2005年02月の記事
全22件 (22件中 1-22件目)
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お茶碗いっぱいのご飯。
For lunch, I ate heaping cupful rice in men's size rice bowl.I got out of shape again.I was becoming so sad.I have been feeling unwell for a month.I hoped it was getting better.But in fact, my body didn't feel so.Yesterday, I went out with my friend who visited to New York thought I got worse than one day previously.Then this morning, I did get worse.Actually I felt too bad condition to sleep last night.I don't want to smell foods as I throw up.I don't fell like to eating or drinking at all.I couldn't walk, stand up and also difficult to open my eyes.This early morning, I saw off my friend.I fell into my bed and I tried sleeping again.In lunch time, I woke up. Then, I ate chocolate croissant and one more bread.In addition, I ate so big bowl of rice.I was quite sickened soon.For a change, I ate a big bowl of rice today...I hope I feel better tomorrow morning.I will go see a doctor.
2005.02.22
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その感覚に寄り添う。
I watched the movie for a change.It's comedy movie『Hitch』that is so funny.I want to see it again.I always want to go to the movie theater for watching movies and feeling something.I would love to, but on the other hand, I could not as I was in no mood to.I am moody!? Yes, I am...After the movie, I went to『VillageVanguard』.This day was shown by VillageVanguardOrchestra.The drumer play so sensitive sounds I like, and also One of some Sax players who played on his own way.Especially I was impressed by these two player sounds.Althouh I placed a dispropotionate emphasis on Classical music when I was a student,I was interested in many kinds of music.After I was graduated from University two years ago,I have met some kinds of music.In contrast with my mind what I really want to enjoy sounds,it was hard for me to listen to other kind of music than Classic.Even if some songs I love, I could not accept from the bottom of my heart.Because it was not Classic.I knew it didn't matter.But in fact, My vocal cords react immoderately to get the same way with those vocal.So I was sometimes afraid.For 24hours, for 365days, I have never had a day where I didn't think about singing how to move for singing, inhale and exhale naturally, words, good sounds and more.In these two years, I met some friends, and I met some music I had not known.It is so nice.It is changing something in my mind about music on my misic way.Good sound.Good tast.Good smell.Good color.Good feel.Come close.Find out what I like, what I feel, what I want.
2005.02.21
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Whereabout My SwingFan
I really raise a roof about it.
2005.02.20
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揚一番。
I went to Japanese Supermaket『Mitsuwa』in NJ is huge and seems like it is in Japan.My friend took me there, and I was very suprised at the supermaket.And I bought sweet Peach!!!!what is the most favorite food!!!! and “AGE-ICHIBAN”.AGE-ICHIBAN kill me.It is so wonderful tast!!!!I cannot stop eating.As was expected, I ate everything as soon as I came back home.STUPID!!!“AGE-ICHIBAN”, one of famouse okaki in Japan.I must be careful.
2005.02.19
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New Jerseyからみた空とNew York
I wanna live here.
2005.02.18
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Natural Taste
I heard my voice.It became just in a weaklyvoice.I already knew that it would be like that I did.My voice has been remaining muted.My waves of tears splash down my face.Those made me stop my voice, music.I have been afraid of voicing from my heart.I couldn't voice without my mind and heart.I'm always trying for a few years. It was serious problem for me.In my head, cannot control.It is very hard for me.But I need this mind,“Take it easy”“Don't be so up tight. Just relax and let the tension out of my shoulders”.I remind my motto every day.I want to claim back my voice.I want to voice my thoughts and feeling.Be natural...
2005.02.17
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For not playing Music in a long time
Today also I was absent from school as I have still persistent cough.I take care of my body for rest more by sleeping.I ate too much today. I finished off Katudon for lunch.I will gain my weight on top of this.It is been a long time since I played the piano last time.I played the piano in my friend's house with one grand piano a few times.My skill was, of course, decreasing.Although it's sad thing, I have very little choice.But The attitude for practicing the piano remains the same.I can play the piano.I don't want to play music with holding on the score.I want to play music with freedom.I want to have music sounds in my power.For that, I need more practice.I want to play music, my music.My music.By my power.By my soul.Without any inhibition.Begin to sing from my heart.
2005.02.16
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This Artist's CD recently made me feel alive
It is the same Artist's CDs I heard at all times last this season.Those always gives me an elevated feeling.That's why, I listen to those CDs without realizing before I step outside my door.Although I don't want to listen to the music by Japanese in the US for English.But I listen to the those CDs for getting into my swing.I don't have any other ideas.If I didn't have those CDs, how would I cheer up.This Artist is not Classic group.Its a Japanese pops group, Judy and Mary.It is important music for me.I want to be artist I can play music with power like feeling from this Artist.I want to play music for me and people from my heart.Now I am almost at the point of going out.I am listening one of them.
