The ‘Matrescence’ Trend Is Growing—What Real Moms Are Sharing Online

Key Takeaways

• Matrescence is the emotional, physical, and mental transformation that happens when someone becomes a parent.
• This journey can bring challenges, a mix of emotions, and it’s different for everyone.
• Talking about matrescence publicly helps parents feel less alone and more supported in their experiences.

Recently, the concept of matrescence has been on the minds and in the hearts of many parents across social media—especially as the openly revealing the reality of parenthood has become less taboo. Matrescence is a term that encompasses the whole journey of becoming a mother, including the physical, emotional, and mental changes we all encounter as a whole new identity forms. It may include mental health challenges and evolving relationships with your friends and your partner along the way.

For some, it’s a peaceful and joyful journey; for others, it’s met with immense challenges and feelings of frustration and loneliness to work through. For most new parents, the process of matrescence combines all these complicated emotions at once.

Since the term gained traction there has been a whole book written about it, and a campaign to get the word added to the dictionary. Real moms are talking about it online too—here’s what they’re saying.

Finding Yourself in the In-Between

One mom, who goes by @louise.woven.rose on Instagram, described the process of becoming a mother as “a kind of unraveling” and “one of the most profound rites of passage a person can go through.”

At first, she didn’t have the language to describe the journey she was on—until she came across the discussion around matrescence.

She wrote on Instagram that it felt like the person she was before giving birth was gone, but that the person she was becoming wasn’t fully formed. This in-between space was how she describes her matrescence. She wants other moms to know that this “tender passage” isn’t about being lost but about “becoming.”

Mental Health Matters

For many new moms, the post-partum journey comes with mental health challenges, especially post-partum depression , anxiety, constant worry and safety concerns, and intrusive thoughts.

Mom of three @alexabroderick_ reminds us that for so many like her, matrescence is a season of not just transformation, but also challenges. Your world gets smaller, and feelings of loneliness and isolation may grow, especially if you don’t have a lot of immediate support around you—  which is the case for many new moms as the parenting village continues to shrink in the modern era. You may miss who you once were and what your day used to look like—a clear head, a clear schedule, freedom to pursue your hobbies, or to do nothing at all— even as you’re filled with gratitude for a healthy baby.

She calls this period (which differs in length for every new mom, depending on their support  system and financial circumstances) a “massive identity shift.”

She reminds other moms that it “doesn't mean you're broken. It means your body and nervous system are adjusting to something enormous.”

No Two Journeys Are the Same

Matrescence—whether you’re undergoing physical or mental changes or both—can take many forms, even within the same individual. When @jenniferwalliswellbeing had her second child, she was caught off guard by how different this period of matrescence felt compared to the birth of her first child.

She described the process as feeling “cracked open” and wrote welcoming another child has been, and still is, a “wild ride of rediscovery.” She also noted that it didn’t start until 6 months postpartum and felt like a second shedding. After experiencing both the dark and light sides of matrescence she reminds us, “Isn’t this the whole point of life? To be continuously learning and unlearning until we can be the best possible version of ourselves, for ourselves, and for everyone around us.”

Not Every Pre-Baby Friendship Will Last

A large part of matrescence relates to how relationships evolve and adapt once you're a mother.

When The Moms Friends Collective asked new moms how matrescence affected their friendships, many noted the transformation.

One wrote, “Some friendships didn’t survive the transition in my lifestyle when I became a mom–and that’s ok.” The goal is to let friendships come and go without too many hard feelings—but that’s not always as easy as it sounds, especially in the period of heightened emotions that come with parenthood.

Another mom wrote that her period of matrescence helped her recognize who her true friends were and become closer to them.

But some new moms leave interactions with friends feeling even lonelier than before: One more wrote she felt so disconnected from herself after giving birth that it was hard to connect with others. Another wrote she needed more depth in her friendships after becoming a mom , so some of the more surface level relationships drifted away.

Matrescence may reconfigure your priorities, which means that friendships which can’t accept your new identity (and constraints on your time!) will naturally fall away. Rest assured that the friends who treat these changes with compassion and empathy are the ones who will stick around for the long haul.

What it Feels Like to Become a Mother

Although matrescence is a term with space enough for all different kinds of experiences, there is one thing that can be said about it for certain: Giving this journey a name has led to more transparency about the sacrifice, joy, hope, and mourning that take place—sometimes all at once—after a person gives birth.

The more moms respond, the more we learn that there is no one-size-fits-all answer to the question of how much motherhood changes a person. Whether you’re mourning the life you left behind before becoming as mother, reshaping the relationships around you, or basking in newfound bliss as you realize parenthood has brought with it more joy and optimism than you could have imagined (probably some combination of both, honestly), you don’t need to worry that you’re experience is somehow strange or shameful—it is a normal, although very intense, part motherhood.

The more these experiences parents feel safe and comfortable enough sharing, the more every parent can feel comfort in the fact that we are not navigating matrescence alone.

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