全300件 (300件中 1-50件目)
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My teacher rocks!!!!!!
and I am moving on...I am not gonna waste my time like somebody else had just told me. I hate when I'm depressed. I really do. Forget it and move on. I will live my life like I mean it.
2005年10月28日
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リタ
しばらくぶりの更新ですが、特におもしろいこともなく、変わったことといえば、リタという彼女ができました。彼女、けっこうじらすのが得意で、こっちはやきもきしています。いろいろ心や体の準備はととのっているのですが、むこうも準備してるのだかなんだか、こちらの様子をうかがったりもしています。彼女、こないだ、ルイジアナのほうで浮気したのですが、今回も、進路がちょっとずつ変化したりなど、ふらふらしている様子です。私には友達がここにいるのでいいのですが、独り身だったら、さぞ心細かったことでしょう。別にいいの、リタがこなくても。もうさみしくなんてない。っていうか、こないで！！！！！！
2005年09月23日
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Bored
学校はじまって最初の週がもう終わっちゃった。学校めんどくさい。まだ夏休みですよって言われても信じる。そしてこのページもなかなか放置ぎみにして早何ヶ月。気分転換にMy－－－－.com に入ってみました。以外といるもんだね。びっくり。それじゃあもうちょっと人さがししてみます。
2005年08月27日
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スト決行
駅の手荷物預かり所がストライキを起こしてでかいスーツケースをもってフィレンツェの街をあるくことになった。ウィーン行きの列車は夜１０時過ぎのためチケットをとった昼１２時から約１０時間どこで暇をつぶそうか考えた末、ここ、インターネットカフェらしきところにいる。それでも最初の４時間はお昼とったり荷物が重いながらもショッピングをしたりなかなか有意義にはすごしていたけどとりあえず人込みの中をスーツケースがらがら引っ張るのはなかなか体力的にも精神的にもつかれた。昨日はグロッセートに日帰りで行ってきた。ピアノのレッスンをとりたいと思っていた先生がそこに住んでて、連絡をとったらうまい具合に話が運んだのだ。かなり遠かったけど、行ってよかったと思った。話はもっとさかのぼって・・・今回のSchlern International Music Festivalは２年前と比べてだいぶ自分にとってプラスになるものだった。３週間で友達たくさんできたし、教授陣はすばらしいし、なにより発表の機会が短期間の中で何回もあってそれをこなしていくっていうのがすごくいい経験になった。ショパンのバラード( g minor)は一番最初のセメスターで始めてから、先セメの自分のリサイタルのためにまた一からやり直して、さらに今回のフェスティバルではマスタークラスや教会で発表したという、けっこう長い間とりくんできている曲だ。教会でのパフォーマンスのとき、座った時点でもうすでに自分的にいい感じだった。なんか今回はいつもとは違う風に弾けると予感した。それは結果的には当たり、終わったときには３回くらいバックステージから拍手で呼ばれるくらいみんなからサポートを受けた。自分の中でも、すごく満足だった。帰りのバスの中で、私の先生がとなりに座るように言ってきて、座ったとたんにぎゅーってハグされて、ちゅーってチューされた。すごいうれしそうだったので私もすごいうれしくなった。ほかの先生にも、「君の先生、すごくうれしそうだったよ。」とか言われた。バスから降りるとき、私の先生が言った言葉はきっとずっと心に残るだろう。"Thank you for studying with me (with a big smile )."I LOVE YOU, MR. HESTER!!!こちらこそいろんなこと教えてくれたりして大感謝です。Thank you for letting me study with you!!!
2005年07月22日
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Historyの先生
またソーシャルワークで夜をすごそうとしています。さすがにそろそろここの住人と化してきている気がします。私が今とってるHistoryの先生はすごい。とりあえず話をきいててあきさせない。話し方にパワーがあるし、できるだけ難しい言葉より単純なことばを使ってわかりやすく説明するし、みんなが混乱しそうなところは徹底的に繰り返して理解させようとする。なんか、結構２時間のクラスとかって私集中力とか普通にもたないんだけど、この先生のレクチャーは、少し集中力きれても、またすぐ興味をひきつけていく力があって、ぼーっとしててもすぐひきもどされるって感じ。こんな先生が高校のときにいたらきっと歴史嫌いにならなかった気がする。って先生のせいにしたらだめだけど・・・。だって中学のときは普通にすきだったし・・・。でね、ちょっと思った。この先生パワーポイントをつかってレクチャーするんだけど、あんまりノートとる時間をくれないの。最近はけっこうおだやかに写せるようになったけど、最初の方は慣れてないのもあって、もう殴り書き状態だった。で、しかもそのパワーポイントに書いてある要点を写してるときにけっこう大事な説明とかも言うからそっちも書き留めなきゃでけっこう忙しい。でも、これがみんなの関心をレクチャーにずっともっていくっていう秘訣なんだと思った。レクチャーや話のスピードって早い方が以外と効果的って思った。あと、この先生は "uh"とか"um"とか"you know"とかほとんど言わない。そしてなかなか大きい声でしゃべってくれるからマイクなしでも全然いける。それも聞く側にとっては大事。Music & Cultureの先生はもうそればっか言っててホント何いいたいのか不明で、話に集中するのにとっても苦労した。まあ、話し方ってかんたんに変えられるものじゃないけど、一応大学でのレクチャー用の基本的なpublic speechは生徒的にはほしいところだと思う。あともうひとつ。この先生は先生としての威厳がとってもあるの。生徒から絶対なめられない態度や言葉の使い方をするし、また非常事態がおこったとき（大教室でのマイクがうまく作動しない、パワーポイントが起動しない、手元にあるはずの資料がないなど）に、絶対パニクってむだに時間をとったりしないで迅速な判断をして授業にもどる。だから生徒も、何が起こってもこの先生なら大丈夫だから自分も集中して授業をうけようっていう安心の気持ちになる。そんなかたわら、とっても生徒思いなのも伝わってくる。はじめのテストの前に、エッセイ問題に関して先生はこういった。「はじめからあきらめて、何も書かないで白紙でだす人がいるけど、私はあなたたちにあきらめちゃいないんだから、あなたたちもあきらめないで絶対なんか少しでも書きなさいね。部分点はちゃんとあげるから。」この、生徒の能力、学力をあきらめないっていう言葉に私は感動した。っていうかべたぼめしてるけど、マジこれホント。さすがにhonors collegeを普段教えてるだけあるな、って感じ。ていうかhonors collegeの先生につけてラッキーだった。こんな感じの先生まだ自分の学部で教わったことない気がする。近い感じの先生はいたけど、なんか生徒わりとどなって半強制的に授業についていかせるみたいな感じだしなー・・・。それはでも音楽のとかだとしょうがないのかな・・・。でも普通の音楽史のレクチャーとかでこれからまたちがう先生に教わったりするからちょっと期待しとこう。私も先生とる前からあきらめてちゃだめだよね。うん、きっとレクチャー系でいい先生うちの学部にもいるさ・・・。多分・・・。
2005年06月27日
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何ヶ月ぶりぶり？
先週一週間で３人も昔のイタリア語のクラスメートに会った。一人目はコーヒーショップで。彼はワインのボトルをかかえていた。友達と飲むと言っていた。一緒にクラスをとっていたときは腰らへんまで髪があるひとだった。しかし短くなっていた。ばっさりいったもんだ。きょどっていた感じも消えていた気がする。２人目はウェンディーズの前で声をかけられた。この人も髪型＆髪色がかわってて最初わからなかった。一緒にごはんを食べた。実は彼女の弟に私は一時期恋をしていたのだが彼はこの春めでたく結婚した。彼女がいうにはハネムーンはフロリダだったらしい。彼女はとてもおだやかに落ち着いて話す人で、なんだかやさしい雰囲気を持っている人。顔はうりふたつっていうくらい弟と似てるけど、性格は全くちがうって本人が言ってた。でも話すときの表情とか、やっぱり弟を思い出させるなあ。３人目はsocial work buildingで会った。ペーパーを書いていた。この人は２回くらい一緒のクラスになった記憶がある。あれ、一人目の人もかな？とりあえずなかなか学校内で偶然会う人だった。一時期学校こなかったときがあったけど、元気そうにしてるみたいで安心した。このひとたちって、もし私がイタリア語副専攻にしてなかったら絶対ふつうに歩いててなんの関心も示さずすれちがってった人たちだったんだ、と思うとすごく不思議。そういうのをよく考える。イタリア語やってなかったら、あのMusic festivalのときにお世話になったペンションのおばあちゃんとも会話できてなかった。Festivalが終わってからピアノ弾く場所さがしててたまたま絵画展やってた人たちと仲良くなったりもできなかった。うちの学校に演奏しにきたイタリア人のピアニストの人にも感動を伝えられなかったんだ。私このピアニストの演奏すっごく気に入って、いつかレッスンを受けてみたいともう２年くらい思ってた。