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Defeat nihilism ! Chapter5

First, let's review the previous article. Feel your emotions (true feelings) and check which cognitive distortion pattern it fits into. Then, while watching the previous series 4, try to practice every day if possible. By doing so, you will gradually get better, but both the "Triple Column Method" and the "Column Method" have characteristics that make it easy to achieve considerable results even along the way.If you have practiced the Triple Column Method or the Column Method, I think you have experienced how easily your mood changes. It must have been difficult to get started. Instead, some people may have been surprised in a good way by the unexpected change in their mood.One of the most frightening characteristics of depression is that it paralyzes your willpower. If you do not realize that you are trapped by the emotions that are binding you, you may feel nihilistic and say, "I don't want to do anything. I'm no good. I'm powerless... I can't do anything..." for weeks, months, or even years.Also, compared to your previous energy self, your current lack of activity will increase your sense of frustration. To make matters worse, nihilism also has a negative effect on family and friends who cannot understand your actions. Because they have not learned enough, they may criticize you for their own reasons and standards. Such words and actions will only make you suffer even more.However, if you have the determination to help yourself by relying on your own will and actions, you will often be cured easily. Many people with depression stubbornly refuse to do anything to help themselves, but once the problem that motivated them is resolved, the depression will disappear rapidly.Here is a specific example. Suppose a woman believed that her mother had been controlling her and had suffered from depression for more than 20 years. A counselor encouraged her to express her opinion to her mother, but she stubbornly denied that she could do so. However, one day by chance, she was able to assert her opinion to her mother. It was a complete coincidence, but her mother accepted the woman's opinion. Her depression improved rapidly after that.Now, regarding the topic of nihilism, why do we do it even if we know it is not to our own benefit?1. Is it an innate human characteristic?2. Is it because we have an impulse similar to that of an M (masochist) in SM?3. Is it actually a way of attacking others in a roundabout way (for example, by causing trouble for others as a result of our own lack of motivation)?4. Do we do it because we can get help from those around us?The bottom line is that none of these are true.1. It is true that there is a lazy side to part of the human psyche, but it is only a "part". That part does not control almost everything.2. If you want to insist that people get pleasure from being bullied, try peeling off your fingernails to see if you can get pleasure from it.3. A person who is deeply depressed does not have the energy to attack others.4. Actually, this is only partially true. Humans long ago needed to live in the great outdoors. So it was effective to simply appeal to those around me that I was weak and receive simple support immediately. Screaming was also effective.However, we live in a civilized modern society. The methods that were effective in ancient times, as mentioned above, are not suitable for modern times. There are many more effective support methods for those of us living in the modern age. Cognitive behavioral therapy is one of the best examples."I don't want to do anything. I'm no good. I'm already alone. I can't do anything." There are 13 psychological states that you are likely to fall into when you become nihilistic like this. Let's take a look at them.*There is some overlap with 12cognitive distortion.1. DespairBecause you are caught up in the intense suffering of that moment, you forget all the good things that made you feel good in the past, the possibility of feeling better, and all the experiences that were actually good, and you continue to despair. As a result, any activity feels meaningless. Even though it's not actually true.2. HelplessnessYou believe that the way you feel right now is determined by factors outside of yourself, such as fate or the opinions of others.3. Being overwhelmedI feel overwhelmed without even realizing it. In particular, I make the tasks I need to do bigger and take perfectionistic approaches.If I thought, "I need to polish every single word, give every appropriate example, and act perfectly to explain cognitive therapy in an easy-to-understand way for everyone! On top of that, there's no way I can achieve outstanding results at work and contribute to my family in the best way possible every day...", I would be so overwhelmed that this blog would not exist!4. The spirit of negationI have a habit of saying "I can't do it," "It's impossible," and "But...". When these are followed by the words "It's probably true, it becomes even more powerful.5. LabelingYou ignore everything else with just one word. For example, if you label yourself as "fat and ugly! Pig," you will lose confidence in yourself, but there are many people who are fat but enjoy life and love and marriage. For example, many comedians fall into this category.6. Not properly evaluating yourselfYou underestimate yourself and the meaning of what you have done. For example, when you participate in a group work for eating disorder treatment, you tell your story and the people around you praise you by saying, "That was an easy-to-understand story." However, if you sell yourself short, you will evaluate yourself as follows: "Was my story easy to understand? That's just because the people around me were kind and understanding. It just so happened that today's specific example suited them. Next time, it's impossible."7. PerfectionismThis is one of the roots of all evil. You want everything to be 100%. In the first place, human existence itself is not 100%, is it? Even God may not be 100%.8. Fear of failureIn particular, overgeneralization is bad. If you fail this time, you are sure you will fail next time too! This overgeneralization is a mistake.In terms of failure and success, both possibilities exist. Even if you fail, it's not necessarily fatal. So why are you so sure you'll fail?On the other hand, focusing only on the result also increases your fear of failure. The process on the way to the result also brings us so many things, including a fulfilling mood and personal growth. If you think about it that way, even if you fail, you can sublimate the failure into an experience by responding afterwards.9. Fear of successYou may be thinking, "You're scared of succeeding? Success is a good thing, right?" This kind of person cannot think that their success is "thanks to me." They think, "I just happened to succeed... I'm sure I'll fail next time! I can't maintain that state of success!" This is one of the causes of the so-called "promotion depression."10. Fear of blame and criticismYou feel like "everyone" will criticize you or not accept you! Therefore, you think that if I do not act as much as possible and do not make an effort, I will not fail.However, unfortunately, no matter how good a person is, they will receive a certain amount of criticism and blame. It is often unreasonable. It may be effective to take a realistic view that only people who have improved their human skills will show a lot of gratitude and acceptance.11. Pressure and rebellionWe are swayed by words of obligation such as "we have to do this" and "we must (absolutely) do this". In particular, if we set unrealistic goals or states that we should achieve, we will continue to bear pressure, tension, anxiety, rebellion, etc.If you feel that this part of you overlaps with perfectionism, you have a sense for using cognitive behavioral therapy.12. Decrease in "room to avoid getting irritated"If there is an obstacle on the way to achieving a goal or solving a problem, we will become extremely angry. We tend to hold grudges against all kinds of unfairness and give up on everything in the end. Moreover, if you believe that you are entitled to success, love, praise, health, happiness, etc., your feelings and situation will become even worse. It is better to realistically think that these are things that you do not have in the first place, and that you can obtain them through various ingenuity and positive interactions with other people.13. Guilt and self-blameYou are not an omnipotent person. (An omnipotent person = a perfect person.) I am a bad person. Other people must look down on me. If you think like that, you will lose motivation to live your daily life. Instead, take action while correcting your unrealistic thoughts. If you do nothing, negative thoughts that will destroy you will take precedence. Doing something will distract you from that self-critical inner voice. What's more, the emotions that arise from your activities will refute the distorted emotions and prove them wrong.Example: When Dr. Mizutani, who is famous as the "Night Patrol Teacher," received a call from a "young person who was suffering and wanted to die," the young person saw an old man working in a garbage dump outside and advised him to "go help the old man!" The young man felt fulfilled by being supported and his mental crisis was relieved.Now, I would like to explain how to overcome nihilism.1. Take action and treat it as a valuable experiment. Compare your state before and after the action. It is especially good to compare the burden and difficulty with the satisfaction and happiness. Even if it is a small thing (e.g. cleaning the toilet, sending a letter, going for a walk in the park), verify that making a decision and taking action on your own can bring about a surprisingly good feeling. It is also a good idea to apply the column method and express it in numbers.2. If you notice a bad thought that is preventing you from taking action, it is a good idea to argue against it. This is almost the same method as the ``triple column'' and ``column method'' already mentioned.3. First, try to get started on it for five minutes. This will create ``task excitement'' and make it easier to get motivated. Actions have a surprisingly large effect on human emotions. One example is when a man famous for picking up girls in Europe once kept teasing a woman who had a reputation for being ugly, and after she kept turning him down, he actually fell in love with her. (I don't like his personality) First, try to take action, even if it's something small.4. What good things will come from taking action? It's also effective to try to think of as many good things as possible and list them as many as possible.5. If you have a habit of saying "But, but, it's not going to happen anyway," try to argue against it. Keep arguing positively (with realism) against your own negative "but" thoughts.6. If you feel you lack confidence, write down self-deprecating words and argue against them rationally. You should notice that you tend to think "all or nothing" and "labeling" in most of your thoughts.(Example: I'm a "useless amateur" who can't use cognitive behavioral therapy!)→It's true that cognitive therapy requires effort and work. It's tough and troublesome. But the consultant assured me that the effects should be worth it. I guess it's the same with anything: if you keep doing it, you'll get better at it...Come to think of it, I've been taking less stomach medicine lately! )7. If you want to achieve great things and success, but can't put them into action, break it down into small steps and work steadily, little by little. For example, if you want to flirt with a girl on the street and make her your girlfriend, first look her in the eye, then bow slightly while looking her in the eye, then say hello after bowing, and so on. The important thing is to set a deadline for each small step.8. If someone tells you something that sounds right and you lose motivation, tell them that you will make a decision and choose to do it yourself, and then do it. For example, say your mother tells you to do your homework. It's right, but it's hard to follow her advice. It's because you feel like you're being pushed around. So tell the other person, "I was thinking about doing that too, so I'm going to do it," and express that it's your choice, not just being pushed around. You will feel a refreshing sense of confidence rising within you.9. If you just can't imagine yourself doing well, it's also effective to improve your image. First, make a list of the good points when things went well, and then use relaxed breathing techniques (e.g., inhale for 3 seconds and exhale slowly for 7 to 8 seconds) to release tension, and then imagine yourself doing well. This is effective for quitting smoking, abstaining from alcohol, and dieting to get rid of morbid obesity.10. If you find yourself believing that you can't do anything on your own, use the counting function on your smartphone or other device to count the things you did independently, no matter how small (e.g., the next time you go to a family restaurant with your family, you'll order what you like without conforming to your family, of course). If you use your own consciousness to act in small ways, you will gradually feel the number of counts and your confidence increase.11. You are extremely afraid of failure. Think back to the process by which people learn to run. Before you could walk, did you suddenly sprint 100 meters one day? Did you start by crawling, and repeatedly fall over when trying to stand up? Isn't that natural and realistic? Why do you, a human being, fear failure, which happens to everyone, and try to be perfect?I have suggested various methods. Be careful not to get intimidated and lose motivation by thinking, "There's no way I can do all of this!" What is the name of the idea that you have to do everything properly? (It's the root of all evil.)You can start with what you find easy and what you are interested in. You don't have to do the content you choose perfectly every time. If you can do more than 70%, that's great. Even 50% is not bad. Don't be obsessed with perfectionism, but do your best at the moment and keep going. My best has nothing to do with impossible. It's an attitude of trying your best as hard as you can today.[Summary]"I don't want to do anything. I'm no good like this... I'm already alone... I can't do anything..." Feelings like this are called nihilism. There were 13 psychological states that make you prone to nihilism. By looking at these, you can deepen your understanding of your own feelings and state and think, "I see, it seems like this applies to me right now."After that, you choose a method from the "11 ways to overcome nihilism" that seems easiest for you and try it out.*In other words, in technical terms, "practicing the 11 ways to overcome nihilism" is what we call behavioral therapy.

