Death of My Lovely Cat Mari

by Tadami Yamada

My cat Mari died of decrepitude at 14 past 12 a.m., 22 March.
Born June 1998, she was 15 years and 8 months old.
In the morning today I've gone a cemetery park with her body
and have took the barrel permit in the Buddhist manner.

Mari was a quiet cat though, but going downhill fast
from the beginning of this year, and when she wanted to
jump up to the high cat-walk, failed, fell on the ground.
Mari seemed she couldn't bereave at all her miss.

Another day Mari tried jumping again, and succeeded,
And she jumped another distant cat-walk, she succeeded.
But she couldn't back, ---mightn't remain her power ,
Mari fell again on the ground that was observed by my family.

Mari was led to scrunch alone so that her sisters became not to play with her,
or she came to my studio, slept on my working desk. Such days increased.
Still she had a good appetite, wanted to eat a piece of cheese in my lunch.
As Mari liked canned chicken, I would always buy many cans for her.

But her appetite was recently uneven, no, it was not 'uneven',
it seemed she wanted to eat though, but she couldn't eat.
Since her bowels move was very well, I'd no anxiety about it.
But she had become less and less in her weight. No good sign.

At last I had to bring meals her mouth by my fingers.
I bandaged up my hand with packing tape for a protection
against her nails, and then forced her mouth open,
dipped my fingers with a very little ball of minced soft meat.

To eat once, she seemed that she became to want to eat more by herself,
then she tried her mouth to get the plate, and ate meal little by little.
I gave her favorite cheese which I warmed up and softened,
or I had her drunk a raw egg, or gave minced raw tuna fish too.

Yesterday I thought Mari was going downhill much more.
But I had to go out. She was on her favorite bed in the entrance hall.
I said, ''Mari, my dear, take care of this house in a while''
Draping herself across the bed Mari looked at me, no saying.

When I came back home, Mari still was laying on the bed.
Leaving the door open, I went to my carport, and came back again.
Mari disappeared.
''Mari! Where are you?'', I called.

Then Mari showed up from the back yard of the house,
tottering, walked a few steps as if it seemed she endeavored
to best she could be. I thought so.
''Mari! Where were you going?'', I said.

I took up her in my arms.
And then the truth burst upon me.
She felt her own dying so that she
did the last sight of the house, didn't her?

I placed gently Mari on her bed, however, since I
want to go to the studio, she staggered to her feet,
got off the bed like tumbling down, and was following me.
I took up her in my arm, and went to the studio with her.

I lay down her on my working desk on which little blanket was.
I whispered, ''Mari, my dear, you are a gentle lady!''
Just then Mari made joyful sounds with her throat.
It was for the first time in a long time, it moved me deeply.

And Mari tottered to her feet again, reached out her
right hand for me, tried to come down on my lap.
''Do you want to come on my lap, Mari? Good good, come on''
I decided not to go my painting work in the afternoon.

When I fed her evening meal, I felt a distinct wrong.
Her mouth's muscles became unusually hard.
Third lid of her eyes enlarged, and eyeballs were slightly foggy.
I looked into her eyes, Mari's reflected my eyes. I couldn't say any words.

That night I decided not to sleep, so I made her bed on my desk,
and went on stroking softly on her head and her back.
She made again a faint joyful sound in her throat.
'' Good good, Mari, sleep''

It was 12 a.m..
Mari's left leg twitched in a moment.
It was like that our eyes were moving in REM sleep.
I thought, ''At last the time has come''

After a few minutes her left fore arm twitched now.
''Mari, lovely, lovely, you are a strong, strong in mind''
I held her hand, felt cold, felt her hand to grew colder and colder.
Her face was beginning to become rigid.

Her cheeks' skin stuck to the bone.
I scented out a faintly putrid smell that was
characteristic of something like sour.
''Mari, I love you, you held fast to now so much''

Struggling Mari opened her mouth
as if she tried to inhale air though,
however, no air. It was her last gasp.
I pressed my fore head to her cheek.

And I pushed her heart again and again.
Her heart moved again, but only once.
Mari's life came to the end.
'''My lovely Mari, good by. Thank you with me''

・・・・・・・・・・・・
Since coming back from the funeral, I looked at
Mari's bed on which her white and brown hairs attached to.
Although she was rather small body, but
I felt many openings around in my house.

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