I ate Subway’s Footlong Doritos Nachos so you don’t have to
I really wanted to make fun of the Subway Footlong Dorito Nachos — because a 12-inch serving isn't something to brag about. Plus, I trust Subway with nachos about as much as I trust Dwayne Johnson to teach a kindergarten class.
Sure, maybe it'll work. But why are we even trying it? This had to be expensive to pull off.
But there was an unexpected bright side here.
I'm not sure if it's intentional or not, but I think Subway's new "footlong" gimmick somehow forced them to make decent nachos. It turns out that, if you make nachos in a foot-long trough, you have no choice but to have proper topping distribution.
Did we really need Doritos instead of normal tortilla chips? Absolutely not. But the chips do their job by adding hype and their signature flavor.
Doritos are like the DJ Khaled of fast food, showing up in other foods and shamelessly announcing their presence, shouting "Nacho Cheese!" right before the first verse hits.
Subway Footlong Doritos Nachos | Review
The new Footlong Doritos Nachos from Subway are the latest in the chain's series of oddball "footlong" items that aren't that impressive when you really think about it.
There was the footlong churro, which is somewhat long (but not abnormally long) for a churro. There was the footlong cookie, which is a thin cookie cake that hasn't been sliced. They also had the footlong pretzel, which is like a soft pretzel that no one bothered to tie up into an actual pretzel shape.
Meanwhile, it turns out that 12 inches isn't very long in nacho miles. All it takes is one snack-size bag of Doritos to fill out the foot-long boat.
That then gets topped with cheddar, tomatoes, red onions, jalapenos, cheddar sauce, baja chipotle sauce and your choice of chicken or steak.
What do they taste like?
The first thing you need to know about these nachos are that they're wet. There's not much melted cheese. Instead, Subway leans heavily on the sauces.
Visually, these aren't very impressive. It's a big pile of orange — the shade that usually only exists in a crayon box. Don't expect much from the toppings sprinkled on top. Subway is definitely holding back with the chicken and cheese portions.
Instead, it's a lot of sauce action. But there are some good complementary flavors, with the baja chipotle, Doritos and cheddar sauce driving home a combination of spicy and cheese flavors.
Depending on how well-trained your sandwich artist is, this can be a good thing. In my case, I had a decent distribution of sauces on the chips. The red onions and jalapeños added a nice contrast of flavors and crunch.
So are they any good?
The footlong nachos are kinda fun for a $4.99 snack, but I probably wouldn't order them again. I'd give them a 2/5 on the nacho scale. They certainly fall well short of what you'd get if you ordered proper nachos at a restaurant.
The big issue is that there are barely nachos. Yes, there's a smattering of toppings. But for the most part, it's a column of chips smothered in multiple sauces.
Yes, the sauces taste good. But it doesn't take away from the fact that you're mostly just eating chips and queso.
The final word
Let's talk about nacho distribution.
To make good nachos, you need to make sure all of the ingredients are spread across all of the chips on the serving vessel. To make exceptional nachos, you should ensure proper layering of ingredients. You don't want overloaded chips on top and bare chips at the bottom.
I've seen way too many restaurants serve nachos in a wide bowl where all the toppings are piled high in the middle. It looks cool for presentation. But it results in too many overburdened chips in the middle and neglected chips on the outside.
The brilliance of Subway's footlong trough is that it prevents anyone from piling ingredients in the middle. It just isn't practical. Instead, if forces whoever's making it to spread the ingredients out so that everything is covered evenly.
Are Subway's nachos good? Not particularly. However, the concept of the nacho boat should stay.
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"I ate it so you don't have to" is a regular food column about off-beat eats, both good and bad. I picked the name years ago and now we're sort of stuck with it.
You can send any praise/food suggestions to nomalley@masslive.com . Please send all criticisms and violations of nacho construction policies to lcampbell@masslive.com. You can check out the rest of the series here .
