People Who Struggle With Self-Awareness Often Display These 8 Behaviors, Psychologists Say
- Only about 15% of people are sufficiently self-aware, which is the ability to know oneself on a deeper level, including thoughts, emotions, and motivations.
Whether we’re plugged into our phones
, zoning out to a Netflix
binge fest or playing a game that allows us to escape from reality, it’s easy to be switched off in today’s day and age. And unfortunately, this disengagement in daily life
can lead to a total lack of self-awareness. In fact, according to 2018 research
, only about 15% of people are sufficiently self-aware.
“Self-awareness is the ability to know yourself on a deeper level: your thoughts, your emotions
and your motivations,” says licensed psychologist Dr. Natalie Bernstein
. “Having a high level of self-awareness helps you understand why you do what you do, feel what you feel and think the way you think, leading you to understand what you need for change.”
Dr. Jenna Budreau-Roman, licensed clinical psychologist and founder of Love and Theory
, adds that self-awareness can help you be familiar with your strengths and weaknesses. She also notes that with self-awareness comes humility—“you are able to admit when you don’t have the answer and can take accountability when you have made a mistake,” she adds.
But self-awareness isn’t something that people are just naturally born with. Self-awareness, and its counterpart, self-reflection
, require “experiences where encouragement or opportunities for internal evaluation exist,” Dr. Bernstein says. “Those who struggle with self-awareness may have grown up in homes where reflection and self-expression weren’t present or allowed.”
If you suspect that you may struggle with self-awareness, or you have a loved one who isn’t clued into themselves, read on for the signs and how to develop more self-awareness.
Related: Parents and Grandparents Who Raise Self-Aware Kids Often Do These 6 Things, According to Child Psychologists
What Causes a Lack of Self-Awareness?
A lot of things can lead to a lack of self-awareness. First of all, Dr. Bernstein notes that being “overly busy” can create a sense of disconnection from our inner world, as we struggle to manage high levels of stress
or a hectic lifestyle.
“It can be difficult to be self-aware in situations where we are focused on survival or just getting through the day,” she says.
Dr. Budreau-Roman says that lacking self-awareness rarely has one specific cause.
“More often, people who struggle with self-awareness have difficulty with metacognition—that is, the ability to reflect on their own thoughts, feelings
and internal experiences,” she says. “Instead of being attuning to their inner world, they operate primarily on surface-level urges, sensations and reactions without understanding why.”
Struggling with self-awareness often arises during childhood
, according to Dr. Budreau-Roman.
“These individuals may have grown up in homes wherein emotions were not expressed in a healthy or productive manner, and so they never learned how to identify and cope with them,” she explains.
Additionally, if you’ve experienced traumatic events
, a lack self-awareness can be protective, Dr. Budreau-Roman says. Emotions can feel overwhelming or even unsafe to have, and you may numb your emotions
or shut down to the point where you struggle with connecting with your thoughts and feelings. And under the circumstances, this is completely understandable.
Related: 150 Journaling Prompts for Self-Discovery in the New Year
8 Behaviors of People Who Struggle With Self-Awareness, According to Psychologists
1. Reacting impulsively
You, or your loved one, may react impulsively rather than intentionally.
“They may make rash decisions or engage in dramatic or extreme ways, later asking, ‘Why did I do that?’,” Dr. Bernstein says.
2. Having sudden outbursts
Labeling them as “sudden, emotional outbursts,” Dr. Budreau-Roman says that when a person lacks self-awareness, they often miss the early warning signs that they are becoming triggered
or overwhelmed.
“They do not notice their body slowly tensing, their jaw tightening or how their thoughts are racing and, before they know it, they snap,” she says. “This might manifest in the forms of yelling, crying, destructive behavior or storming out of a room, leaving everyone in it shocked and confused. Over time, this type of reactivity can be deeply damaging to the person's relationships.”
3. Lacking empathy
Your empathy
chip might be switched off if you lack self-awareness. It can be a state of being that’s difficult to access.
“If a person barely knows how they feel beyond surface emotions, it is even more challenging for them to imagine or appreciate how someone else might be feeling,” Dr. Budreau-Roman observes.
