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for musicians

By Jeff Nelsen

Know you're good, wear it well, and share it with others. Self-esteem is the degree to which you like and respect yourself and feel confident in dealing with life's challenges. - EDGE Keynote

We all grow up trying to be confident. When we learn to ride a bike, when we walk the halls at school, and when we perform for the first time, whether it is in sports, music, or on our first date. Confidence, in my opinion, is an ever-elusive prize. Striving for it feels good, and the act of doing so feels like we're really living, we're focused on BEING CONFIDENT, but there's a better way.

Know you're good, wear it well, and share it with others. Sounds great. Exciting. Too complicated for me, though. In every area of life, the simpler something is, the more beautiful, strong, and wise those things are. Bach's music is just beautiful - simply. An egg is an incredible fortress for its precious cargo - simply. E=mc2 was a window for scientists, discoveries - relatively simply.

We're going to get a little deep here. Stay with me. In order for someone to 'know' something, it takes conscious thinking, analyzing, and judging. Decisions are made, and things are labeled. There are countless things the mind looks for, grabs and holds onto during the process of coming to a point where we believe we 'know'. This process is a complete misguided focus, and energy is therefore wasted on unconstructive pursuits.

Self esteem is the degree to which you like and respect yourself, and feel confident in dealing with life's challenges. Again, we have to have a certain degree of self-respect to be 'confident' and deal with 'life's challenges'? Precious mental energy is wasted in analyzing and deciding. Our opportunity to focus on the musical phrase or the basketball hoop is lost in trying to remember how 'confident' we are. Even if 1% of our focus is spent on thinking about being confident, it detracts from the main event.

'Confidence' always has to do with performance. There are many factors that create the need to speak of 'confidence', but they can all be separated into 2 categories: love or fear. Every action and thought has its intent originating from a feeling of either love or fear. When we practice our instrument, we either love the music, or fear not being prepared. Usually it's somewhere in the middle. Think of any action or thought that may exist, and generalize it until its intent is out of love or fear. Even eating comes from the fear of the uncomfortable hungry feeling continuing, or getting worse - or the love of food!

This is what proves the fact that everything in life is perspective. We can see anything in life in the light of love or fear. Sometimes it takes some serious mental gymnastics to discover how, but it's always possible. This is all being explained in such detail in order to paint a clear picture of the concept that will enable you to be 100% 'confident' without ever dealing with the 'confidence myth' again.

The state for which we are striving is a state of fearlessness. Being fearless is a lack of information - information that contributes to doubt, insecurity, and fear. We're free of all the society-imposed garbage we carry around. We're not trying to learn and grow confidence, we're unlearning thoughts that make us get in our own way, freeing our minds. I have never been 100% confident, but I have looked back at moments in life and realized I was fearless. If we look at children, they're not 'confident'. They don't even know what it means to be confident. But the fearlessness in them enables them to just be in that moment, utterly and completely. There is no decision of when to 'go', or how, or anything. It's all plain, beautiful, egoless giving - giving to whatever is in their line of attention. 100%! Now imagine walking out onstage with that same fearless perspective. All you know is you love your music, your colleagues, and the audience loves you. That would feel pretty amazing, right? How incredibly naïve, right? Right!! - and you love that too. Here's why and how to do it.

Before doing so, I must clarify that all of these concepts do not replace practicing. A person's nervousness is inversely proportionate to their level of preparation. These concepts can greatly enhance your practicing though, so let's get to it.

First the 'why'. Why not!! If there is something I can do to prepare just a little bit better, that will give me another inch of improvement, I'm going to do it, within the law. There are thousands of things in life that could make me worry, complain, and give up. There always was, and there always will be. The only thing keeping me from doing so is the thousands of daily decisions to have a fearless intent, a fearless perspective.

It's all about our choices of our focus. You could be backstage worrying about little Johnny in the audience. You know yesterday the two of you sat and critiqued Billy's performance completely negatively, and you have fear he'll do the same to you. This is what's called 'instant Karma'. All the things you did to Billy are being revisited on you. The better scenario is that you sat with Johnny yesterday while he critiqued the performance but you remained above that, thinking the best of your colleague. Here are the rewards of this seemingly naïve approach. You actually found some things to enjoy about Billy's less-than-perfect playing, you can look Billy in the eye, tell him you enjoyed it and not be lying, and best of all, you have a real place in your mind to construct belief in future audiences.

You can now walk out onstage and know that if you can find enjoyment from an imperfect performance, every single member of your audience can too. The people who can't, are choosing not to, out of snobbery, bad mood, or simple taste preferences. They're free to do so, but that doesn't have to be a part of your perspective - your reality. You can now go about giving them the gifts you brought to the stage today.

This is how. It's simple. Direct your focus. A fearless focus allows a complete channeling of one's energy into what it's directed towards. Much the same way that parents run into danger for their children, a seemingly 'life-or-death' audition to fearless candidates can be completely unthreatening. The musicians have all their energy and facility for their music making, and giving their all to each moment, fresh, clear, and 'confident'. Not to sound too airy fairy, but it really can be centered on your love. OK, this is going to sound airy fairy, but it's the difference between good and great. There is a bigger picture than the notes, the slow first valve, the bad reed, the nice dress, and the loud audition panel. This bigger picture is all we need to dive into in order to forget our egos, our morning argument, our life-or-death need to win this audition, or nailing the high 'c'. We can focus on our love for what we're doing, and for whom we do it. There it is, simply said. The best performance I ever did was playing Barber's Adagio as an encore on September 12, 2001. No ego, no self, no horn, no notes 'just giving' fearlessly.

If we're involved in music, we are involved in a beautiful aspect of humanity. We can appreciate this magical opportunity every step of the way, and with each step, carefully chose our direction of focus towards constructive thinking, acting, living. In these times, having this choice is an incredibly precious gift. Let's wear this gift well, and share it with others.

No fear!

Jeff Nelsen, Horn, Canadian Brass

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