Two specific methods for cognitive correction Chapter4

First, let's review what we learned last time. There are patterns of bad thinking that make people feel unhappy. There were 12 patterns. When you feel down, it's important to check the 12 patterns and analyze which one applies to you. Once you've done that, you can change your bad thinking to a good one.When you're depressed, you believe that you are worthless. Depressed people negatively believe that they don't have the things they highly value, such as intelligence, achievements, popularity, charm, health, and strength.To explain it in more detail, they generalize and believe that "being rejected by some people is like being rejected by everyone." It's like the label "rejected" is stuck on the head of a depressed person. Without praise or success, they have no self-esteem, and they are always concerned with how others see them. They try to gain confidence by something they have achieved.And only when you are depressed in this way, people who add to your depression will appear. For example, mean classmates or coworkers. People in your family who are toxic to you (so-called toxic parents).The important thing is to understand "what is the true source of self-esteem?" It is important to understand that your achievements alone do not give value to your life. Achievements may bring you temporary satisfaction, but they cannot bring you happiness. As long as you base your life on the praise of others, it is like building on sand and is not true happiness. Entertainers who commit suicide at the height of their popularity are a typical example.From the perspective of social work, humans are born with human rights and dignity. It is a concept that humanity has finally achieved after a long struggle. You should be happy no matter what anyone says. Don't forget this fundamental principle.One of the basics of cognitive behavioral therapy is to prevent yourself from getting caught up in feelings of worthlessness. When you are caught up in your negative emotions, honestly face the true words in your heart.The more depressed you are, the more miserable you feel, the more depressed your thinking will become. Conversely, if you do not have cognitive distortions, you will not experience low self-esteem or depression.The most common cognitive distortion when you believe you have no value is the "all or nothing thinking" mentioned at the beginning of the 12 patterns(first one). Not only is it extremely irrational, it also brings about irreversible anxiety and repeated disappointment.However, psychotherapy such as venting your thoughts (called catharsis) or focusing on the problems and background you are facing may temporarily distract you, but it is not enough to actually change your behavior and change your mood.So what should you do? The answer is to correct your biased way of thinking by writing it down on paper. Specifically, there are the "Triple Column Technique" and the "Column Technique." Try practicing them for a maximum of about 30 minutes every day.The feeling that "I am worthless..." is a false feeling (emotion) created by your inner self-critical voice."I'm no good...""I'm a worthless person""I'm inferior to other people""I'm trash and garbage..."These words that we use without even realizing create feelings of despair and damage our self-esteem.Let's remember. The emotions that arise depend on how you perceive the facts. All of the above specific examples were the result of "distorted cognition." And the Triple Column Technique and Column Technique are training to refute "your distorted cognition" with "rational, realistic, self-defensive (meaning helping and supporting yourself) thoughts." As a result of refuting, your cognitive distortions will gradually be corrected, and you will gradually feel more cheerful.Let me explain the specific method of the Triple Column Technique.1. Look honestly at your feelings and pay attention to the self-defeating thoughts that come to your mind. And be sure to write them down.2. Think about which of the 12 cognitive distortion patterns the self-defeating thought falls into.3. Counter it with a realistic, self-protective thought.Let's take a look at an example from my past (more than 15 years ago).[Self-defeating thoughts/feelings]I cried because I felt strongly that my persecution complex would never improve.[Cognitive distortions]All or nothing, mental filters, jumping to conclusions[Realistic self-protective counterarguments]It's true that I was forced to live with my father, who has several personality disorders, and I was subjected to a lot of harassment from an early age. It's natural to be wary and paranoid.However, as I continued to practice cognitive behavioral therapy, it's true that my symptoms have improved compared to when I was younger. As a result, I no longer have bad habits like impulsively submitting my resignation, and I've become able to calmly analyze reality. I expect further improvement by continuing to practice cognitive therapy.What do you think? "My persecution complex will never be cured!" If you believe this, even an adult will despair and cry. When I wrote this, I was eating Japanese noodles and was overwhelmed. I was a little tearful, thinking, "Why do problems keep coming at me one after another..." But when I got home, I started working on the Triple Column. Then I realized the self-destructive thoughts mentioned above.At the time, I was really sad and in pain. But now I think it was a valuable experience that helped me to become someone who can help those who are in a difficult and weak position. And I have come to realize that there are fun and happy things in life. They say that life is a tragedy in the short term, but a comedy in the long term. I think so too.I was the same as you. And I was able to grow. I'm sure you can grow too.Next, I will explain the specific method of the Column Technique.The Column Technique is one of the techniques of cognitive behavioral therapy. It is a technique that can correct the thinking habits (called schema) of people who are suffering from problems, acquire a new way of thinking, and ease or resolve the problem.[Brief history leading up to the Column Technique]*If you want to start right away, you can skip this section.Originally, cognitive behavioral therapy was started as "cognitive therapy (rational therapy)". It was wonderful because it often produces results in a short period of time without the use of medication. However, it was also a technique that had problems. These were:1. Since the mind and body are connected, it is difficult to correct the schema if the physical condition is poor.2. It is suitable for logical people who use their heads, but difficult to use for people who are not very used to using their heads.3. It can sometimes end up being just a quibble.Current cognitive behavioral therapy has resolved these issues to some extent, and one of its techniques is the Column Technique.(Advantages of the Column Technique)1. It is easy to get used to because it can always be done in the same way. It is easy to get started with.2. It is always done in the same way, so it is less likely to fail due to self-taught teaching.3. Because it clarifies your own feelings (emotions), you are less likely to argue.4. You can see the improvement in your feelings (emotions) in numbers, so it's easy to feel the effects.[Why is the Column Technique effective?]