今年の夏、またイタリア行くことになって、で、勇気をだしてメールしてみたの。そしたらいいよ、って返事が返ってきて、もうすっごくうれしかった。しかも私と話したこと覚えててくれて、「あのときは時差ですっごくまいってたから、すてきな言葉をかけてくれてありがとう」みたいにかかれてて、もう私に基礎を教えてくれたイタリア語の先生感謝って感じだった。副専攻のクラス全部とっちゃったからもうイタリア語とらなくていいんだけど、なんかミュージック以外での息抜きクラスっていうのがなくなってちょっとさみしい。息抜きっていうほど簡単なクラスじゃないんだけど、なんだろう、休息の場所？私、あのミュージックのビルディングから離れて、語学のクラス中心のビルディング、Agnes Arnold っていうところに行くのがとっても好き。一日中音楽のビルディングにいると、どこ行っても知ってる人ばっかりだし、会ったら会ったで挨拶はしなきゃいけないし、クラスに行ったら行ったで、なんか別に取りたくもないクラスにうんざりしながら座ってなきゃいけないわけじゃん。Agens Arnoldのビルは、自分がとりたいって思ったクラスをとってるわけだからまずクラスにうんざりとかは絶対ならない。大変で、疲れるな、くらいはあるけど・・・。あと、３０００番台以降のイタリア語のクラスの傾向として（私がとってたときは）、平均年齢が高い！のでクラスメート３０－４０歳代が何人かいた。あとはほとんど私より上。だから授業の中での姿勢も、またちがう。秋にMusic & Cultureのクラスをとってたとき、クラスメートの大半が１９、２０のsophomoreで（私は１年遅れてそのクラスをとった）、まあクラスが大教室っていうのもあったんだろうけど、授業の１／３くらいは先生がうるささにキレてみんなをしかりとばすみたいな状況だった。ていうかこういうクラスの方が大学じゃあめずらしいんだろうけど・・・。そんなわけで春にとったLanguage & Culture (anthropology)もAgnes Arnoldであって、とても楽しかった。あのクラスも、なんせ初めのレジスター期間でいっぱいになったくらいだからほとんどがJuniorとSeniorだったんだろう。あのクラスも発言は多かったけど、みんなの授業を聞く姿勢はたいしたもんだった。おー久しぶりに日記書いたらまた長くなっちゃったにょ。ていうかある人に私はちょっと今むかつき中。学校終わってから、なんか友達としての態度がかわった。家族中心の人ってわかってたけど、私や私以外のその人のほかの友達が電話しても大体でない。別にいんだけど、セメスター中けっこう頻繁に遊んでたからその差に私やほかの友達はびっくりしてる。そんでもってみんながupsetするのは予想してたし、べつにそうなったからってしょうがないみたいな風に言ってて、私はどっちかっていうとそんな風に言ってることについてむかついた。今考えると、なんだか学校にいたときはうちらと遊びたくて遊んでたっていうより、ただ暇で学校の空き時間つぶせるならなんでもよかったみたいに思えないこともない。ここまでいうと私の方がちょっとひどいけど。ちょっとむかついてるから私のほうからはあえて電話しない。だって出ないし、かけて迷惑かかるくらいならしない。最近は、やっとむこうがかけてきたと思ったら、「明日ランチでも食べようか。まあ、自分がおきれたらなんだけど。おきれたら電話するよ。」ってナニソレ。なに、その時間は自分のために空けてまってろってこと？そんで電話こなかったらそれはキャンセルの意味？そんなんばっかだから、「うん、期待しないでまってる」ってのが私の口癖になってる。できない約束はしないでほしい。そしてやっぱり電話はこなかった。昨日ハズバンド（あくまでもjust友達：そういってるだけ）とでかけて、そのときなんか将来の子供についての話になった。すんごい素敵な名前を考え付いたけど、ここでは言えない・・・。ああ言いたいけど言えない・・・。言ったら消えてしまいそうだから・・・。Middle Nameまで考えたの。もうこれすばらしいよ、美し愛され系の名前。ああ、いつになるやら。あと一時間くらいしたら明るくなるかな？そしたら帰れるかな？もうだいぶ疲れた。おやすみなさい。
2005年06月25日
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切
昨日友達と昼ごはん食べるの楽しみにしてて、でその人の車でレストラン向かう途中にその人の先生から電話かかってきて一時にオーディションがあるから今すぐ戻って来いだって。おそいよ。そんな大事なこと一時間前にいうな。私あの先生すごくきらい。もうホントうちの学校からいなくなって。って中学生の文みたい・・・。しょうがないから友達とわかれたあと一人でごはん食べにいった。しばらくしたらなんかある人がCiaoっていって私の前に座ってきた。誰かと思ったら同じコーラスの人だった。 TMEAで初めて親しくしゃべったっきりそういえば話してなかったなーなんて考えてたらイタリア語でなんか言ってきた。そうそうこの人はイタリア語すごいできるんだよね。私使う機会も勉強することももうないからすっかり忘れててしゃべれない、しゃべれないって繰り返してとりあえず簡単に返してみたんだけどどうもペイシェントに聞いてくれるからなんか焦ったけど焦らずにしゃべれた。イタリア語のスラングとか超いっぱい教えてくれてだいぶ楽しかった。私この人とほかのクラスでもおなじクラスになったことあったんだけど、なんかそのときすっごいうざい感じの人だなって思っててそんなことを思ったことを激反省。もーあやまりたいよ。バイト行くとき雨降っててどうしようとか思ってたらいつでも行かなきゃいけないとき言ってね、傘入れてってあげるからだってさ。こんなやさしいひとをdorkだなんて思ってごめんなさい。悪いこともいいことも波が激しいね。ある友達とちょっともう仲良くしたくない。そういうときはどうしたらいいのかな？だってすっごい無神経だし、気つかわないし、傲慢で自信過剰だし、おまけに失礼でたまにまじ頭きてどうしようもない。まあもとからそうだったんだけど、それもこの人の性格かと思って仲良くしてみたんだけどやっぱり気にさわるほどだと無理だね。なんかやつがこないだある教授と もめたらしいんだ。でもそれはシラバスを確認しなかったそいつの責任だからそれはあんたが悪いよみたいな感じで言ったら、ああ、なるほどねみたいにうなずいてたけど、昨日とか違う人に同じ感じであの教授むかつくんだよみたいな感じでごちゃごちゃ言ってて、もー何にも受け止めてないじゃんって感じ。今まで仲良くしてたからいきなりパッて態度かえるのはできないけどもう一緒に遊ぶのやめようと思う。あーなんかそう決めたら気が楽になってきた。昨日も今日も明日もあさってもしあさってに向けてコーラス練習です。長いよ！
2005年04月26日
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４月
気がついたら自分のリサイタル終わってた。それについてはいっぱい語ろうと思ってたけどもうなんかめんどくさいのでやめます。４月は日にちが過ぎてくのが早いよ。なんでかな。変化もいっぱいあったよ。変化に対応しようとして自分の気もちを変えようとしたらいつもの２週間くらい早くperiodが到来しました。sayanskyこれ以上ないくらいおどろきでした。人と話すのがいやになるときはどんなときでしょう？あんまりそう思ったことはないけれど最近たまにそういう瞬間がくるよ。too much gossip はもういいよ。相談にのるのはかまわないけどね。もう聞きたくないことまで聞けるほど人間できてないし、それを伝えたことでむこうが気をつかうのもやだね。私は自分のことをあまりdescribeしないと思う。まーこれはこっちの人に限るかもしれないけど自分のことをよく平気でI'm niceとかさらっといえるなと思う。そう言えるのは悪いことじゃない。でも私は何て答えたらいいの？それでああそうなの、って信じろと？何をexpect した上で彼らはそういうんだろうね・・・。どうして自分のことをnice って思えるのかな。かなり客観的にいっつも人でも物事でも見ると思う。まあ、怒り狂ってるときは別としてね。だからI'm niceとか自分のことを自分で表現してくる人の言葉とかあんまり信じない。普通かね？だって自分でそう思ってるだけかもじゃん。こんなの考えたりしたとこで別に何も変わんないんだけどね。ああ、そういえば今日すごいほめ言葉をもらったよ。高校からアメリカきたっていう台湾人の友達がいて、なんか今セメから仲良くなって結構なんでも話すんだけど、その人が今日ごはん一緒に食べてたら「ちょっと気悪くするかもしれないけど聞いて？」って言ってきて「うん、何？」って返したら、予想外の言葉が返ってきた。「自分、台湾で高校行ってたとき、日本人のこと嫌いだったんだよね。学校で教わる歴史がすごい反日的なことで、先生に半分マインドコントロールされた感じだけど・・・。でもsayanskyと会ったことで日本に対しての印象がすごいよくなったんだよ。だから日本語のクラスも次セメとりたいし・・・。」ちょっと感動した。こういうときって大きい感動ってあとになってくるから、その場じゃthat's a good compliment くらいしか言えなかった。もっとこういえたらよかった、ああいえたらよかった。後悔をかさねてもっといい人間になれたらいいな。なんだかんだ書いてみたけどすべては excuse to escape from writing a paper です。残り時間５時間くらいだけど実質たぶん２時間くらいです。いけます。それでは誰かさんの真似で。バイバーイ♪
2005年04月20日
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Sweet
My Family arrived in Houston!That was so exciting and so far they seem to have a good time.My friend I hang out a lot lately has been really nice and helpful to me.My family loved my friend. Anyway my piano recital is this Monday...Exciting!
