"Weird Beliefs of the Seventies"
The Seventies saw the spread of California culture (or "life-style," as it
came to be called), oozing from the canyons and condos of that state and
slopping itself into the brainpans of previously rational and intelligent
people.
Many among us began applying the words "therapy" and "training" to every
conceivable activity. And in fact much of the weirdness of the seventies
was simply ordinary everyday activities raised to the level of great
metaphysical significance.
NAME
|
BELIEF
|
ORDINARY EVERYDAY |
Thanotology |
Expending as much time, energy,
money, and persistence on leaving this world as
Jewish businessmen once spent on gaining admittance
to exclusive golf clubs.
|
Feeling sad when someone
dies.
|
Rolfing |
Neurosis can be literally
pummelled out of the body by intensive painful
message.
|
Leave Sergeant Murphy alone with
the guy in the back room and he'll talk.
|
The Unification Church
|
There is no god but the CIA, and
Reverend Moon is its prophet.
|
High-level political corruption,
bribery and arms smuggling.
|
The People's Temple
|
Kool-Aid,
a sickly sweet kiddies' drink, is a dignified and
courageous way to meet the afterlife.
|
Poor
blacks and other disavantaged people band together
for social justice.
|
Primal Scream Therapy
|
Reliving
the trauma of one's birth and acting out the pain
will produce happiness and material success.
|
Shelling out a a couple of bucks to some gypsy to have your fortune told. |
Born-Again Christianity
|
The
emotionally unstable ravings of a minor tribal
deity from 5,000 years ago were dictated by him
into Elizabethan English and are as American as Old
Glory.
|
Being
Stupid.
|
"Openness"
(or, "Being Vulnerable")
|
Sexual self-stimulation provides
a depth of release impossible with a partner.
|
Jerking
Off.
|
"Honesty"
(or, "Sharing")
|
Allowing
a partner/parent/child to witness your sexual
self-stimulation will uplift your relationship.
|
Jerking Off. |
Mud Baths/Hot Tubs |
Return
to the primal elements water and fire removes the
neurotic buildup of pressures caused by Western
"civilization."
|
Taking
some steam.
|
EST
(Erhard Seminars Training)
|
Taking
responsibility for everything that happens in your
life. (For instance, being responsible for paying
great dollops of money to brutal con men who
deprive you of physical comforts while verbally
abusing you.)
|
Being
a boring, pathetic, but reliable volunteer campaign
worker for the Republican party.
|
"Getting in touch with your
anger"
|
Immediate
release of pent-up anger may keep you from getting
cancer. Or cure you if you have cancer.
|
Kicking the shit out of the
family dog.
|
"Assertiveness Training"
|
No. I'm not going to write this
entry. It violates my personal space, and I'm not
going to make a firm contract with you to write it
until my real-life needs are acknowledged. Give me
a million dollars and make me president of the
corporation. Then maybe I'll think about it. But
I'm not making any commitments.
|
Being a pigheaded, loudmouthed
asshole.
|
Laetrile
|
Risking bankruptcy and arrest in
order to eat ground-up apricot pits will cure you
of cancer.
|
Risking bankruptcy and arrest in
order to eat ground-up apricot pits.
|
Allen Ginsberg
|
Wearing a suit and tie and
shaving your beard make you as much a part of the
decade as being a psychedelic bozo did in the
sixties and wearing black-rimmed glasses and
holding bongo drums did in the fifties.
|
Being an ambitious and highly
adaptable poet from New Jersey.
|
- from National Lampoon, February, 1980. --- '70s Scandals, Urban Legends, and Other Brouhaha 1972 - Deep Throat Ordeal What happens when a woman has a clitoris in the back of her throat? What happens when a porn star (the infamous Linda Lovelace) claims she was coerced into making the film? Simple, it becomes one of the greatest scandals of the decade -- and one of the most popular porn movies ever. 1972 - Jane Fonda Goes Hanoi Once a sex idol, Jane shocks many of her fans as she travels to Vietnam during the height of the war and poses in an anti-aircraft gun used to shoot down American pilots. 1974 - Patty Hearst Debutante makes waves as mesmerized, bank-robbing terrorist. Mid-'70s - Candy Controversy Urban myths abound as red M&Ms mysteriously disappear from candy store shelves. Pop Rocks are rumored to explode, and word hits the streets that a kind of bubble gum contains spider eggs. Looks like we never should have believed any of it anyway. 1977 - Suicide of Freddie Prinze Not heeding the advice of Jose Feliciano's title song, it seems Chico gets discouraged. 1977 - Roman Polanski Splits Roman becomes best known not for his movies, or for the fact that his wife, actress Sharon Tate, was slain by the Manson clan, but for having to steer clear of the U.S. because of his scandalous attraction to young girls. 1978 - Mommy Dearest Joan Crawford's daughter, Christina, shocks with her controversial exposé detailing her mother's abuse of her. 1978 - Larry Flynt Shot 1978 - Jonestown: Who Spiked the Punch? More than 900 commit mass suiced through cyanide-laced Kool-Aid. Late '70s - Toxic Shock Syndrome: Killer Tampons Attack Menstruating Women 1978/79 - Death of Sid and Nancy 1979 - Skylab Is Falling NASA's space station, Skylab, comes crashing back to earth while the world waits breathlessly to see if it might fall on them. 1979-81 - Iranian Hostages Americans held in the former American Embassy in Iran are released the day Ronald Reagan is inaugurated as the new president. - from Retro Hell (Boston: Little, Brown and Company, 1997). ###
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