2026年05月の記事一覧 | 紫陽花とハーブの庭

２０２６０５０３　JANE　EYER　再会二日目の途中まで

Very early the next morning I heard him up and astir, wandering from one room to another. As soon as Mary came down I heard the question: “Is Miss Eyre here?” Then: “Which room did you put her into? Was it dry? Is she up? Go and ask if she wants anything; and when she will come down.”I came down as soon as I thought there was a prospect of breakfast. Entering the room very softly, I had a view of him before he discovered my presence. It was mournful, indeed, to witness the subjugation of that vigorous spirit to a corporeal infirmity. He sat in his chair—still, but not at rest: expectant evidently; the lines of now habitual sadness marking his strong features. His countenance reminded one of a lamp quenched, waiting to be re-lit—and alas! it was not himself that could now kindle the lustre of animated expression: he was dependent on another for that office! I had meant to be gay and careless, but the powerlessness of the strong man touched my heart to the quick: still I accosted him with what vivacity I could. “It is a bright, sunny morning, sir,” I said. “The rain is over and gone, and there is a tender shining after it: you shall have a walk soon.” I had wakened the glow: his features beamed. “Oh, you are indeed there, my skylark! Come to me. You are not gone: not vanished? I heard one of your kind an hour ago, singing high over the wood: but its song had no music for me, any more than the rising sun had rays. All the melody on　earth is concentrated in my Jane’s tongue to my ear (I am glad it is not naturally a silent one): all the sunshine I can feel is in her presence.” The water stood in my eyes to hear this avowal of his dependence; just as if a royal eagle, chained to a perch, should be forced to entreat a sparrow to become its purveyor. But I would not be lachrymose: I dashed off the salt drops, and busied myself with preparing breakfast. Most of the morning was spent in the open air. I led him out of the wet and wild wood into some cheerful fields: I described to him how brilliantly green they were; how the flowers and hedges looked refreshed; how sparklingly blue was the sky. I sought a seat for him in a hidden and lovely spot, a dry stump of a tree; nor did I refuse to let him, when seated, place me on his knee. Why should I, when both he and I were happier near than apart? Pilot lay beside us: all was quiet. He broke out suddenly while clasping me in his arms— “Cruel, cruel deserter! Oh, Jane, what did I feel when I discovered you had fled from Thornfield, and when I could nowhere find you; and, after examining your apartment, ascertained that you had taken no money, nor anything which could serve as an equivalent! A pearl necklace I had given you lay untouched in its little casket; your trunks were left corded and locked as they had been prepared for the bridal tour. What could my darling do, I asked, left destitute and penniless? And what did she do? Let me hear now.” Thus urged, I began the narrative of my experience for the last year. I softened considerably what related to the three days of wandering and starvation, because to have told him all would have been to inflict unnecessary pain: the little I did say lacerated his faithful heart deeper than I wished. I should not have left him thus, he said, without any means of making my way: I should have told him my intention. I should have confided in him: he would never have forced me to be his mistress. Violent as he had seemed in his despair, he, in truth, loved me far too well and too tenderly to constitute himself my tyrant: he would have given me half his fortune, without demanding so much as a kiss in return, rather than I should have flung myself friendless on the wide world. I had endured, he was certain, more than I had confessed to him. “Well, whatever my sufferings had been, they were very short,” I answered: and then I proceeded to tell him how I had been received at Moor House; how I had obtained the office of schoolmistress, &c. The accession of fortune, the discovery of my relations, followed in due order. Of course, St. John Rivers’ name came in frequently in the progress of my tale. When I had done, that name was immediately taken up. “This St. John, then, is your cousin?” “Yes.” “You have spoken of him often: do you like him?” “He was a very good man, sir; I could not help liking him.” “A good man. Does that mean a respectable well-conducted man of fifty? Or what does it mean?” “St John was only twenty-nine, sir.” “‘Jeune encore,’ as the French say. Is he a person of low stature, phlegmatic, and plain? A person whose goodness consists rather in his guiltlessness of vice, than in his prowess in virtue.” “He is untiringly active. Great and exalted deeds are what he lives to perform.”