2005.02.15
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How was this Valentine's Day!?
February 14th, St.Valentine's Day.Today I didn't have any specials.When I was in Japan, I was thinking of what can I give for the event every year. Then I gave some presents to people who is like parents and boyfriends at the time.But now, I'm in the US. I heard that the custom of other nations is different from Japanese custom of the Valentine's Day.In Japan, As the women give the men gifts of chocolate as well as other gifts, I thought it is just contrary in other contries.It sounds great!Actually, in Japan, sometimes I felt it was too much of a bother and stress for me.Because I did fuss about it.And also, I never declare my love at the day. Embarrassing...It is better for women to come to tell something from men.Anyway, not only to women from men, but also to friends, perents, women, men, it's for everybody each other! in the US.As I didn't know, I was suprised.But in this Valentine, I had to go to the hospital.Then I heard I was facing the danger of developing pneumonia with influenza.I must take care of my body more.That's why I ate or drunk too much today.Be careful in this season!TO ME!!!!
2005.02.14
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I'm Homesick!?
I have never been Homesick since I came here.These days, I'm having a bad cold and also having a major depression problem again.It seems it is facing Homesick a little bit at a time.I have some friends in the US. Also in NY, I got some friends recently.But it is difficult for me to use the phone for talking.I become too nervous to talk on the phone.The same holds for seeing to talk.I am a good-for-nothing.Then, I shy away from meeting people anybody.I don't like that. I want to change that.I want to see people.I want to talk to people.I want to go hang out with people.It is not good.In past days, Temporarily I turned into anthrophobia.I could not see anybody.I feared of outside world. I have a history of withdrawal.I don't become the same as it.I don't need these things.But whenever I'm out of condition, I tend to be negative thinking.Get it out of my system.I cannot tell anyone as it is a very negative view.Because I'm try taking a possitive view at all times.But I am feeling same as before.I need to put my emotions into my words more.I need more power.
2005.02.13
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San Francisco of twice.
Yesterday, I went to Napa, again.SanFrancisco is also suitable for me, this air, this sight, this sky and speed something.I felt it was really cleaner than NewYork City.I am becoming fond of SanFrancisco twice.My body is getting better.I'm so happy to be here.This midnight, I will catch a flight to NY.I am feeling afraid to something.
2005.02.12
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For a nice place to sleep with pure air
Last night, I arrived at the airport in San Francisco.My body ached all over when my fever was going up while on the airplain.I thought it was influenza, but I was not sure.At any late, I wanted to get out of my house with the air of bad quality.For my body and mind, I needed to push myself on the different place with the good air.I am thinking here is not good to stay for my health and more.I need to change something. In fact, air is very important.In particular, a place where I put my body everyday is.In my house, my roommate don't want to prefere to open the window or door even just a little (maybe for his cat).We're always discussing.My room doesn't have any windows to outside.Even though I may involve a lot of trouble, I wanted to go out of my house.I have needed to take a rest for myself.By good fortune, I could take the first seat while on the airplain. Then, I could felt better last night.Then Also last night, I could feel better for sleeping.I could feel liberating a little bit.A little bit.
2005.02.11
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はくとこがないからここに書いてみる。
体調わるすぎて倒れそう。(涙)今日のフライトがあるし。(涙)しんどい。はきそうだぁ。。。涙どうなってるんだ。この体わぁぁぁっ！！！(涙)ばらばらじゃなくて体と心一緒だわ。心が弱った体に一撃した感じ。ふらふら・・・・
2005.02.10
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My heavy loads on my own back
For a long time, I had been sholdering too heavy loads.It made me impale.It was too scared to do anything I wanted.So I lost my feeling, and finally I could not move and mental paralysis like sinking feeling.I took off my heavy armors, everything what made me stop moving and also a part of my mind.Then, I came here with hasty steps.How have I been doing after that?I don't know.I thought I got these again.So I felt down.It is difficult for me to raise my face by stress and growing fears.But I don't want stay this feeling.I wanna change, I need changing, I have to, I must!Then I will drop off these loads what was got again en route here.This affection, these unnecessary suffering, people, things, I can throw our these everything.Don't worry about it.Don't worry about it.Don't worry about it.Just do that.Then, I can go.Then, I can go again.Don't mind.Accept myself.Be free myself.Be honest with myself.Don't mind.Just do it.Then, I can go.
