Coaching carousel spits up loyalty oaths, Lincoln Riley to Jedd Fisch. Keep receipts

We’ve reached the most sickening point of the coaching carousel . Here come the loyalty pledges.

From Seattle to Atlanta to Los Angeles and lands in between, coaches are pledging allegiance to their employer. I think I might yack.

Taking first prize is Washington ’s Jedd Fisch. In an Oscar-worthy performance , he pretended to be outraged his name has been included on speculative lists of potential candidates for the Florida job.

“Those lists are made by people who have no idea what’s going on, honestly. They don’t know what’s happening in our program,” Fisch said, in a speech made for a politician’s stump. “They have no idea how excited I am about the youth in our program. … We love coaching at the University of Washington.”

My guy, you just lost 13-10 to woeful Wisconsin , and the Badgers ’ leading passer was the punter. So, yeah, you don’t need to convince us you’re not going to be Florida’s next coach. Your team’s last performance told me as much.

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Those with good memories recall Fisch’s previous vows to stay at Arizona .

“I couldn't do that to my wife, Amber. She has made 12 moves with me,” Fisch said back then on SiriusXM, when asked about whether he'd maybe leave Arizona.

“I am committed to the kids here,” he added. “I want to see this come to fruition.”

Fisch put it even more emphatically in 2024 during an appearance on “The Jim Rome Show” while at Arizona: “I have no interest in going anywhere,” Fisch said then.

Fisch left Arizona for Washington, shortly after his loyalty pledges. His wife and kids stayed in Arizona , so his teenage daughter didn’t have to change schools. Fisch brought along some Arizona players to Washington.

So, when Fisch pledges allegiance to Washington while Florida, his alma mater, is hiring, I say in the Ron Burgundy voice: “ I don’t believe you .”

I do believe Florida should show restraint from hiring a coach who couldn't beat an opponent that used a punter-led passing attack.

Shane Beamer channeled some Fisch energy earlier this season. Beamer called South Carolina his “ dream job ” and downplayed the idea of leaving for his alma mater, Virginia Tech , where his dad Frank became a legendary coach.

“I have conveyed publicly many times how much I want to be here,” Beamer said.

Is that a promise, or a threat? Beamer’s Gamecocks are 3-6, making them one of the season’s biggest busts after a preseason No. 13 ranking.

While Fisch and Beamer want us to believe they’re not feeling an itch to rescue their alma maters, Georgia Tech ’s rising star Brent Key sounds ready to take a blood oath for his alma mater.

“Slice me open and see what colors I bleed,” said Key, a former Yellow Jackets offensive lineman.

Georgia Tech fans will absolutely love that line. Put it on T-shirts and print them by the thousands.

Maybe, Key is one of the real ones. Hey, you never know. For fans wishing to hedge their bets, keep some lighter fluid on hand for the shirt-burning bonfire if Key breaks his word.

At Southern California, former runaway Lincoln Riley apparently found his resting place .

“You guys know what I sacrificed to be here,” Riley said. “I’m where I need to be.”

Points for cleverness here. Riley is using the fact he vamoosed from his last job — a really good one — as evidence he won’t leave this job, another really good one.

Lane Kiffin , the hottest name in the coaching carousel, has abstained from the loyalty pledges.

His No. 7 Mississippi Rebels will host Florida this weekend in the Kiffin Bowl. Everyone from Steve Spurrier to Gators interim coach Billy Gonzales has endorsed Kiffin’s acumen. He remains a top candidate for Florida.

At what point does Kiffin need to decide whether he’s staying or leaving?

“I don’t know,” Kiffin said this week. “I’m not that far down the road.”

I finally heard something I can believe.

Blake Toppmeyer  is the USA TODAY Network's senior national college football columnist. Email him at  BToppmeyer@gannett.com  and follow him on X  @btoppmeyer .

This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: College football coaches make gross loyalty pledges except Lane Kiffin