“But his brain? That is probably rather soft? He means well: but you shrug your shoulders to hear him talk?” “He talks little, sir: what he does say is ever to the point. His brain is first-rate, I should think not impressible, but vigorous.” “Is he an able man, then?” “Truly able.” “A thoroughly educated man?” “St. John is an accomplished and profound scholar.” “His manners, I think, you said are not to your taste?—priggish and parsonic?” “I never mentioned his manners; but, unless I had a very bad taste, they must suit it; they are polished, calm, and gentlemanlike.” “His appearance,—I forget what description you gave of his appearance;—a sort of raw curate, half strangled with his white neckcloth, and stilted up on his thick-soled high-lows, eh?”“St. John dresses well. He is a handsome man: tall, fair, with blue eyes, and a Grecian profile.” (Aside.) “Damn him!”—(To me.) “Did you like him, Jane?” “Yes, Mr. Rochester, I liked him: but you asked me that before.” I perceived, of course, the drift of my interlocutor. Jealousy had got hold of him: she stung him; but the sting was salutary: it gave him respite from the gnawing fang of melancholy. I would not, therefore, immediately charm the snake. “Perhaps you would rather not sit any longer on my knee, Miss Eyre?” was the next somewhat unexpected observation. “Why not, Mr. Rochester?” “The picture you have just drawn is suggestive of a rather too overwhelming contrast. Your words have delineated very prettily a graceful Apollo: he is present to your imagination,—tall, fair, blue-eyed, and with a Grecian profile. Your eyes dwell on a Vulcan,—a real blacksmith, brown, broad-shouldered: and blind and lame into the bargain.” “I never thought of it, before; but you certainly are rather like Vulcan, sir.”“Well, you can leave me, ma’am: but before you go” (and he retained me by a firmer grasp than ever), “you will be pleased just to answer me a question or two.” He paused. “What questions, Mr. Rochester?” Then followed this cross-examination. “St. John made you schoolmistress of Morton before he knew you were his cousin?” “Yes.” “You would often see him? He would visit the school sometimes?” “Daily.” “He would approve of your plans, Jane? I know they would be clever, for you are a talented creature!” “He approved of them—yes.” “He would discover many things in you he could not have expected to find? Some of your accomplishments are not ordinary.” “I don’t know about that.”“You had a little cottage near the school, you say: did he ever come there to see you?” “Now and then.” “Of an evening?” “Once or twice.” A pause. “How long did you reside with him and his sisters after the cousinship was discovered?” “Five months.” “Did Rivers spend much time with the ladies of his family?” “Yes; the back parlour was both his study and ours: he sat near the window, and we by the table.” “Did he study much?” “A good deal.” “What?” “Hindostanee.” “And what did you do meantime?” “I learnt German, at first.”“Did he teach you?” “He did not understand German.” “Did he teach you nothing?” “A little Hindostanee.” “Rivers taught you Hindostanee?” “Yes, sir.” “And his sisters also?” “No.” “Only you?” “Only me.” “Did you ask to learn?” “No.” “He wished to teach you?” “Yes.” A second pause. “Why did he wish it? Of what use could Hindostanee be to you?” “He intended me to go with him to India.”