Howard: What's a girl like you Doin' in a place like this?
Mark: I left my place after midnight And I came to this hall Me and my girlfriend, we came here Lookin' to ball
Howard: You came to the right place This is it This is the swingin'-est place In New York City
Chorus: NO SHIT!
Mark: How true that is!
Howard: Oh, how true indeed
Mark: Yeah, me and my, Me and my girlfriend, we come here Every Friday 'n Saturday night looking for that Hot romance we need We like to get it on- Do you like to get it on, too?
Howard: Well now, what did you have in mind?
Mark: Well, I'll tell ya Well I get off bein' juked With a baby octopus And spewed upon with creamed corn . . . An' my girlfriend, she digs it With a hot Yoo-hoo bottle While somebody's screamin': CORKS 'N SAFETIES PIGS 'N DONKEYS ALICE COOPER, baby . . . WAAAAH!
Bob: Well, it gets me so hot I could scream
Chorus: ALICE COOPER, ALICE COOPER! WAAAAH! ALICE COOPER, ALICE COOPER! WAAAAH!
Howard: You two chicks sound real far out and groovy Ever been to a Holiday Inn? Mna-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaa . . . Magic Fingers in the bed (Picture it!) Wall-mounted TV screens Coffee-Host plugged into the bathroom wall Formica's really keen!
Chorus: (What kind of girl?) What kind of girl do you think we are? (What kind of girl?) What kind of girl do you think we are? (I ain't no groupie) Don't call us groupies That is going too far (What kind of girl?) We wouldn't ball you Just because you're a star
FZ: These girls wouldn't let just anybody Spew on their vital parts They want a guy from a group With a big hit single in the charts!
Howard: Funny you should mention it Our new single made the charts this week With a bullet! With a bullet! Just let me put a little more Rancid Budweiser on my beard right now, baby And you can show me how A young girl such as you Might be thrilled and Overwhelmed by me, ho-ho . . .
Mark: What hotel did you say you were staying at?
Howard: Wanna split right away?
Mark: Not so fast, you silly boy . . . There's one thing I gotta say
Chorus: We want a guy from a group who's got a thing in the charts We want a guy from a group who's got a thing in the charts We want a guy from a group who's got a thing in the charts We want a guy from a group who's got a thing in the charts