*If you want to try it right away, skip this.The Column Technique is a technique that changes the way people think (schema) and alleviates or solves problems. So why is it so effective to use the Column Technique? It's because★ It can correct the thinking habits (schema) that cause suffering.For example, let's say that two high school students, A and B, who usually get 80 points on tests, get 60 points. Then, A has the schema (A's schema) "It's important to do my best and work hard to get good grades consistently. But things don't always go the way I want them to."So, A decides to take measures a little early for the next test. He then works hard at soccer practice as usual.However, B's schema was different.(B's schema) "I have to behave like a perfect person. If I can't, my parents will abandon me and be cold to me."As a result, B began to spend every day feeling depressed. B was no longer able to concentrate on soccer practice and gradually had trouble falling asleep.Do you see the difference?Because A is naturally realistic and thinks in a way that supports himself, he doesn't feel any pain even if he gets 60 points, and he is able to continue living a fulfilling life as usual, including taking measures to prevent the problem from recurring.Because B is naturally unrealistic and thinks in a way that drives him into a corner, he continues to feel pain and is no longer able to live a fulfilling life.So, by implementing the Column Technique, you can intentionally change B's schema to A's schema. This is the effect of the Column Technique. In the example of this schema,"I have to behave like a perfect person."(After correction) → It's true that it's better to have good grades, but being human doesn't always mean you can do that. If you fail, you can improve so that it doesn't happen again, and it can also be a good experience that will help you grow from it. I see. Even if you are scored on first or score an own goal in an important game, it can be practice to recover mentally!If you can correct your schema in this way, you will feel better and be able to take self-supportive and positive actions.[Column Technique Actual Procedure]*If you want to do it right away, start here1. Write down the situation that you thought was problematic.2. Express each emotion you felt about that situation as a number (0 to 100).3. List your schema that caused each emotion you felt.4. Write down the reason why you felt that schema for each one.5. Write down a realistic and persuasive counterargument for the reason why you felt that schema.6. Complete a sentence in the format of "Indeed (the reason written in 4 above). However (the counterargument written in 5 above)."7. Take your time to savor the sentence you completed in 6 and accept it.8. Finally, write down how much each emotion you felt in 2 has dropped.9. Record the above on a PC or notebook so that you can refer back to it if a similar problem occurs.[Example of Column Technique]Let's create a Column Technique using the example of B from above.1. I got almost all scores in the 60s on this test. This test has the most impact on my grades after the midterm and final exams, so I've lost out on being recommended to University. My parents scolded me pretty harshly. I've been feeling heavy since the test was over, and I can't concentrate on practicing.2. ① Anxiety 80 ② Depression 80 (It's natural for there to be other emotions that arise. Focus on the feelings you want to correct.)3① My score dropped by 20% just because I didn't study a little more than usual. I must have no talent. My friends, on the other hand, must be overflowing with talent.3② My parents are perfect, but I'm an imperfect person. I will continue to be like this until I die.4①I've certainly worked hard and maintained good grades. But just slacking off has dropped me below 100th place. I'm an imperfect person who is not good at anything. Moreover, my friends around me say they don't study much, but they still get pretty good grades.4②My parents certainly work for big companies and make a lot of money. I can't see any weaknesses. Because what they say must be right. I should obey such perfect parents. It is a child's duty to live up to their expectations.5①Doing well doesn't just mean having excellent abilities, it means being able to produce results, right? I'm a hard worker and I can produce results, right? Because up until now, I've gotten good grades when I studied. Come to think of it, aren't my friends also working hard behind the scenes? I read the mood when we chat and pretend not to study by saying "I'm not studying that much" right?5② When my friend was having a bad day, his parents encouraged him and gave him advice. My friend recovered from that. Pushing a child even harder when I'm having a hard time... don't my parents have the ability to educate? Besides, I'll be an adult soon, so I can live my own life regardless of my parents' expectations. I can live alone, get a girlfriend, and enjoy campus life (After that, he went to school counseling and realized that his parents were obsessed with perfectionism, etc.)6 Now we'll create sentences with the formula = "It's true that 4. But 5".① "It's true that I've worked really hard and maintained good grades. But I slacked off and my ranking dropped below 100th. I guess I'm just a poor student and an imperfect person. What's more, my friends around me say they don't study much, but they still get pretty good marks.But being good doesn't just mean having excellent abilities, it means being able to produce results, right? I'm a hard worker and I can produce results in that way, right? After all, my grades have been good up until now when I've studied. Come to think of it, aren't my friends really working hard behind the scenes too? I read the atmosphere when we're chatting and say things like, "I haven't studied that much" to make it look like I'm not studying, right? "② "My parents work for a big company and make a lot of money. I don't see any weaknesses. Their claims are obviously correct. I should obey such perfect parents. It is the child's duty to live up to their expectations.However,When my friend was having a bad day, his parents encouraged him and gave him advice. My friend recovered from that. They push him even harder when he is going through a hard time... I wonder if my parents don't have the ability to educate others? Besides, I will soon be an adult, so I can live my own life regardless of my parents' expectations. I can live alone, find a girlfriend, and enjoy campus life."7. Read the previous sentence carefully. The numbers will decrease.8. Anxiety 80 → 40 Depression 80 → 309. Save the above progress in a notebook or on a personal computer.After using the Column Technique to correct his bad schema, he was able to get a good score on the next midterm exam. Through his interactions with the school counselor, he was able to grow beyond the assumption that what his parents say is always right to the point that he can now see that "parents are also people with their own shortcomings." This also affected his soccer style, and he was often substituted when he made mistakes and began to lose his vitality, but now he is able to recover even during the game.[Explanation of a specific example]It looks like this. If you actually make it yourself, you can make it a bit more like a memo. For the sake of illustration, I have made it a polite and long sentence. In any case, if you can make sentences that are realistic and help you, the number of negative emotions will tend to be lower. (It does not have to be 0) As a result, your feelings will improve, you will be able to act more easily, and you will be able to grow.Of course, you will not be able to do this well from the beginning. At first, try doing it while looking at this site. Practice is important for everyone as a beginner. The basic form is important. And you will gradually get better. The column method (cognitive behavioral therapy) has the great advantage of being able to produce good results even at the beginner stage. I hope that it will solve your problems.