“Ah! here I reach the root of the matter. He wanted you to marry him?” “He asked me to marry him.” “That is a fiction—an impudent invention to vex me.” “I beg your pardon, it is the literal truth: he asked me more than once, and was as stiff about urging his point as ever you could be.” “Miss Eyre, I repeat it, you can leave me. How often am I to say the same thing? Why do you remain pertinaciously perched on my knee, when I have given you notice to quit?” “Because I am comfortable there.” “No, Jane, you are not comfortable there, because your heart is not with me: it is with this cousin—this St. John. Oh, till this moment, I thought my little Jane was all mine! I had a belief she loved me even when she left me: that was an atom of sweet in much bitter. Long as we have been parted, hot tears as I have wept over our separation, I never thought that while I was mourning her, she was loving another! But it is useless grieving. Jane, leave me: go and marry Rivers.”“Shake me off, then, sir,—push me away, for I’ll not leave you of my own accord.” “Jane, I ever like your tone of voice: it still renews hope, it sounds so truthful. When I hear it, it carries me back a year. I forget that you have formed a new tie. But I am not a fool—go—” “Where must I go, sir?” “Your own way—with the husband you have chosen.” “Who is that?” “You know—this St. John Rivers.” “He is not my husband, nor ever will be. He does not love me: I do not love him. He loves (as he can love, and that is not as you love) a beautiful young lady called Rosamond. He wanted to marry me only because he thought I should make a suitable missionary’s wife, which she would not have done. He is good and great, but severe; and, for me, cold as an iceberg. He is not like you, sir: I am not happy at his side, nor near him, nor with him. He has no indulgence for me—no fondness. He sees nothing attractive in me; not even youth—only a few useful mental points. —Then I must leave you, sir, to go to him?” I shuddered involuntarily, and clung instinctively closer to my blind but beloved master. He smiled. “What, Jane! Is this true? Is such really the state of matters between you and Rivers?” “Absolutely, sir! Oh, you need not be jealous! I wanted to tease you a little to make you less sad: I thought anger would be better than grief. But if you wish me to love you, could you but see how much I do love you, you would be proud and content. All my heart is yours, sir: it belongs to you; and with you it would remain, were fate to exile the rest of me from your presence for ever.” Again, as he kissed me, painful thoughts darkened his aspect. “My seared vision! My crippled strength!” he murmured regretfully. I caressed, in order to soothe him. I knew of what he was thinking, and wanted to speak for him, but dared not. As he turned aside his face a minute, I saw a tear slide from under he sealed eyelid, and trickle down the manly cheek. My heart swelled. “I am no better than the old lightning-struck chestnut-tree in Thornfield orchard,” he remarked ere long. “And what right would that ruin have to bid a budding woodbine cover its decay with freshness?” “You are no ruin, sir—no lightning-struck tree: you are green and vigorous. Plants will grow about your roots, whether you ask them or not, because they take delight in your bountiful shadow; and as they grow they will lean towards you, and wind round you, because your strength offers them so safe a prop.” Again he smiled: I gave him comfort. “You speak of friends, Jane?” he asked. “Yes, of friends,” I answered rather hesitatingly: for I knew I meant more than friends, but could not tell what other word to employ. He helped me. “Ah! Jane. But I want a wife.” “Do you, sir?” “Yes: is it news to you?”“Of course: you said nothing about it before.” “Is it unwelcome news?” “That depends on circumstances, sir—on your choice.” “Which you shall make for me, Jane. I will abide by your decision.” “Choose then, sir—her who loves you best.” “I will at least choose—her I love best. Jane, will you marry me?” “Yes, sir.” “A poor blind man, whom you will have to lead about by the hand?” “Yes, sir.” “A crippled man, twenty years older than you, whom you will have to wait on?” “Yes, sir.” “Truly, Jane?” “Most truly, sir.” “Oh! my darling! God bless you and reward you!”Bronte, Charlotte. Jane Eyre （ジェーン・エア）: 英語原書×日本語ルビ (English Edition) . Kindle 版.

