こんな真実

standing on the platform

As I walked to the train station, First day of work, or should I say going to training my Japan... my one thought was that "jumping is an option"as in Jumping into the train.I've never wanted to jump in to a train it seems to painful and too messy. But for some reason that moment, over a week ago when I walked to the station i thought that "it is an option" Not a solution but an option.I've been in Japan now for almost 14 days... Living with my best friend is starting to wear me down.. I have my own place now but I haven't had the time to fully move in yet. Tomorrow I hope to, and honestly need to move into my own place. I'm not good at this living with people thing and well .. it really is getting to me.I feel so alone. So, so, alone.I don't have friends that I can randomly chat too.I don't have anyone that wants to talk to me.. that is happy to see me.Its making me a desperate person.. happy for any attention happy for anysimple reason. I screwed up somewhere in my Karma wheel on potential loves... It was because of how mean and horrible a person I was to C... it fcking sucks.I feel so broken.. I feel so hollow.I'm in a brand new city but I feel so stuck in the past.. I really need to just let go, and let the past be the past.. be only me in this moment..So much easier said than done....on a night like this... i just need someone to talk to. but no one is here.... sigh.