I hardly have said " You're a nice guy." There are lots of people have strong characters at the division. People say “ I’ll try treat people calmly. “ or “ Your attitude is very good I think. I’ll do it like you. Teacher. “ to me. Every time they say it, I think I’m not the woman like their words. Do I act something? Do I wear a mask? I’m not sure about myself. Do I have a big head since people flatter me? Do I flatter myself? Do I have characters that I should fix? and all that jazz….
What am I afraid of? I’m afraid of myself when I flatter myself and I’m not humble. Staying being in the same place for a long time, people flatter themselves easily. I’ll be careful not to have a big head even though I should have a confidence. あまり「いい人だよね~。」って言われてきた覚えはない。 今の部署はあくが強い人が多いせいか、「ayaさんのように落ち着いて接するように頑張ります。」 だの、「ayaさんの態度とかはえらいなー、とか思っちゃうわけです。ちょっと見習います。師匠。」 なんていわれると、とまどう。 私ってほんとにいい人なのかなあ~?別にいい人じゃないんだけどなあ~。 演じているのか?仮面をかぶっているのか?自分で自分がよくわからないのだ。 そして、そうやって褒められることにいい気になって、調子にのっていないか? 自分は高慢になっていないか?自分の普段の行動に直すべき点はないか?など。