２０２６　皐月　三日　朝から雨で、話がちがうじゃん！

昨日の天気予報では、正午ごろから雨になると言うのだったので、そのように予定を組んでいたのだが、もっと早くに降り始めてしまい・・・朝起きて、朝食セットの前に少し前庭の除草をして、朝食セット済ませて、１０時には少し早いと思って庭に出て、ミノムシをちょっとだけ駆除して、９時５５分に、薬局に向けて出発した。元夫君に昨日頼まれた紙おむつ用のパッドを買う為。元夫君は、状況が悪化して酸素とか点滴とかで動けず、ベッド上にずっと居た時に、一日５００円で使い放題の紙おむつのセットを頼んでいたのだが、状況が改善したので、止めたらしい。本人は、「言うたやろ！」って言うけど、聞いてません！でもって、以前私が買ってあげてた紙おむつと紙パッドに戻っていて、紙おむつは追加で買ったのがあるけど、紙パッドが心もとないと言うので、買いに行ったのでした。５０００円以上なら１２％offになる日だったので、２つ買って、ついでに私のビタミンＤと亜鉛も。なんとか５０００円にして、１２％offで。それを買って車に戻ろうとしたら、小雨が・・・早いがな・・・と思ったけど、現実は厳しく、病院の駐車場も少しでも屋根に近いところを選んでとめることに。病室に着いたら、点滴が終わって、１０時半からはシャワーの予定ということで、丁度５分前で、良いタイミングでした。看護師さんも入ってきたので、渡すものを渡して、すぐに退室しました。今日は、シャワーのあとは、競馬が忙しい日だったので、まあまあのめぐりあわせ。それから蔵に来て、久しぶりに朝寝をしてしまいました。精神的に疲れてるって感じたので、なんとなく浅い眠りを寝ていた昨夜のことを考えて、小一時間、蔵のベッドで、仮眠。布団も無いので、熟睡感はないけど、とにかく、目を閉じて、身体を緩めていました。右足の足裏が、今にも痙攣しそうだったけれど、何とか大丈夫で。。。で、１２時前にすんなりと起きて、お昼の飲み物を飲みました。ラブレの鉄分とBF-1とミルミルＳと。追加で文旦を１つ。天気を見て短時間だけ花ガラ摘みにも行ったけど、すぐに雨が降り始めて断念しました。その後は、晩御飯の支度をしたり、昨日もらった大根の若さやの始末をした在りしていました。なかなか気合の入らない一日です。でも、大根のサヤを食べる国のこととか、日本国内での出荷状況とか、京都の専用品種のこととか、結構勉強になりました。私は、大根の若さやは生のまま食べるのが好きだけど、炒め物のレシピも上がっていたので、沢山あるからやってみようと思いました。レンチンすると角が固くなるので、やっぱり茹でた方が良かった。天候が思わしくなくて、気が滅入るけど、なんとか気を取りなおして、今からジェイン・エアの英語を勉強しようと思っています。英語の発音は、日本語とは使う筋肉とかがちょっと違う場所があるから、音読はしっかりしないと発音が悪くなるから・・・繰り返し聞いて、発音をブラッシュアップしたいと思っています。物事を整理する能力と、一つのことを継続する能力とが、私には欠けているので、それが課題。頑張れ！　私！

２０２６　皐月　二日　今日は朝から大忙し・・・

昨夜は、珍しく、日付の変わる前に就寝して、その後、６時間寝ました。トイレに起きて、それからまた寝て、今度は９０分寝て７時半ころに起きました。明け方、本当に涼しくて、布団にくるまってましたが、排泄には勝てません。。。都合、７時間半は寝ただろうと。いうことで、起きました。贔屓の選手の一人の居るチームの試合の結果を確認して、勝っていたので、まあまあな朝。朝食セットの前に、一旦庭に出て、外の様子をチェックして、その後、８時から朝食セット。９時前に準備を済ませて、今日は１０％offのインスタントコーヒーとか調味料とかを買いに行って、それから１０時に間に合うように病院に。面会できる時間は１０時からだけど、なんせ、土日祝日は窓口が一か所で、並ぶと大変だから、２０分も前に着いて、最初は外で、途中からは入り口の内側で、待っていました。９時５８分くらいに来たおじいさんが突破しようとしたけど、ちゃんと止められてて、今日が退院の人の家族以外は入れてもらえない厳格さ。