4. Blaming others
A person without self-awareness might blame
others for their actions, and fail to recognize their responsibility for a disagreement, as Dr. Bernstein puts it.
Related: This ‘Often Invisible’ Behavior Is Detrimental to Relationships Long Term
5. Inability to admit wrongdoing
“For those lacking in self-awareness, there is often fragile ego strength and low tolerance for shame
,” Dr. Budreau-Roman says. “That uncomfortable feeling that arises when we realize we made a mistake happens to everyone, and those who have self-awareness can feel it, identify it and take responsibility. However, someone who struggles with self-awareness feels this same feeling, but rather than taking accountability
, they push the feeling away. This often shows up as doubling down on their position, becoming increasingly defensive
or trying to shut down the conversation entirely.”
Related: 5 Reasons Why Some People Just Can't Apologize, According to a Therapist—Plus, What They Tend To Say Instead
6. Struggling with identity
Dr. Bernstein says that those who lack self-awareness may struggle to feel “settled in their identity,” including “who they are and where they are heading.”
“They may feel confused about why they don’t feel ‘right’ or why something feels ‘off,’” she adds.
7. Being judgmental
Dr. Budreau-Roman points out that those without self-awareness tend to be judgmental. And while all of us are prone to judging others, those with self-awareness usually notice when they’re doing it.
“Those without it are more likely to just accept their initial assumption as fact and not question it,” Dr. Budreau-Roman says. “Because this judgment goes unchecked, it can harden into ‘truth’ and shape how they treat others and influence how they interpret certain situations. Over time, this can limit empathy
, strain relationships and reinforce misunderstandings that could have been prevented with reflection.”
8. Practicing black and white thinking
Black and white thinking, or seeing things as wholly one way or another, is a trademark of lacking self-awareness.
“When a person has limited self-awareness, they frequently struggle to tolerate nuance,” Dr. Budreau-Roman says. “They see scenarios as being ‘right or wrong,’ ‘good or bad,’ with little room for complexity or exceptions. This rigid way of thinking can feel safer and more efficient than slowing down to examine emotionally gray areas.”
Related: 8 Behaviors That Instantly Reveal Someone Has Low Emotional Intelligence, Psychologists Say
'How Can I Improve My Self-Awareness?'
If you’d like to boost self-awareness in yourself, or encourage it in those you care about, there are certain ways to strengthen your self-awareness muscle.
First of all, as Dr. Bernstein suggests, you can check in with yourself throughout the day. You can even set a timer on your phone as a reminder, and ask yourself: “How am I feeling? Can I name three emotions I have experienced so far today?” Dr. Budreau-Roman also offers the option of journaling whatever comes to your mind without editing or censoring yourself, in the hope that you’ll bring thoughts and emotions to your conscious awareness.
In addition, Dr. Bernstein says that you can ask loved ones for their feedback, and you can say, “I’m trying to understand myself more and how I’m perceived. Is there anything you could share that would be helpful?”
You can also name your feelings, which is particularly beneficial for those who struggle with emotional numbing.
“The next time you notice you are feeling any type of emotion intensely, positive or negative, pause and name it,” Dr. Budreau-Roman recommends. “Then, pay attention to the physical sensations that accompany it such as warmth, tension or heaviness. This assists in reconnecting the mind and body, which is essential for self-awareness.”
And of course, keep in mind that you can always work on your self-awareness alongside a licensed mental health professional .
“Beginning the journey toward self-reflection takes time, and it doesn’t always feel good,” Dr. Bernstein says. “It’s important to approach the process with openness and curiosity, rather than judgment or criticism. This isn’t about weakness, but growth. It is through self-awareness that you build a deeper connection with yourself and others.”
Up Next:
Related: 135 Deep Shadow Work Prompts To Help With Self-Awareness, Self-Compassion and Authenticity
Sources:
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Dr. Natalie Bernstein, licensed psychologist .
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Dr. Jenna Budreau-Roman, licensed clinical psychologist and founder of Love and Theory .
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Harvard Business Review : “What Self-Awareness Really Is (and How to Cultivate It)
This story was originally published by Parade on Jan 4, 2026, where it first appeared in the Life section. Add Parade as a Preferred Source by clicking here.