12 Bad cognitive pattrens Chapter3

First, let's review what we learned last time.The reason you face your painful feelings is to resolve the problems that are tormenting you. To be happy. To feel good. To overcome problems. For these reasons, you need to know our feelings.Now, let's move on to the main topic. If you feel very depressed, check yourself and ask yourself, "Did I have bad thoughts that caused me to feel depressed?" In fact, those bad thoughts are the cause of your depression, so if you rethink them, you can change your mood.But you may not be convinced right away. This is because your way of thinking has become a "bad habit," "custom," or "natural." It has become a part of your way of life, and even automatic. It comes to your mind without your permission. (Don't be discouraged! It will be different from now on!)As a result of many years of research in cognitive behavioral therapy, we have come to understand the "cognitive distortion patterns" that I will introduce below. This is the true nature of your "bad thinking." Let's understand it well. And as you work on cognitive therapy in the future, please come back to this page as many times as you feel the need. This article is probably the one you will use the most.1. All-or-nothing thinkingThis is the tendency to make things extremely black and white. Perfectionism is at the root of this way of thinking. This way of thinking is unrealistic. There is no such thing as "perfect" in the first place. If you continue to think this way, you will never be able to come to terms with reality and will continue to have a self-destructive state of self-doubt.(Example: I have to get all A ratings in college. If I don't, it will prove that I'm incompetent!)2. OvergeneralizationThe way of thinking that makes us so afraid of rejection and failure comes from this overgeneralization. Without this, you may be disappointed temporarily, but you won't be fatally hurt.(Example: I confessed to the girl I loved, but she rejected me...there's no way any girl in the world will date me again!)3. Mental filtersWithout realizing it, a filter is placed on our minds, blocking us from seeing the positive and bright things in the world. Think of a filter as a habit in the way you perceive things.(Example: Friend A contacts you to say that he has caught a cold and can't meet you. But (because of the filter) you naturally feel like he's lying, and you become depressed.)4. Selectively extracting and paying attentionIgnoring good information and focusing only on bad information. Anyone can feel depressed if they ignore good information and focus only on bad information.(Example: Let's say you had a fight with your partner. After that, they sent you an apology message via LINE. But you ignore the good fact that they sent you an apology message and think, "They're attractive. I'm sure they'll dump me someday anyway," or "They always call me, but this time they sent me a LINE message. They're not serious about their apology!" and you just feel more depressed.)5. Negative thinkingTurning nothing bad or good events into bad events. Not only do you ignore good things, but you turn them into the opposite, bad things. This is a very nasty way of thinking.(Example: When things go wrong, you think, "It's no good after all. " When things go well, you think, "It must be a fluke. I don't know." Are you ignoring good things?)6. Jumping to conclusions<Mind reading>You assume that other people look down on you and don't check to see if it's true. As a result, you end up backing away from them or running away.(Example: My partner has been frowning ever since we met today. I feel like things haven't been going well lately. Oh... I bet he/she is thinking about breaking up... (actually, the partner just have a toothache)<Failure to predict>Even if an event is unreal, you believe it will actually happen.(Example: I couldn't talk to anyone at the party. It's all over. I'm sure I'll never be able to talk to anyone again, and I'll just continue to feel miserable.)7. Overinterpretation and underestimationYou exaggerate mistakes and fears, trying to make good things seem small.(Example: When I offered my seat to an elderly person, I couldn't even say "please." I was too nervous and timid to give it to them without saying anything. I'm a bad person with no manners, and I'm too rude.)8. Emotional judgmentWhen you feel that something bad or painful has happened, you use your emotions as evidence. In other words, you make a judgment based on your own feelings, thinking, "Because I feel that way now, it must be true!" As a result, you often end up not being able to make a decision and putting it off.(Example: I want to try cognitive therapy as part of my depression treatment, but it's been a month and I still haven't done it. I just can't get myself started. So it's impossible for me to get started.)9. Should thinkingThis is thinking, "I should do this" or "I have to do this." This way of thinking puts more pressure on you than necessary, making you prone to perfectionism, and you end up cornering yourself and shocking yourself. Moreover, it's fine if you only direct it at yourself, but you often think this way about other people too. As a result, you tend to feel bitter about others and want to ignore them and act selfishly.(Example: We all have to show a sense of welfare and always provide care. But what's with that employee A's attitude today? I'm going to ignore A and help the people who need nursing care go to the toilet by myself! (The setting is that A's parent has actually been hospitalized, and A is so worried that A has no leeway.)10. LabelingEvaluate with a negative word that has an impact. It is self-destructive and irrational. This is also easy to do to others, and when it happens, it results in both parties pointing out each other's shortcomings.(Example1: I wanted to talk to a nice woman, but I couldn't. I'm just a "small loser" anyway...)(Example2: He got a little popular and got carried away. That "talkative bastard"! *)* Incidentally, this was said to comedian Shinagawa by comedian Ariyoshi.11. PersonalizationIt's all my fault. It's my responsibility. This sense of guilt makes you constantly aware of your responsibility, exhausting you both physically and mentally. In particular, upbringing (how you were raised by your caregivers (parents)) seems to have a strong influence.(Example: My father is in a bad mood again and is attacking my family. It's my fault. If I was a better child, my father wouldn't do that! I believe this. But in reality, my father has mental problems and he always blames me, so I automatically believe that I am to blame.)12. Self-prophecyWhen you make negative predictions and they come true, you believe that you (the situation) are no good after all. Be careful if you use words like "surely" or "anyway".(Example: Let's say you are considering taking the entrance exam for University A. But if you think, "I'm sure I'll fail. And my parents will make fun of me and get angry," or "There's no way I'll pass. I'll probably just barely get into some low-ranked university," then in reality, it will be difficult for you to pass University A. You may even avoid taking the entrance exam for University A in the first place. You won't be motivated. And when it actually happens, it's tragic. "It didn't work after all! I knew it from the beginning! It's the same in many ways anyway!"What do you think? There were a lot of them, weren't there? But when you're in a negative mood, it's surprising how often you fall into these bad thought patterns.Moods and emotions are not facts. Depressive thinking distorts and causes a big illusion. Depressive emotions are, so to speak, illusions. The important thing is to have the courage to acknowledge the feelings and thoughts that are causing the depressive emotions. (I explained this in detail in Captain 2)To put it in an analogy, it is important to identify the real culprit (the real cause) that is causing the problem. The real culprit = your true feelings.For example, let's say there is a young person who lives with his parents and is always feeling that life is difficult and is depressed. The feelings of the real culprit are not depressing feelings. They are the feelings that he is extremely afraid of his parents. He is obedient because he can't resist parents. They can't help but feel depressed every day like that... It is important to acknowledge my true feelings. And if he know the patterns of cognitive distortion! (In this case, personalization applies.) Then he can change bad thinking (personalization) into good thinking.[Summary]There are patterns of bad thinking that make people feel unhappy. This time, we introduced 12 patterns.When you feel down, it is important to check the 12 patterns and analyze which one applies to you. Once you have done that, you can gradually change your bad thinking into a good one .

Let's know yourself realistically. Chapter2

Before we get into the main topic, let's review what we learned last time.It was natural to feel depressed. But if you didn't do anything, you would continue to feel depressed.The cause of the depression was a distorted way of thinking. So it was important to have the determination to "get better!" and use cognitive behavioral therapy to overcome the problem.In order to use cognitive behavioral therapy, it is effective to first know your feelings (true feelings and state) objectively. But knowing your feelings objectively is quite difficult. This is because everyone has a bias in their way of thinking. It is also influenced by your physical condition. There may be times when you feel afraid to feel your true feelings.However, if you want to use cognitive behavioral therapy to improve or resolve the problems you are facing, it is very important to objectively understand your current feelings and state. This is because in order to solve a problem, it is effective to know the details of the problem as accurately as possible.To solve a problem, it is important to have"understanding the facts," "goal," "action," and "results." Among these, "understanding the facts" is very important.So, for example, what would happen if you skipped the "task of understanding the problem objectively"? That would tend to result in a bad outcome. Here is an example.1.You are lost in a very large forest. (Problem)2.You feel like you want to get out of the forest again. (Goal)3.Suppose you are so scared and impatient that you start walking blindly. (Action)4.You end up exhausted and injured. (Bad outcome)Next, let's try "understanding the facts."1. I got lost in a very large forest. (Problem)2. I feel like I want to get out of the forest again. (Goal)3.The forest is surprisingly large, and the roads are surprisingly bad.On the other hand, the forest manager always carefully patrols the forest every hour. I remembered that it was such a place. (Understanding the facts objectively)4.I felt scared and impatient, but I didn't move around, but waited on the patrol's path. (Execution)5.I was found by the manager and was able to return safely to the exit. (Good result)Since I understood the problem objectively, it has changed to a good result.To improve and treat your mental problems (e.g. depression, eating disorders, addictions, etc.), it is good to first try to understand your feelings and problems objectively. *However, if you are in a very painful state, you may want to temporarily prioritize rest. It is also safe to do this under the guidance of an expert.Now, let's explain some concrete ways to know your feelings.First, you may not actually need to use concrete methods. That is, you may be someone who is able to feel your feelings properly even when times are tough. If you feel a certain amount of happiness and goodness in addition to the painful and bad aspects of your feelings and situations, you may be able to grasp them properly. It's okay to accept the feelings you have as they are.(For example, if you are someone who can recognize your true feelings, even if you mistakenly think at first, "I'm not able to meet my parents' expectations and I feel so sorry for them," by facing your own feelings, you will realize, "But is that true? Maybe the pressure from parents always having such one-sided expectations is annoying? To be honest, I don't even want to see their faces..")Secondly, it is effective to take a psychological test that has a proven track record and is highly reliable. Here, I will introduce you to some famous psychological tests that are relatively easy to find on the Internet and are highly reliable.1. Beck Depression Inventory (BDI)*Effective for depression countermeasures. Created by Dr. Beck. There are many on the Internet. There are 21 questions in total.2. Egograms: Your personality is judged from five perspectives.The people you should be especially careful of here are those who suffer from depression. When taking a psychological test, you may feel that your emotions are "as if they were real". However, the feelings of despair and other emotions you are feeling are never real! That despair will surely heal in time. So don't worry.Third, there is a way to look at yourself using a worksheet. A worksheet is a tool that allows you to naturally analyze your feelings, state, thoughts, etc. from various perspectives. There are various worksheets, but choose one that you can trust. For example, those provided by social workers at government offices and public health centers. Another example is a book.（However, I don't know any English books that explain worksheets well. Sorry.）Fourth, if possible, try counseling. In that case, if you tell the counselor that you want to look at your true feelings and ask them to help you, it will be easier to efficiently become aware of your true feelings.[Summary of this article]The reason we face our painful feelings is to resolve the problems that are tormenting you. To be happy. To feel good. To overcome problems. For those reasons, you need to know your feelings.From the third session onwards, we will introduce patterns of bad habits that make us unhappy. Then, correct your bad way of thinking and gradually feel better! I will write these articles to assist you!

