Tragedy Of The Spirit-Part 8-Life On The Road

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After my Brutal rape and assault by Adam, I sat down and talked with Jenn about what had transpired. She asked me how I felt.

"How do you feel about what happened to you? I know you went through hell with your dad and brother, how do feel about a repeat?"

"Well, I am scared like hell and upset, I just can not make sense of this whole episode. Is this the life I want or am destined to live?"

"I am not sure I can answer that for you. Hun that is something you and you alone have to decide."

"How?"

"Take it one day at a time, and DO NOT let anybody get you down."

All I could do was nod my head as if in agreement. I decided then that I would not let Adam, or any other man destroy me. They might rape, or abuse me, even kill me, but they would never own mysoul.

"Thanks, Jenn, I need your wisdom."

"Did you enjoy it."

"In a sense, I did, it was a sense of belonging, a sense of love."

All she could do was shake her head. I truly believe that years after all this personal hell I went through; she was the one person that never criticized me or my actions. I did not know it at the time, there were others who would become my friends as she had become. I had yet to meet Melanie Dixon, nor my friends at Big Closet, of whom Stanman63 would become very close in the end.

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Several days past and I were dressed in my tight black skirt and white tank top. I decided to go for a walk while Jenn was at work. I wandered down to the local video arcade and some other minor shops along 12th Avenue . I was simply enjoying being a girl, free from the hell that was my life.

I entered the jewelry shop and browsed about. I ended up purchasing three pair of earrings, whales,
dolphins and starfish, I still have them today. I then ventured to the video arcade as I
was very curious as to what was there. I had never been subjected to video games or the like. I did not know what pinball was, or even Pac-Man. The only games that I knew about were board games and card games such ass Rummy, and Old Maid.

Growing up in rural Canada , you only had three television channels, two local ones and a French station. Upon entering the arcade that did I spot but Adam, and he noticed me right off the bat. He came over to me and said "Hi."

I just nodded my head. He took my hand and led me to the open area of the arcade where his friends were. I was introduced to 5 guys, Ken, Gordon, Phil, and Stan. After introductions were made, the guys went and finished doing whatever it is what guys do in an arcade. Adam stayed by my side. He had a firm grip on my hand and wouldn't let go. I finally broke the silence between us by asking,"Why did you rape me last night?"

He smiled and said, "I wanted to cause you were toomuch of a slut, and deserved to be raped."

"That was mean and nasty; don’t you care about me? Or is all sex with you?"

He nodded his head and said, "Both."

I had a quizzical look on my face and asked him. "If you cared then why rape me?"

He said, "Cause he wanted to and I was going to regardless if you wanted it or not!"

"No girl likes such an attitude! You would NEVER do that to Jenn!"

Because I can do what I want with girls and I KNOW I can with you!"

I was shaking by this time and told him, "I have to go, Jenn will soon be home, and I need to go."

He kissed me hard and winked at me then stated, "We shall meet again for more fun, very soon."

I arrived home 20 minutes later and told Jenn what happened. All she did was nod her head and said, "It's your choice how youwant to live, hun."

After dinner Adam showed up and things progressed from there, I went outwith him, reluctantly, and we met his friends and well I ended up doing them all more than once in both my mouth and rear. I was so sore and crying when I arrived home several hours later, that I crawled into the tub and cried some more and tried to wither the pain away. The next day, Jenn was gone before I woke up. I made a decision, while I ate. I wrote a note to Jenn.

Dearest Jenn,

I have decided on my path and that is a life that was set by my father and my family. I am leaving here and will contact you when I reach my destination. I will be on the road for a while. I have no idea for how long. I am not sure what I will do. I do know that I will somehow manage. I love you and as a friend I will cherish that friendship forever. Please do not worry. I will contact you when I can.

Love

Melissa

PS. If for some reasonyou are contacted by Adam, tell him you have no idea where I went.

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I set offto go north. There was a city about two and a half hours away. I began my life on the road and my survival. I was not sure what I would find, yet alone what I could do. I had run away from the only friend that I had because of Adam. I could not stay and become his personal whore, and I did not want Jenn to get hurt defending me. THAT would have destroyed what was left of my spirit.

I was only a grade eight graduate and well not many opportunities for a grade eight young boy that looks like a girl. I had grown my hair out and was a lovely dark red and wearing heels and a short mini skirt I was statuesque at 6 feet 2. I was still rail thin and today I am still relatively sexy, I think. I found a small place not far from the main drive and settled into this place, it was low cost hotel, fifteen dollars a day or a monthly rate of two hundred. All
it was a bedroom with a bathroom, and small kitchen. The television had more channels, thanks to the
cable, but I seldom had time for watching it.