９時５９分にやっと並べるようになって、記帳して、シール貰って、急いで５階へ１，昨夜洗濯して乾燥させた元夫君のお気に入りの靴下を６足２，昨日の夕刊と今朝の朝刊から広告を抜いたもの以上の２点を渡して、元夫君の覚書のメモを読み、話を聞き、要望の紙パンツの間に挟むパッドの写真を撮り、１５分少々の面会は終わり。今日は「ありがとうございました」と、やっと、普通に、言いました・・・ばかやろ、最初からちゃんとそう言え！と思っていましたが、「へえ、ほんじゃ」と言って帰りました。車まで歩く時間も必要だし、急いで歩いて、慎重に運転して帰宅して、すぐに家を出て、加古川線に。集合時間は三宮のお店に１２時なので、１０時５４分の加古川線でギリギリ。なのに、加古川で、ＪＲ神戸線が、いつも通り遅延していて、焦りましたが、私の予定してたのは３分ほどで済んで、まあまあ間に合いました。１２時から、歓談しながらの昼食会で、メニューはスペイン料理（カタルーニャ料理）そう、ジュリーの歌っていたビバ・カタルーニャのあのカタルニアですね！ワインも主にその地域のワインです。色々なソース類のニンニクの量が半端じゃなくて、これは嫌いな人には耐えられないなぁと、みんなで舌鼓を打ちました。イカ墨のリゾットの中の出汁に使ってあった魚が何かわからなくて、帰る前にシェフに聞いたら、なんとアンコウでした・・・シェフのこだわりの仕入れで、淡路島の漁師さんがとってきた魚を使うのだけど、アンコウだったそうです。想定外で、みんな外れました。私は意識して食べたことは無かったので、もしかしたら人生初のアンコウかも・・・デザートは、せっかくだから、クレマ・カタルーニャって言う柔らかいプリンみたいなのを。この店に来て、メニューにあるときは、いつもこれを頼むのですが、ジュリーのおかげで、ちょっと嬉しかったりしました。ガウディ・ガウディを見た後、カタルニアについてあれこれ調べたことが、ちょっと記憶にあって、嬉しかったかも・・・３時間楽しんで、お店を出るときに、出口近くのカウンターの上にＰＥＮっていう雑誌が置いてあって、サグラダファミリアの特集号でした。さて、ＪＲで戻って、加古川駅で緑の窓口に行って、来月の新幹線の予約。ギリギリ、次の加古川線に間に合う時間にチケットを取れて、良かった。でも、向こうへ行くさくら号の指定席は満席で取れなかったので、５月２２日はちょっと早めに並ばなければ・・・それから、夕方になってから蔵に来て、花ガラを摘んでいたら、私の部屋の下の植え込みを管理しているおじさんがわざわざエントランス迄来て、大根のサヤをどうやって食べるのかと聞くので、そのままかじっても、大根の風味で美味しいし、茹でると甘いよって、ちょっと実り過ぎのもあったけど、前に教えてあげたのが１ヵ月ほど前だったので、丁度ギリギリの時期でもあり、間に合って良かったって、思いました。私が花ガラを摘んで戻ったら、そのおじさんがせっせとサヤを収穫しているところでした。私にも何株分かくれたので、パシパシ噛むことができそう。私は、生が好きだけど、冷凍しておいて茹でても・・・って思っていたら、上の部屋の先輩ももらっていて喜んでいました。美味しいって・・・最近、売っているのを見かけたと、同じマンションの人に聞いたし、良かったって思いました。今日は何ももらわないだろうと思ったのに、まさかの大根のサヤをもらってしまい、これはラッキー。そう言えば、この大根のサヤを枝ごともらってた時に、地震警報が鳴ってた・・・震度３くらいの揺れだったけど、全然揺れは感じなかった。外に居るとわからないものですね。色々なことが次々に展開する一日でした。明日も休み。明日は、朝から雨の降り出すまでの間に、面会を済ませようと思っています。まず、紙パッドを買いに行って、それから、面会かな・・・午後からはかなりの雨になりそうなので、朝のうちに蔵に来たいと思っています。花ガラは早めに摘もう。帰ろう！

２０２６　皐月　朔日　大変な大風が吹き荒れて・・・