What is cognitive behavioral therapy ? Chapter1

Have you heard of a psychotherapy called cognitive behavioral therapy? This psychotherapy is not only useful for people who are sick. It can also be used by people who are healthy or who are temporarily not feeling well.What is cognitive behavioral therapy? It is a form of psychotherapy that says, "People's worries are not caused by "what happened." It is caused by how you think about what happened. (Note: This is called "cognition") Your way of thinking creates the way you feel. So, change the way you think, which creates unhappiness, and start feeling better."Cognitive behavioral therapy can be used to treat a variety of psychological illnesses and symptoms. For example,1.Treating depression (feeling depressed, and finding it difficult to think or act)2.Treating addictions (for example, overdoing on alcohol, food, romance, social media, pornography, etc., or trying to continue doing so)3.Treating eating disorders (not being able to eat and becoming very thin, or overeating)And more. Recently, Eastern techniques have been incorporated in addition to Western techniques to further improve the effectiveness. (For example, meditation, etc. It is said to be the third type of cognitive behavioral therapy.)Cognitive behavioral therapy has the advantage that you can do it by yourself and at your own pace. If you can think well, you will feel a significant effect immediately. To do this, it is important to think about what you think is a problem using common sense. You will grasp the "real thing = facts" instead of your own assumptions or predictions. Then you can correct your "own assumptions = distortions in your thinking."1. It quickly cures and relieves symptoms of depression (feeling depressed, down, sad, etc.).2. It clarifies the cause of symptoms (= the beliefs that make you unhappy) and the way to change your mood. It also helps you to distinguish between "healthy emotions" and "bad emotions"*1.*1 For example, say your parent dies. Feeling "very sad" is a "healthy emotion." However, if you exaggerate and think unrealistically, "My parent died! This is the end! I'm sure I'll become homeless!", this is considered a "bad emotion."3.You can learn safe and effective ways to deal with confusion. You will feel that you can act and speak according to your own will, rather than being manipulated by others or those around you.4. It makes it less likely that depression or severe depression will recur. Not only will you be less likely to get sick, but it will also make it easier to live a happy daily life.If this is your first time hearing about cognitive behavioral therapy, you might think something like this:"Wow, this is amazing! It costs nothing, and I can do it myself. Even healthy people can use it. It reduces feelings of unhappiness and pain, and apparently leads to personal growth. It seems like it has everything to offer!"However! Even if you come across an effective method, it's no good if you don't know how to use it. That's why I (the author) have decided to serialize the "English Version of the Easy-to-Understand Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Series" for people who are better at reading and writing English than Japanese.There are four basic rules for using cognitive therapy.First, all your emotions are created by your "cognition (how you perceive things)".Let's check with a concrete example. Let's check the difference between cognition A and B and the difference between emotions A and B that they produce.(What happened) In the movie theater, the child next to you is repeatedly sneezing loudly. Because of this, it is difficult to hear the actor's lines.(Cognition A) It's so noisy, I can't hear the lines. What a rude and noisy child! You shouldn't interrupt my precious time! You should leave the theater immediately!(Emotion A) I'm very angry and annoyed. I'm angry(What happened) In the movie theater, the child next to me is repeatedly sneezing loudly. Because of this, it is difficult to hear the actor's lines (same as before)(Cognition B) The sneezing child looks like he's not feeling well. The parent is dozing off and doesn't seem to notice. I probably should tell his/her parents, but I'm worried it might be too much of a bother...(Emotion B) I'm worried.What do you think? Although the "thing that happened" was the same, each your emotions were different due to different perceptions!Secondly, when you are depressed (feeling down), it is natural for humans to tend to think of things in a negative way.Thirdly, most of the ways of thinking that lead to emotional confusion contain "distorted thinking (cognition)".Fourthly, the important thing for recovery is to maintain the will to try to improve yourself. *3*3 In his later years (before his death), Dr. Albert Ellis, the founder of "rational therapy", also emphasized the importance of "willpower"rather than the power of logic in his books.[Summary of this article]When you feel down, it is natural to think negatively. Moreover, it is a natural reaction to drag on feelings of depression.Depression and other such feelings are caused by distortions in your own thinking. Therefore, it is important to try to fix it by using cognitive behavioral therapy rather than continuing to feel down without doing anything.By having the attitude of fixing it, you can overcome the problem. What's more, you can take back your life or discover a new one.

パートやアルバイト応募で、訴求力のある履歴書を作成しましょう

多くの就職活動では１．応募書類の作成と送付２．面接が行われます。応募書類はいわば「応募者の説明書・パンフレット」のような役割を果たします。経歴、持っている能力、経験、適性、やる気などを相手に理解してもらう為の説明用の道具なわけです。一方面接は「応募書類に書いてある内容が本当かどうか？を確かめるコミュニケーション」となります。当然企業が応募者を確かめますし、応募者が企業を確かめる面もあります。このように、応募書類の本質は「応募者の説明書・パンフレット」なわけですから、相手にとって魅力的なことが書いてある必要があります。昔は履歴書のみを相手に提出することが多かったのですが、近年は職務経歴書も添えることが多くなりました。履歴書は事実を時系列で列挙して、応募者の経歴を簡潔に伝える役目。それに対して、職務経歴書には応募者のキャリア（知識・経験・能力など）を伝える役目を持ちます。ところがアルバイトやパートへの応募の場合、履歴書のみの提出を求められる場合があります。もしも応募者が学歴、職歴がある程度備わっている場合。しかも応募先が、応募者の従来の経歴とマッチする場合。（例：介護福祉士を取得つつ短大を卒業。その後数年勤務の後、同僚と結婚。数年間子供を育児してきて、小学校に入った。時間ができたから、介護系のアルバイト・パートに応募する）こうしたケースでは、オーソドックスな履歴書作成でも十分に面接まで進めるでしょうし、内定をもらえる可能性も高いと予想できます。※オーソドックスな作成方法とは、学歴、職歴、所有している資格を簡潔に時系列で列挙する。そして自己PRと応募動機を記入して相手に訴求するスタイルです。一方個人的な事情などで、学歴や仕事経験が不足していると感じられる場合。履歴書は空欄がとても多くなってしまいます。場合によってはネガティブな面が目立ってしまうケースもあり得ます（例：中退など）。そうした状況だと、自己PR欄や志望動機欄を充実させようとしても、欄もそれほど大きくない為に（自作すればある程度解消できますが…）、十分な訴求力が持てない応募書類になりがちです。そうした状況を回避するために☆履歴書の学歴・職業歴に、自己理解・自分のキャリアの棚卸で自覚できた内容を盛り込み、職務経歴書の役割も持たせて、面接へつなげやすい書類へと進化させることが、有効だと言えます。特に応募先がとても魅力的で、なんとしても就職したい。ライバルが多そうだ。そういう状況だと、かなり有用な方法だと言えましょう。【記入までの流れ】例えば既述の子育てで仕事をしていない時期があった女性の場合１．魅力的な応募先を発見する２．その時期の自分の生活を棚卸しておく。（できれば発見前にしておくとベスト）３．応募先の企業が求めているニーズを自分なりに感じてみる。４．相手のニーズに合致した面を履歴書に盛り込む（例）〇年〇月～〇年〇月　専業主婦として長男を育児。育児中に職業実務で培った生活援助スキルを応用し、手際よく対応することができました。AＡ→介護・保育業界からすれば興味のあるキャリアになっている。育児中に家計簿ソフトを使用して金銭管理を実施し、期間中〇〇万円の費用の節減に貢献できました。育児中にワードを使って〇〇を頻繁に行い、タイピングの能力を活用しました。BＢ→ＰＣを使う事務職を募集する企業にとって、興味のあるキャリアになっている。【まとめ】つまり、空欄が少なく、手書きで丁寧に書いてあることで人柄ややる気を相手に伝え、自分の経験・能力・潜在能力（ポテンシャル）も伝えやすい内容にすることで、より面接に進みやすい履歴書を作ることができるのです。

