2008年04月の記事
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just what i did these days
It's been more than 2 weeks since i wrote a diary last time....What was i doing during this 2 weeks....??The weekend before last one, i went to th desert for the first time in my life.Last weekend, i walked around "art walk" in little italy.Then, this weekend,,, Asian culture night will be held at school!!!I'm joining dancing Zatouichi!Last week we had the practice once,,,,, it was pretty hard.I got muscular pains..hahaThis whole week until Saturday, we have practices everyday.Losing weight----!!!Only thing i'm annoyed is ..... start time, or 9pm.All members other than me live on campus so that that time is the best for them.For me, it's the worst due to the bus!!!!!!The last bus leaves from school @11pm.I got to take it, otherwise i'll be sleeping somewhere at school...but taking the bus around that time is so scary------!!!!I'm gonna try not to be killed.hahaWell you might think Natsuko is hunging around all the day!!!But, actually i have few classes weekdays, so i'm always staying home.This made Casey say to me like "you are always free."NO-----!!! Staying home doesn't mean "Im free!!!"I cant study anywhere else but my room. just make sure. hahahaOh last week, i got the chance to introduce my idea in the class.We handed in three business ideas each.Then the professor selected 12 out of those more than 200 ideas including one of mine!It happened all of the sudden.Professor told the students whose ideas on the list to present to the class.It was only like 2 or 3 mins.He was like "just give us quick notion about your ideas~~~~"....... it's still hard for me to tell the class the idea quickly without any preparation!!!But there is no way to escape....so i did.I didn't get as nervous as i expected actually.just felt so embrassed.I could find my english disorganised and messed up even in speaking.sigh,,, i got to study ENGLISH much harder...2 of 3 classes for this quarter, class paticipation is super important for the grades.It's still tough for me to say someting in the class....At one of them,the professor already remember my name, so it's fine,i think.The problem is the other!I couldn't say anything in the class!Because this class is kinda boring....I still have to be in high tension to speak english.so if the topic doesn't hit me, i can't say anything.ummmmm,maybe i should go to office hour to get him notice there is a poor internationl student.well, i should stop here.This blog is mainly for myself not to forget what i've experinced.So thank those who read this diary and sorry that topics jumped around.
2008年04月29日
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しゃしん
