9 Subtle Ways Your Body Language Might Make You 'Instantly Unlikable,' Psychologists Say

When thinking about communication, we often default to written or spoken words. However, you say a lot without saying anything through your body language—and it can make or break whether people want to say anything to you.

"Body language is a powerful form of nonverbal communication that can reveal feelings, attitudes and intentions from across the room," says Dr. Brittany McGeehan, Ph.D . , a licensed psychologist. "It can invite conversation or cut it off before you say anything. It often conveys more information than spoken words, making it critical in building trust, rapport and understanding in personal and professional relationships."

Your arms, eyes and fingers may give off subtle cues conveying memos you don't mean to send. Psychologists reveal nine surprising ways your body language makes you appear "instantly unlikable" and the No. 1 nonverbal cue to implement today to become more likable instead.

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9 Ways Your Body Language Can Make You 'Instantly Unlikable,' According to Psychologists

1. Poor eye contact

The eyes are a window to how you really feel (or, at least, how others think you feel).

"Failure to maintain eye contact can suggest dishonesty, lack of confidence or nervousness," Dr. McGeehan says. "It can also signal that you aren't interested in the conversation or that you have someplace to be."

Notably, Dr. McGeehan doesn't recommend glaring or staring at someone, but soft eye contact with someone you're communicating with exudes confidence and interest. That said, another psychologist—who agrees with the power of eye contact —suggests giving people who struggle with this nonverbal cue some grace.

"Some people may have difficulty making eye contact, and it is important to be understanding in these circumstances," says  Dr. Alexandra Stratyner, Ph.D .,a psychologist. "Additionally, eye contact can be perceived as disrespectful in some cultures."

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2. Avoiding facial expressions

An emotionless face comes off as stone-cold, even if your words are warm.

"A neutral or blank face can come across as...detached or bored during a conversation," says Dr. Joel Frank, Psy.D ., a psychologist with Duality Psychological Services. "Without facial expressions that align with the emotion of the interaction, others might struggle to connect with you or accurately interpret your intentions."

3. Mirroring

In an attempt to avoid No. 2, you may go too far.

"Mirroring is typically viewed as empathetic and a way of connecting with others," says  Dr. Denitrea Vaughan, Psy.D., and LPC-Supervisor , a psychologist with Thriveworks . "However, when done excessively, it can make people feel uncomfortable and present as fake or phony. If you are perceived as trying too hard, people may become easily annoyed with you and may not trust or consider you authentic."

4. Leaning in

Physical closeness, such as sitting or standing an inch or two from a person, does not always promote connection—in fact, it can encourage the opposite. 

"Invading someone's personal space can feel intrusive and uncomfortable," Dr. Frank says. "Everyone has different boundaries, and failing to respect them can come across as aggressive or inconsiderate."

People may not communicate these boundaries, so tuning into their body language is critical to determining when to lean out.

"If you're ever unsure about whether you're holding a healthy distance from someone, pay attention to what they do with their feet," Dr. McGeehan says. "If they take a step back, this may indicate that you're too close."

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5. Slouching

You may not even notice it, and spending time hunched over a computer may make slouching your "default." However, working on this body language cue can do more than alleviate back pain.

"To some, bad posture signals an absence of confidence," Dr. Stratyner says. "It can lead others to perceive you as uninterested, bored or even disrespectful professionally."

6. Crossed arms

Dr. McGeehan says this one is the biggest body language turn-off.

"Crossing your arms can signal defensiveness and closed-mindedness very quickly," she explains. "You are quite literally cutting off your body from the other person."

You may not mean it—you might just be cold. Still, it's worth noticing and correcting.

"Even if this isn't your intent, it's important to keep your arms open if you are trying to build a relationship with the person you're talking to," Dr. McGeehan continues.

7. Fidgeting

First, a quick caveat from Dr. McGeehan: "Some folks struggle with ADHD and genuinely need some sort of fidget in order to stay present in a conversation," she says. 

That said, fidgeting can be a pitfall. 

"Constant movements like tapping fingers, bouncing legs, or playing with objects can indicate anxiety, lack of focus or impatience," she says.

If you frequently fidget, Dr. McGeehan suggests being upfront. 

"For example, I use thinking putty in therapy sessions, and I tell my clients in our first session that it helps me focus," she explains. "This way, they don't think I'm focusing on something else while we're in an important conversation."

8. Exaggerated or aggressive gestures

Like mirroring facial expressions, big, giant hand gestures can be a total turn-off.

"Overly large hand movements or pointing can feel aggressive or intimidating, making others uncomfortable," Dr. Stratyner says. "It may also signal a lack of control or an attempt to dominate the conversation."

(Again, Dr. Stratyner cautions that cultural norms on hand gestures vary—be kind.)

9. Air quotes

More subtle hand gestures can also make people come off as instantly unlikable.

"They are often used sarcastically unless they come from someone who is already perceived as genuine," Dr. Vaughan says. "People may not take you seriously or won't feel you take them seriously when you're perceived as sarcastic by using air quotes. They may feel like you are mocking them when using air quotes, so it should be avoided."

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The No. 1 Body Language Cue to Focus On Today

Eye contact.

"Maintaining genuine and warm eye contact is crucial for conveying likability through body language," Dr. Frank says. "This can foster trust, openness and approachability, which are essential for building positive connections."

Dr. Stratyner echoes these sentiments.

"It signals that you pay attention and genuinely care about the conversation," she explains. "It also expresses confidence...Pairing this with a soft smile can be helpful in further communicating positive feelings."

Dr. Vaughan also says a simple smile can light up your likability factor.

"A genuine smile creates a feeling of safety," she adds.

Up Next:

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Sources:

• Dr. Brittany McGeehan, Ph.D. , psychologist

• Dr. Joel Frank, Psy.D ., psychologist with Duality Psychological Services

• Dr. Alexandra Stratyner, Ph.D ., psychologist

• Dr. Denitrea Vaughan, Psy.D. and LPC-Supervisor , psychologist with Thriveworks