The 16 Sleep Mistakes Parents Don’t Realize They’re Making, According to Experts

Reviewed by Angela Holliday-Bell, MD, CCSH

Key Takeaways

• Teaching your baby to self-soothe by 3 months can help them develop healthy sleep habits.

• A consistent sleep routine and environment are key to helping toddlers and preschoolers sleep better.

• Preschoolers still need a predictable bedtime routine to ensure they get enough rest.

Many new parents struggle to put their child to bed, tackling everything from endless cycles of wake-ups to challenging nap times . Rest assured, these nighttime woes won't last forever. Parents can begin implementing solutions today that can have a lasting impact, beginning with learning how to approach their child's sleep differently.

To help you understand how to best tackle your child's sleep issues and help them get through the night, we spoke to pediatric sleep experts for their foolproof tips for babies, toddlers, and preschoolers. With just a few adjustments to your routines, your little one may just drift off to dreamland in no time flat.

How You're Sabotaging Your Newborn's Sleep

It may be tempting to cuddle your newborn to sleep to avoid hearing them cry at night, but experts recommend stopping this practice by the time they reach 3 months. Parents spend too much time rocking and holding their infant at the beginning of the night, preventing their newborn from learning how to self-soothe and slowing the development of healthy sleep-wake patterns.

"As a result, a baby learns to fall asleep with this help—and then when [they] wake up during the night [they] can't get back to sleep alone," says Judith Owens, MD, director of the Center for Pediatric Sleep Disorders at Boston Children's Hospital.

Co-Sleeping With an Infant Is Never Ok

Remember never to co-sleep with your infant. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) strongly discourages co-sleeping with newborns under the age of 1. Babies this young may not be able to move their heads or bodies away from a caregiver's body or heavy bedding that can roll onto them at night, leading to an increased risk of suffocation, entrapment, and sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).

During the first several weeks of your baby's life, nearly anything goes as you attempt to get your baby to sleep however you can. However, by the time they reach 3 months old, experts recommend putting them down in their crib "drowsy but awake." Although they'll cry for a while, soon your baby will learn to drift off without help.

Here are additional ways you may be sabotaging your newborn's sleep and what to do instead, according to experts.

You nap on-the-go

As much as possible, have your baby nap in their crib. "If [they] often fall asleep in a stroller or a car seat, [they're] going to associate motion with sleep and have a hard time nodding off without it," says Jodi Mindell, PhD , associate director of the Sleep Center at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia.

Aim for at least half, though ideally more, of your baby's naps to be in their bassinet or crib.

You feed during bedtime

When her son was a baby, Angela Mattke, MD , a pediatrician at the Mayo Clinic Children's Center in Rochester, Minnesota, would breastfeed right before putting him down. "Because of this, whenever he'd wake during the night, he wouldn't fall back asleep until I breastfed him ," she says.

At 8 months, when he was still waking three or four times a night, she decided to switch the routine and start sleep training. After a challenging week in which she gradually allowed her son longer times to calm himself before returning to the room—while not offering additional nursing—Dr. Mattke's son learned to self-soothe.

You may be able to avoid this problem by finishing your baby's final feeding before you start the bedtime routine. Also, try to feed your baby in a room they don't typically sleep in so they don't associate nursing with bedtime.

You don't follow a sleep method

Start sleep-training no earlier than 4 months. There are a few sleep training options , so pick a method you can manage, says Lisa Medalie, PsyD , director of the pediatric insomnia program at The University of Chicago Medicine.

You can try a sleep method like putting your baby down awake but drowsy and letting them "cry it out" without reentering the room. Or, opt for a more gradual method like the Ferber Method , which allows you to check on your baby after putting them down, but calls for slowly increasing the time between check-ins the first night, from every five minutes for three nights to every 10 for the next three nights, and so forth, until you no longer go in at all.

You react to every noise

Don't come running the instant your baby makes a peep during the night. Give them a chance to work it out for themselves and see if they fall back to sleep without your help, says Dr. Mindell.

Worrying about an older child who shares the bedroom? Don't. Chances are they won't wake up (and if they do, they'll probably roll over and keep snoozing). "If you go in every time you hear a sound, you're going to create a sleep monster," warns Dr. Mindell.

Some age old advice for exhausted caregivers? Sleep when your baby sleeps—that way you can ensure you get the rest you need while still being awake for the moments they need you.

How You're Sabotaging Your Toddler's Sleep

Most kids transition from two naps to one sometime between 15 and 18 months. If you're allowing your toddler to nap too much during the day, they won't be tired enough to fall asleep at bedtime. Limit your toddler to no more than three hours of daytime sleep in total.

Here are a few other ways you may be sabotaging their sleep and tips to help your toddler become a better sleeper .

