Why shouldn’t civil servants come to work dressed as cats?
A stand-up comedy night in the Scottish town of Largs has been cancelled, following complaints over a Facebook post by the event's organiser and compere. The post's subject was a certain LGBTQIA+ festival. And this is what it said.
"Does anyone think that Pride is just becoming a giant multicoloured paintball tournament for the mentally insane?"
The gentleman who wrote the post has insisted to the local newspaper that it was only a joke. What exactly prompted it, I don't know. But I do wonder whether he'd read the claims in the Scottish press this week that a Scottish government civil servant who identifies as "non-binary" has started coming to work dressed as a cat .
According to The Scotsman , the civil servant, who is biologically male, wears cat-like ears on the top of his – or rather their – head, as well as a dress "with [a] tail poking out of the back". At any rate, it has been widely suggested that such an outfit is inappropriate in the workplace. For my own part, though, I feel we shouldn't rule out the possibility that the whole business is just an unfortunate misunderstanding.
Last year, you may recall, the SNP government said it would "fully consider" proposals to ban the people of Scotland from owning cats . After public uproar, however, ministers hastily backtracked. John Swinney, the SNP First Minister, assured a scandalised nation: "Let me just clear this up today. The government [is] not going to be banning cats."
All the same, the row must have caused the SNP to lose considerable support among Scotland's cat-owners. In light of this, could it be that the civil servant mentioned above is merely engaged in a well-meaning effort to show them that the Scottish government has learnt its lesson, and loves cats just as much as they do?
If so, I for one welcome this thoughtful initiative. Indeed, to get the message across to as many cat-owners as possible, I would encourage Mr Swinney, and all his party colleagues, to start coming to work dressed as cats, too.
Admittedly, SNP ministers might protest that dressing as cats could cause them to be taken less seriously. But personally I don't think they need to worry about that.
How to make our police 'anti-racist'
In Nottinghamshire last November, reports The Nottingham Post , an unnamed "British-Asian man" told police officers who were escorting him to court that they were "English bastards". He also declared that England is "a dirty nation", and that English people are "animals".
In response, one of the officers suggested to the man that, if he didn't like England and the English, perhaps he should consider living somewhere other than England. Or, as the officer himself phrased it: "Come on, get back on the boat and go back to where you come from."
This week, after a misconduct hearing held at Nottinghamshire Police's headquarters , it was ruled that the officer's comment breached standards of equality and diversity. And because of this, the officer – who had worked for the force for over 20 years – has been sacked.
All I can say is: I hope that other English police officers will learn an important lesson from their former colleague's shocking outburst. Because, as I'm sure they can see, what he should have said was this.
"Yes, sir, you're absolutely correct. England is a dreadful country, and its people are indeed no better than animals. On behalf of the entire nation, please accept our most humble apologies. It must be awful for you, being forced to live in a country you loathe, while surrounded by people you cannot stand. And yet, as I appreciate, there is literally nothing you can do to solve this problem. After all, any suggestion that you should try moving to a country you might actually like, inhabited by people you don't despise, would be disgustingly racist.
"Anyway, sir, I am of course profoundly grateful for your efforts to educate us about how contemptible we English are. In light of which, I wonder whether you might consider educating us further, by providing me and my colleagues – or, better yet, the English public as a whole – with a series of anti-racism workshops?"
If only the officer had said that, he would surely have kept his job. In fact, he'd probably have been made chief constable.
Could your vacuum cleaner get you jailed?
Soap opera producers on the hunt for original plotlines should consider adapting the following real-life story. A man in Taiwan, we learnt this week, caught his wife cheating on him in their own home – thanks to the camera on their robot vacuum cleaner . Having used it to film his wife and her lover undressing and walking around the house naked, he filed for divorce, and submitted the video as evidence of her infidelity.
As a result, he's now been jailed – for invading her privacy.
His crime, you see, was that he hadn't sought her permission to film her. So let this be a warning to husbands everywhere. Or at least, husbands in Taiwan.
If you have proof that your wife is having an affair, destroy it immediately, and apologise.
Way of the World is a twice-weekly satirical look at the headlines aiming to mock the absurdities of the modern world. It is published at 6am every Tuesday and Saturday