アディクションを認めて治療しよう３

前回で認知を修正する方法を詳しく解説しました。今回は行動の変容と、環境調整について解説していきます。行動して自己肯定感を上げる方法の具体例「成功体験を積み上げる」　理屈で納得することも大切ですが、成功を体験してしまうことも非常に威力がある方法だと言えます。自己肯定感が低い人の中には、成功体験を「たまたま幸運だったにすぎない。次は必ず失敗する（不幸になる）」と言い聞かせようとする方がいます。また失敗したと感じられた場合、すぐさま「やはり私はダメなのだ。もう二度と挑んだり、試すことはしない」と決めつけたりします。　ですから成功体験を積みあげる場合のコツは、第１に小さな目標を細かくステップアップのように設けていき、それを達成していくことです。例えば異性のパートナーを見つけたいと本気で思えた時、最初の小さなステップとして「すれ違う知人の女性に黙礼する」ことから始めます。それが自然にできるようになれば「挨拶をそえる」などと次第にステップアップするわけです。　第２に行動し続けることです。挑み続けることです。確かに理論上、現実的に、あなたの成功が偶然（幸運）である可能性はありえます。ですがあなたの（小さな）本物の成功が何度も続く場合、それは偶然ではありません。必然（起きてあたりまえのこと）なのです。「ありのままの自分を表現・体現する」　これは周囲との関係性が大きい要素です。ですが相手や状況が許す範囲で、自分の気持ちや希望を上手に伝えることは有効です。（「アサーション」といいます）あなたの希望が実現するか否かよりも、あなたが自分自身の意志を大切と思い、相手の立場や気持ちも配慮しながらも表現・体現することに挑む姿勢が大切だと言えます。「認知行動療法の活用」「コーピングの実施」「レジリエンスの向上」　説明済みなので省略します。「モデリングの実施」　これは簡単に言うと、自分が望ましいと思える手本をマネすることです。あなたにとって有益な手本は確かにたくさんあることでしょう。ですがモデリングで自己肯定感を高める際に大切なのは、あなた自身が素敵だなぁ、素晴らしいなぁ、マネしたいなぁ、と感じられるかどうか？です。それらを感じる場合、あなたのやる気・受けられる効果は高くなることでしょう。「自分らしいストレス発散の実施」　これはコーピングの一種と言えます。大切なのは「自分に合った好きな方法を選び、実行する」ことです。たとえば温泉で一人じっくりと過ごしたい人は、浜辺でみんなとワイワイやりながらバーベキューするのは合わないかもしれません。逆に行動的で団体で過ごすのが好きな人が、静寂なお寺を訪問して一人座禅をすることは、むしろ苦痛になってしまうことでしょう。またその時のコンディションにも、好みは大きく左右されることでしょう。「コンディショニング」　これもコーピングの一種と言えます。体と心はつながっています。お互いに大きく影響を与え合っています。ですから、一般的に健康的な生活を送れると言われることは、気持ちを元気にする効果があるわけです。あなたがやりやすい、気持ち良いと思えることが基本ですが、例えばマインドフルネス、ヨガ、ストレッチ、十分な睡眠、入浴、バランスのとれた食事、パートナーや親友との交流、愛情のある夜の営み等が挙げられます。「他人と比べない」　前回説明した「自分の価値観を定めていくこと」に似ているな、と思えた方は、今後自己肯定感を高めるセンスがあると言えます。他人や周囲の情報は得ても、自分とは比較しないことです。なぜなら人はそれぞれ特徴のある、不完全な存在でしたね。また優秀だから自信を持っていいという思考法は、常に自信喪失におびえながら生きることになります。詳細は認知行動療法の解説をご覧ください。　また自分に関する情報（例：他人からの評価）も、内容は把握しても必要以上に真に受けないことが大切と言えます。「内観療法」　これは吉本伊信氏が提唱した心理療法です。自分にとって重要だと感じられる他者との間で、①してもらったこと　②して返したこと　③迷惑をかけたこと　を思い出していきます。その結果、見落としていたり、忘れていた絆などを思い出し、それがあなたの人間関係を豊かにするだけでなく、今までの人間観などを変換する助けにもなってくれます。「困ったら他人に援助を頼む」　これは意外と難しいことです。他人に迷惑をかけられない。ちゃんとしなければならない。弱みをみせてはいけない。こういった完璧主義や人間不信が「助けてほしい」という素直な自己開示を邪魔します。ですが、助けてほしい自分を認めて、それを信頼できる能力のある人（公的な存在でもかまいません）に自己開示する勇気が大切になるのです。「自分をほめる」　これは既述の「いいとこ探しトレーニング」と似ています。自分をほめようとする姿勢・行動自体が、すでに自己肯定感を高める効果があるわけです。その結果実行して、認知が修正されたら、相乗効果が生まれます。環境を変える方法の具体例「お互いに肯定しあえる環境・人間関係に身を置く」　現実的にかなり難しい課題と言えます。ですので、「周囲の人間の中にそうした人もいる」という状態が、現実的な中間目標と言えるかもしれません。また自分の力でどうしようもない要素でもあります。そうした場合、職場を異動したり、転職することで環境を変えることも１つの方法です。またカウンセラーの支援を受けながら、対人関係療法等を使って親との関係を見つめ直し、新たな親との交流環境を創出する（例：引っ越しする、実家に戻る）などの方法が考えられます。　ただし理想的な環境はなかなか無いという事実も、覚悟しておくことが大切です。環境を変える際は、十分な検討や準備をすることをお勧めします。「コーピングの実施」「コンディショニングの実施」　説明済みですので詳しくは説明しません。コンディショニングにおいては、例えば睡眠を十分にとりたいと強く感じた場合、睡眠がよくとれる良質のベッドを思い切って購入することが該当します。「信頼しあえる仲間・友人と出会う。交流する」　自己肯定感が低い人にとっては、最も困難な課題の１つだと思います。ですから、既にそうした存在がある場合、その人たちとの交流を大切にしてください。　またそうした人がいない場合。具体的な方法を教えるのは難しいですが、①いままでと違うパターンの行動をしてみる（＝新しい出会いがある）　②友人よりもまずは仲間を探してみる（サークル、資格取得、同じ趣味など）　③利害を絡めないようにする　という３点が大切になるように思います。　またあなたの弱みや希望につけこんで、宗教関係の人が勧誘してくる可能性も高いリスクがあります。気を付けて頂きたいです。