2005年04月02日
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先週のこと
2/10-12でSan Antonioに行ってきた。TMEA（Texas Music Education Association)というConventionがあって、うちのコーラスが招待されたため、木曜にあるクラスを休んでまで赴くという、大きなイヴェントだった。今までもツアーで行ったりとかしてたけど、今回のは先生もみんなも気合が違ってた。行きのバスの中ではけっこう仲いい女の子ととなりどうしだったのでよかった。うしろに座ってる子達も大好きな人々だったんだけど、バス中ずっと歌いっぱなし・・・。しかも真後ろだから声こっちにとびまくり・・・。ねかしてくれーって感じだった。夜は夜で一部屋４人。２つのベッドを誰かとシェア。それはいいとしても、一人の女の子がいびきがものすごくて寝れなかった・・・。電気もつけれないし、とりあえずホテルの廊下にあるソファでボーっとしてたら、外から帰ってきた組がエレベーターから降りてきた。「どうしたの？泣いてるの？」ねむいからあくびはでてて少しなみだ目の私に一人が言ってきた。さらには「どうしたの、その腕？だれかにつかまれたの？」と、ソフトボールで打撲してあざになってる腕をみてまた一人が心配していた。これだけ勘違いして心配されてちょっときまずいものの寝れない、と正直にいってみた。そしたら薬をくれた。やさすぃー。ところでConventionは大成功。１０曲以上歌って、２曲目あたりでスタンディングオーベーションになった。友達のだんなからは「君がピアニストだなんて言わなきゃ誰も気づかないよ。」なんてお褒めの言葉も個人的にいただいた。そのあとreceptionがあったんだけど、別に誰ともどっか行く約束してなかったからそこらへんに残ってたメンバーについてった。Receptionではあんまり話したことがないミッチという人のとなりだった。そしてこのきっかけは運命だったと思う。He is so beautiful to me.His existence is just perfect to me. The way he talks, the quality of his voice, his sense of humor, his size of the body, everything about him makes me so happy.It's hard to describe the feeling I have toward him. It's not "Love" in a sense of sexual love, it's not a family love, it's not just a friend love. I can only say that he is my favorite!!!とにかく、３日間の旅はおつかれさんという感じで終わった。この３日間の中でぱっと燃え上がった恋？もなきにしもあらず・・・。この人とも話したことあんまりなかったけどあの素敵な笑顔にやられました。コーラスにいるメンバーの平均年齢よりも５、６歳くらい上で、あのおちついた知的な雰囲気も新鮮だと思っていた矢先、妻もちだということが判明・・・。短い恋でした。帰ってきたその日にStephen Hough のコンサートがあった。He is one of my favorite pianists existing. その日の演奏はその人の演奏を聴いてるってことに感動してよく集中して聴けていなかった気がする。Intermissionのときには彼のCDを買ったらサインを直々にしてくれるというのもやっており、ソッコーでゲット。ほかの人も並んでるからあんまり長く話したら悪いだろうと思って、「Thank you so much for the wonderful play.」としか言えなかった。リベンジ！じゃないけど、ホントにもう一度聞きたくて、１４日にも一人で行った。もう圧倒されるはうっとりするわで時間がとっても早くすぎた。そしてまた違うCDを買いに行き、また話す機会をつくってみた。Stephen Houghはいい人で、サインのためにCDから冊子をとりだそうとがんばってたら、「手伝ってあげるよ？」と言ってくれた！よっぽど私の先生の話をしようか迷ったが、それはやめてしまった。なんとStephen Houghとうちの先生（Mr. Hester）は同じ先生にジュリアードでついていたらしい。しかし今回は話すだけではなく握手もしてしまった。できることなら一週間くらい洗いたくなかった。マジックが右手にかかったような気がした。あー怒涛のような一週間だった。
2005年02月19日
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ソーシャルより
今日は朝寒かった。昼あちくなった。夕方は中から見る限り涼しそう（今）。夜はまた冷えそうだなあ。学校のソーシャルワークビルディングでパソコン使ってて、今窓際にすわってる。ふと外をみるとこの冬休みに別れた２カップルのかたわれ同士が仲良く歩いてた。なんかいつも一緒にいるからあやしいな～。絶対くっつきそうな気がしてならない。その中でクラスでひとりでぽつんと座ってる、彼女の元彼の背中がさみしそうでならない。Anthropology楽しい楽しい。自分のリサイタルの日にち昨日決めてきた。ほんとは週末がよかったけどいい時間が空いてなくて月曜日にした。みんなさ、最初の３日もたたないうちに「リサイタルの日決めた？・・・え？！まだとってないの？早くしなよ」って言ってきたけどさ、最初の週は各クラスのシラバスもらって、先生にどの日が都合悪いか聞いて、さらにほかのイヴェントとかも一応考えてからそれからどの日にしようかなっていうのが普通じゃんか。週末はとれなかったけどさ、あとでやっぱりなんかのテストと重なってるから変更のお金払って変えるーとかよりいいじゃんね。というわけで練習いってきます。
2005年01月25日
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学校はじまった
一気に友達にあえてうれしかった。会う人会う人に髪型ほめられてちょっといい気分。人類学のクラスでLanguage and Cultureっていうのがあるんだけど、それはもう３年くらい開講するのを待ってたやつで、今回やっとオファーされたので速攻でレジストした。で、クラスに行ったら期待通りの授業っぽい。７０人サイズのクラスだけど、participationも大いにみるらしいから初日からやる気だして発言してみた。このクラスは多分一番気合が入りそう。そろそろ練習しよっと。
2005年01月18日
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遅ればせながら
明けましてです。今年から日本語の日記もまぜてやっていきたい次第です。よろぴよ。高校のときブラスバンドに一年間だけいた。パーカッション（以下パーカス）をやっていた。やめた理由はそのとき一番やりたいことが他のことだったから。ってそんなことはいいんだけど。うちらの学年はパーカス私いれて４人だった。ひとりひとり全く違う性格で、でもそれがうまく働いた。私が去った後も「このメンバーは不滅」みたいな感じでみんな仲良くしてくれた。去年の５月に３年ぶりに４人で集まった。高校のときに起こった出来事をあらいざらし話して、同じことで笑って、たまに感傷にひたる。最後にバイバイする一人と別れても興奮は冷めなかった。メンバーの一人のてきぱきとした行動で、今日また４人であつまることができた。待ち合わせの場所で２人をみつけて、いたずらっこみたいに小走りでかけてった。１人は仕事の関係で遅れてきた。４人そろったとき、完成したパズルのような雰囲気。最初にそろったときにみんなが言った言葉---「私トイレしたい」「私も」「私も」そんなのがうちらだな。こないだ会った時に話したこととまるっきり同じことを話題にしても、みんなまだ笑える。mbがよくすべって転んでた、zが練習中謎のイヤホンで不思議がられてた、bsが先輩ににらみをきかしてた、kがなかなかの平手打ちを人にかましてた、などなど。ってこんなん書いたら私もどれかやってたってことバレバレね。そして軽くメンバーの暴露ネ。こないだ会った時は時間の関係でプリクラがとれなかった。唯一心残りだったプリクラを今回はみんなでとることができた。その昔みんなで撮ったときに比べてプリクラも進歩したもんだ。今じゃ何が何だかよくわからないまま、最新の機能を十分に生かせないまま終わることがよくある。まだ２０代前半なのにネ。そんなこんなで２枚とった。私は主にヘン顔で攻めてみた。bsはヒタイのところにshitが描かれてた。kは仕返しに頭にshitが乗せられた。mbはよだれをつけられた。zは鼻の穴に拳銃を置かれた。なにやってんだか。ゲーセンを去る時プリクラをみながら一人が言った。「（写真の中で）うちら仲良さそうだよねー。」あとでその言葉を思い出してなぜか涙ぐんだ。４人全員で思いっきり歯をみせて笑ってるのがあった。コレお気にだな。帰りの路線は、私は２つチョイスがあるのでこないだみたいに２：２になるように計らった。私が一番とおいから、最後は電車の中で見送られる側だ。一緒にかえったコとは電車の中でなかなか真面目な話をしてた。バイバイするときも、４人でいたノリじゃなくてちょっとセンチな感じ。「また帰ってきたときに会おうね！」あと何日かでアメリカに戻る私にそういって彼女は電車をおりた。開いたドアの前でずっと手をふってくれた。なんだかとても照れくさくて、涙を流すマネとかをおちゃらけてやったりした。あんなにドアの開いてる時間が長く感じたことはなかった。ドアが閉まってからもおかまいなしにブンブン手をふってくれた。そんなに幸せをわけてくれるない。自分のためにとっとけい。受け取った喜びにはにかみながら私も手をふりかえした。私の姿が見えなくなるまで彼女はそこで手をふってくれていた。今まで高校のときの自分をけっこう否定していた。なんでこんな高校に入ったんだ。小学校、中学校のとき、自分はもっと楽しがってたぞ。自分のまわりで納得いかないことがありすぎてイヤだった。大学に入って、小中時代のような楽しさ、っていうかもっと楽しいことにいっぱい出会った。やった、高校のあの自分から抜けだした。そんな感じだった。高校のときにできた友達はまだ何人か連絡をとったりしてる。その人たちのことは好きだ。だけどあのときの自分は好きじゃない。そんな風にずっと思ってた。今日部屋の片付け中に小、中、高すべてのときの写真がでてきた。思わず笑っちゃうのとかもしばしば。以外にも、イヤだった高校の写真は少なくなかった。１年のときは部活の写真が山ほどあった。普段の時に部活が一緒のコとふざけて撮ったやつとかもけっこうな数だった。すでにこの世を去ってしまった先輩の写真をみるのは今でもつらい。２年時は修学旅行やら文化祭やらのが目立った。その２年のときの文化祭で、うちらのクラスはビューティーサロンっていうのをやったのを覚えてる。