　そこにはファミリーレストランと、少し離れて牛丼屋があったのである。
　私はファミリーレストランにも牛丼屋にも行ったことがないけれど、コロナウィルス感染防止として打ち出される、政府ならびに東京都の飲食店を狙い撃ちにするような政策のいわば犠牲なのであろうか。
　私は「犠牲」と言った。というのは、さらに自転車を走らせていると、こんどは老舗と言ってもよい居酒屋が無くなっていた。ビルの地上階にあったその店は、外から店内を覗ける窓を昔の映画ポスターを貼りめぐらして塞いでいた。映画好きの私はそれら古い映画のポスターを「欲しいなー」と思いながら長年通り過ぎていた。それらポスターも店の看板も取り除かれ、窓からはからっぽの店内が見えた。
　・・・私は、これはもはや、行政が発令した政策による直接の影響としか思えなかった。そして、人が生きるすべを奪う政策とは何だろうと思った。

　私自身の生活はコロナウィルス禍の前後にほとんど変化はない。冗談でもなく粋がっているのでもなく、私が職業とする画家という筆一本での生計は初めから破綻しているからである。破綻を覚悟して、副業もなしに、生きて来た。それを良しとして、私にとっての「価値」を基準にして愉快に生きて来た。
　したがって私には本当のところ、店を廃業しなければならくなった人の苦悩を分かっているとは言えない。

　私は子どものころから独り暮しをするなかであまたの人の心を感じてきたし見てもきた。私を孤児だと思っていた人もいた。自炊をしているのを知った近所のおばさんが「沢庵漬け」を持って来てくれたこともあった。「いまにヤマダくんも、泥水を呑むようになるんだ」と自分自身の人生観を、中学生の私の未来に重ねて無礼なことを言う教師もいた。また、いわば世間知らずの坊ちゃんだった私は、まるで当たり前のように宿賃も払わずに、知人の家に長逗留したこともあった。その家の人たちは嫌な顔ひとつしないで私を逗留させてくれていた。そのことに、私は後年、ようやく気がついた。
　そんなわけだから、私は私の両親家族の家庭しか知らなかった。私の家族の家庭が他家と大きく異なっていたとは思わないが、実のところ私は他家の一般的な生活を知っているとは言い難い。そんな馬鹿なと言われるだろうが、私は７年半前に民生委員に推挙されて、その仕事の過程で初めて他家の生活を知った。それは、絵筆一本で綱渡りをして来て、そして朝から晩まで一日中・・・年から年中、それ以外のことをせずに76歳になった私の生活とはまったく違うのだった。そのことを、以前、従姉と電話で何気ない話をしながら言うと、「あなたは多分そのとおり、一般的な生活を知らないと思うわ」と従姉は言った。

　比較するものがないので私自身の暮しを顧みながら、いまここにきてほとんど強いられたように廃業した人たちの暮しを思った。仕事を奪われ生活を根底から破壊された人々の行末を想像すると私の心は暗然とする。理念がないバカな政治家どもがいいように引っ掻きまわしているような日本の現状に、私は暗澹となる。

　・・・2時間ほどのサイクリングをして帰宅すると、私の腕はまっかに日に焼けていた。水で冷し、冷たい茶を飲み、キャンヴァスに向かった。

It cleared up for the first time in the long rainy days,
so I went cycling for about 2 hours in the morning as
an exercise.

The streets that i'm used to seeing are strange. It
feels empty. It's not just that there isn't much traffic.
And I noticed. There is no building that should have
existed, it becomes a vacant lot, and it can grow to
wild grass as much as they want.
There was a family restaurant and a gyudon restau-

I have never been to a family restaurant or a gyudon
restaurant, but is it a sacrifice of the target of policy
of the State Government and the Tokyo Metropolitan
Government, which is set out to prevent COVID-19
infection?

bycycle, there was no longer a long-established
izakaya (tavern). The izakaya, which was on the
ground floor of the building, closed the windows that
looked into the inside from the outside with old movie
posters. As a movie lover, I passed by for many years
thinking "I want" those old movie posters. However, The
posters and the signboard of the tavern were removed,
and the empty interior of the isakaya tavern could be
seen from the windows.
... I could only think of this as a direct effect of the
policies issued by the government. And I wondered
what the policy was to deprive people of their way of
life.

My own life has not hardly changed before and after
the coronavirus disaster. It7S neither a joke nor a
snazzy one, because the livehood of a painter, who is
my profession, has collapsed from the beginning.
Prepared for bankruptcy, I lived without a side job. With
that as a good thing, I have lived happily on the basis
of "value" for me.
Therefore, I cannot teally say that I understand the
suffering of those who had to close the store.

I have felt and seen the hearts of other people while
living alone since I was a child. Some thought I was an
orphan. An woman in the neighborhood who knew that
I was cooking myself brought me "Takuan (radish
pickles)". Some teacher said rude enough to that
"Yamada-kun will be swallowing muddy water," and
puted his own outlook on life on my future as a junior
high school student. Also, as a naive boy, I once
stayed at an little acquaintance's house for a long time
wiyhout paying the rent as if it were a matter of course.
The people in the house kept me staying without a
disgusting face. I finally realized that in later years.

That's why L knew only my parenta' family. I don't
think my familt's family was very different from other
homes, but in facr I can hardly say that I know the
ordinary life of other homes. It maybe said that
such a stupid thing, but I was recommended as a
local welfare officer seven and a half years ago, and
for the first time in the process of that work, I
learned about the life of another family. It was
vompletely different from my life when I walked
a tightrope with a paintbrush and walked all day
from morning till night ... year to year and turned
76 my own years-old without doing anything else.
... When I talked it to my cousin on the phone
casually before, "I think you probably don't know
the ordinary life," she said.

I wrote only personal extra things, but in
addition to that, continuing to be a profession
as a painter naturally has art management. In
other words, in my case, I am a private manager,
a self-manager, apromoter, and an accountant.
Contemporary artists probably have to have
that ability as well. In recent years, it seems
that specialized education in art management
has begun at Japanese art universities. the
present day painter's image is not like the
image of an old painter wearing a beret, holding
a pipe in his mouth, and heading for Canvas
carefreely with a blurry face.

There was nothing to compare, so whole
looking back on my own life, I thought about
the lives of those who came out of business
as if had been forced to come here. Imagine
the end of the life of people who have been
deprived of their jobs and their lives de-
stroyed from the ground up. I am gloomy about
the current situation in Japan, where stupid
politicians without a philosophy are scratching
for good.

・・・After cycling for about 2 hours and
returning home, my arm was completely
tanned. I chilled it with water, drank cold tea,
and headed for Canvas.

Tadami Yamada

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