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Maryland coach Brenda Frese went viral for yelling at Oluchi Okananwa. There’s more to the story
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- Maryland coach Brenda Frese went viral for yelling at Oluchi Okananwa. There’s more to the story
This story is part of Peak, The Athletic 's desk covering the mental side of sports. Sign up for Peak's newsletter here .
On Sunday night, Oluchi Okananwa's phone blew up with text messages.
Her friends and family had just watched her fifth-seeded Maryland Terrapins lose to fourth-seeded North Carolina in the second round of the NCAA tournament. But their messages weren't about the loss itself. They were about a moment in the third quarter.
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During the broadcast, viewers saw Maryland coach Brenda Frese get in Okananwa's face and poke her with a finger.
"I believe in you," Frese said forcefully, "but you've got to want this moment!"
The interaction came shortly after a stretch in which Okananwa, Maryland's leading scorer, traveled, missed three of four free throws and also missed a layup.
The clip of the moment went viral, with more than 23 million views, and became a Rorschach test. Some people who watched it saw a coach overstepping her bounds, while others saw a leadership style that could push players to new heights.
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For Okananwa, it was exactly what she asked for when she transferred to Maryland last year from Duke.
"Don't tell me what I want to hear," Okananwa, a junior, told Frese during one of their first conversations. "I want to be coached hard. I want to be elite."
Frese understood. During her 24 years at Maryland, she has led the program to three Final Fours, 14 conference titles and a national championship in 2006. Her 688 career wins are the most in program history and rank among the top 20 in the sport.
She has coached a wide range of personalities, but many of her best players have been wired like Okananwa: highly motivated yet looking for an extra push. Okananwa told Frese her goal was to play in the WNBA, and she understood that sometimes Frese might have to get on her in a big way to help her get there.
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The key for both Frese and Okananwa: The relationship they had built allowed a fiery moment like that to be positive, not negative.
"That interaction coach and I had (on Sunday) actually wasn't our first interaction where she really pushed me hard and tested me," Okananwa said.
During a game against Michigan State last month, Frese pulled Okananwa aside for a similarly intense exchange. Frese said she doesn't really remember what she said; it was just "from the heart" in the heat of the moment.
It worked. After the game, Frese sent Okananwa a text: "Sorry for yelling so hard at you. However, I do love being able to coach you hard. I want it all for you."
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Okananwa replied: "Coach, you know I can take and always embrace your hard coaching for me. For the places I want to go, I need it. And thank you for holding me to such a high standard. It's going to pay off for me in the future."
Okananwa did not want Frese to stop pushing her. "I really just wanted to emphasize to her, no, I want to be one of the ones that you push into uncomfortable spaces because that's the only way I'm going to be able to grow," she said. "That's the only way I'm going to be able to get to those goals that we talked about."
Growing up, Okananwa said she was held to a high standard, and there weren't a lot of exceptions. But she learned to view tough love as a blessing. It showed her that "pressure makes diamonds," which has been her motto ever since (It was also her high school yearbook quote).
"I love pressure so much because it demands excellence and just pulls things out of you that maybe you didn't even know you had within yourself," she said.
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That has allowed her to see Frese's hard coaching as a means to that end. When Frese got in her face against North Carolina, Okananwa said it gave her urgency.
"I was like 'Oh my gosh, I gotta go,'" she said.
When she went back in the game, she quickly scored, got a steal and ultimately finished with 21 points and six rebounds.
Frese understands that without a strong relationship with Okananwa, that approach wouldn't have worked. Because Okananwa wouldn't have received or understood the message the way Frese meant it.
To reach that point, Frese has tested players in practice to see how they handle yelling. She's made mistakes and misinterpreted things in the past. If she yelled at a player during a practice but noticed it didn't sit right with them, she would follow up to explain where she was coming from.
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Frese doesn't have a formula for when her delivery needs to be more aggressive. It's just a feel for the moment, which she believes comes from having relationships like the one she has built with Okananwa.
"As a head coach, you have to have the confidence and courage and trust your inner self of what's needed at the appropriate time," she said. "I could know what's needed, but if I don't have the right relationship with the player or know how they're wired, it's just not going to be received."
While Okananwa's phone was blowing up after the loss to North Carolina, she sent Frese a text of her own later that night.
The message said: "Obviously, we did not get the outcome that we wanted, but the good thing to come from this is everyone seeing how amazing of a coach you are."
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This article originally appeared in The Athletic .
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