マッサージからはじまり、ネイルアートやボディペイントなどなどをこなした。なぜか私はボディペイントのところでうろちょろしていた。係だったのかなんなのか、とりあえずそこで手伝っていた。そこにギャル系の他校生とみられる女の子達がやってきた。「腕にハイビスカスを描いて」と私にたのんできた。う～～ん、ハイビスカス、ハイビスカス、描いたことねェェェェ！と思いつつも適当に描いてあげたらなんだか気に入られたらしくそのコの友達とかにも描いてとたのまれた。２コ目のハイビスカスも、１コ目よりは質は落ちるけどまあまあ気に入ってもらえたようなのでよかった。そして３人目のハイビスカスに入ってから一気にやる気がないハイビスカスが姿をみせはじめ、自分でもこんなの描かれたらやだな、と思いながら描いていた。そしたらあまり気に入ったぞという顔をされなかったので、予想したとおり気に入られなかったらしい。哀れな３番目のハイビスカス娘。それを境に私は持ち場から離れたくさい。その後の行動記憶なし。文化祭の写真の話だけでここまで語っちゃった。３年生のときはいろいろ積極的にクラスに携われた気がする。文化祭実行委員っていうあまりものの係をやったし、留学が決まって一足先に推薦組と並んでヒマになった私はクラスの卒業文集製作の核組として働いた。選択のサッカーが楽しかった。そんな高校時代の記憶を思い出させる写真の中に、やはり今日会ったメンバーも多く写っていた。よし、これを持っていってみんなにみせよっかな、と意気込んでいた。その写真をみてたのがお昼前で、それから昼寝に突入して、おきたらもう支度をしなくちゃいけない時間だった。駅前につくころにやっと写真をもってこなかったことを思い出した。過去の写真の発見、パーカスメンバーとの再会で、高校時代の自分を見つめなおした一日だった。なにがなんだかわからなくてもいろいろがんばってた。あのとき築いていたことが今生きてる。関わった友達、クラスメイトは自分が思っているより多いはず。とじこめられてた記憶を今だしてやったらちがった色がみえた。今日とったプリクラの落書きの部分にメンバーが書いた言葉。「おなじ時間に生きてることに感謝」おいおい、泣かすなよ。いやいや、全くそのとおり、感謝だね。そのすぐ下には茶色で３文字。う○こ。やっぱりね。
2005年01月05日
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My friend's recital
At 6 pm, I was still not sure if I should have gone to a recital of someone. This "someone" was my ex crush...maybe more than 2 years ago.Suddenly we became friends and I started accompanying him for music. We were even taking same classes. I was just happy being with him.But things change.Well I changed. During the summer, I told him how I felt toward him, then he suggested to stay as we were.That was sad, of course, but it was great he didn't change any attitude when we saw each other in the next day.But then, after the summer, we stopped hanging out as we used to do. There are a lot of reasons why we got so apart.I think the change of our own life style was the main reason. I knew it, but I became so awkward talking to him, because it didn't feel like we were good friends anymore.So I kinda knew what I wanted to do, till 6 pm.I was not gonna go to his recital because this awkwardness has just given me a headache.But suddenly, I noticed that this recital is for graduation and I realized I wanted to listen to his sound once more.Though still worried, I headed for his recital. "What if I make him feel awkward?""Isn't it kinda weird for me to go to his recital?""What if he doesn't talk to me?"I was too paranoid about everything. What really encouraged me was my heart, saying that regretting by not doing things was the most horrible feeling.I got there and listened to him playing.He played gorgeously.He surely made everyone feel proud of him.I was so glad that I made a decision to go there.I couldn't have missed it.After the recital, though, I still hesitated to see him and congratulate him. But thanks to my little courage, I went to a backstage to see him.He was with several friends; but as soon as he saw me he came to me and hugged me, saying "thank you for coming!" with a big smile.My stupid anxiety was blown over in an instant.I remembered I just loved the way he used to call my name. Today when he spoke to me, it was still the same and I found myself happier ever.Good memories always remain and give you smiles.Bad memories make you embarrassed and depressed.What you see and experience now can be both later on.I made today a happy one.
2004年11月23日
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No wonder
Somehow I thought of my ex a lot today.Come to think about it, exactly a year ago, I and my ex broke up. I just didn't realize it till I really think about it but it's surprising that my intuition just reminded me of that. I can't believe it's been a year already. I cry no more about him but thinking about him always depresses me, not because I still have a feeling toward him, but because I seem still to be stuck in the past things. I hope I'm not, but then, why do I get depressed? If I have gotten over that, I would see the past things as good memories (maybe not necessarily good though), but would not care anymore and would not take it as a big deal, you know.Oh well.It's good if it's gonna be over with just "Oh Well".I have accomplished so many things this past year and I am so happy with it, though it was also a bad luck year for me. I still have stuff to do for another month, but you know what's gonna happen after that? I'm going back to JAPAN! Japan rocks...unfortunately literally. Music and Culture class just gives me a headache.I need to start writing a paper now.Sweet dreams, everyone!
2004年11月14日
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Still alive!
I will update my hp someday.I almost forgot the existence of my page...Anyway, love from music library, y'all!
2004年10月24日
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change
Let's seek something different.Do something different.Otherwise you just keep screwing up.I try.