ＧＷ、ミニマムの開始は明日からですよね・・・こちらの予報は、明日は晴れです。でも、今日は、朝のうちまだ雨で、その後、上がって晴れてきたけど、ものすごい強風でした。今日の花ガラ摘みは、途中で断念するくらいの強風だった。しかも、一度は晴れて青空が広がったのに、大風とともに海側から分厚い雲が押し寄せてきていて。急いで部屋に戻りました。その後、やっぱり降り出して、しばらく降ってました。でも、まあ、上がったので、ゴミステーションのゴミ出しはできたけど。。。夕方、ゴミステーションで出会うおじいさんあばあさん方に、エライ強い風で・・・って言われたので、やっぱりそうなんだねって実感。自分だけが思うのではなくて、他の高齢者にも、めったにない強い風として認識された様子。歩いていて、物が飛んでくる危険を感じました。とある部屋の外れて下に落ちてた網戸が、丁度、飛んでいくのが見えて、慌てて、掴んで、元の部屋の窓の下に、飛ばないように挟みました。上手くいくと良いけど。。。あのままでは駐車場の車に当たる！部屋の前の、老人会で植えたエンドウ豆が、風で支え毎倒れそうだからって、朝のうちに、副理事長がブロックに紐でくくりつけていたけど・・・そのころはまだ、大した風じゃなかったから、多分、理事長に言われたんだろうと思いました。前もってしておくようにって。まあ、大正解ですね。今日は朝から、朝食セットを済ませた後、１，ヤクルトさんに、取り置きをお願いしていた分を買いに行き、２，いつものスーパーで買い物を少しだけして、３，そのまま金・土・日が安い行きつけのＧＳに、ガソリンを入れに行きました。＠１４８円！４，蔵に行って、植え込みの花ガラ摘みをしてから、お昼ご飯を食べて、５，１時からの面会に行きました。一応大きなペットボトル２本、水を買って行きました。６，その後は蔵に戻って、花ガラ摘み。でも、風が強くて、半分ほどで断念。７，雨に降られて、「ステムレタス」の下調理をしていました。さて、明日は、昔の同僚と神戸で昼食会なので、ちょっと緊張しています。食事に出かける前に、面会を済ませておかなくてはいけなくて・・・面会は土・日・祝は１０時からだから、９時から買い物に行って、１０時には面会に行って、１０時半には戻って、出発。今日は、昨日と違って、時間に余裕があったので、うだうだ言うのも、ちょっとは聞いておきました。yumiさんのありがたいお言葉のおかげで、考え方にゆとりが・・・スマホの写真によれば、食事が、重湯から、ちょっとましなおかずもついたものになっていて、便も血便ではあるものの、回数は減っていました。本人にしか体調の変化はわからないので、本人の言動を総合すると、以前よりはましと・・・今日も、歩いて一階の売店迄行ったと。。。競馬用の新聞を買う為に。じゃあ、もう、水は買ってこなくていいんだなって、わかりました。取り敢えず、明日のことを考えて、今日はまた、早めに帰って準備をして寝ようと・・・体調を整えておかないと、神戸に出るのも一苦労になるので。一日の中でも気温の変動が激しく、更に日替わりで天候も、朝晩の冷え込み具合も違うので、十分に気を付けないといけません・・・そうそう、４の植え込みの花ガラ摘みをしていた時に、２階の先輩が降りて来て、彼女の亡くなったご主人が植えたアイリスが咲いているのを欲しそうにしてらしたので、どうぞ切っていってお供えしてくださいねって、行って鋏を渡しました。５～６本咲いていたのを、全部と、葉っぱのこましなのを、。ご主人がいらした頃は、本当に丹精されていたのに、認知症で施設に入られてからは、奥さんがなさらないので、管理組合に返す（実質は接収）ことになったようです。今は管理組合から老人会が引き取ってエンドウ豆を植えているところです。それと、私の手入れしている植え込みとかなぁ・・・でも、宿根草はちゃんと咲くから、ご主人も喜ばれることでしょう。管理組合に返すときに、球根やら宿根草やらは、あちこちに奥さんが植えたようで、色んな思いがけないところに花が咲きます。でも、手入れは全くされていないので、今は、私があちこちと、除草とかしているところですね・・・人は老いるし、老いは多様なので、予見できない変化もあったと思いますが、それは、お互い様。できることをして、支えていかなくてはね・・・今日も、一日一善は、完遂！