7 Phrases That Can Help You Light Up Any Room, According to a Psychologist
- People who light up a room engage with others in a genuine way to make them feel seen and heard, creating a positive and infectious energy in the room.
Have you ever been to a party
or even a smaller hangout where the vibes were off, only for the energy to completely shift when one person walked into the room?
If you have, then you've seen up close what it means to light up a room, but that doesn't necessarily mean you understand how
they do it.
People who light up a room
seem to have an unknowable quality—that certain je ne sais quoi
that draws people in without making others feel excluded.
To get some answers about what this mystery talent is, Parade
reached out to Dr. Kathryn Smerling
, a family psychologist, who describes someone who lights up a room as a person who has a lot of energy and charisma
and “wants to give it to you.”
“You exude a warm, friendly, open, curious
attitude,” she says of people with this talent.
But is this quality innate or can it be taught? It turns out, with a little guidance, a little effort and lots of practice, it can definitely be a learned skill.
And Dr. Smerling is here to help, with seven phrases that people who light up a room regularly say—and you can too. If you're on a journey to go from wallflower to the life of the party, so to speak, this is where you start.
Related: 13 Surprising Habits That Make You 'Instantly Likable,' Psychologists Say
What Kind of People ‘Light Up Every Room' They Walk Into?
People who light up every room they walk into aren't just eye-catching or magnetic; they make others feel important . “They aren't just a shiny star,” says Dr. Smerling, “But they are reaching out to you to engage.”
To really light up a room, you have to engage with others in a genuine way to make them feel seen and heard.
“When you engage other people, you're saying, ‘You matter. I want to hear what you have to say. It's not just about me,’” she explains.
This kind of attentiveness is infectious, which can shift the energy in the room, thus creating the "light up the room" effect. “It wakes everyone else up because it's reciprocal,” she adds.
7 Things People Who Light Up Every Room They Walk Into Often Say, According to a Psychologist
1. “Hello, how are you?”
If you want to light up a room, Dr. Smerling says a good place to start is to “focus on one person at a time.” Not only does starting off with a “Hello, how are you?” convey genuine interest and concern, but it also makes it clear you're talking to the person, not the room.
2. “What brings you here?”
People who light up a room are curious about others, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you should be asking strangers for their life stories. Dr. Smerling suggests asking, “What brings you here?” as a low-stakes opener. It's not a deep enough question to feel intrusive, and yet it communicates interest and “gives an opening for a conversation.” It also shows that you're more interested in them than talking about yourself .
Related: 11 Surprising Phrases That Make You 'Instantly Likable,' Psychologists Say
3. “[Insert name here]”
Not only will repeating a person's name after you meet them help you remember it in the long run, but it also helps you engage.
“It makes someone feel as though you're listening to them,” Dr. Smerling explains. (And in my personal experience, this will also make you stand out in a sea of people who forget names at the drop of a hat.)
4. “I love your [insert clothing item, descriptor, etc. here].”
This can be tricky because there is a fine line between making someone feel seen and coming off as disingenuous, but the right compliment can be a great way to bond with someone. A genuine compliment based on observation, Dr. Smerling says, “will always make someone feel connected.”
Related: 11 Common Behaviors of Authentic People—and One Thing They *Never* Do, According to Therapists
5. “It was lovely speaking to you.”
People who light up a room often interact with most people at an event, which can make it tough to really ensure that everyone feels seen and heard. An important part of doing that effectively is making sure you leave a conversation on a positive note.
6. “I'd love to continue our conversation about [insert topic here].”
In addition to saying, “It was lovely speaking to you,” Dr. Smerling suggests pointing out a specific thing they said that interests you that you'd want to learn more about. This “shows that you're not just passively listening, you're actively listening.”
7. Smile and make eye contact
Before you even open your mouth to speak, you can light up a room by doing one simple thing: flashing a genuine smile . Smiling and making eye contact can immediately have an effect on those around you, says Dr. Smerling.
“If you look at someone in the eye and you give a warm smile, it makes someone feel important," she adds. “It makes people feel fully engaged and heard and listened to.”
Related: 7 Habits of Highly Empathetic People Who Easily Get Drained in Crowds
How to Cultivate This Ability
In addition to working on adding these phrases into your lexicon, if you're interested in cultivating the ability to light up a room, Dr. Smerling suggests working on your body language and nonverbal habits .
Body language
People who light up a room don't just say the right things; they communicate without speaking.
“It's [not just] what you say, it's also your body language,” Dr. Smerling states. “Your body language is open. You aren't crossing your hands in front of you and blocking yourself out.”
Next time you're in a social situation, try to remember not to cross your arms or make yourself smaller.
You'll also want to practice looking people directly in the eye when speaking with them. If that makes you uncomfortable, you can always try the trick of looking at someone's forehead, but the main point is that you're not looking around the room as if hoping to spot someone better.
Related: 11 Phrases That Make You ‘Instantly Unlikable’ in Group Settings, According to an Etiquette Expert
Put away your phone
Nothing kills a vibe quicker than a doomscroll mid-social interaction. Putting away your phone signals to others that you want to be present with them. Maybe try leaving your phone in your purse and walking away for a bit. You never know what might happen.
Related: 9 Common Phrases That Could Be Secretly Harming Your Friendships, Etiquette Experts Warn
Sources
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Dr. Kathryn Smerling is a psychologist and licensed clinical social worker who specializes in individual and family therapy. She is also the author of Learning to Play Again: Rediscovering Our Early Selves to Become Better Adults .
This story was originally published by Parade on Apr 21, 2026, where it first appeared in the Life section. Add Parade as a Preferred Source by clicking here.