2004年09月13日
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too much
Everything sucks.That's the title of one of the songs that the band I liked released before.And that describes my situation well enough now.I just wanna get out of here.Thank god there are a lot of curse words in English and that makes my life somewhat easier.
2004年09月12日
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tired...
Freaking hot these days...Classes are already tiresome to me this semester.Things don't work whenever I expect.All my complaints suddenly came up as school started.Gotta handle these...Anyway I got one of classmates from each Italian classes I took in the past. One from Second year Italian 1,One from Second year Italian 2,One from Second year Italian conversation,One from Reading and Composition,And One from Italian business.That's kinda amazing to me cuz I at least talked to them sometimes when I was taking these classes, and it seems almost fate to me to see them again. Well, you may think it's silly to define as a fate because if you minor or major in Italian you gotta take this class. However, some people are just returning to school to take this class and it's been a long time since I saw them and that means they could've taken it at a different time...maybe even in the future. Some of my classmates don't even talk to people or it seems they don't know each other well so I felt I'm very lucky and I feel so at home in the class. Even one of them hang out with me while we were in Italy and it's just great to talk all about what we experienced together. And the other one from last semester even helped me moving out and kept in touch with me during the summer. I'm so glad I take Italian courses otherwise I didn't have chance to meet them...Ooo that's a scary thought. I like to be among music majors and I love them but I negatively suppose that it enhances the possibility to meet all kinds of people in college. And if I had more choices in electives, I would take classes outside music, cuz I don't like to be stuck in the category in the rest of my life. I am so aware that I love music but it doesn't mean it puts me in the music study all the time and does not satisfy all my interests that I have had. So at thid point, some say I'm weird for a pianist to minor in Italian but it just satisfies my interest, period. Some pisnists don't care to be in choir and don't care which choir they belong to so they often complain about it; I just love to sing. The higher the choir level is, the more you get joy and it's fun. You can also get to associate with more people too. I am so glad to be here.
2004年08月26日
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Fall semester has begun!
School started...Here are the classes I'm taking.-Choral Conducting-20th century techniques-Choir-Music & Culture-Survey of Italian translation-Applied Music(piano lesson)-Chamber MusicI'm pretty sure I'm dropping Chamber music so there will be 6 classes for me this semester.Anyway, I was so glad to see so many of my friends today and I added about 10 people to my phone book (cell phone) for new entry(I had a cell phone that only worked in Japan but I used that for keeping contacts here so I had most of my friends # already). Now I got more contacts to copy homework...I'm just kidding.In conducting class, most of the classmates were those who I knew already from the past classes and about a half of them are in the same choir, and that made me feel like at home. The only thing I don't like about this class is it starts at 9 in the morning and tardiness are absolutely unacceptable...(I know tardiness is generally unacceptable but my teacher is especially strict with this).In 20th century music, we got almost same classmates except there was 1 transfered student, who seemed a dork to me. And the class itself seemed borrrrrring. After we got out of the class, we were like, "that was fun..." "yeah yeah" - you know, ironically.And just to let you know, I'm starting a new thing from this semester. I'm working as a grader for Japanese courses. It's sort of like a tutor but the difference is I'm not gonna see the students but only their exams, unless I do private tutoring. Anyhow, the job seems real fun and I'm so excited to work!!!
2004年08月23日
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A coffee confusion
No big change except I got a cell phone.That was a good one,I mean the change.Anyway, I finally went to music building to practice and I saw many of my friends who I hadn't talked for a while. One of them had exactly a same cell phone that I have, and it was just an excitement.And then I finally could see my friend who went to Italy this summer like last time and I was sooooo happy to see her.We went to a cafe to have a coffee though I had another appointment for coffee later on. She told me all about Schlern, the place I went to for music festival and made me wanna go back there...According to her, the music festival was so much better than last year and people who were there for the festival were all nice. And she mentioned a little bit about a problem that one of our professors has.Then I went to another coffee place with different people. Somebody suddenly started talking about the problem that my friend earlier told me. Another my friend who was sitting there with us was worried if her best friend, who studies with the professor, knew about it so she called her friend. It turned out that she already knew because she kept in touch with her. However, she got so upset that my friend earlier told poeple about this, saying it was none of her buisness.So the friend who called suggested that we shouldn't spread this anymore and keep that in secret.I'm not interested in spreading things like this so I didn't care, but I sensed she was overprotecting her teacher and thus she was too harsh about my friend who said this to me. I mean what's the big deal with that?I think it's very natural for students to know about teachers and also to talk those among students. I mean, not necessarily a problem, but that's an important issue for school isn't it? And even though my friend hadn't told me about this, somebody would have told me and people will eventually get to know. This is a school, not a family, so we all have to know what's going on, no matter how she loves her teacher and wants to protect her. And then the friend who called has been bitchy about my friend I had a coffee with earlier. Maybe she does not get along with you, but hey, for me, she's my friend. So when we were talking about the thing above, I was kinda protecting my friend in a modest way cuz I knew I would offend the friend if I protected her obviously. But next time if she is bitchy to my friend again, I would say something to her because this is not right for me. I feel so uncomfortable. I wouldn't let it be like I don't care.
2004年08月20日
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Religion
I am willing to understand the concept and the beliefs of chiritianity and all other kinds of religion, however, I don't think I completely agree with any idea that any religion offers. Usually I am very likely to be influenced by people and knowing religion did influence me somehow, but I refuse to belong to any religion.Since I hate to have prejudices without knowing anything, I try to go to church or ask people about the religion. It doesn't mean that I was trying to decide to belong to a certain religion.So I went to church with my friend the other day as I do occasionally. Over all, it was fun, however, I found things that offended me so much, and I decided NOT to be a chiristian.There was time to pray for each other and I sort of did it too, though I was only listening to what they said when praying. After we finished praying, my friend asked me, " Doesn't it make you calm down when you pray?" Since I didn't feel anything when I did it, I told her that it didn't make me feel that way. I guess it seems a little offensive for her, but I didn't wanna tell a lie. And then after that, we held a sort of party( for dinner) in the next building to the church. She loves to make me do funny stuff among people. So whenever she requests me to do silly things to entertain people, I do them and people laugh.When it happened at the time, she said, " It's great! I believe your talent of sense of humor is a gift from God."...No...? I don't think so. That's what I have cultivated by myself, and it's based on my damn experiences. But I didn't say this because I didn't wanna offend her in front of people, instead, I was quiet and didn't agree with her idea. Though whenever I go to church I go there to understand the religion objectively, somehow I feel umcomfortable because I feel the strong membership among them. I feel like you can't just observe but you have to participate somehow though you don't completely know or don't believe in it. So eventually I do whatever they tell them to, otherwise I feel very excluded. Well, I guess it's okay not following that but there's atomosphere that you gotta do it. I mean, going there is what I chose to do so I guess that's the way I should do, but I can't tell a lie to myself and can't hide my uncomfortableness. Hmmm maybe I should stop going to church if my uncomfortableness won't dissapear. Well I think about it.There are other things I wanna tell you more but I don't think I should keep going because I'm not trying to criticize the religion. My main point was to tell you that I will not practice any religion unless I completely agree with the whole idea. I was not trying to identify myself by belonging to a certain religion because I love what I am and don't need to be bothered by something else. My ex roommate's boyfriend, who was a chiristian, once told me, "you don't need a religion because you are already nice." I took it as a great complement. You may think he is a little weird to say things like that for a chiristian, but he was not obsessed with his religion and never asked me to join to practice or anything. And for an addition, his girlfriend does not believe in anything. Both of them were really nice to me, although they made out a lot in the room...oh well it's a past thing. I still talk to them and whenever I see them, I feel very happy. Some people who are obsessed with a certain religion may try hard to pull other people into it and may not know how offensive they are to do it for those who don't believe in that religion. One of my friends who is very religious told me like, " why should I hold back talking to people about God that I love so much?"Ok, here is the thing. You can talk about God as much as you want to, but it's kinda important to sense whether the addresing people want to talk about it. I know it's hard to sense it for some people but at least if you do it a couple of times, you'll get to know how they react to you. And, that friend, who said the words above, may have sensed that some people were not interested in it, but she continued doing that, based on the thought she said. I think practicing religions shouldn't offend people that much, though people should do whatever they think right. It's hard to balance...Well anyway, that's pretty much what I have thought lately and I guess writing my thoughts down helped me organize them more. So that's good.Have a nice day.