しゃしんってあんまり好きじゃない。キャノンで働いてたくせに、カメラ売り場に立つのがいやでトイレにこもるくらい。あたしはほんとうにこころからきれいだと思った風景はしゃしんにとりたくない。あたしのやすっぽいカメラと、あたしの腕では何倍も、何十倍も色あせてしまうから。でもそうじゃないんだって思う。しゃしんはそのときをきれいにきりとる。1枚のしゃしんはその前後で決して切れることのないいっぽんの時間の流れを思い出させる。すこしぶれたしゃしんも、ズームをしすぎたしゃしんも、その時を思い出すには十分すぎるくらいの光。でも、ほんのいっしゅんしかきりとらないから、あとはあたしのこころのなかで思い出は再生されるだけ。それがどれだけリアルなものか、もうあたしにもわからない。よくも悪くも、あたしのなかにはそのときの思い出はきれいにうかんで、そして消えいく。ひとはみんな何か理由があって生まれてきていて、ひとはみんなすてきに輝くために生まれてきた。ひとはみんな幸せになるために生まれてきたんだよ。あなたはあなたであることがすばらしい。だからあたしはあなたを愛し、だからこうして一緒にいる。あなたはこの世にたったひとりのあなたで、それだけでものすごく尊いことなんだよ。苦しいことも、悲しいことも、どんなにつらいことも、乗り越えたらまた強くなれるし、そのあとに誰かを助けるため。つらい経験をしたぶん、あなたは人を助けられる。あたしは愛を語るにはまだまだ及ばないけど、アメリカの地を踏み、空気に触れ、愛の尊さを少ししった気がする。知らない間に涙がでてた。強すぎる風ですぐとばされてったけど、それでも次から次へとあふれてきた。この言葉に触れられて、あたしはひとりの人間としてここに生きられていることに感謝します。女でも男でもなく、一人の人間として。あたしとして。
2008年04月22日
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やっぱり
あたしは国際関係学専攻だなんていえないなぁ。あたし大学生活なんも得てない。まわり見てみるとやっぱり国際の子たち凄い。特にNGOやJICAで国際協力をしたいってずっと関わってきてる子たちをみてると、まぶしすぎて、そんなみんなと一緒に大学生活を送れていることを誇りに思うと同時にすごくつらくなる。あたしは途中で違うと思ってしまった。もちろんないわけじゃない。でもそれだけ全身全霊を注いでる人達をみてるから、あたしの想いはこんなもんか、って気づいた。結局口先だけで何も行動に移さず、あれは違う、これは違うって選り好みばかりしてきて、結局今も軸のないまま。あたしはいったい何をしようと国際に入ったんだろうか。国際に入ったことは人生で運命だと思うくらいにあたしにはなくてはならないし、本当によかったと思ってる。でも同時につらくなることも確かだったりする。劣等感が生まれてしまうから。国際協力に関してはもちろんだけど、他の分野でもみんなしっかり自分を持ってて、それに行動力も知識量もある。そんなみんながいるって推薦で知ったから、どうしても筑波にきたかったんだけど。。。甘い状況に入ると甘えてしまうくせに、少し厳しいところに入るとこれだ。だったら自分の道を探せばいいのに、いまだはっきりしない。またふりだしにもどった。留学中ずっとこの問題が頭にあって、いまだ答えはでない。いつ答えでるの。ていうか、答えはもう出さなきゃだめだって。周りのひとを凄いと思うのは、自分が足りない、できないことを示してるようなものだっていう。でもしょうがない、本当だもの。みんなすごくて、あたしはまだまだ。････そろそろリアルに焦ってきたな。うん。
2008年04月18日
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人間って
あたしらももともと小さな細胞だった。分裂して、染色体が分かれて、発芽して。理科の授業で習ったみたいなことが本当におきてる。だから時として、細胞としてうまく機能せず、大きくならないままの生命もある。そう考えたとき、この世に人として生まれてこれたことをすごく誇りに思ったし、あたしがそうであるのと同様に、まわりの人達もみんな凄い尊い存在なんだと思いました。人間ってすばらしいです。見た目よりあたしは強いから大丈夫。人は困難を乗り越えたとき、大きくなれるんだよ。やっぱりあなたはあなたです。本日：ラクロスの試合観戦恐ろしく激しいスポーツでビビリました。せめて相手に攻撃するときはモノを使わないでほしかったです。笑
2008年04月13日
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神様はいじわる
神様はいじわるだ。そんなことしなくたっていいじゃない。あなたを、神を、一番信じてた人じゃない。世の中はなんでうまくまわらないのかな。なんで幸せになるべき人がそうならないのかな。それも時が経てばよかったっていえる？なんでうまくいかないのかな。なんでかな。
2008年04月11日
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Steve Jobs Stanford commencement speech
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1R-jKKp3NA&feature=relatedHe talked three stories.What i realized from this speech is that the crucial difference between him and me is just whether you make your action match your words or what you know.In his second story, i was astonished.Because i already know the the words that he was impressed by when he was young.I even introduced it to my studentes about 1 year ago and preached on how important it is to live the day as if it were the last day of their life.Have i been translating it into my actions like him?Probably no......It's not the difference between him and me but between the successful people and others.As you might know, "successful person" does not stand for only wealthy people like running good companies like Steve Jobs.Live what you talk, make your actions match your words.You must live what you preach and do it right and do it often.Day after day.It was a great oppotunity to look backward.I'll stop mentioning it, because i think his speach is well worth listening to at least once.Enjoy!
