I drank the new Starbucks Protein Coffee so you don’t have to
The new Starbucks Protein Coffee drinks are the sort of things you’d see in a dystopian YA novel where the main character is overlooked and misunderstood while trying to balance the affections of two moody boys.
It’s coffee with protein mixed into the milk – along with some flavorings. In the book, it would be a metaphor for how the post-apocalyptic world stripped away all the color and nutrients and left them with just this nutrient drink of caffeine and protein.
But the main character doesn’t take the flavorings in hers. Because she’s different .
90s It’s the sort of thing you order when you’re a zombie in the morning and need something akin to plugging a USB-C charger into yourself to get some energy.
I’m not here to judge. I’m actually one-eighth breakfast goblin on my grandfather’s side and have read more YA novels than I’m ready to admit publicly.
I also enjoyed these more than I probably should have.
Starbucks Protein Coffee | Review
Starbucks is using a pretty simple method to implement its new protein strategy. It’s simply blending unflavored whey protein into 2% milk.
You can get that protein boost in your milk in two different ways:
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Protein-infused milk
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Protein-infused cold foam
The protein-infused milk is available as a standard milk option along with things like soy, oat and almond. It comes with a $1 upcharge.
Meanwhile, the Protein Cold Foam has a ton of flavors, including banana, vanilla, sugar-free vanilla, chocolate, matcha, salted caramel and brown sugar. You can also get plain Protein Cold Foam along with seasonal flavors.
While you can get the extra protein worked into any drink using the milk or foam, Starbucks has a few options they’re promoting with the release of the protein drinks.
It’s pretty telling that the most prevalent options are an iced vanilla latte, iced matcha and a chocolate cream cold brew. Those are strong flavors that have enough punch to cover up the taste of the protein powder.
Starbucks is putting out these drinks like a contestant on the “Great British Baking Show” whose cake fell apart and now they’re trying to cover it up with buttercream.
Everyone can see what they’re doing. But it’s fine because sugar solves everything.
What does it taste like?
Iced Vanilla Protein Latte
All in all, this does a decent enough job of tasting like a vanilla latte.
I got the default option here, which is a grande latte with two shots of espresso, protein-boosted milk and four pumps of vanilla syrup.
Normally, all that vanilla is in there to cover up the taste of espresso. Here, it’s pulling double duty in covering up the unflavored protein powder as well.
Overall, it’s an opaque, milky latte with some vanilla sweetness that makes it more palatable.
Chocolate Protein Cold Brew
This is the drink made with the Protein Cold Foam instead of the standard protein milk.
You can tell something is up with the foam. The froth at the top is weirdly chunky. It looks more like a protein shake than a latte.
But once you get past the visual, this thing is actually delicious. You get an awesome rush of flavor from the chocolate and the coffee. You really don’t get much of the protein powder at all.
It certainly helps that it’s just conventional cold brew at the bottom.
Plain Protein Latte
I wanted to try and isolate the protein flavor, so I tinkered a bit with my order to get a Plain Protein Latte.
Without any major sweeteners, you can definitely pick up the off-flavor of the protein. It’s like a normal milky latte with notes of clay.
I now see why the default option included four pumps of vanilla.
Weirdly enough, you don’t taste the coffee either. So if you’d rather have the flavor of whey than coffee, this could be for you.
So is it any good?
Jokes about dystopian YA novels aside, yes, I rather liked these.
Sure, companies are going a little crazy in the rush to find new ways to cram protein into things. It’s a little much. But we’ve had worse trends.
Remember in the 90s and early 00s when “reduced fat” was a big thing? This is much better.
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“I ate it so you don’t have to” is a regular food column about offbeat eats, both good and bad. I picked the name years ago and now we’re sort of stuck with it.
You can send any praise/food suggestions to nomalley@masslive.com . Please send all criticisms and complaints about the protein craze to deisenstadter@masslive.com. You can check out the rest of the series here .
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