2004年07月29日
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Strip
Happy Birthday, Gungun.Gungun, her boyfriend, his friend and I went to a strip show at night. That was the first time that I went to the place in my life. What I expected was we just watched the strippers. But no. You pay a dollar or more to make the strippers come closer to you and they do sexy (or sexual) things to you. And that's what we did. The friend paid for everything and I didn't use a single penny in the place (he also treated for dinner the other time when we hung out in another place...). Though the show was for men, Gungun and I stood up in front of everyone and were treated by the beautiful female strippers. They were indeed really beautiful. One of them had her breast got closer to my face and my lips touched her naked body. That was hilarious and I thought this would make men jealous of me...Gungun told me I looked bored but in fact I was staring at them, sort of admiring the beauty of their bodies, well, not bodies acutually, but the way they moved was very attractive to me.I also liked the music running there.I had a good time and again happy birthday to my dear friend.
2004年07月17日
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C-Span
Lately somehow I am obsessed with C-Span (especially 2) and I believe it's because I am taking government right now.In governement class today we got to 10th amendment of the U.S. constitution and I was surprised to watch the C-Span today that a Senator was talking about the amendment in the debate of same sex marriage, though I forgot how the discussion was connected to it.There was no realization that the constitution was actually taken effect when I read that in the textbook, but on the TV it turns out to be the real world thing.It's cool.
2004年07月12日
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memories...?
I dreamed about me speaking in Italian with an Italian person...but I'm not sure; it sounded like Italian but come to think about it, it was not exactly that language...maybe it was...cuz I remember I said "come stai?".I don't know.Now I'm having a little fun, escaping from studying government...My family told me one of my cousins went to Mongolia 2 or 3 days ago; her younger brother is leaving to the U.S. sometime in August; and his older brother went to New Zealand last winter.It sounds like the globalized sensation went through my cousins this year.I've heard the one who went to New Zealand had a good time there and I hope the rest of them will do the same.I am the oldest among my cousins and we used to hang out a lot when we were younger.Now each of them has to deal with own stuff and we only see each other when I get back home for New Year.That sounds like sad...but we grew up and it should be natural for us to see the way it is.Maybe...one day my kids and theirs' will play together like we did in the childhood; that's my little hope as I see there would be no way that we can go back to the past and do the same thing as we used to do.Love counsins,sayansky
2004年07月11日
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The first day of Government
I was suprised to know that business building was so neat.I have entered the building before, but I realized its cleaness again.So that's where I take Government class.Comparing to my history teacher, the professor of this class seemed a lot older, with a head of entire gray hair, identified with the strict character.He said as he got old he has got some difficulty dealing with lecturing for 2 hours so he would rather take a 10 minute-break in the middle of the class.That's cool, I mean, to keep the concentration both for us and him.Wish my luck...
2004年07月06日
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here it comes...
Bored...Another summer session starts tomorrow.I'm taking Government and I ain't ready for it.I wish I weren't taking that...All my energy was used for American history and I don't have that to spend for another any more.
2004年07月05日
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Spiderman 2 again
I went to Galleria with my friends today.Due to July 4th, some stores were doing sale and that's why we went there for.What I liked was not much for sale and it was kinda disappointing, however, excusing myself for my birthday, I got things over there.It was fun to look around too.My friend was giving me a ride and his girlfriend was sitting next to him and I was behind them.I was playing with her hair from the backseat and I was teasing her.While we were talking, I mentioned like I kinda wanted to eat sushi.After getting together with another couple, we eventually decided to go to my favorite Japanese restaurant.I didn't expect this would happen.The salmon there is awesome; I don't know how to decribe it but it's just different; some people don't agree with me, but that's my favorite...So I ordered soooo many of them and also many saba(I forgot how it should be called in English).Those were soooooo goood.It made me feel like I was in paradise or heaven.I almost cried for joy.And then insisted by me, we saw Spiderman 2 again.It was the second time for me to watch it, but there was no disappointment going on at all.Tobey Maguire was, again, of course, soooooo cute.How can he be so beautiful?Look at his eyes; they are perfect.I also like when he looked like a dork.It was really fun to spend time with them.I wish we could go out again soon!
2004年07月04日
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ah
I haven't used my pc for maybe 4 days...I'm going to catch up writing my diary for past days now.
2004年07月02日
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No more American history til next year...
The last day of history class finished with a final exam today.It has been a long month ever for me, but also it seemed like the shortest at the same time.I think I've learned so many new things I had not known in my life.I was totally away from practicing piano, but actually did "real" studying.Ah that was tough and fun.Happy to finish history, at night, I saw "Spiderman 2" with my friends who were there for my birthday party.And I fell in love with Tobey Maguire...He is sooooooooooooooooooooooo cute!I hadn't had my favorite actor for a long time, but this time, oh my gosh, that was a big hit.I remember I liked him when I saw the original one, but he was even cuter in this second one.Can't wait the DVD comes out...
2004年07月01日
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My B-day
Tanti Auguri A Me...So this is my birthday.Can't tell you that I'm 22 now.Though concerned with my final exam coming, I had a birthday party with some of music majors.I asked 4 people to come to the party.Weirdly, there were 5 people...Somebody called another one for me.....I knew him already, but I was not a big friend with him.Well eventually I got to know him more and it was cool though.The place we went to had Karaoke and of course we did that while we were eating dinner.One of my friends promised to sing a Backstreet Boys' song with me when we went to the place last time.So I asked him to duet some of the songs with me and he said ok.We went through Backstreet Boys, N' Sync, and LFO etc...I didn't expect he knew LFO to sing.It was fun to sing boys group songs.Suddenly a birthday cake appeared and they sang a happy birthday song for me.The unexpected thing made me really happy.On the way to go home, my "husby" dropped by a violin shop to pick up a dog.He is taking care of a dog of his cello teacher who is in Italy now.It was such a good dog, sitting on the seat quietly.Only if there were not a test waiting after my birthday...But I got so many happy-birthday-words from my friends and they made me so pleased.Love y'all!
2004年06月29日
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ahhhh my diary is messed up today...
I talked to 4 of my music major friends today, in person and on the phone.One of them called me yesterday when I was kinda sad.I got over it in 30 minutes but he just called me in a good, or in a way, bad timing.I was really glad to have the person at the moment, and surprised with the timing.Some of my friends who went to Italy with me are going there again for music festival this year.I swore myself I would never go to Italy for at least 5 years, except I kinda want to go back to the first place I got to.The days I spent in Italy after the music festival were quite hard for me.I was planning to travel around Italy after the music festival but my horrible experience in Milan changed my mind.In addition to the circumstances, I was alone.I missed my friends a lot.I needed someone I knew.So eventually I went back to Schlern, where the music festival was held, to ask the "penssione" lady to let me stay there till my language school started.She was an awesome sweet lady.She saved my life.At least I was glad that I studied some Italian by then because I could communicate with her.I could thank her about what she had done to me,I could tell her what I was planning to do on the day,I could listen to her about her problem she had,I could invite her a lunch,and we could just sit down and say each other that the day was pretty.It was awesome.There are 2 other Italian families that treated me so well and I appreciate them so much.I didn't homestay or anything.My Italian teacher was one of them, and I met the other on the street...kinda.I didn't hung out with my classmates almost at all, but I spent time with the latter family a lot.And I believe it was way worth it than spending time with classmates who don't speak Italian outside school.Of course I spent time with the family not because I wanted to improve my Italian but because I loved them so much.Wait, why am I writing about this?It's because my mind told me to do this.And I'd better go back to study now.
2004年06月27日
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A second book test
3 hours before history class, I, thank god, finished reading the whole book.Like last time, he lectured the first half and we spend the rest on a book test.Just to let you know, it was about Vietnam war especially in 1960s.Now, why did Ho Chi Minh die in 1969, instead of in 1968?Totally depending on my intuition, I refered his death on one of the reasons which made 1968 turningpoint of Vietnam war ( I know it's stupid enough of me to put that).He lived a year longer to take points off from me.Oh well, it's over.And I move on to prepare for final.
