He was playing pool and drinking beer Nothing more'n the occasional tear But this man's life goes on He gets greased all over from time to time At the strip joint, where we met He said: "Hi! My name is Ted See that one over there, that ball of thunder? Every time she goes Vavoom, I wiggle in my chair Eh oh can I buy you a beer?" Erh what a guy!
"Well I've had a few myself" he said "But I never quit when I'm ahead Too many rules and regulations, stupid laws designed by fools behind closed doors And another thing I won't discuss is religion, it always causes a fight" Vavoom "There she goes again" Huh ah how does she do that, Ted?
Yeah! Aaaah haah!
And he told me of those injustices that he had suffered in his life His wife and kids and boss and dogs and neighbours raising cain and causing strife They were forever whining, bleating, howling, yapping, screeching, moaning, crying Vavoom He fed them well Aaaah he keep them warm Ted - Ted the Mechanic
Thing about Ted, didn't really care Nothing much got in his hair The beauty of it was that he was right He was big as a truck, fast as a door (what's that?) He was always right The banjo player took a hike And what's that song I used to like Vavoom Big as a truck Uh he was fast as a door Ted - What a guy! Mmm top man, our Ted Top man, our Ted Top man, our Ted