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Blue Jackets' Merzlikins, Legace coping with Kivlenieks' death: 'We just became so close'
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- Blue Jackets' Merzlikins, Legace coping with Kivlenieks' death: 'We just became so close'
It was off-limits with Elvis Merzlikins most of the season.
After memorializing Matiss Kivlenieks in the Blue Jackets' season-opener by wearing No. 80 in a victory over the Arizona Coyotes , Merzlikins decided not to speak publicly about coping with the emotional pain that lingered after a July 4 fireworks tragedy that took his close friend's life.
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It was a decision made to guard Merzlikins' focus during a long season, but he didn't internalize his grief in silence. He found comfort at home, with his wife, Aleksandra, and their infant son, Knox, and he leaned even more on Manny Legace, the Blue Jackets ' goaltending coach, whose home in Novi, Michigan, was where Kivlenieks was struck by an errant fireworks mortar shell.
"Manny and his wife, 'G' (Giana), they became (like) my parents," Merzlikins said. "I call 'G' as my mom, and Manny I call as my daddy. It's completely nothing to do with the hockey. When you come to the rink, he's your coach. When you're outside the rink, you can tell him to … you can tell him a lot of things. We just became so close, as family. I really love him. This is a business. We never know how the things are going (to go), but I'm sure that he's gonna be, always, my best friend for the rest of my life."
As the season progressed, Merzlikins needed those parental figures to help him cope with Kivlenieks' death and the emotional trauma that followed.
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The sound of fireworks exploding shook him, reducing the 28-year-old net-minder to tears. The holiday season triggered sadness, knowing Christmas and New Year's celebrations wouldn't include Kivlenieks — a fellow Latvian goalie who had grown so close to Merzlikins and his wife that he was was like a younger brother to both.
Legace knew the strength of those feelings firsthand.
"I'm gonna be honest, there was a couple games I was just going out there, and I didn't care, because I wasn't there," Merzlikins said Saturday, as the Blue Jackets concluded their season with exit interviews at Nationwide Arena. "I was playing hockey. The guys (on the opposing team) are coming (at) me, and I'm thinking, 'Gosh, last year he was here with me, and this year, there's gonna be an empty seat at my table.' It was hard. But they helped me to go through it. Manny helped me a lot to go through that. It's always nice when you have somebody with (whom) you can cry together. That hug … that hug is helping you. I think this is a really nice and important thing for me, to have such a good friend as Manny."
That was especially true on New Year's Day, when the Blue Jackets lost 7-4 to the Carolina Hurricanes at Nationwide Arena . After building a 4-0 lead, they allowed seven unanswered goals in the game's final 30 minutes, including four against Merzlikins in the third period.
He wasn't supposed to play, reeling as he was from the sound of New Year's Eve fireworks, but rookie Daniil Tarasov sustained a hip injury late in the second period. Merzlikins replaced him, facing one of the top offensive teams in the league.
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The Blue Jackets couldn't get the puck out of their own end, Merzlikins was peppered with shots, and it quickly became a rout. Merzlikins spoke with reporters about it a couple of weeks later and referenced having difficulty sleeping the night because of "What's happening on New Year's."
Staying up too late celebrating wasn't the issue.
"I wasn't here mentally (for a while), because I felt that Christmas was coming closer, and Matiss was always with us on Christmas and the New Year,"' Merzlikins said. "Then I heard the fireworks."
He went to Legace with his concerns about playing and could barely speak. They both went to head coach Brad Larsen, who went with Tarasov as the starter.
"I knew in my head that I couldn't play that game because there was gonna be fireworks, and if I heard them, it's gonna be a problem," Merzlikins said. "I remember I walked to Manny and just started crying. I couldn't even express myself. Manny brought me to (Larsen) and Lars, as well … Lars was the first guy who was there (in Michigan) the next morning. Lars understands it. I got close to Lars as well. Not as close like with Manny … but, yeah, they understand. That period, that week, that couple weeks … it's just something that I couldn't control."
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Merzlikins dealt with a similar feeling in October, only less debilitating.
Prior to the season-opener, a night when the Blue Jackets raised Kivlenieks' No. 80 to the rafters on a large banner, Merzlikins felt a cold chill go through his body while leading his team onto the ice. He'd forgotten about the Blue Jackets' Civil War era replica cannon and its traditional "boom!" that resonates throughout the arena when the Jackets first come out.
It's a sound generated from the rafters of the building, not the cannon, and a pyrotechnics crew is responsible for setting off an explosive device to create the blast.
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The sound was shocking, even though Merzlikins had heard it many times before.
"I'm gonna be honest, for the opening night, I didn't have time (to prepare)," Merzlikins said. "We all know what happened to him. When I heard the cannon, my heart … I felt my heart. I never heard in my life my heart beating that alive. That was a really weird feeling, what I had."
It was like that for a few games. A Blue Jackets spokesman told the Dispatch that neither Merzlikins nor Legace asked the team to stop using the cannon or take a break from using it.
"I'm gonna be honest … even when we scored goals, I was always closing my eyes and getting myself ready," Merzlikins said. "I think that's just the trauma, but it went away. Obviously, now when I hear the cannon, I'm happy. But that was the feeling I had in the start of the season."
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Legace helped with that too.
"Without his help and teaching lessons, even outside of hockey, in the life, I think I would not get to the nice contract (I have) now," said Merzlikins, who signed a five-year, $27 million contract extension prior to this season . "That's thanks to him. … Knowing that Manny is gonna be here, I really believe that I'm gonna progress a lot with him."
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This article originally appeared on The Columbus Dispatch: Mourning Kivlenieks: Blue Jackets' Merzlikins, Legace share grief