2005.02.09
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Changing in my eating habits
Do you have a good diet?I don't, but I want.Actually now I am too poor now.I can buy, but I will not continue to stay here.It is the most expensive in all over the world to live in where is Manhattan, or Tokyo also, anyway you slice it.Not only that, almost everything is.Then, I am eating just thick-sliced bread from Japanese bakery every meal.(I can stand it.)I want to make something to eat.But I cannot even so without the reason.It is by my roommate who cannot take care of his cat and house problem.(his cat is cute and he own is not bad person.But just like that.)Then the kitchen and any other place in home is something wrong smell.It cannot accept.So now, I lose my lust for foods as culinary favorites.That's why just bread what I can eat just it in my room.My eating habits is getting bad.I need to eat some vegetables, fish and something like that.I know, I feel, but I cannot now.It is important for our lives.I can stand now, but in my future or soon, it may influenced my body.I need changing in my eating habits.Sometimes my friends who were resident officers some years older than me fixed.So I was helped by them.Deserts are in a class of my own.dessert stomach!Then, I bought it today... Buy vegetable!
2005.02.08
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Factor causing my fatigue
I cannot wake up on time in the morning these days.I get the shivers every morning time for no reason at all.At the time, I always feel uncomfortable, and hard to breathe, and what is more my left ear become harder to hear.These factors get more anxious about everything for me.I absolutely hate these feelings.I don't wanna feel anymore.I try to feel better around the clock.I don't like stay at home all day, it makes me feel heat.So I try to go out.I don't want any hands help me.But truthfully, I'd like to someone to do something for me in the depths of my soul.However I cannot say anything for myself and my future.I have been confusing.If I have some helps, next time is also same thing.It means I cannot get over the way without anyone's help.We need some helps to go our ways and our lives.But We decide the point every time by our ownselves for ourselves.It's just in my thinking.Sometimes, my mind and body is still separated.These and more reason is made me too tired of my body.Compared with last year, getting better as time goes by.I should not try too hard to control my feelings.I try tell someone my feelings and thinkings more as I don't say anything anyone until now.I should not do oversolicitous.I do not need all friendship too delicate to enjoy anymore.I try to speak from my heart.I try to say No and Yes from my honesty.I try to do with freedom.(Actually it is too difficult for me.)Don't knock out by myself.Get my life!
