愛と欲望
（あるいは69行の幾何学的な愛欲）

山田維史

お前にぼくの秘密をうちあけよう
ぼくがお前を殺してしまうなんて
このナイフの血の滴りを見たまえ
ぼくは森の谷間でぼくのナイフを
お前の下腹深く突き立ててやった
蝶の翅のようにお前は脚をひらき

切っ先にまといつき締め付ける謎
ぼくの舌は言葉を失い極北で痺れ
空間は濃密さを増し血が臭い立つ
怖がらなくてもいい、おちつけと
自分に言い聞かせ堅く握りしめた
ナイフに真紅の花を咲かせて行く
お前はのけぞり喉を震わせながら
古代女神のように乳房を突き出し
やおら両手を広げて大地を掻毟る
空気は薄くぼくはすでに息苦しい
肉の摩擦で挑発される凶器と狂気

抜き差しの連続で火のように熱い
森の樹々の葉叢がざわめき焦げる
むっと立ち昇る肉屋の火事の匂い
金屋子神に仕える鍛冶師のごとく
ぼくは行為の中で技術を確立する

ぼくの精神は肉において統合する
精神は何も語らず肉に代弁される
ぼくは内側からお前の形をなぞり
苦悶と快楽とに歪むお前を見つめ
耳をそばだてお前の気息を捕らえ
粘膜を限界まで引き絞っては弛め
お前もまたただ肉として痙攣する
ぼくは一瞬たりとも目を離さない
白眼を剥き目尻に溜めた涙を辿り
地下水をたたえた深い井戸の底へ
お前のイドを求めてぼくは降りる
見ることで欲望の成就を確認する
存在の証明を想像力にたよらない
ぼくのナイフはもはや器物でない
他者として遮る硬膜を切り裂いて
滲み出る粘液にしちどにまみれて
貪るようにお前のなかへ没入する
おお愛しいのだ愛しいのだお前が
干渉しあっていたふたりの波動が
やがて大きなうねりとなって行く
お前は何度も弓なりに反りかえり
バネのような強靱さで抵抗を試み
かと思えば蜜のように溶け出して
幻惑と戦慄の中にぼくを投げ出す
ぼくは背骨を撓め、位置を正して
両尻の筋肉を意識的に緊張させる
世界を構成する網が一点で結ばれ
自他の境が消失する、その瞬間だ
お前の断末魔の鋭い叫びとともに
ナイフの先端で遠近法が逆転した
肉の筒の内側に星雲が渦を巻いて
奔流となってぼくを襲い呑み込む
ぼくは、たちまち弾き飛ばされて
殺人者としての方程式に堕落する
行為の主体から客体への逆さ吊り
そして昂然として他者であるお前
急速に萎えて行く凶器を握る情熱
足早に立ち去るぼくの青い背中に
お前は分厚い白紙の辞書を投げた
いまさら何を書きこめと言うのか
想像力の欠如を後悔で埋めるのか
自己疎外者の失地回復を願うまい
まったく予想もしない結末だった
お前にぼくの秘密をうちあけよう

LOVE and LUST

I'll reveal my secret to you
It's a story that I killed you!

See the blood of this knife
I thrust it into your belly
in the valley under woods.
You opened your legs like
the wings of butterfly and
formeded the rainbow of night
into the womb of the ground.
The mysteries stuck involving
the point of the knife, bound it tight.
My tongue obtained language, bent and
was numbed with a north polar region.
The increase of consentration and
blood of space were stinking up.
''It does not need to be afraid.
Keep cool'' persuading myself to do
I dyed my knife with the red bloom
which I grasped tightly, and go.
Shaking curvature and a throat,
you projected the breast like
an ancient goddess, extended
both hands just then, and
scratched and plucked the ground.
Air was thin and I was already stifling.
The weapon and my insanity
were provoked by friction of meat.
Violence expanded aiming at justification.
It was hot like fire at continuation
of extraction and insertion.
The leaves of the trees in woods
were noisy and burned
rising the smell of like
the fire of the butcher.
Like the blacksmith who serves God,
I established technology in the act.
My soul unifies the boundary of
the technology of violence and
the technology of love with the flesh.
No soul was told but was paid by proxy of the flesh.
I traced your form from your inner side.
I gazed at you who were distorted
for agony and pleasure.
Pricking up my ears, I caught your breath.
Membrane was strained to a limit,
and was loosened and you also twitched as meat.
It was sufficient for me for a moment,
and I didn't look aside, either.
The white of your eyes were skinned,
your tear accumulated in the eye area was followed,
and I got down in quest of your id to the bottom of
the deep well in which groundwater was stored.
Accomplishment of my desire was checked by seeing.
It didn't depend for the proof
of existence on imaginative power.
My knife was not a vessel any longer.
It was absorbed into you so that
it might tear apart, might be heavily smeared
with the oozing mucus and the membrane
interrupted as the others might be coveted.
Oh, I love you, my darling, darling !
It interferes, and two persons' wave motion
which suited serves as a soon big surge, and goes.
If you bend backward to a bow repeatedly,
and try resistance by toughness like a spring
and or is thought so, you will begin to melt like
honey and will give me up into dazzle and a shiver.
I bent the backbone, correct my position
and strained the muscles of both the hips intentionally.
The net which constitutes the world was tied
with one point, and the boundary of oneself
and others disappearwd. ---It was the moment !
With the sharp shout of your moment of death,
perspective was reversed at the point of my knife.
The nebula whirled around by the inner side
of the pipe of meat, it became a rapid stream,
and I was attacked.
I was instantly flipped off and was degenerated
to the equation as a murderer.
Upside-down from the subject of an act to the object.
And you who were the others triumphantly.
I lost quickly strength in my passion
which grasped the weapon.
You threw the dictionary of the thick blank paper
at my pale back left at a brisk pace.
What do you say "Write in now"?
Is lack of imaginative power
fill uped with regret?
I would carry out a self-alienation
person's recovery of lost territory to not wishing.
It was an end which didn't carry out
anticipation at all, either.

I'll reveal my secret to you
It's a story that you killed me!

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