I began my street education that night when a guy of about 40 years old paid me $200 for sex. I was not looking for anything just walking to the store. It dawned on me afterwards, that I could make some serious money at this, each hour or so I was making money. A tall Asian male approached me and told me, you can work for me."

I told him, "No, thank you."

Several others whom had witnessed the conversation told him, "Don't push it, she is with us."

Wow I thought, 'New in town and new to this and I began to make friends right away.'

The first girl I met was Mandi, the second was Trish and the third and forth were Cathi and Claire. This guy never stood a chance with them let alone with me. I soon began making serious money and by the end of that first night I think I madeabout $400. Mind you I had been out there for at least eleven hours.

I decided to make a effort toget a bank account and save some money so if there was a chance of going to school I could, or anyplace I ended up I might settle down. Even then, I wanted a Home of my own, a place where I could forget my living hell and put aside my past.

As the nights and weeks passed on I ended up leaving to go west and see what was out there. I had written a letter to Jenn saying I was okay and not to worry. I made about $5,000 for the time I was with the girls working on the corners and making many good clients. One client I really got to know and always tipped me more than I felt I was worth. His name was Kendal; he was some hot shot business type.

I moved on and kept making friends and doing my nightly strolls on the corners, mostly by bars and disco's etc. I ended up banking a lot of what I made, anyhow. I was propositioned by a lot of guys
that told me I could work for them and they would give a great life. Yeah, right. I became very street wise
and savvy, I had worked in two cities so far. Who knew that this skinny little freak that my parents called me would be this street wise girl and would not take shit from anyone?

I guess from looking back now, I know I messed up while on the streets. I will always hold what I did it for survival. I gained my self esteem back and some self worth. Even it is well misplaced. I was living my life away from the living hell that I came from. I had taken that hell and had turned it into my way to survive. Never more would I let myself be hurt as I had been, I might get raped, but more often than not, I got well paid for my services.

I had a lot of regular clients and always treated them to the best time they ever had. I worked from 3 in the afternoon to well past dawn the following morning. Sometimes 16--18 hours a day. The money was not
great. However, it helped me live as best I could. Things could have been much worse. I could have become a
part of some stable of company whores, strung out on drugs.

I always wore tight short mini skirts and low tops and my breast began to grow as I was able to get birth control pills at the pharmacy or from my friends. Luckily, the pills did not damage my liver as they could have. These pills were prescription drugs, not black market pills sold to the unwary. Where ever we went after work, we were gawked at and even propositioned and sometimes we took those new clients to new heights of pleasure.

I was raped and began to actually enjoy it. I found that after each of the encounters, I was seeking love, acceptance and approval from my potential clients that I craved from my family. I received payment for this.

After 5 months there in the north, I went west by Greyhound and found a different style of clients. These were rich and
would pay a lot to have a "girl" like me. By that, I mean a girl in transition into becoming a woman, or a
hermaphrodite. The times were rich and the men were hot and horny. I grew in both strength and stamina. I found that I could go all night if I had to with certain clients. I will let you know I never drank or did any drugs while I was doing this and I am proud I never did.

I stuck with drinking coffee, tea, or a soda. I never could stand the taste of beer or most alcoholic beverages, except for wine or champagne. Those, I stayed away from, If I let myself go, I would be enslaved to alcohol and drugs soon after. I had heard too many horror stories from my fellow streetwalkers about how an innocent had died after succumbing to the wiles of a client or her john.

After 3 months there and made a lot of money I ventured west farther than I expected. I ended up near the Pacific Ocean . I relished the scenery, the skyline, the air of the
city. I found the ocean air to be invigorating, the constant crash of the surf to be awe inspiring as the waves
churned against the shore in the never ending dance of Nature's beauty.

I started working the streets in late January of my 16th year. I guess I had been on the road doing my thing for almost a year and a half when I ended up on the coast. I stayed there working till late summer, when I got bored and headed back east, not knowing or really caring where I would end up. Several days later, I ended up 8 hours from where I first started off so many months before in the city where Jenn lived.

I guess it became routine for me, I would pick up my clients on the main drag and then have the required sex and then get dropped off. I did make a lot of friends in this line of work and we came to protect each other. We had a system, if you could call it that. You see, if we were not back in a specific time then, one would ask his/her client
for help finding us. I developed a habit where I would write the plate numbers of my clients down, and I kept my
journal with me each and every night that I was strolling for money.

I stayed there for 7 months before I got bored and decided to head west again to the boom town as I call it and see if I could make some more money. My life on the road of pleasure/pain/enjoyment: No, I hardly think so. I do know this, though I grew up really quickly after I left home which seemed a lifetime ago, and I guess it was. I continued to write Jenn when and where I could. I guess my road life was beneficial and yet continued my suffering and pain.

** Footnote here. The west coast city I was at before heading east made a lot of headlines recently with Robert Picton. I strolled the same street corners as the girls he murdered.