Communicating With Teenagers
Last weekend, I dusted off a book that a friend gave me, titled “ Get out of my
Life. But First, can you Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall
?” by Anthony Wolff. The book, which focuses on adolescent behavior, and in its 2nd edition, has been a staple of the “How to Parent” genre.
I love the title; it captures so beautifully the challenges parents face when their teenagers start the separation process – a process of heightened emotions, communication dysfunction, and mixed signals that can cause more than a little friction. I also love the grammatically incorrect subtitle. Classic. It reminds me of my frequent attempts to correct my own children’s misstatements -- a work in progress that I hope will soon reach a happy conclusion.
As I flipped through the book, looking for answers to the challenges I face with with my own teenagers, I noticed a section on school and homework. It describes a number of approaches parents can take to motivate their teenage children at homework time.
Motivating Your Child To Study
Wolff describes two classic approaches that parents take – rewards and punishments, and endorses neither. “If you don’t get all C’s or better for this term, we’re going to ground you until you pull up your grades.” Or, you can use rewards-based motivation.
“All B’s for the year and we’ll buy you a car.”
“Rewards and threats do sometimes work,” Wolff argues, “but only for a while, and they rarely solve the problem.”
Instead, Wolff recommends direct supervision of your teenager, suggesting that for your child to have good habits, he needs to dedicate daily, scheduled time for homework and nothing but homework – even when there is no homework! (No TV or computer time. Find something else to do, like read a book!). Wolff maintains that only by following a regimen can the cycle of homework dread be broken. In short, Wolff argues that the more you do it, the less you resent it, and the more natural it becomes.
Study Skills: When More is Needed.
I think Wolff has it only partly
right, because for many kids, good intentions -- the desire to do well -- are not enough; these students lack essential skills that make homework and studying both palatable and effective. Students need good note-taking skills, time management and organization, preparing for tests, solid reading comprehension, and smart test-taking strategies.
At Think Tutoring, we offer study skills programs in Morris County
for middle and high school students. Combined with appropriate parent support in the home, these programs can turn your homework lollygagger into a directed, confident student. “Get out of my life,” they might shout. “Ok,” should be your response. “When you finish your homework.”
To learn more, download Think Tutoring's 7 Steps To Home to Homework Success.