Parents and Grandparents With Self-Aware Children Often Do These 6 Things

There's an overwhelming amount of information out there for parents and grandparents on how to raise well-developed children . There are so many aspects to consider—from teaching them to be independent to boosting their confidence . While self-esteem building approaches like lighthouse parenting are important, child psychologists say there's something else you should always teach children, and it's how to be self-aware. In fact, parents and grandparents who raise self-aware kids often do a few specific thingsto cultivate such minds.

According to licensed child development psychologist Dr. Victoria Sheppard, PhD , there's a lot of value in creating space for kids to go within more often.

"When kids (or adults) learn to pause and notice, they're less likely to react on impulse and more likely to make choices that fit their goals," she shares. "Of course, self-awareness isn't constant. Self-awareness ebbs and flows depending on stress, mood and circumstances. That's why practice matters!"

It's also important to note that self-awareness isn't something you possess (or don't possess) from birth. It's a skill that can be taught and learned, which we'll get more into ahead. Psychologists break this down below, along with ways to help children build their self-awareness skillsmore fully. For all they had to share, keep reading.

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Can Self-Awareness Be Taught?

Psychologists agree that self-awareness is definitely something that can be learned and taught. According to a licensed child development psychologist, behavioral health expert and senior research scientist at Education Development Center, Shai Fuxman , it can be instructed gradually and over time.

"Not through traditional learning methods, but through modeling, every day intentional conversations and encouraging students to be self-reflective about their feelings, their curiosities, their strengths, their likes and dislikes, etc.," he shares. "Doing so can help children become better aware of their emotions and therefore better at managing them, more self-confident by recognizing their strengths, better able to articulate what they are struggling with, ask for help, and pursue their interests and curiosities."

Dr. Sheppard also says it's a skill that can be practiced and strengthened over time. This can then make them more emotionally aware and intelligent adults later on in life. 

"From a dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) perspective, we think about mindfulness as noticing what's happening externally and internally (e.g., thoughts, feelings and urges), describing what is being noticed and participating in a given moment," she explains. "Framing mindfulness as 'what you do' makes it teachable."

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How To Build Self-Awareness in Children

For starters, Dr. Sheppard says that parents and grandparents can help children build more self-awareness by creating an environment where noticing is safe and encouraged.

"Kids are naturally observant, and whether they learn to trust and share what they notice depends a lot on how adults respond," she explains. "That means slowing down family life enough for reflection (e.g., noticing what they liked at dinner, asking about feelings after a difficult day), encouraging curiosity over judgment and normalizing emotions."

She says the goal is not to eliminate uncomfortable feelings, but to help kids recognize them and know they can handle them. When kids see that their experiences are heard, they're more likely to grow confident in paying attention to themselves.

"If kids get the message that their self-awareness is dismissed or punished, they may learn not to trust themselves or feel unsafe expressing themselves," she adds.

Fuxman adds that for young children (pre-K through second grade), adults can help children build their vocabulary and understand emotions by naming them as they happen.

"As they grow older, we can help them understand more fully the range of emotions (e.g., jealousy, excitement, pride), as well as what causes these emotions, and what are productive ways to manage these emotions when they happen," he shares. "Beyond emotions, we can also encourage children to reflect and name their likes and dislikes, their strengths and weaknesses, etc."

Adults can do this by making observations and asking questions that lead to explicit conversations about this. Fuxman also says adults can encourage children to explore and learn about cultural self-awareness. For example, celebrating family traditions and reading books about their cultural identity.

"When they're ready, we can encourage them to choose their own books based on how they see themselves," he says.

Related: 7 Things ‘Emotionally Strong’ Grandparents Do Differently, According to Child Psychologists

6 Things Parents and Grandparents Do To Raise Self-Aware Kids, According to Child Psychologists

1. Model and normalize conversations about emotions

Fuxman says that parents and grandparents who raise self-aware children teach them to name emotions early on as they observe them. This can lead them to have higher levels of emotional intelligence as they get older.

"Ask them to name their emotions or ask them how they feel when they seem to be experiencing both positive and negative emotions," he explains.

Identifying the emotion will help them to recognize when they're feeling it again and if they need to utilize any helpful tools to cope with it in a healthier way.

2. Encourage self-reflection

In addition to modeling healthy emotional behavior, Fuxman says that encouraging self-awareness in children involves inserting reflective questions into daily conversations. Ask them to reflect on their day and how it made them feel, so they can practice becoming aware of even the smallest things.

"Ask them questions like, 'What did you enjoy doing most at school today?' or, 'You seem upset, can you tell me using words why you feel this way?'" he says.

Dr. Sheppard adds that self-reflection invites kids to slow down and notice uncomfortable feelings instead of rushing past them.

"Asking simple questions like, 'What are you feeling in your body right now?' or 'What part of today felt the hardest?' encourages children to check in with themselves," she says. "Over time, this helps kids practice the skill of noticing before reacting."

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3. Validate children's emotions

Both Fuxman and Dr. Sheppard say this is one of the most important ways to encourage self-awareness in children. Acknowledging emotions instead of dismissing them and communicating that what your child is feeling makes sense is validating .

"It's not the same as agreeing," Dr. Sheppard says. "Saying, 'Of course you don't feel like going to school after that fight with your friend' shows understanding, even while holding the expectation that school is important.  Validation makes kids more likely to share honestly in the future."

Related: How To Validate Someone’s Feelings, According to a Clinical Psychologist

4. Point out or ask about strengths and curiosities

Fuxman says that asking children about their interests, hobbies and strengths really helps with emotional development. Even simply asking them about what they enjoy opens the door to self-awareness. He shares a few examples of how to approach this with children.

"For example, [try something like], 'You have been drawing a lot lately, do you enjoy drawing?' or 'What activities do you enjoy most? Is there a hobby you want to pursue after school?'" he says.

Related: 6 Ways To Raise Emotionally Intelligent Children or Grandchildren

5. Value being effective over being right

Parents and grandparents who model self-aware behavior themselves succeed the most here. According to Dr. Sheppard, they value being effective in their approach over the need to be right.

"Sometimes, the urge to win an argument or stick to a point can get in the way of connection," she explains. "Parents who choose the relationship over being 'right' are showing self-awareness in action. For instance, letting go of a small power struggle at bedtime might be more effective in the long run than proving a point in the moment."

6. Encourage books and TV shows that promote self-awareness

The media children consume can have a lasting impact on their growth. Fuxman says books that explore emotions, culture and identity help to strengthen self-awareness. If you want to raise a self-aware child, it's important to encourage outlets that promote the same values.

"In addition, encouraging children to explore books about the topics they are interested in helps them explore curiosities and strengths, which can also help with self-confidence," he adds. "Some TV shows also provide some great self-awareness lessons, such as exploring emotions. My daughter’s and my favorite self-awareness TV moment is Daniel Tiger's song ' When You Feel So Mad .'"

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Sources:

• Shai Fuxman is a licensed child psychologist, behavioral health expert and senior research scientist at Education Development Center .

• Dr. Victoria Sheppard , PhD, is a licensed child psychologist who specializes in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT).

This story was originally reported by Parade on Oct 2, 2025, where it first appeared in the Life section. Add Parade as a Preferred Source by clicking here.