2004年06月23日
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A professor on the stage
Today my history teacher invited another professor who wrote a book that we were assigned to read.I, from the impression from the book, thought that he would be an old guy with a head of somewhat gray hair.But the guy who showed up in the class was a tall, middle-aged dude with a black mastache, just like my current history teacher except he is a smaller one.I was kinda curious what kind of person he would be to use such complicated sentences all over the book.The book has been giving me a headache because of the such a confusing way of writing.And I've noticed that he apparently made a grammar mistake occasionally and that even confused me.So, from that kind of experience, I tried to pay attention to the way he spoke.From what I have noticed, he obviously spoke much faster than my teacher and that gave me hard time understanding his English.In addition to the speed of speaking, as I listend to him, he kinda spoke like a young caucasian dude, who, though I couldn't tell where he was from from his accent, like to listen to rock or punk music and to hang out with friends a lot, raised in a modern ordinary family.Just for fun and being ironic, in the sentence above, I tried to mimic the way he wrote in the book.The characteristic of him is that he puts adverbial phrases a lot in just one sentence.The book I had read for the previous assignment was so much easier to read.Anyway, students brought questions up to him and he answered those and I was bored cuz I didn't understand what they are talking about because the class was huge and it was hard to hear them speak and also I had trouble understanding his English.The latter one is probably my fault and I admit that.As he walked away to the back door, he advertised himself for the class he is offering in coming semester.That would be the last class I would take, I thought.We are going to have the book test tomorrow.
2004年06月22日
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Late Lee
As I haven't done anything besides studying lately, I don't know what to write about, but I try to do anyway.The other day when I was studying at I-HOP with my friend and somebody was about to puke on me, well actually she did a little, over the partition window behind me.I just couldn't understand what happened to me and I was stunned.Fortunately she didn't throw up over my head but did on my leg.I was kinda depressed with what happened but what turned me upset was she didn't say sorry to me about that.Such a bitch would do the same things or similar things to other people, I bet.I'm sorry if anyone was reading this while eating.I don't think people look forward to reading my journal earnestly, but try to keep up writing from now in order to let you know how I'm doing lately cuz I hardly send emails to my friends or anything.I know for sure that one person from my high school reads my journal regularly, cuz she told me that once.I hope she still does that occasionally.Well, before I go to bed, I guess my book still wants me to keep going so I do his favor now.
2004年06月21日
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TMF
I wish I had a more energy to go on studying and reading books forever.It's not that I hate studying history, but that my body gets tired really soon so.Anyway, in spite of the anxiety of not studying, I went to a concert of Texas Music Festival, which is consisted by people from all over the world.One of the pieces was awesome and I was so impressed at the violinist from our music school faculty.Then I got back studying at the music school lobby.Finishing the concert, several people were hanging around there.You know, it's an international festival so some people are from other countries.And what distracted me the most was the conversation carried in Italian.It's not because I hate the language, but because I LOVE the language.I couldn't concentrate on studying at all when I was hearing people speak Italian.In addition, I kinda had a desire to speak with them, so I must have been acting weird at the time.It happened after the concert so it must have been 10 pm or so.Around daytime, one of my friends from Mexico introduced me some Italian people so that I could speak Italian with them.I knew my Italian got worse because I haven't used the language for more than a month.But what surprised me the most was instead of speaking Italian, all I could think of was spanish words (like instead of "un poco", I was gonna say "pochito" and I don't even know how to spell the word. and for "stanca" which means "tired", I said "cansada" and I also don't know how to spell the word in spanish either).I was so embarrassed.But I'm glad that mexican guy introduced me them, because otherwise my excitement wouldn't go away and I would have been weird all day long.Now I'm ready to go back to study history maybe.
2004年06月13日
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The first test
I had a first test in American history class today.A week ago, my professor assigned us to read a book called "Suddenly we didn't wanna die" and it's about the battle of WWI.He said we were gonna have a test the week later but told us if we read the book, we would be fine.I was seriously wondering if I could finish reading the book in a week, but fortunately I could, like 2 hours before the test.The test was not hard at all, but I wonder if my essay was long enough and question what I wrote was right, cuz there were some parts that I was not sure about. It's okay.I read the book and I will be fine.Coming back home, I checked the syllabus of the class and realized the mid-term is coming on Monday.Summer course was so crammed than I imagined...By the way I finally could sit down next to my friend in the class.We were supposed to see each other before the class but it didn't work out.Of course we don't talk in the class but it's kinda relieving to have someone you know right next to you in the big and tough class.Well, guess I have to study some, listening to Sarasate(That's my favorite lately).
2004年06月08日
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American history
Once you start learning something you think you don't like, it sometimes turns out that you actually might have liked it.I've studied American History for the past 3 days.I knew I didn't like studying history(any kind) when I was in high school, but there's no way I can avoid taking history classes in college and this is the time I have to face the issue.From listening to what the professor is talking about and reading the textbooks, I've noticed there are so many English words I didn't know.It's so painful to look them up everytime I find them, but once I learn some of them, it makes my life easier a bit.Then as you realize, my reading speed gets faster.American History is short, but people cram as much information as they can in it and it's pretty tough for me to remember all of the events.However, my professor talks things pretty interestingly and it gets my attention and at least he doesn't take off the interest of learning history from me.What we do in the class is just take notes of what he is saying. He is sometimes asked to repeat what he said because he goes over fast, even though his speaking speed is usually not that fast.So I sometimes(well, often, I would say) miss things he's saying, but most of them are followed by textbooks, so what I do is go over the textbook by myself after the class.I find myself having fun when I get to know the things that once we learned in the class.It may be too soon to realize this, but so far I enjoy studying history and it makes me kinda relieved to study something very different from music.I won't be sad even if I drop this class in the middle of the session.My professor succeeded on pulling me into the world of American history and that's a big change for me.But of course I try my best not to drop the class...
2004年06月04日
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luck
I don't count on luck that much, but this year is a fucking bad luck year for me.Every act that I take goes so wrong and there's nothing I can do.I am really pissed now.I know I gotta study for History class and I can't devote my time on fucking laundry.But I knew I needed to do it, so I decided to do it.Since I had to use a lot of washers, I put some more clothes in other washers after I used 2 of them.The 2 washers worked fine, but then when I tried to use others, the card swiping machine just stopped working and didn't accept my card, with saying my card account was invalid.This fucking problem happened to another person who was trying to use driers so it was not only me who couldn't use them.My card works for vending machines so the card swiper at the fucking laundry place just didn't work.Now, what's this?Some of my clothes are so wet by detergent and washed clothes are here, waiting for to be dried.C'mon American facility.I'm fucking tired of this fucking problems happening here.I hung some wet clothes on the pole but what can I do for the rest of them?So stupid.Now I won't be surprised at anything that would happen to me from now.This is a bad luck year for me and I accept that.But I wanna know if there's something I can do to avoid it or make it better.Life is treating me so bad.
2004年06月02日
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No more down, please.
My diary hadn't been updated for days.I've been doing great.I kinda wish my bangs looked greater...Tons of bad things kept happening during May, which is still this month.I just wanna erase them all from my memory.However, so many good things also happened, and they made me feel so relieved.I know life is just like that, but there was too much up and down going on and it made me so confused.This paragraph, unfortunately, doesn't have conclusion cuz I just don't know what to write next.About an hour ago, I saw a movie called "October Sky" with my friend.I remembered it was such a touching movie, but again, all I did was just cry at the last part of the movie, however with a satisfied feeling.Oh it was great.It's refreshing when you see things good sometimes.Wishing there is no more bad thing for a while.
2004年05月30日
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Our choir
I had my hair cut today.It's not bad at all and I like it.The other night (I believe it must have been last night), I read a mail from my choir director.According to her, our choir group has been selected to perform at the next Texas Music Educators Association Convention because our recording submitted was outstanding.There were 94 submissions and we were identified as one of the top university-level emsembles in the state.I was like,".....In the state...? Are you serious.....?"To be honest, I have no idea what the convention is for and how remarkable it is to be selected.But I can feel from her mail that this is a big deal for us and my choir director seemed so delighted about it and proud of us.Somehow or other, I am a part of the emsemble, which was honored, so I should be proud of myself too.The choir I belong is fun, encouraging and tough, the choir director is super great, and I love people in our choir.From these, there is no reason for me to get out of the choir and move down to anothre one.I'm excited to think about events welcoming us next semester.
2004年05月25日
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Man...
It's 4:30 am and I got up like an hour ago.I had a terrible dream and I still can't believe in what I dreamed of...There was no ghost or anything scary, but it was like the least thing that could happen...Frankly speaking, it was about my ex...I've been dreaming of my ex for 3 days in a row.I don't think I had ever dreamed of him for 3 days in a row when I was dating with him...According to a webpage that analyzes the meanings of dreams, it shows you completely got over the relationship when you dream of your ex.So, it is actually a good thing that I dreamed of him because that means I got over it.However, from how I was feeling in the dream and how I felt when I woke up, I don't think it means I completely got over it.So confusing...
