Tragedy Of The Spirit-Part 7-Life Goes On And Changes Occur

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After I got to my friend Jenifer's residence we began to talk. I told her what had transpired over the last few months at home. I also mentioned to her my plan for my eventual escape and how I ended up on my cross country trek. Our conversation picked up a fair bit. She never judged me, only gave me the Love and acceptance that I so desperately needed.

She asked, "What are your plans? Do you have any?"

I replied, "Off hand, I have no idea. However, I do need to escape from here."

Jennifer stated, "I can help you to be yourself."

I simply nodded my head in agreement. Seeing how I had arrived there kind of more like a girl than anything androgynous. She could see my budding breasts that were more those of a twelve or thirteen year old than a fifteen year old girl's, and my shrunken willie was
kept
hidden in my panty, never erecting as a boy's should.

She asked me if I wanted some dinner. I nodded my head.

After dinner, I went and had a long hot bubble bath. I needed this as my bones were aching and I needed to think. Jennifer seemed to know what I needed.

"Melissa, you look all worn out."

"I am," I sighed.

"How about I run you a hot bubble bath so that you can soak?"

"Bubble bath? What's that?"

She smiled, "One of the few luxuries that we girls get to indulge in. I am not surprised that you were denied this treat."

"This was the first that I heard about it. If my 'mother' ever had one, she never let me know," I sighed as I saw yet another way that I was abused.

When I saw the tub of soapy water, I cried as I saw the Loving care that Jennifer was showing me. She helped me to gently ease my aching body into the tub and groaned as the warmth opened up the pores andsoftened the many scars from my beatings. And my sphincter relaxed and began to loose its constant stiffness from all of the rapes that I had endured.

Jenn stayed with me, taking a sponge and rubbing my back to massage it, cleansing away years of dried blood and dead skin, giving my back a totally new skin that was waiting for the old to slough away. Shecontinued her ministrations, continuing to reveal a fresh body under all of the grime of the old body. When she did my hair, she shampooed it and rinsed away layers of dirty, oily residue from inadequate washing.

Then she drained the tub and washed down all of the dirt left behind, than had me lay in the tub as it filled with fresh rinse water to clean away the soapy residue. When I emerged from the tub, I asked Jenn if I could borrow some shorts or a nightgown to relax in. She nodded and went to her room and found one. It was light pink and had a picture of a robin on it. I have onesimilar to that today.

I really began to feel remorse for what I did. Even though it was hell for me back there, it was the only way of life that I knew. To me, being raped and abused was the natural order of things, that was all that I knew.

However, I knew I had to do what I needed to do or else I would have ended up dead at my own hands I had tried to take my life twice before, but was uncertain of whether or not I would succeed next time.

I also had to reconsider where and what my purpose was going to be. What would I do? What could I become? I also had to reevaluate my strategy in case they came looking for me. For some reason I knew they wouldn't. I was finally away from them and they could care less about me.

To them, I was the black sheep of the family, the unwanted red-headed step child that caused problems. It was with these thoughts that I went to sleep on the couch.

The next morning, I went to thekitchen and talked with Jenn. I asked her, "What do you mean by assisting me?"

She kindly said, "I can help you if you really need to figure a way to get out of here and start anew."

My reply, "How?"

Jenn said, "I can redo your hair and get you some clothes, as I know you have not that much."

I nodded my head. I was ashamed that I had such a meager wardrobe. What I brought with me was the best of the clothes that was available to me. Everything else had blood stains on them from my many beatings.

Jenn said, "You I would need to get your ears pierced and get some makeup and clothes at the mall."

I was not quite exactly how I was going to manage that trick work out as I only had a few clothes to wear and they seriously needed a wash. Jenn measured me from head to toe and then left. The only clothes I had were not nearly enough to get me through a week.

A few hours later, Jenn arrived at home with 4bags of clothes, makeup and jewelry. She told me, "Strip and then go to the bathroom and shave your body clean."

I did. I had a really stunned look on my face as I went. I was scared and seriously pondered my choice to leave and start anew. I also knew in theback of my mind I made the right choice, I think!

90 minutes later, I was clean and smelling pretty. Seeing how I did not need that much padding for my chest as I was already a size ‘A’ breast, Jenn assisted me with a bra and told me to try on the panties she got for me. I did with much hesitation. Three hours later I found myself absolutely gorgeous. My skirt was knee length (grey) and a light pink top. My hair was below my shoulders (auburn). I found myself staring at my reflection.

I was finally seeing the beautiful woman that was hidden under all of the dross. I was a phoenix arising from the flames of my pyre. I was the Rose, blooming after a most bitter winterinto a spring of new hope. I was the Princess from the fairytales. I was more, much more than I ever hoped to be.

Jenn broke my interlude by saying "Lets go."