アディクションを認めて治療しよう２

前回の解説で、アディクションを治療する上で大切になる４つのポイントをご紹介しました。今回は自己肯定感を上げる為の方法を解説して参ります。【注意点】アディクションを克服するために、すでに行動されている場合は、１．現在の生活におけるメリットを書き出して把握する２．無理なく実行できそうな自分のやりたいこと（欲求）を達成しておくことも併せて行うようにしてください。自己肯定感を上げる為の基本方針　何かを達成するには、効果的であることが大切です。そして効果的であるためには、基本方針が大切となってきます。自己肯定感を上げるためには、自分らしさに気づいて認めてあげることが大切です。そして許される範囲で無理なく、自分らしく言動することが重要になります。　次にあなたがかかわる人の相手らしさを、認めるようにしていきます。重要なポイントは、相手を大切にするかどうかは別である点です。例えばいつも文句ばかり言う人がいます。そうすると多くの人は「いつも文句ばかり言って周囲に迷惑をかけて、ダメな人だなぁ」などと、批判しながらその人を判断しがちです。ですが「今日もまた文句ばっかり言っているなぁ。周りから煙たがられるなぁ。」と批判したり価値判断をしないでとらえる（感じる）ようにしてみます。　最後に私たちはそれぞれに特徴があり、かたよりを持つ存在です。当然長所と短所を併せ持ちますし、誰一人として完璧な人などいません。また日によって、調子が悪い日もあることでしょう。そんな自分の不完全さや、その日の調子などを踏まえて、無理なくできることを実行しましょう。中途半端でも、イマイチでも全く問題ありません。行動することが大切です。以上をまとめると、次の３点に集約できます。（基本方針３か条）１．ありのままの自分を知り、認めて、無理のない範囲で体現する。２．自分だけではなく、相手らしさも認めてあげるようになっていく。３．不完全で当たりまえだ。行動できる人として自分なりのその日のベストを尽くす。自己肯定感を上げる為の方法には大きく３つある　具体的な方法はどのようなものがあるのか？とあなたは知りたがることでしょう。でもせっかくですから、その方法には大きく３つの種類があることを大まかに覚えておいてください。　第１に「自分の考え方（認知）・感じ方を変える方法」があります。これは相手や環境を変えずに、自分の考え方や感じ方を変えることによって、自己肯定感を高めていく方法です。考え方を変えるとは、あなたにとって現実的な内容または支援的な内容に変えることを意味します。　　第２に「行動して自己肯定感を上げる方法」です。体験したり、実感したり、マネしてみたりと行動しながら体得していくものです。子どもでも取り組みやすい面があります。また良い体験ができた場合、効果の大きさを感じやすい傾向もあります。　第３に「環境を変える方法」です。自己肯定感を下げてくる原因そのものを無くしてしまおうという姿勢です。そのかわり、相手や周囲の環境を変化させる必要があります。ですので、環境を変える方法は難しいと言えます。そのかわり、最も根本的に解決する力ももっている姿勢です。第１：自分の考え方（認知）・感じ方を変える方法の具体例「自分の多面性を知る・短所が長所でもある面を知る」　人間には本当にいろいろな面があるものです。そして多くの面は使われることがなかったり、気づかれることがありません。ですが、自分に対する自己理解を深めていくと、自分が知らなかった強みを知ることができます。また短所だと思い込んでいた内容が、実は長所になっていることに気づけるようになります。（例：自分は劣等感が強くてダメなやつだなぁ…　（自己理解の実施する→）　あ！だから私はいつも努力するようにしている！　確かに周りも努力家だと言ってくることが多い）「ありのままの自分を知る」　自分の多面性に気づいていく中で、自分が好きなもの、安心するもの、やりたいことなどに気づくことでしょう。ささいなことでも大きなことでもかまいません。「子猫がかわいくてしかたない。」「女装（男装）をしたがる自分がいる！」など、本当のことであればよいのです。誰に話す必要もありません。ただ、あなた自身が認めてあげればいいのです。そして可能であれば、表現してあげることです。「トラウマへの気づきと現在の自分の評価」　人によっては現在にまで悪影響を与える経験（トラウマ）がある方も珍しくありません。あなたが必要だと感じるならば、カウンセラーなどと協働しながら、トラウマと向き合うことも有効です。また過去がどうであれ、今のあなたは十分に成長し、一人の人間として生きていくことができる事実を、認めてあげることは有効です。「自分だけでなく、相手や周囲も客観視してみる」　自分に対する観察眼が高まったり、人との交流を続けていくと、次第に相手や環境に対して客観視する力も増えていきやすくなります。その結果、自分（だけ）が悪いわけではないことを理解・納得しやすくなります。　例えば上司Bが自分にきつい言動をしているので落ち込んでいた。実はBは更に上の上司Aからパワハラを受けていて、私に八つ当たりしていたことがわかった。周囲の同僚は、自分を人当たりが良いと評価している。原因は私だけではなく、AやBにもあったのだ。「認知行動療法を活用してみる・リフレーミングしてみる」　詳細は既述の記事「わかりやすい認知行動療法シリーズ１」にゆずります。認知行動療法は認知を修正できる面と、行動でわかっていける面の両面があります。リフレーミングとは、いままでの考え方・捉え方を変更してみることで、自分の感じ方を変える方法です。認知の修正という意味で、認知行動療法にとても似ています。「コーピングの実行・レジリエンスの向上」　この２つも既述「コーピング」「レジリエンス」です。自己肯定感を高める上で、非常に有効な方法です。認知の修正・行動による良い方向への変容・環境調整の全ての働きがあります。「自分なりの基準・価値観を持つ」　この方法は少し時間がかかるかもしれません。ですが、自分が好きだと思えることを大切にする。自分自身で選択する機会をたくさん持つ。自分が手本にしたい人を探しておく。いろいろな人と交流したり、多様な経験をしてみることで「ひとは個性も考え方もそれぞれだな。それで当たり前なんだな。」と納得しておく、などが有効でしょう。そして次第に自分が（絶対に）ゆずりたくないものが形成されていくことが多いように感じます。「完璧主義から意識して抜け出る」　人間には個性があります。特徴があります。つまり完璧な人間は誰もいないのです。にもかかわらず、周囲の目・期待に死に物狂いで応えようと、完璧を求めて生きる人たちがいます。そうした自分の考え方のクセに気づき、自分の不完全さを認めながら、現実的に楽に生きていく。それが大切です。認知行動療法などが主な対応方法となります。「いいこと探しトレーニング」　これは行動療法にもなりますが、時間を限って（例5～10分間）、その間にひたすらその日にあった良いことを片っ端から列挙していくプログラムです。物事の良い面をとらえる認知修正トレーニングでもあり、プログラム自体が行動変容にもなっています。「読書」　読書も昔から非常に有効な方法の１つでした。現在であれば動画も含めていいかもしれません。単に知らなかったことを学ぶだけではありません。自分の経験の幅や考え方の幅を広げる役割も重要です。つまり間接的ながら、多様な価値観に触れることもできる方法なのです。「首尾一貫感覚」　これは少し専門的になってしまいますが、アントノフスキー氏が提唱した健康生成論の中の考え方です。①把握可能感：現在起きていること・将来起きそうなことがわかると感じられる②処理可能感：自分ならなんとかできそうだなぁと感じられる　③有意味感：自分の人生には意味がある。自分に関することにもそれぞれ意味がある。と感じられるように成長することをすすめています。長くなりました。今回はここまでにしたいと思います。次回「行動して自己肯定感を上げる方法」と「環境を変える方法」を解説予定です。※つまり、疲れました…　途中だけど終わりにしよう＝マイベストというわけです