2005.02.07
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This high fever causes.
I sometimes have a high fever without cold.I hate that. But I can do nothing.I know how it has come to me before. It comes from some psychological causes and conditions within myself where I cannot notice those by myself and then, I'm in position where it is out of control.This weekend got it again.But it was just morning time.I wanna find way out of the condition.Every time, I try to go out even though it may involve a little trouble.Because after trying it, my feeling is getting better.But it will take a little time and a lot of power to go out for me, only going our...I am always believing my way that keep going for the better.Even if hell freezes over, I can go.
2005.02.06
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英語で日記を書く。
なんてたいそうなものじゃないんだけどずっと考えていました。でも、見てくれている人のことを思うとなかなか実行するかの間で悩んでいました。時々気分で日本語で書いたり英語にしたりしようと思います。Topページに翻訳サイト日本語→英語はつけているんですが、英語→日本語もつけるようにします。上手に訳せられているか分からないですがもしよろしかったらそちらをお使いになってご覧下さいませませ。自分の英語はまだまだひよこどころかそれこそヒナ状態なので間違いもおかしな表現も多いし、見つけた人はどうぞ気が向き次第教えてください。よろしくお願いします。さぁ！楽しみだぁ！。やっと待ちに待った英語の日記を書くぞぅ!!!。
2005.02.05
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いい方向に持っていく力も。
昨夜から上りっぱなしの熱は夕方まで上がる一方。外に出る力もない。ずっと家に居るRoommateの小言と情緒不安定さには疲れた。私は一体何をやってるんだ。これでいいはずが無い。早くここを出よう。そう思って今日Astoriaまで家を探しにいく予定だった。でも、熱が今までで一番酷い。ふらふら。昨日久し振りにあんなに美味しいものを満腹食べたのに。線が一本切れそうです。いい方向に、常にいい方向にと自分を向けていくこと。自然としていたはず。だけどそれははずだけ？。とにかく今日はその力もなくそれ以外の事でもすごく悩んでいる。
2005.02.04
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日本人の私とニューヨーク。
NYに来て本当に色々な人と出逢う。こんなにすごい人数が世界の中心とも言われるこの島にいるんだからそれもそのはず。ここに来てから駐在員の人達やアーティスト、研究員などなどかなりの短期間でも出逢ってきた。その度にほとんどの人たちが私に言う事は、｢ニューヨークに居なさそうな子。｣との事。日本がとても似合う子だ。とかなんとか。確かに自分でもNYに居なさそうだと感じる。ってここに住んでるんだけど・・。それで私はここにいていいのかな。と感じてしまったり。そうこう言われたり思ったりしながら確かにここで見る日本人の女の人は強い。もちろんはっきりとNO!と言う事はもちろんの事、本当の心は寂しかったり色々あるんだろうけど見た感じはきつい感じ。みんながみんなそうじゃないだろうけど、少なくとも私が今まであった日本人の女の子(何年も住んでいる子達)はそんな感じに思えた。ここにいたらはっきり言わないと潰されてしまいそうな気がしたのを思い出した。日本人じゃない人になら自分の意見を何とか伝えようとして嫌な事は出来ないとかまだ頑張ったら言えるんだけど、どうしても日本人には言えない。NOと言うには私には少し考える時間が居る。英語だと大丈夫なのは何故だろう。日本人に対してだとなんだかんだと言い回しを考えてしまうからか。結局はNOなんだから無理ですと言えばいいんだろうけど。嫌々すること程面白くない事は無い。ここに来てまでそんなに気を使うなよって言いたい。こんな私はいつも余計に気を使いすぎて身動きが取れないで居るからそんないらない物は捨ててしまいたい。今は考えたくないといった感じ。とにかくニューヨークにきて私はほとんど出逢った人は日本人。私が日本人だからそうなりがちなんだろうけど。それなら日本でも出来るよ。確かに日本に居るときよりも楽しい人達や日本じゃ出逢わないだろう人達と出逢っている。しょっちゅう行くGolfShopのアメリカ人の店員さんでものすごく仲の良くなった人もいるけどそれはお店での話であって。夜の学校で出会って声をかけてきた男の人はかなり怪しそうだし、と言うか怪しい。どうやって他の国の友達を作っていこうかとここに来てから四六時中色々考えている。PCの学校に通ってみたり、TAPに行ってみたりカポエラ行ってみたり色々。みんなどんな所で出会うのかな。日本人と出逢っても特にどこに行くってわけでもないんだけど。仲良くなれる人も居ればそのまま通り過ぎていく人の方がほとんどだけど、そういうものを求めてるんじゃないなとまた思い返したわけです。日本人が大好きだし、日本人として誇りを持っているし、日本人で良かったと思うし、日本がどこよりも大好きで何より自分の母国。でも、ここに来たのは新しい所でこのどうしようもない気つかい過ぎる自分の性格から解放させてあげたいそういった気持ちも大きかった。