The NFL endorsed a ‘Chowdamosa’ for Patriots fans. I drank it so you don’t have to

I feel like someone threw a carton of milk at my head and knocked me into the ocean. I have a hangover like I just washed up on Revere Beach in an old replica Wes Welker jersey and a Bruins hat.

I just drank a clam chowder-inspired mimosa, because the NFL's official champagne sponsor told me to.

It was an opaque, milky nightmare of lemon, clam juice and tart sparkling wine. It was a Lovecraftian show of brut force that takes you on a grimy roller coaster ride of salty, abrasive flavors all kept in check by a riptide of heavy cream.

Taste-wise, it wasn't the worst thing I've ever had . Emotionally, this is about as scarring as the Aaron Boone home run in the 2003 ALCS.

The components that go into a "ChowderMosa," a New England-inspired drink that's part of the André "Team-Mosa" promotion.(Nick O'Malley/MassLive)

I ate it so you don't have to: The ChowderMosa

I suppose an explanation is in order.

Recently, André California Champagne partnered with the NFL to create a line of " Tailgate Team-Mosa " concoctions, for which they created a mixed champagne drink for all 32 NFL teams.

The "Team-Mosa" recipes leaned heavily on regional food history, which is why New England got stuck with the ChowderMosa, which is 1/2 champagne, 1/4 clam juice, 1/8 heavy cream and 1/8 lemon juice.

Additionally, there are instructions to "sip immediately to avoid curdling."

Fortunately, this clam calamity is not directly bottled and sold. Yet.

André is asking fans to mix up these drinks themselves on their own accord and vote for the "Team-Mosa" they think should be sold next year.

New England got a weird choice with the "ChowderMosa." However, with options like the "RanchMosa" and "MilkMosa" out there, the opposition is pretty scary.

Here's the full list of wild NFL team-inspired mimosas:

• Atlanta Falcons: ColaMosa

• Arizona Cardinals: CactusMosa

• Baltimore Ravens: SeafoodMosa

• Buffalo Bills: BuffaloSauceMosa

• Carolina Panthers: CarolinaGoldMosa

• Chicago Bears: GiardinieraMosa

• Cincinnati Bengals: Chili3WayMosa

• Cleveland Browns: PolishBoyMosa

• Dallas Cowboys: QuesoMosa

• Denver Broncos: GreenChileMosa

• Detroit Lions: ConeyDogMosa

• Green Bay Packers: CheeseMosa

• Houston Texans: BBQSauceMosa

• Indianapolis Colts: RanchMosa

• Jacksonville Jaguars: Tomato-ClamMosa

• Las Vegas Raiders: VegasBombMosa

• Los Angeles Chargers: AvocadoMosa

• Los Angeles Rams: MatchaMosa

• Kansas City Chiefs: BurntEndsMosa

• Miami Dolphins: CubanoMosa

• Minnesota Vikings: MilkMosa

• New England Patriots: ChowdaMosa

• New Orleans Saints: BeignetMosa

• New York Giants: PizzaMosa

• New York Jets: BagelMosa

• Philadelphia Eagles: WooderIceMosa

• Pittsburgh Steelers: PickleMosa

• San Francisco 49ers: SourdoughMosa

• Seattle Seahawks: CoffeeMosa

• Tampa Bay Buccaneers: CrabMosa

• Tennessee Titans: BushwakMilkMosa

• Washington Commanders: HalfSmokeMosa

What does it taste like?

The combination heavy cream, clam juice, lemon juice and brut champagne is bizarre, but not entirely repugnant.

Based on the version I made (using a funnel to pour everything into an empty champagne bottle), the ChowdaMosa was a milky, tart, dry oddity that had my brain doing backflips to figure out what was going on.

The dry champagne definitely dominates the flavor, with the sharper lemon juice cutting through. You don't get a lot of clam juice. Instead, it's more of a background flavor adding a loose note of brine.

The cream is the weird part. It makes the whole thing milky and opaque, but also cuts down on the more abrasive aspects, which is good.

It also curdles after a little while, creating an alarming alcohol-born life form at the bottom of the bottle.

So is it any good?

I see the vision here. The flavor sort of works in a weird way. I just couldn't shake the feeling that I was drinking something from an alien planet.

It leans toward clam chowder and tries to find some ways to remain palatable.

The final word

Fortunately, it doesn't look like the ChowderMosa is getting much support. With any luck, something else is going to get bottled.

Currently, the top vote-getter in the Team-Mosa competition is the Cincinnati Chili3WayMosa, which is 1/2 sparkling wine, 1/4 cooked pasta water, 1/8 cinnamon powder, 1/8 chili powder and rimmed with mild cheddar cheese.

That also doesn't sound great. But at least it's Ohio's problem.

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"I ate it so you don't have to" is a regular food column about off-beat eats, both good and bad. I picked the name years ago and now we're sort of stuck with it.

You can send any praise/food suggestions to nomalley@masslive.com . Please send all criticisms and complaints to mperri@masslive.com . You can check out the rest of the series here .

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