Meredith Gaudreau, the widow of former NHL star Johnny Gaudreau, said the tragic events of the night he and his brother, Matthew, were struck and killed by an alleged drunk driver in New Jersey are "just always replaying in my head."
During an interview with People , Meredith explained that "it still feels like yesterday" nearly two years after their deaths.
"Sometimes I find myself kind of just zoning out, and I think about what I'm thinking about, and it's that night," Meredith said. "And it haunts me.
Meredith Gaudreau, and Johnny Gaudreau. Meredith Gaudreau/Instagram
Meredith Gaudreau, and Johnny Gaudreau with their daughter Noa and son Johnny. Meredith Gaudreau/Instagram
"It's playing in my head all the time. But I'm thinking about John 24/7. I think about him in that moment a lot and think about the better moments too. Whenever I see our kids, I remember the nicer times."
They share 3-year-old daughter Noa, 2-year-old Johnny and Carter, who was born in April 2025.
Meredith was around seven weeks pregnant with Carter when Johnny and Matthew were struck by a Jeep Grand Cherokee driven by Sean M. Higgins while the pair were riding bikes in their New Jersey hometown on the eve of their sister Katie's wedding.
"It still feels like yesterday," Meredith said. "It's hard to believe that it's been almost two years."
Brothers Johnny Gaudreau (L) and Matthew Gaudreau (R) are pictured in June 2021. Katie Gaudreau/Facebook
Meredith explained that she leaned on her family — her parents, five siblings, Johnny's family and her extended family — for support.
"My dad has pretty much retired to help me," she said, adding that her siblings "fully stepped in and helped me with my kids," so that she could focus on her health during her pregnancy.
"It hasn't really shifted a lot for me," Meredith said, referring to the incident. "I mean, I've learned to be more present, don't take anything for granted and just sort of slow down and enjoy my time with my kids while they are so young.
"When I see the three of them, I just always think John would be really loving this. It's hard for me to get out the door and go places, but when we are home alone, and it's just the three of us — those are my favorite moments, when I'm just slowing down and really being appreciative that I have my three kids and reflecting on what John would want for us."
Calgary Flames left wing Johnny Gaudreau skates during the warmup period against the Edmonton Oilers in game five of the second round of the 2022 Stanley Cup Playoffs at Scotiabank Saddledome on Friday, May 27, 2022, in Calgary, Alberta. USA TODAY Sports
Madeline Gaudreau was pregnant with her and Matthew's first child, Tripp Matthew, when he died. She welcomed their son in December 2024.
Matthew was 29 years old and Johnny, an 11-year NHL veteran, was 31.
Johnny's Blue Jackets, as well as the NHL and its teams, have continued to honor the Gaudreau brothers after their tragic deaths.
Higgins, 45, of Woodstown, N.J., is being held on charges of two counts each of aggravated manslaughter and vehicular homicide, along with evidence tampering and leaving the scene of an accident.
Higgins pleaded not guilty in January 2025 after turning down a plea deal of 35 years in prison.
Higgins has a history of road rage and reckless driving, according to First Assistant Prosecutor Jonathan Flynn of Salem County.