You let them take naps late (and outside the crib)

Make sure your toddler doesn't fall asleep too late in the afternoon since this will make it harder for them to drift off at night. "Naps shouldn't start later than 2 p.m.," says Dr. Medalie. Except when it's unavoidable (such as at a child care center ), your child's sleep location should be consistent. "Toddlers should be napping in their bed—not on the couch, not on your bed, and not on the floor," says Dr. Medalie.

You transitioned to a big-kid bed too soon

Lots of parents feel they need to move their toddler to a big-kid bed by age 2. This is a common misconception. Think about it from your child's point of view: "You're taking away [their] safe haven—and toddlers don't always have the behavioral control to stay within the boundaries of a bed," says Dr. Mindell.

Unless your toddler is climbing out of their crib regularly, it's best to wait until around age 3 to make the switch.

You're too excited before bed

Rethink your bedtime routine if it includes a tickle fest. The hour before bed should be quiet and soothing. "If your child is racing around, it'll make falling asleep harder," says Dr. Owens.

Try Power Down Hour

Power down hour takes place during the hour before your child's bedtime and is comprised of low-stress activities to prepare them for sleep. Try reading a book, playing a simple card game, or meditating with your children an hour before they go to sleep to wind down for the night ahead.

You lack boundaries

Setting firm boundaries around bedtime can help develop proper sleep habits. "Once my kid started sleeping in a big-boy bed at age 3, we made a rule that he had to stay there," says Dr. Mattke. "He could call us, but he couldn't go out to find us." If your child comes into your room, make sure they're not sick—then, without delay, walk or carry them back to their room.

How You're Sabotaging Your Preschooler's Sleep

Once you get your baby sleeping through the night, you might be surprised to find that as they grow, they will still experience periodic sleep problems . For example, bigger kids commonly get a case of FOMO (fear of missing out) at bedtime, which could further complicate your bedtime routine. Here are some ways you may be preventing your preschooler from getting the sleep they need, plus tips to help them settle down.

You don't encourage mindfulness

Mindfulness is the practice of getting in touch with one's thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Encourage your preschooler to be more mindful by teaching them kid-friendly meditation techniques, including deep breathing exercises, mindfulness activities, and even guided sleep meditations .

Your kid may find that they have fun with these activities, which can encourage peacefulness, quell over-excited emotions, and promote peaceful sleep. It's a win for everyone!

Keep Time in Mind

Gradually build your child's meditation practice by starting with one minute for each year of age. As your child improves, you can increase the time. The AAP recommends parents place the following time limits:

• Preschool children: A few minutes per day.

• Grade school children: 3-10 minutes twice a day.

• Teens and adults: 5-45 minutes per day or more based on preference.

You lay next to your child in their bedroom

Need to kick the habit of lying next to your child until they drift off? Slowly transition yourself away from their bedroom over a few nights. "First sit at the edge of the bed as [they] fall asleep, then move to a chair in the middle of the room. Next move to the doorway, and finally go out into the hallway with the door open," says Dr. Medalie.

If your child is accustomed to sleeping in the same room as you, you can encourage them to sleep in their own room by gradually moving their mattress further and further away from your bedroom until it's in their room.

You make bedwetting a big deal

While it can be frustrating when your preschooler wakes up wet in the middle of the night, don't make a big deal out of it.

"Bladder maturity varies widely among children. It's normal for a child to have accidents at night until around age 7," explains Dr. Mattke. Quietly and matter-of-factly, ask your kid to change into dry clothes while you change the sheets. If your child regularly has nighttime accidents , it may help to use a waterproof mattress pad.

You don't incentivize bedtime

If your preschooler constantly resists going to bed, avoid arguing and making threats. Instead, set up a favorite activity as the last step of your nighttime routine. Give your child something appealing to look forward to, says Dr. Mindell. For example, one family she worked with had a son who was obsessed with G.I. Joe, so they made five minutes of playing quietly with his action figures the final step before lights out.

You co-sleep

No matter how tired you are (and how cozy it might be to curl up with your preschooler), don't let them slip into your bed during the night. Bring your child back to their room and avoid talking or cuddling, says Dr. Medalie.

Encourage them to stay put by giving them two "bedtime passes" at the beginning of each night. If your child comes into your room, they must hand one over. If your child has one left in the morning, they can exchange it for a sticker. This extra motivation might be all they need to stay in their own sleep space.

You force them to sleep

Some days, your preschooler might still need a nap; some days, they won't. Rather than forcing them to go to sleep, set up a rest period after lunch when they can play quietly on their bed if you're at home. If your child falls asleep, be sure to wake them after an hour.

You don't stick with a plan

Parents often let kids' sleep habits slide by age 4 or 5. "They cut corners on the bedtime ritual and may stop insisting on a regular bedtime," says Dr. Owens. Even though your kid may seem big to you, remember that they still need a predictable routine to settle in for a good night's rest.

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