I was stunned and shocked at this. So I asked, "Where are we going?"

"Shopping," she smiled.

I was extremely nervous, scared and a bit excited. I managed to hold my composure as we left for the Woolco store in the mall (now Wal-Mart). I really had my doubts as to my course here.

I was literally, a babe in the woods, I had no concept of the dangers that awaited me nor the refuge that I would find. I was very much like a ship without a sail, and Jenn was my lighthouse, my hope and sanctuary. She was my port in the storm of life, and would be for years to come as I sought my own way in life. At the time, I did not know that she would be waiting for me in Heaven, one day. All that I knew was that she was my Angel.

My plans! My future! What life could Ipossible hold? I am small town girl, yes I considered myself a girl at this point. As we walked in the store which was enormous, we headed for the intimates section.

I told her, "Jenn, I cannot afford this stuff," I cried.

She replied, "Do not worry about it, you can pay me back sometime."

I was shocked when we left as I had 4 new bras, three skirts, 3 matching tops and heels, the highest was 3 inches. I preferred my 2 inch heels though which were black and had CZ studs on the straps. (my favorite, I still wear them today. I also have a pair that have real diamonds on the strips).

Two Hours later we arrived back at her apartment, and I unloaded my clothes. I eventually tried all my clothes on and settled on my grey/black a-line miniskirt and light grey tank top (cut off at the navel). We went out for dinner that night. I also made notes as to what it cost so I could reimburse Jenn later.

^^^^^

I guess atthis point I should mention to you the reader a bit about my friend Jennifer, well she was 5'8 approximately 150 and athletic, she went to school in the city. She was in grade 11. And at 17 was also working as a waitress in a coffee shop. I had met her at a 4H meet. Over the years she became my source of inspiration and remained friends until she passed away in 2000. When she passed away, I lost my Best Friend. I never thought that I would find another until Melanie arrived and a special man who I wish that I could meet, Stanman63.

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We eventually went out and met some of her friends. Abby was 5'4 and quite shy, not like the famous advice columnist, Dear Abby. Marissa was 5'9 and very talkative and loud, very much the Italian girl that her name promised. There were a few guys there which I assumed were the girls’ boyfriends. Allan was seated with Marissa, and Kent was with Abby.

Unbeknownst to me that night wouldbe the start of something new. We were eventually joined by a few other of Jenn's male high school friends. Tim was 6'2 and very muscular. Adam was the complete opposite of Tim, he was 5'7 and skinny (not nerd skinny) just nice looking in his jeans. I found out that both played on the football team and were seniors.

I knew that Adam started to look at me with interest. After all the introductions were made and some small talk exchanged. We went out and walked to the park, which was a quarter mile away. The girls paired off with their boyfriends and I was stuck talking with Adam and Tim. I was very nervous and somewhat skittish at this point. I knew Adam started to chat with me. Not paying much attention to what was going on. He slipped his arm around my waist and we started to walk a fare distance away from the rest of them. I wondered where Tim had disappeared to and Adam told me that he decided that a "fifth wheel" was not needed here and heleft.

Adam started a conversation with me by asking me, "Where are you from?"

I answered very quietly, "A few hours drive south of the city,"

"How do you know Jenn?"

"I met her at 4H meet."

"Do you go to school in the city?"

"I am out of school right now."

"How old are you?"

"I am only 15 years old."

"How long are you going to stay in the city?"

"I am not sure how long I am going to stay here in the city," I sighed.

He touched my shoulder, and saw the bruises, "Why the bruises?"

"I fell."

I did not realize that I was still bruised on my stomach and shoulder. That was from the last beating my dad gave me. I do not heal well from injuries. Anyhow our conversation was light and I began to warm up to him in a big way. He eventually put his arm around me and we kissed my first real kiss from a nice guy. However my thoughts were conflicting.

Do Itell him? Do I submit to him like I have done before? Do I feel the need to be loved? Those questions I would never have answered because the next few minute’s things changed as I was lowered to the grass and was kissed quite harshly and then I was punched and then my hell began again. I submitted to his advances and I took him into my mouth when he stripped to his underwear. He called me a slut, whore and a freak.

Somehow I guess he must have figured things out for himself and knew what and who I was. He abused me that night in the park and raped me just like my father and brother had. I realized that this was going to me my path from now on. Or at least till it either killed me or I killed myself over this. I began my life as a teenage prostitute.

I guessed that life does go on and well, life for me will go on, just not the way I had envisioned for my self as major changes occurred that night. The scars will remain and I havechanged. For better or worse, my future would only tell me that if I survived it, that is.

**

Of interest the park is Patricia Park. The store was located at the north end of the city. Jenn lived four blocks from there. Woolco was the anchor store to the mall here in the city and eventually was changed over in the mid nineteen eighties.