2004年05月24日
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Wonderful time
Goodness...The accessed number to this page is gonna be over 10000 soon...It's really surprising.Anyway, I had to go see my optometrist this morning.Now I see things better with the new contact lenses, thanks to the correct eye degree (I have no idea what to call it).And then, I visited my ex piano teacher.She gave a birth last December so her baby is just 5 month-old.He was so cute and smelled sooooo sweet.I got my cabbage patch doll when I was like 15.The doll smells sooo good and her baby reminded me of the smell the doll had.Well, let me correct myself, like, I guess the company originally tried to mimic the smell of the baby for the dolls so it's kinda awkward that the baby reminded me of the doll...He was such a nice boy, like, he didn't cry a lot and he was calm most of the time.Come to think about it, I didn't see his tears at all.I kissed on his cheeks and made sounds like "pah pah pah..." with my mouth.I guess he liked it cuz he smiled at me when I did it.But when I made sounds of a pig, he looked at me like sooo weird.That was cute too though.I didn't wanna leave my piano teacher's home because the baby was really cute and I wanted to spend the time with my piano teacher more.But I had to go and have dinner with my high school friends.I got to see 4 of them today.Some of them saw me during winter vacation, so it was not a quite long time ago that we got together.It was fun, but I shouldn't have drunk that much.Well, it was not that much but you know, I'm not tolerant enough to drink a half of the bottle of VINO.I got sooooo sleepy that I took a nap a little in the restaurant.What a shame.I don't remember the conversation that much because I was falling asleep.And when I was really sleepy, I yawn a lot and my friends asked me why I was crying.They were like,"What's wrong with you? Are you sad? You can tell us anything!" like seriously.Then I went,"...No...? I was just sleepy and just yawned a lot...That's it, y'all..."I'm so glad to see them.We talked about the old story of high school and it was fun.A wonderful day today.
2004年05月22日
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Karaoke was fun.
I got a call from my friend earlier today and we decided to hang out later.He is a friend of mine in Houston and he's not going back there anymore for studying.We went to Karaoke cuz both of us love to sing.The 4 hour-singing was awesome, but I feel bad for my voice.For the last 45 minutes, I was so happy to go over most of my favorite songs of Aerosmith though.Coming back home, I called somebody.I am gradually cured thanks to the person.I realized nothing would stay bad....I can't organize my thoughts anymore.Feeling so much better right now though.
2004年05月20日
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La vita in giappone
So my life in Japan is so far ok.After putting my suitcase in my house, I immediately went out to get a temporary cell phone.I wasn' that tired so.I encountered my buddy of my ex part time job when I was walking around the station.I grabbed her arm and she looked at me surprisingly.I'm glad she didn't scream and she remembered me.The dinner of the day in my home was Sushi (of course).It was good.And then I called my friend who made me so relieved the other day.I was still depressed today but it's ok.I WILL get over it.Promise.
2004年05月19日
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...tired...
I am so tired...Moving stuff out took so much energy and it's hardly left for me to go back to Japan today.I'm kinda excited about going back though.A friend of mine is always there for me when I really really need the person.It just happens with the perfect timing.That's so amazing.Anyway I'm leaving to Japan in 30 minutes, so gotta go!
2004年05月17日
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need to write something
I don't know how long this computer will be able to handle to work right now.My pc got sasser and it's really sick.I would like to write about so many things now, but against my will, the sasser is just messing this up.Let me tell you quickly about today's event.I went to opera tonight, with my italian classmate.It was awesome.The Barber of Seville, by Rossini...I enjoyed so much.And I had a music theory final, which started at 11 am.I did so much better job than last time.You may think I'm very stupid but I just got to know the very important concept the day before yesterday when I was trying to find the information of it.Anyway, it seems quite difficult to continue, so see you soon and have a great summer vacation, people!
2004年05月12日
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I hadn't written a diary these days.
On Wednesday, my Italian teacher told me I hadn't got scholarship.She took it granted that I already knew it.It was disappointing but she said she was really happy to hear them talking about me.One of the people that interviewed me was the same person that interviewed me last year.According to my teacher, the interviewer told her I could speak Italian so much better than last year.It was a great compliment for me.I know I was horrible last year so.Anyway, 2 people out of 6 got scholarship.Of course, as I thought, my classmate got it.Another one was a French girl.My teacher told me it was surprising that she got one.She was the only person who applied scholarship as a first year student.This scholarship exempts people from out-of-state tuition. So it was very good that she got one and my classmate from California got one.I'm happy with the result.So I congratulated my classmate after the italian class was over.He seemed he was caring that I didn't get one.On the scholarship interview day, he was there to cheer me up till my turn came, but he was gone after I finished my interview because he had a class.So he told me that he had worried because he didn't get to know how I had done in the interview.See, he should be the one who deserves one of the scholarships. That's the way it is.I had a choir rehearsal today.We recorded 2 of songs that we have sung so far.The second song was superduper and I was thrilled.We only recorded 2 takes for each song, and then my choir director let us go.That was fun.
2004年04月24日
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La Borsa
It turned out that what I did yesterday was right.Some professor in university (?) wrote a journal in MSN Japan and it was about a fear to be alone or something. I don't think I was that serious but writing your thoughts on a piece of paper is good, according to her.Anyway, I had an interview of Italian scholarship today.There were 6 people who were trying to get the scholarship I wanted.The Italian department offered 3 types of scholarship but I was only eligible to one of them.First of all, I already got one of them last year, so they can't give it to me twice, plus I don't think I'm gonna go to Italy this summer anyway.Then, for the other one, I couldn't meet the requirement.It has nothing to do with my GPA.It's because I am Japanese.I don't know why but they offer the scholarship to only Americans.So anyway, I was sorta nervous when I got there and there were already 2 people waiting.One of them was my current classmate and the other was the one who was there to take an interview last year like I did.I was really relieved to see them.However, as time went by, I got more nervous and I couldn't just act like normal.So my classmate was constantly speaking to me and trying to make me calm down.I mean, he is such a nice guy.I'm pretty sure he will get one of the scholarships he is applying because not only he is nice, but he is also really smart.Let me also talk about other candidates a little.It was really interesting to get to know about their background while we were waiting.There were 1 from Mexico, 1 from France, 1 from California, 1 girl whose parents are Italian, 1 Japanese(me), and I don't know about the other girl but she didn't look like an American.Very international, huh?My Italian teacher called my name when my turn came.There were 4 women sitting in the room and they were the members of committee.People told me what kind of questions the committee asked them, and I thought it wouldn't be good if they just asked about what I wrote in letter.The things I wrote in letter were not as appealing as others, I guessed.So I was worried about it.However, they were actually really nice and only asked me to tell them what I have done in Italy or what experience I have got in Italy.I was ready to answer those questions so I was really lucky.I was wishing that they wouldn't change the topic and I tried to talk about my experience a lot.Well they eventually asked me what I wanted to do in the future and stuff but they didn't directly ask me why I wanted the scholarship.It was like a 15 minute-interview, I guess, and I felt time flew fast.For sure, I could speak Italian so much better than last year and there was not much silence.I am very happy with how I did in the interview.I won't be depressed or shocked or anything even if they didn't choose me.I felt the improvement inside me and that's enough.Grazie mille.At night, an incredible thing happend.A friend, who is usally really calmed down, got so crazy and freaked us out.I had never seen he went crazy like that.I almost threw up in his car thanks to his wonderful skill of driving at the empty parking lot.It was like we were in the middle of the stormy sea.Gosh, it was very shocking.Wait, didn't I write so much today?No wonder I am so tired now.Good night.
2004年04月19日
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New work
I still kept thinking about what had happened to me yesterday.I thought of a lot of things.When I was studying with my friends, the thoughts constantly distructed me.Then I decided to write down my thoughts in a piece of paper.I wrote down so many things, asking myself why that happened and what I should or can do with this.Questions that I made up helped me think more.I answered those with "yes or no" and sometimes with "I don't know."I also needed to explain with long sentences, rather than just yer or no.Even though things never change, the work actually helped me think more clearly.I think I'm gonna do this work more often in any situation in order to organize my thoughts better.
2004年04月18日
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