Building and Maintaining Effective Communication with Your Children

By FCPS Intervention and Prevention Services
Healthy Minds
October 10, 2025

Many families struggle with communication. It's rarely about big arguments, but often, it's the general daily interactions where connection falters. It is those missed cues, unsaid feelings, and misunderstood intentions that create barriers. Effective communication builds trust and understanding. It is greater than simply talking more to your children...and it definitely takes some thought and work on the part of parents to make it happen. So let's explore some practical strategies to improve communication with your children to build strong, lasting relationships.

Adjust Communication to Your Child's Age and Development

First and foremost, you need to take into consideration the age and developmental level of your child. For younger children, be sure to use simple language they can understand. Keep sentences short and direct while using visual aids when needed. Young children connect easily with story-telling (there are many wonderful children's books to connect with on a topic you wish to introduce) and play-based learning. For preteens and teens, get prepared for more complex emotions and opinions. We all want to share our wisdom, but now is actually the time to let them do the talking. Allow your children to speak freely with a respect for their privacy (this conversation stays here) as this allows them to open up more freely to share what they have to say.
Create a Safe Space for Open Communication

Look to avoid judgement. If your children feel that you are constantly judging them, you will learn little from them. This is can be tough at times, but you need to make every effort to not react with anger or criticism, especially when your children share something difficult. The goal is to hear from them so you can support and help guide them.
Put Away Distrations and Set Aside Time for Communication

We live in a world full of distractions. Put down your phone, close the laptop, and turn off the TV. Make eye contact and pay attention to nonverbal cues. Show your children that they have your undivided attention. Maintain regular check-ins with dedicated times for conversations. It can be a short time daily like during dinner or evening walks, but it establishes an expectation that in this family, we find time to communicate with one another.
Listen Actively and Validate Feelings

Truly listen to what your children are saying by focusing on understanding their perspective. Reflect back on what you think they are saying and re-state it in your own words to limit misunderstanding. Use phrases like, "It sounds like you were really angry when..." or "It seems like you are disappointed that..." Acknowledge and validate your children's feelings even when you don't agree with them. Avoid dismissing emotions and telling your children that they are overreacting. Show empathy by trying to step in their shoes to imagine what they may be feeling. Use phrasing like "I understand that you're feeling sad about that" or "Wow, that sounds pretty frustrating." It doesn't mean that you necessarily agree with everything, but it shows you are listening and have an understanding of their perspective or experience. In response, it encourages your children to open up further.
Shift the Focus from "What" to "How"

"What" questions like "What did you do today?" often lead to a response requiring limited thinking such as "nothing" or "I just did my work." On the other hand, "How" questions lead to a response focused more on emotional experience. Ask directly "How did you feel about that presentation in English class?" or "How did that conversation with your friend make you feel?" By asking "How" questions to gather information about thier emotional experience, you are inviting your children to engage with you and share a more personal view of thier day. A stronger connection with your children is built as you let them know thier emotional experience is meaningful to you.
Make Use of "I" Statements

When addressing concerns or providing feedback, use "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory. Instead of saying, "You're always on your phone," try saying, "I feel concerned when you spend so much time on your phone as I miss our time connecting together." "I" statements allow you to express your feelings without blame while encouraging your children to understand your perspective and begin to take personal responsibility.
Make Use of Open-Ended Questions

Closed questions are ones that can be answered with a simple "Yes" or "No." This leads to communication dead ends. Instead, make use of open-ended questions that encourage more expansive sharing of thoughts or feelings in communciation. Instead of asking, "Did you have a good day?," try asking, "What was the most interesting thing that happened today?" or "Tell me about a topic in class when you felt excited today?" These questions encourage children to share the details to help you get a better understanding of just what is happening in their lives.
Tap into Their Interests

We all like to talk about things that we most enjoy. Show a genuine curiosity in the interests or acitivites of your children, even if it is not entirely your passion or even makes any sense to you. This shows you value their interests and gains their willingness to engage more deeply in meaningful conversation. It can build a lasting connection.
Remain Patient and Persistent

Building strong communication with your children takes time and effort. You may not see results immediately, especially if you are making a significant shift in your communication style. Allow you and your children time to adjust. Stick with it and create opportunities for conversations. Continually let your children know that you are always available to listen. You are showing your children you care about them and forming a stronger bond through communication that can last a lifetime.

Healthy Minds News shares information related to youth mental health and wellness for an audience of parent, educators and community-based providers. Articles include tips and strategies for increasing wellness and resiliency, as well as fostering success at home, at school and in the community.

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