Are Parents Putting Too Much Pressure on Kids in Sports? What Experts Want You To Know

Reviewed by Wayne Fleisig, Ph.D.

Sitting on the sidelines, I watched my then 7-year-old son play travel soccer. Some games would get intense. Not by the little feet kicking the ball on the field, or even their coach on the bench, but because of the parents. I had seen my son's coach, who was usually always poised, huddle the parents together after a game.

"You have to stay calm, guys," he would say. "Remember, when you yell, the kids get rattled, and then lose what little composure they had."

As parents, we want what's best for our children and to encourage them to be the best they can be. But as Justin Ocwieja, youth developmental director of the Nationals Genesee Soccer Program in Michigan, a travel soccer league, says, "We need to remember that they're kids—and they're still developing."

Ocwieja, who has been coaching in the program for over 10 years, says he's seen an increase in the intensity of the level of play for children, but also an increase in parental involvement. "It's good for parents to be involved in their child's development, but sometimes parents can push their children too hard,” he says. That is often being fueled by hopes of a scholarship as college tuition continues to rise, as well as the skyrocketing price of youth sports and increased demands.

But pressure can have serious repercussions. It doesn’t only negatively impact a child’s sports experience—it can also taint other aspects of their life. When parents make the sport seem like work, says Ocwieja, the child is going to look at it the same way and likely push away from the developmental process.

Haley Sztykiel, LMSW, SSW, agrees. "They miss out on all the other important moments and opportunities that come from playing a sport—forming friendships, working as team, building personal self-esteem ,” says Sztykiel, whose first seven years as a social worker were spent within Detroit Public Schools where she saw several young children dealing with the stress that came with playing club sports.

How bad can this pressure get and what can parents do? Let's break it down.

How Pressure in Sports Can Affect Children

More than half of children in the U.S. aged 6 to 17 play on a sports team, according to the National Survey of Children's Health (NSCH). There can be tons of benefits for these children, including a healthier lifestyle, increased academic achievement, and reduction in suicidal thoughts for both girls and boys, according to a report published in Open Access Journal of Sports Medicine .

But as studies showing the benefits increase so does parental pressure. This can lead to opposite effects like taking the fun and love out of a game. About 70% of young athletes leave organized sports by the time they hit middle school simply because they are no longer having fun, according to research from George Washington University Milken Institute School of Public Health.

Stress can also become an issue. A 2023 report of high school athletes revealed 91% of them experience some level of stress because of their sport, while 58% label it moderate to extreme. And as Sztykiel saw many times, the pressure to be great can trickle into other facets of a child's life, including the classroom where they may develop an intense need to earn good grades on every test. Even worse, if they don't excel, they won't learn how to recover from that. "Hard work ethic should be applauded," says Sztykiel, "but not perfection."

Further, she saw children's self-worth become wrapped up in their specialized sport—not their overall life. This can also cause burnout down the line, says Ocwieja. “I’ve seen burnout more in the older age groups, like 12-13 years old, because they started specializing in one sport at a young age,” he says. Letting kids engage in another sport to serve as a “break” can help prevent that.

The harm can also be physical with sports injuries taken to another level. There are nearly 3 million visits to emergency rooms for youth sports-related injuries each year. One report also found that 54% of young athletes have played while injured.

The good news is much of this can be prevented or eased with healthy parental support.

How Parents Can Ease the Sports Pressure

Experts say the most important thing parents can do is let the coaches coach, and offer support and encouragement. That should be the case no matter what the outcome of the game is. If a kid is losing every game, but still having a blast, leave it at that.

Asking questions and being there for your kid if they seem upset after a loss is also important. But experts advise curbing your own expectations.

"Parents should have constant conversations about how their kids are feeling. Give them the support that they need—different from what a coach could offer,” says Sztykiel. “Above all, try not to idolize sports and make it their life." As parents, it’s vital that we remember the root of playing a sport: having fun.

My husband and I had taken note of that early on and learned to simply serve as a sounding board and cheerleaders. If my son's team would lose or he suffered from a bad game, when he hopped in the car, I'd simply ask, "What did you think of the game?" He usually would just shrug and say, "It was OK. Can we go out to eat now?" And I'd leave it at that. When he played well, whether he scored or not, we tried to celebrate that, too.

"It's important to applaud the effort," confirms Sztykiel. "That way, they can carry that effort into everything they do."

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