2008年04月09日
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しあわせ
こないだとっても大事なことを教えてもらいました。わかってたんだけど、どうやったらいいかわかんなかったあたし。周りの人にhappyになってもらうには、やっぱ自分が一番にhappyを伝えなくちゃいけないね。しかもまたまわりまわって自分もしあわせな気分になれるんだもんね。もっと早く気づけばよかったなぁ。うちはしあわせだよー。ほんわか。
2008年04月08日
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Role Model
I have a role model, my hostmam's and dad's daughter who works for the dentist as a manager.She is such a smart, beautiful,kindhearted,,,,,(continued...) woman.The first time i met her was just the beginning of my staying here.She took me out for lunch driving her cool no-roof car.(it was the first time i got in that type of car!! )I just felt something bright from her.The second time we met, i realized she is the very women,my role model.We were talking about thanks giving day.She told me how important it is for her and how great it is to thank others.Somehow we started talking about how we should live as a women and a mother.She's been married for 10years.They don't have a baby.As she said, it's just beacuse it's not the time to have a baby.This 10-years have been significant for them to love and respect earch other.She said with great confidence, "We love each other more than we got married."In her opinion, married couple just needs that time and i think that's true though it doesn't matter for me how long it is for.At that time, she disclosed her seacret that she is trying to have a baby.She felt it was the time.Then, we moved to talking about having a baby as a mother.She is a busy working women and i knew she liked working.So i asked how she will balance the life as a mother with that as a working woman if she has a baby.Her answer was clear and undertandable."I'll come back to working. I like working because i can't live without communicating with others. If i stop working, i would not be happy. If the mom is not happy, how could the baby be happy??"That's totally true. It's natural to think like that but i will almost give up balancing them.So i got impressed with it.She was also like "B(her husband) owns his business so that if our child get sick, he can schedule his business instead of me!! It's just cooperation."I know her husband. He really is nice so i just nodded.She suggested i should have a husband like him.lolSince then, we got so close.When i gave her christmas present which implies I wish her happy life with her husband and baby, she got so happy sheding her tears.We cooked Japanese food together and learned what we should eat as blood typeA.I gave her recips of Miso soup and she gave me that od spinacj pie.The other day, i heard her good news.She got pregnant finally.i was sooooooooooooooooooo happy to hear it and almost crying.Because i know how she is feeling about it.Today, she came down to our house.She told me that what is more wonderful, she's gonna have her baby around thanks giving day which is precious for her.It's the very gift from god.I wrote too much already but still not enough, so little bit more.I put the massage on my mirror saying,"Smile. Today is going to be better than yesterday."It's from her actually.She's been doing it since she was a high school student.Now she has a dream board in her room.It has some pictures and messages on.Picture of older boy and younger girl so that she can have one boy at first and one girl after that.Picture of beautiful house which she wants to live in the future.The message saying "Going round people who get you better"and so on...I'm sure her dream comes real.She is just amazing.She is my role model.I love her and her way of living.I wanna be like her.I'm so glad to have knowen her.I'll come back againg to see her and her baby for sure.
2008年04月05日
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good words
Oppotunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.=Tomas Edison=*treat others as you would want to be treated*share the wearlth that is created with all those who have contributed to it at all levels*give back to the community=Jeff Timmons=The Essence of SurvivalEvery morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning a lion wakes up. It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death. It doesn't matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle: when the sun comes up, you’d better be running. -Unknown
2008年04月02日
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to remind myself
*activities with Jon FishVisited Ecocenter-hybrogen as energy resourceFollowed Jon consulting clients who starts small business*House of Blues in downtownGospel brunchMelting pot *Farewell party for Jinka School has started.As is usual for me, the beginning of the quater is like war killing me....Catch up with all the classes in order not to be behind!!!!!!What am i doing for this 3-month?*study study study*Score*FBLA??*internship??I should balance study with other activities.
2008年04月02日
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