahoy, Mateys, These 70 Pirate Jokes *Arrrr* as Good as Buried Treasure
Captain Blackbeard and his crew may not agree, but there's no treasure greater than a good old punchline, which is why we're fishing out the best pirate jokes —all the way from Davy Jones' locker. If you're big on jokes— good, clean jokes , corny jokes , or even bad dad jokes —then you will certainly appreciate humorous pirate puns .
From eye patches to wooden legs, go no further because X marks the spot! Ye be warned, here are 70 thrilling pirate jokes.
And if you still find yourself on the hunt for more buried treasure in the form of pirate-related content, mateys, read up on how to watch the Pirates of the Caribbean movies in order.
70 Best Pirate Jokes
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1. How do you save a dying pirate?
Answer: C-P- arrrrrrr
2. What do you call a pirate who likes to skip school?
Answer: Captain Hook-y!
3. What does a pirate name his dog?
Answer: The Plank. That's why he's always walking The Plank.
4. Why can't the pirates fire their weapons on Saturdays?
Answer: They only cannon Sundays!
5. What do you call 3.14 men out at sea?
Answer: 'Pi'-rates
6. How do ye turn a pirate furious?
Answer: Take away the "p."
7. Why is pirating so addictive?
Answer: They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!
8. Who gets all their movies for free?
Answer: Pirates
9. Have you heard any good pirate jokes? Neither have ayeeee.
10. What's a pirate's favorite music genre?
Answer: Arrrrrr & B
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11. How do pirates communicate?
Answer: Aye to aye!
12. How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?
Answer: An arm and a leg
13. What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea?
Answer: He got marooned.
14. How does a pirate know they're a pirate?
Answer: They think, therefore they arrrrrrr!
15. Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Answer: Because they can spend years at C.
16. What do you call a pirate mutiny?
Answer: A conspira-sea!
17. Why don't pirates shower before they walk the plank?
Answer: They'll just wash up on shore later.
18. Where do pirates go for a drink?
Answer: The sandbar
19. How did the pirate get such a good price?
Answer: He bought it on sail.
20. What's a pirate's favorite school subject?
Answer: Arrrrrr-t
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21. What kind of phone does a pirate have?
Answer: An aye phone
22. Why are pirates always so healthy?
Answer: They get such a good dose of vitamin sea.
23. Where can ye find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs?
Answer: Right where ye left him!
24. What's a pirate's favorite musical instrument?
Answer: The guit-arrrr
25. Why did the pirate go to the Apple store?
Answer: He needed a new iPatch.
26. Why do pirates love binge-watching shows?
Answer: They get hooked.
27. Why did the captain wear a suit and tie?
Answer: He had a cor-pirate meeting.
28. Pirates are great at solving math problems. They are always trying to find out where X is.
29. What do you call a selfish pirate?
Answer: Extremely arrrr-ogant
30. What did the pirate wear on Halloween ?
Answer: A pumpkin patch
31. What did the pirate say about his girlfriend ?
Answer: "She had me at 'Ahoy!"
32. Pirates make the best singers. They can hit the high sea notes with ease.
33. What does a pirate use a cell phone for?
Answer: Booty calls
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34. What's a pirate's favorite song?
Answer: No song in particular—just the hook.
35. How much did the pirate pay for his piercings?
Answer: A buck-an-ear
36. What did the pirate Santa Claus say?
Answer: Row, row, row!
37. What's a pirate's favorite camera brand?
Answer: Cannon
38. Why didn't the ammo leave the pirate's gun?
Answer: It got stuck in the barrel.
39. Why did the alcoholic pirate stop drinking?
Answer: Because he'd rum out!
40. What do ye call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?
Answer: A rookie!
41. Why did the pirate go on vacation?
Answer: He needed a little arrrr and arrr.
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42. Why do pirates live life to the fullest?
Answer: They know how to seas the day.
43. What did the pirate say when he became an octogenarian?
Answer: Aye matey years old!
44. Why did the pirate get lost?
Answer: He wasn't shore which way to go.
45. What kind of grades did the pirate get in school?
Answer: High Cs.
46. Why did the pirate always regale the crew with stories of his youth?
Answer: Those were his most treasured memories.
47. Why did you join a band of pirates?
Answer: Pier pressure.
48. What would you call a pirate with 4 eyes?
Answer: An iiiirate.
49. Why did nobody want to play cards with the pirate?
Answer: Because he was standing on the deck.
50. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
Answer: A nervous wreck.
51. What's a pirate's favorite type of exercise?
Answer: The plank!
52. When do pirates remove the anchor?
Answer: At the kraken of dawn.
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53. When do pirates get to eat cake?
Answer: When they reach a dessert island.
54. What does a vegan pirate do in jail?
Answer: St-arrrrr-ve.
55. Why was the pirate sad when his parrot left?
Answer: It gave him the cold shoulder!
56. Why do pirates bury their treasure 18 inches under the ground?
Answer: Because booty is only shin deep.
57. Where do one-legged pirates go for brunch?
Answer: IHOP!
58. Why did the pirate pull out of the stock market?
Answer: He was in shark-invested waters!
59. What do you call a pirate obsessed with drinking sea water?
Answer: An aqua-holic
60. Where do pirates keep their valuables?
Answer: In a jarrrrr
61. What did the pirate say when he left his wooden leg in the freezer?
Answer: Shiver me timbers!
62. Why did the pirate want to run a marathon?
Answer: He was sure his legs wood work.
63. What do you call a stupid pirate?
Answer: The pillage idiot
64. Do pirates enjoy fighting?
Answer: Sword of...
65. What did the pirate's landlord say when he was evicted?
Answer: Get out, you free-looter!
66. What did the pirate want to be when he grew up?
Answer: He said he always wanted to be an arrr-chitect.
67. What do you call it when two pirates call it a draw?
Answer: A stale-matey!
68. What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
Answer: A carrot
69. Why'd the pirate join the gym?
Answer: To improve his booty
70. How come you can never call a pirate?
Answer: They always leave their phones off the hook.
Next up, 200 funny jokes for kids and families .