アディクションを認めて治療しよう１

アディクションとは「強いストレスを受けているひとが、それをまぎらわすために、ある特定の物質、行動、人間関係を特に好んでしまい、その結果依存しすぎて中毒のような状態になること」です。アディクションは立派な病気です。本人の精神力だけでなんとかできるものではありません。効果的な方法を実行しながら、対応していくことが望ましいといえます。アディクションを治療するには、以下の４点を自分自身でもとらえてことが有効です。①動機付けカウンセリングの仕組みについて理解しておく②現在の生活において、メリットをなるべく多く挙げてみる③無理なく充足できる欲求をリストアップして、実行してみる④自己肯定感を上げる今回は①に内容を話題として、以下に情報提供して参りたいと思います。【動機付けカウンセリング】Motivational Interviewing目的：変化に対する動機付け及び決意を強化する援助行為。提唱者：ミラー（米）とロルニック（英）基本的特徴①辛さ・弱さを受容しつつ、CLの「変わりたい」を喚起・強化して、行動変容を促す。②単独では行われず、既に実施されているCBTなどと並行して行われる。※CL：クライエント　CBT：認知行動療法【動機付けカウンセリングの精神】＜PACE＞①Partnership（協働）：CLとCPの協働作業となる。②Acceptance（受容）：CPは傾聴ベースでCLに関わる。③Compassion（思いやり）：介入する場面にて特に重要となる。CL第一主義を遵守。④Evocation（喚起）：CLの気づきを促し、支援していく。【動機付けカウンセリングの中核的スキル】＜OARS＞①Open question：開かれた質問②Affirming：是認（ポイント）CLのストレングスを発見かつ注目する③Reflective listening：反射的傾聴≒傾聴しつつ伝え返す（ポイント）・単純に　・CLが言いそびれている面も想像して伝え返しに入れる面も検討④Summarizing：要約（ポイント）維持トークを把握し、チェンジトークを捉えて支援する　例）CL「週に２回は我慢できても、やっぱり夜に食べてしまうですよね～」　　CP「週に２回も自分をコントロールできているのですね。成功できている日は、具体的にどんなことを工夫できているのでしょうか？【Open question：開かれた質問の要点】①CLの願望を捉える②CLの能力を現実的・実践的（実行力の有無など）に把握する③抱えるアディクションを止める理由を確認④抱えるアディクションを止めるメリットを確認⑤抱えるアディクションを中止する必要性を確認⑥CLの決意・意志面を確認する【Affirming：是認の要点】①行動に対する是認と賞賛②ストレングスの評価③取り組み姿勢・マインドへの賞賛・プラスストローク④スリップ等を確認しつつ、総合的に成果が出ている点を確認して、CLの動機を維持する。【Reflective listening：反射的傾聴の要点】（具体的な展開例：チェンジトークと維持トークが併存する場合）①チェンジトークのみをRLし、内容を掘り下げる。②チェンジトークを敢えて少なめに受け止めて、CLがむしろ余計に話したくなる雰囲気を創出する。例）CL「週に２回は我慢できても、やっぱり夜に食べてしまうですよね～」CP「少しは我慢できているのですね。」CL「いえ、でも自分の中で週２回も我慢できるようになったのは、相当頑張ったと思うんですよね」CP「なるほど。では具体的にどのような工夫をされたのですか？」③上記②の反対で、チェンジトークを意図的に強め、それに伴うメリットも明確にする。例）「週に２回も我慢できているのですね。我慢できた翌日は体調が良いでしょうし、心配しているパートナーの方も安心でしょうね。」【CBT：認知行動療法】①自己監視法（モニタリング）②環境調整の実施（アディクションを生じさせる原因・誘因を排除する）③一時的代償法の準備と実施（例：あえてアメ玉を１個食べて、翌朝にお菓子を１つ食べられるようにしておく）④予定を組んでおく。余計なことをしたくなる時間を削る。⑤接触したくなる衝動の瞬間＝トリガーポイントを自分なりに把握する⑥日頃からリフレーミングを実施し続け、ストレスだと認知せずに済む割合を増やしておきます。⑦小さなニーズの充足を大切にし、蓄積ストレスを現象させておく。⑧アディクションには「一時的な自己治療的側面」があることを自覚し、総合的には明確かつ重大な害悪を生む原因になることを併せて自覚してもらいます。⑨ご褒美療法（トークン等）の実施【ソーシャルワーク的視点からみたCLの主な特徴】①日々楽しいことがない②友人がいない③家族との仲が悪い④人生のテーマ・目的がない⑤所属する組織が悪質⑥イライラするなどのストレスがたまっている⑦時間を持て余している【精神医学的視点からみたCLの主な特徴】①自己評価が低い②自身が無い③人間不信である④本音を言えない⑤見捨てられ不安⑥孤独で寂しい⑦自分を大切にできない☆これらをＣＬがいかに認め、受容し、そこから成長できるか？が治療上重要です。しっかり貢献できるＣＰの存在も重要です。【その他（問題解決・緩和に向けて）】①ソーシャルサポートの気づきと体験。人とのつながり・絆を感じられる体験が有効。安全に体験する為には、公的に信用度が高いアノニマスへの参加が無難といえます。②ハームリダクションの実施。ハームリダクションとは、仮にアディクションを止められない場合でも、アディクションによって受ける総合的なダメージを減らす為の方法です。例えば過食を止められない場合、①食べた内容を記録しておいて、不足している栄養素を摂取しておく。②日常生活での運動（階段を使う）や、続けやすい運動を意識的に実施する。③甘い物やジュースは控えることで、急激な血糖の上昇を抑制する。などが考えられます。代表的な例としては、薬物使用障害者が注射する際、必ず清潔で安全な注射器を使用できるように環境調整することが著名なケースです。参考：『アディクションサイエンス　―依存・嗜癖の科学―』朝倉書店　P207【依存症治療の留意点】１．患者に陰性感情・忌避感情を持たせない２．治療の場を正直な気持ちで話せる場とする３．一緒によりよい状態を目指すと言う姿勢をとる４．尿検査による通報や自首の促しはしない５．患者の定める治療目的に沿った治療計画を立てる６．疾患に関する必要な教育・情報提供を行う７．簡便な認知行動療法的アプローチを取り入れる８．治療介入を容易にする補助介入ツールを活用する９．回復に必要な自助グループなどの情報を提供する10．入院治療に際しては「渇望期」の対応を知っておく11．処方に際しては処方薬依存を生まないように配慮する12．治療が継続するように配慮し、長い目で回復を見守る13．良い変化に対しては十分評価する。14．失敗は責めずに修正できるように促す15．回復を願った誠実な対応をこころがける【誰でもできる依存症の診かた「７つの法則」】１．依存症は病気であると理解できれば、治療はうまくいく２．治療を困難にする最大の原因は、治療者の患者に対する陰性・忌避感情である３．回復者に会い、回復を信じられると、治療者のスタンスは変わる４．依存症患者を理解するために、既述の依存症患者の特徴を覚えておく５．依存症患者の飲酒等は、「生きにくさを抱えた人の孤独な自己治療」である６．飲酒等を強要せず、再飲酒などを責めなければ、良い治療者になれる７．断酒の有無にとらわれず、信頼関係を築くことが治療のコツである。

相手はあなたの行動を評価してくれる。誠実に役立ち続けよう。

人を評価する方法は、人それぞれなことでしょう。でも、かなり効果がある評価方法があります。それは「（評価を確かめたい）相手の行動を（継続して）評価してみる」という方法です。この方法ならば、相手のおしゃべり内容や、相手に対して抱く自分の感情にじゃまされずに、相手の本当の姿を評価しやすくなります。※１加藤諦三先生がこの方法を推奨していますし、中国古典でもこれに関する格言はたくさんあったと思います。（ちょっと的外れですが、例えば「巧言令色鮮し仁」などです）※１：とはいえ人には多面性があるので、全てではなく、一部の本当の姿ととらえてください。行動を観察して評価してくる人は、実力者だったり、人を見る目がある人である確率が高いように私には感じられます。言い換えれば、口からのでまかせ、嘘、言い訳、お世辞などは、その人には通用しないわけです。ではそんな人たちには何が通用するのか？　冷静に行動面から評価してくる人に、どうすれば好印象を持ってもらえるのか？それは☆自分の職責をなるべく確実に、なるべく長く果たし続けるということです。これは一見すると地味で、自分の苦労も多い方法に感じるかもしれません。ですが相手のタイプが「仕事をしっかりする人を評価する人」である場合、あなたの評価は右上がりを続けるケースが多い方法です。相手に行動で証明し続けるという姿勢は、仕事に限らず、多くの場面で応用できる姿勢だと思います。そして、やることをやれば評価しあえる関係というのは、お互い信頼しあえる関係なのです。そういう人間関係は、特に大切にしていけるといいですね。