重苦しい妬みや訳のわからない束縛、しんどいと感じながら付き合っていくこと、そんなものいらなかった。新しい場所で新しい人達と新しい言葉で。だからアメリカだったんだ。この小さな島には沢山人がいてその人種の数だけ文化や常識や様々なものがあって、同じ人種といたら同じ常識で違う常識の中で過ごす事になる。NYには著名な人達は沢山いるだろうし一流の物や最先端な物、一番と言われるものはここに集まってくるのかもしれない。有名大学もあるし、有名人もいるし可能性も沢山沢山秘めている。(何よりMoMAがある事が嬉しい。)そういった面で本当に魅力的だ。でも思う生活じゃない。(どこにいっても同じ!?)何かが違うな。(ここで満足出来なければいつまでも満足出来ない!?)そう思ったなら次はどういう風にやっていこうか。どうするればそこに近づけるのか。そして今何をしたいのか。(Golf?)早速行動に移そう。こういった感じだと、いつまで経ってもどこまで行っても満足できない感じなのでしょうか。満足できたらできたで不安を感じて焦ってしまうのでしょうか。ここで踏ん張って楽しむことが出来ないといけないのでしょうか。自分なりにいつもそうなれるようにと思って頑張っているんだけど。私がまたどこかに行けばまた何か思われるんじゃないかとか色々思いすぎてすごく苦しいです。私は馬鹿かな。どこに行けばいいんだろう。どこまで歩けばいいんだろう。どうすれば納得出来るんだろう。動いちゃ駄目なの？。動いちゃまた何か言われる？。動いたらまだいけないの？。自分が決めることだし自分が行くべき事。どうすれば一番いいのか考え過ぎたって分からない。行動すべし。怖くて動けないんじゃない。申し訳なさがそうさせる。そう感じてしまうのは自分で、そんな自分を責めてしまう。私のこの思っている気持ちを見て何かを思うなら嫌な気持ちになったり誰かに迷惑をかけるなら私は何も出来ない。それもそれでおかしいかもしれない。でも実際そうなってしまう。それじゃ何も変わってないよ。アメリカにきてニューヨークにきてまた感覚が戻ってきたならそれはすごく怖く感じる。ニューヨーク。色んな人と出逢えて色んなものが足早に通り過ぎていく。私はその中で今生活していて何を感じているか、ふらふらしてでも小さな足のその小さな歩幅でも歩いていく中で求める場所を感じたら直ぐに行ってみたらいい。Golf、真剣に考えています。
2005.02.03
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睡眠は大切だ。
最近睡眠さえも取れなくなっていた私。このままじゃいけない。そう思いながらﾊﾞｲﾄを辞めることにしました。(早いっ!?)このままじゃ駄目になっていくなと。体も崩れていくなと。で一番は結局今の調子で何が一番の本分と言うか目的か分からなくなってしまう。と言うのも、このﾊﾞｲﾄ、私が始まる時間は遅く9時から終わるまで。もう一つの夜のPCの授業が9時に終わるからなのです。まぁそういった理由もあって始まる時間が遅いんですがなんだかﾊﾞｲﾄがあると思うともう5時とか6時頃からそわそわして時間が気になってしまい何も手につかない。なんじゃそりゃぁ～って思いながら手につかない。時計もしてるし遅れたりなんてしないし時間も最近の睡眠時間よりも長いというのに遅れたらどうしようと不安になって仕方ない。昔の分単位の予定入れてた頃とえらい違いだ。そんな事を言いながらも学校にPCの授業をとりTAPに行きなどなど結構時間的余裕とは言え勉強したいと思ってもする時間がﾊﾞｲﾄが入ると限られてくる睡眠時間内となる。8時からの授業で電車で行くので6時か遅くても7時には起きていないといけない感じ。毎日のこの睡眠じゃ今日のように起きたら授業終わってたなんてことも。今日のこのアクシデントではっきりしました。ﾊﾞｲﾄなんてしたくないししないって決めて避けてきたけど実際このNYでの生活はFLの2倍!?とまでは言いませんがほぼそうじゃないでしょうか。覚悟の上だけど。とにかく今の私はﾊﾞｲﾄする余裕ナシ！。
2005.02.02
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日課化しつつあるとある練習場。
そうなんです。とあるDrivingRange。Golf中毒にかかってしまった私は日課のごとく12時に授業が終わった後GolfShopへ。良くも悪くも学校から行き着けのお店は5分もかからない。なんてこったい。なんて思いながら解放された後はるんるん気分で買う予定のクラブを見に行く。早く欲しいなぁと思いながらもう1ヵ月半。NewYorkに引っ越してきて一番初めに向かった所はここ。2階にあるクラブを試し打ちする所で行く度に打っている。(迷惑!?)何だか恥ずかしいし迷惑かと思いつつもお店に入ったら｢打て打て。｣って言われて連れて行かれ｢また明日ね。｣と明日の約束。｢明日はこれを試したらいい。｣とまで。行ったら何故かレッスンしてくれる。好意で。それもかなり熱血に。クラブを買って欲しいためもあるんだろうけどどうやらそれだけじゃなく本当に彼らに熱が入っているのがわかる。一人じゃなくて数人で教えてくれる。そして名前も顔もほとんどのお店の人に入り口の警備員までも覚えられてしまっている。とうとう行きずらくなってしまった。これじゃあの日課のシュークリーム屋と同じ。小さいから覚えられにくいと思い、それに小さな楽しみにしていたかったから静かに店を出入りしていたのに。また今日も見つかって｢２階でちょっと打ってく!?｣って。それに答えて｢Yes!!!｣と喜ぶ私も私だ。遠慮するべき!?でもここでしか練習してないな。ってここ練習場じゃないんだけど。実際お店の人はここで冬場は練習するんだとか。隣りのネットの下でしてたのは仕事中のお店の人でした。｢お昼行ってくるから30分くらいで戻ってくるから好きなだけ打って遊んでくれてたらいいよ。直ぐ戻ってくるから待っててね。｣って置いてけぼり!?それに続いて、お昼からちょうど戻ってきた人が｢元気!?すぐ来るからねぇ。打って待ってて。｣って・・。一体私は・・。もちろん楽しんじゃいます。
2005.02.01
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全22件 (22件中 1-22件目)
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- オーディオ機器について
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