Psychologists Warn: These 7 'Nice' Phrases from Parents and Grandparents Actually Create Anxiety in Kids

Psychologists say that the desire to protect our children and grandchildren is instinctual.

"It comes from love, attachment and an urge to keep them safe from anything that could hurt or frighten them," shares Dr. Amy Todey, Ph.D. , a psychologist. "So, when we caution a child, rush to reassure them or gently nudge them away from fear or sadness, it feels like good parenting. It feels caring."

Unfortunately, Dr. Todey and other psychologists warn that these habits—and the phrases we use to support them—can unintentionally make children think the world is more threatening than it is. As a result, they may engage in less developmentally appropriate risk-taking and problem-solving, which can make it harder to build the emotional resilience they need to handle the things life throws their way.

To avoid that, psychologists share that it's best for parents and grandparents to steer clear of these seven "nice" phrases that can actually create anxiety in kids. They reveal which specific phrases to avoid, what to say instead and reveal the one phrase children need to hear more often.

Related: Child Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents To Start Using This One Confidence-Boosting Phrase

7 'Nice' Phrases from Parents and Grandparents That Can Create Anxiety in Kids

1. "Be careful."

Dr. Todey shares that this common phrase that can cause anxiety in kids almost always "tumbles out" of an adult's mouth. It's reflexive.

"Although meant as protection, a steady diet of ' be careful ' can teach a child that the world is filled with hidden dangers," she explains. "Children look to their caregivers to decide whether something is safe. When they hear constant warnings, they begin to anticipate a threat even when none exists."

Long-term, Dr. Todey warns that these kids can become more anxious and hesitant and less willing to take healthy, confidence-boosting risks.

She suggests a more grounded alternative, like "I'm right here" or "Use your strong legs and look where you’re stepping."

Related:  Parents and Grandparents Who Raise Independent Kids Often Do These 6 Things, According to a Child Psychologist

2. "Don’t worry, Sweetheart—everything will be fine.”

Dr. Dale Atkins, Ph.D. ,a licensed psychologist and author of The Turquoise Butterfly , shares that this phrase is often a caregiver 's attempt to comfort a child. However, it can have the opposite effect.

"For a child who already feels worried, it may make them think they’re supposed to squelch those feelings immediately," she says. "Instead of easing the moment, it can leave them unsure of what to do with the feeling that is still inside."

Related: Psychologists Say Parents Who Raise ‘Well-Adjusted’ Adult Kids Share These 10 Habits

3. “I know you’ll do well.”

Dr. Atkins reports parents and grandparents use this phrase to convey loving encouragement, support and belief in a child.

"But kids can feel it as creating unexpected pressure because the grandparents are counting on them, so they must do well," she says. "They may ask themselves, 'What if I don’t do well/mess up?' and conclude, 'Then they will be disappointed in me.'"

4. "I'm proud of you when..."

The phrase is probably genuine and well-meaning, but one psychologist says it's essential to be mindful of some hidden subtext.

"While there is nothing wrong with praising effort, when the praise only shows up after performance, kids can feel like they have to earn approval," explains Dr. Janine O’Brien, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist and owner of Dr. Janine O’Brien, Therapy and Consultation. "That pressure builds anxiety over time."

Related: Child Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents to Never Turn a Blind Eye to These 10 Habits

5. “I just want you to be happy.”

Dr. Cameron Caswell, Ph.D .,an adolescent psychologist and parent coach, says parents and grandparents often think this phrase is "nice" because it's our way of saying, "I am not pressuring you—I'm prioritizing your choices."
"Ironically, kids feel pressured to act like everything’s fine , even when it’s not," she says. "Teens tell me, 'It’s exhausting trying to be happy around my parents all the time.' This can cause them to retreat and hide their real feelings."

Dr. Caswell suggests saying, “I’m here for you, no matter what," instead.

"This communicates unconditional love and support while reassuring them that no matter what they’re feeling or going through, we’re there for them," she explains.

Related:  11 Scientifically-Proven Strategies for Raising Happy Kids and Grandkids, According to a Child Psychologist

6. " You’re my whole world."

You may use this phrase with so many authentic and big-hearted feelings.

"It’s meant to show how much they mean to us, [but] it puts a huge emotional burden on our kids," Dr. Caswell says. "They often feel like, 'If I’m your whole world, I can’t mess up. I have to be perfect, or I’ll disappoint you.'"

Instead, she prefers, “ I love you so much, and I’m always here for you, no matter what.” 

"It shows love and support, without placing the weight of our happiness or well-being on them," Dr. Caswell explains. "It reassures them that they don’t have to be perfect to be loved and accepted."

Related:  10 Traits of Parents Who Raise Emotionally Resilient Kids, According to Psychologists

7. "Be good."

This phrase may read like good advice, but Dr. O'Brien warns that kids actually hear, "Don't disappoint me" or "Your value depends on your behavior."

"It creates pressure to perform or behave in very particular ways rather than creating the space to be themselves," she says.

Related: 6 Ways Kids Benefit From Spending Time With Grandparents, a Child Psychologist Reveals

The One Phrase Kids Need To Hear More Often

Dr. O'Brien is begging parents and grandparents to tell kids, “I’m right here with you.” It works whenever they're having an emotional experience.

"Kids don’t need and aren’t usually looking for perfect solutions," she explains. "They need to feel grounded in connection and attunement. This phrase...tells them they’re not handling the moment alone [and] that their feelings make sense and are valid. "

Dr. O'Brien adds that it helps kids build up confidence that they can sit with and move through emotions.

"It brings them back into their body and softens/alleviates the fear that something is wrong with them for feeling overwhelmed," she notes. "It’s simple and regulating ."

Up Next:

Related: Child Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents to Never Turn a Blind Eye to These 11 Coping Mechanisms

Sources:

• Dr. Amy Todey, Ph.D. , a psychologist

• Dr. Dale Atkins, Ph.D. , a licensed psychologist and author of The Turquoise Butterfly

• Dr. Janine O’Brien, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist and owner of Dr. Janine O’Brien, Therapy and Consultation

• Dr. Cameron Caswell, Ph.D ., an adolescent psychologist and parent coach

This story was originally published by Parade on Jan 2, 2026, where it first appeared in the Life section. Add Parade as a Preferred Source by clicking here.